IVAN

SIX

I WAS looking at my wife intently.

Wife.

I still consider Jade as my wife up until now. What ever the reason or our situation I still think that she's my wife.

She still rock my world as ever. As if it's always my first time seeing her.

I liked the way she dress, but I love it the most if only I'm the only one seeing it.

I want her.

I love her.

Only her.

Since then and up until now she only the one who own my heart.

At ang sakit sa mata na makitang may iba siyang kasama ngayong gabi.

I thought that I will be having a chance this night to her. Because its our daughter's birthday.

Na ang akala ko, pwede kong masolo ang pamilya ko ngayong gabi after the party. Mali pala ako, because as of the moment parang gusto kong pumatay.

Someone is holding what is mine all along.

"Sir"

Mas lalong tumalim ang tingin ko kay Jade when I saw how that guy hold her in her waist.

Fuck that bastard.

"Sir, tawag na po kayo sa stage"

Napapahigpit ang hawak ko sa kawawang baso na hawak ko kanina pa.

"Sir"

Napalingon lang ako ng may maramdaman akong kumalabit sakin.

Then I saw my secretary whispering something to me. Then it hits me, all the people here including my wife and that guy she's with are looking at me.

Tinatawag na pala ako sa stage to give my birthday wish s***h message to my daughter.

I clear my throat before standing. While walking my eyes are glued with Jade.

Nakatitig din siya sakin. But to my surprise, parang galit na galit ito sakin habang nakatitig.

Those gaze she's giving to me say's something that I don't know. Para bang may gusto siyang sabihin na ikinagagalit niya sa mga titig niya sakin.

Again I clear my throat when I finally got on stage with my beautiful daughter.

Seeing Rose now is like looking at my wife when we're still at her age.

"First, sorry litang si daddy because I was mesmerize with your beauty tonight my dearest angel"simula ko.

May mga tumawa, but my daughter didn't laugh instead she rolled her eyes heaven wards.

"Matagal na akong maganda dad"sabi pa niya na mas ikinatawa ng mga tao sa paligid namin.

The crowd keep laughing but cut it when I talk again.

"Did I say something funny?"seryoso kong baling sa mga bisita namin.

Then they all stop laughing, when I turn my gaze to Jade iiling iling lang ito habang nakatitig saming mag-ama.

Napakunot noo ako when I saw the guy got near to Jade and whisper something and make Jade laugh.

"Can I ask the mother of my beautiful daughter to come here with us in stage" I said without thinking.

Iyong nakatawang mukha ni Jade biglang napaseryoso at  nakakunot noo na habang nakatitig sakin.

"Para paraan dad?"bulong sakin ni Jade.

I just smile to her when I look at her.

And my smile gone bigger when I saw Jade walking toward us.

The emcee gave Jade her microphone when she got on the stage.

"My turn will be next after you, you should just wait Ivan"bulong sakin ni Jade pero nakangiti siya and her lips is noy even moving while talking.

"It's bettet this way"I mimic her style of talking.

"I guess its a family message for the celebrant" narinig ko pang announce ng emcee.

I mentally note to compensate the emcee later for doing so.

Para lang din kasing pinamukha ng emcee sa lahat that we're a family. Which is true, we're family. Me as a husband and Jade as my wife.

"So, my dear can we give our message to OUR beautiful daughter"I said to Jade emphasizing the word our while looking at the guy whose also looking at us.

Kainis, gusto na niyang sugurin ang lalaki at sabihang 'back off, Jade is mine' kaso lang ayako naamng masira ang gabing ito ng anak namin.

So there, we gave our message to Rose. Naiyak pa nga si Jade while delivering her message to Rose. I can feel na nahirapan si Jade sa situation naming magkakahiwalay.

Lalo na ng sinabi niya na gusto sana niyang lagibg kasama ang anak namin. But the later did not happen because I refuse to gave our children to her.

I want to punch myself for seeing my daughter and wife crying. Jade is crying again, indirectly because of me. AGAIN.

..........

"SIPON mo tumutulo pa din"bulong sakin ni Lawrence.

Inirapan ko nga siya.

Kakatapoa ko lang magbigay