SPEED DATING WITH A MAFIA KING

8. BUTTERFLY PART I

Azrail and I sat in the kitchen island, plates before us with both of us eating in silence.

I will not lie to you, it hurt. The energy I had come with, the excitement I had came packing, slowly but surely was just melting away.

I did not understand him and maybe that was the problem.

Maybe I was not his person. Maybe I would forever feel my heart break because I did not understand the person he was. One minute he kisses me so breathtakingly and the next, he is just quiet all through out.

The thought had drifted into my mind and I had pushed it away over and over, but maybe it was time.

Maybe this was not going to work and the problem there, was that I was getting deeper and deeper in love with him. Sometimes it felt as if he did not even want to be around me and maybe he was regretting his decision, but each time he kissed me I felt as if I was flying. Each time he kissed me, he took more and more of my heart and to him it was as if it did not matter.

My appetite was none existing at that point, the breakfast having been made with love and now, it was probably laughing back at my face.

My body felt tired all of a sudden.

I had not slept, waiting for his text which just showed how deep I was. I tried sleeping but I could not, worried about him and his whereabouts even though I knew no one would touch him even if they wanted. After he texted back that he was going to his house, I had not slept because the excitement had been too much. I had not thought he would agree to me staying the whole weekend with him, but he had and it had been like a dream to me.

I had planned everything. I had even wrote a menu for us, going shopping when they came and picked me up. All was done, staring at him and I just felt so exhausted.

A smile was plastered on my face, not wanting to give anything away. I ate my food, it getting more and more awkward. I stood up, going to pull a pot from the hot stove.

How could he just kiss me like that? That kiss had been earth shuttering. Did he know what he was doing to me?

I felt my whole body tingle just as I thought about it. It was unfair, like hitting a wall over and over again, yet at some point, one had to realize that there was no way of getting through that wall. I was just hurting myself more and more with time.

I emptied the pots, putting the food in containers and it felt so stupid at that point, the effort I had put in. I loaded the dishwasher, him done with his food. I took his plate and mine, throwing away my food and the dishes to wash. I stared from the kitchen window, seeing the drizzle and the harsh wind outside. It was quite cold, but since I had been busy, I had not even felt it.

It was the perfect weekend to be with the person you loved and who loved you back. I had longed through so many of such weekends, sad and dreaming of a time I would have a better-half who would hold me through such cold weather. I was starting to think that would not happen. Truly, I was defeated, bowing down in the ring, taking off my fighting gloves but before that happened…..

My feet moved across the room, my hand stretching out with my eyes on Azrail.

His eyes took me up and down, then staying on my face. I just accepted my fate and swore to cry Sunday evening, but as of then it was him and I.

He stood up, his hand stretching to mine, engulfing mine with me feeling content. The sparks were there but it was time to not let chemical reactions take my mind away. The butterflies would drive me crazy, my whole body heating up. My eyes just went to our hands, such perfection.

My feet moved on their own, leading the way out of that kitchen with chills running up and down my body from the cold that sipped from every c***k in the house.

I walked around the couch, him behind. My feet moved aside for him, my hand slowly slipping from his no matter how much I hated it. My eyes gestured for him to sit as I bent to pick up my bag which was full to the brink. I had been so excited, I had just stashed everything I had found came across. I probably thought I would be moving in after the weekend, how silly.

“ I will put my bag away.” I said, holding the bag and turning around to walk away and up the stairs. I searched for his room until I found it. I walked to the closet, moving in with the lights turned on and my heart just sank to the deepest part of my belly.

My eyes got glassy with me swallowing hard. My hands shook with my feet moving. I placed the bag down on the counter with my hand rising up, running through the clothes that were mine, clothes I was supposed to wear as his wife, wear when next to him. The memories came back, us sitting in the car together, the only time I had with him. I swallowed hard, walking deeper to then pull down a sweater. One last time, being Mrs Duran. I ran the sweater over my head and down my body, it settling well. I pulled on house slippers then walked out to grab a large blanket which was so heavy yet just what I needed.

I rushed down, him still sitting on the couch, head down, staring at his phone of course. There were other couches for me to sit on, but not that day. I dropped the blanket next to him before grabbing the remotes, bringing everything closer to then sit down next to him.

There was nothing I had not bought, literally buying a whole gaming system. In my head we would just be jumping up and down in happiness, watching movies, cooking, laughing, running around and playing games. I would teach him a lot of things, get him out of his comfort zone but not anymore.

My body sat back, turning on the television and switching to Netflix. I would have asked him what he wanted to watch but I had picked up his mood, did not feel like talking, and I doubted he ever watched television at all.

I just picked the first movie I came across, not even wanting to watch really, but not wanting to just tell him to go do his work because I knew he was just itching where he was to type or read something.

My body shifted, bringing the blanket over both of us.

“ Can I touch you?” I suddenly asked, kind of pissy in a way, a bit angry, angry at myself.

His eyes lay on me, seeing his face a shade darker in frustration.

We were not good for each other.

“Okay.” He said with me swallowing. I turned around, literally slumping my body on him. I felt him freeze where he was, probably cursing in his head.

I shifted and got comfortable on him with the blanket so warm and so fluffy.

The movie was starting, hitting off with a bang and the weather outside was turning for the worst, having me cuddle up on him. His arms were missing, just that hug from him that would secure me but it never came. He relaxed a bit after a few minutes but it was still awkward. Was I bullying him? Probably, but I did not care at that point.

Ask me what the movie was about and I would not be able to tell you because I was staring but my mind was far. In my head I was telling Azrail off like hell. In my head, I was screaming in frustration at him. In my head I was telling him I loved him, grabbing him hard and kissing him. In my head we were sorting our sh*t out and he was reassuring me because he wanted this just as much as I did.

The world in my head was much simpler, filled with communication where me and Azrail just talked about all our problems.

My eyes got droopy, feeling my body sluggish with me leaning more and more into Azrail, probably squashing him into a corner.

My head tipped, the sleep coming for me with a wrecking ball and smashing me hard. My eyes shot open, them red and wet, begging to be closed, begging for rest. It had been a long week, all those sleepless nights coming to bite me in the ass.

My eyes closed, darkness swarming over me even though I was sleeping at such an awkward position.

My eyes peeled open again, my body moved, feeling arms holding me tight. My head lay on a chest, my hands clinging onto Azrail’s sweater, snuggling deeper into his arms and holding tight.

It felt like centuries after, my eyes peeling again as I was being lowered into the bed. It was welcomed, the bed so comfortable with the sheets so silky. The bed was cold, but it did not have to be that way.

Azrail’s arms slipped away from me, feeling him slip away and I could not let that happened.

My arms stretched, grabbing him as I turned, staring up at him with my drunk eyes. My arms wrapped around his neck, having caught him still bent over.

“ Stay.” The words pulled from my mouth, drawing him closer to me and he did not even give a fight. His body leaned in, lowering down closer and closer as I pushed up, meeting him halfway.

My lips brushed on his, the kiss going deep fast. His body leaned on mine, me turning slowly so that I lay flat on my back with half his body on me, the other half on the bed.

His arms wrapped around me, kissing as if the world was collapsing all around us, kissing as if death was behind our heels, fire to burn us alive.

My head pulled back, taking in some air before he claimed my lips back again.

The moan just pulled out on it’s own, my body moving now and again, trying to get as close to him as I could but I could never be, not with all the clothes between us. His hand ran to my ass, gripping it hard and pushing my leg up with it wrapping around him. I pulled him closer, my other leg stretching even more to let him in. His hands gripped me firmly, moaning and going so faint from such sweet kisses. He was ravishing me.

His lips pulled from my mouth as I drew so much breath in because it felt as if I would die. My head tipped back, him kissing my chin and down my neck, leaving my whole body on fire.

Before I knew it, his lips were back on mine, addicted, not able to get enough.

My hands worked like magic, moving to slip under his sweat pants’ waist band, feeling his skin then his briefs that clung to his skin, not able to get under them.

I ran my hands over the briefs, feeling his @ss and I could not help but squeeze.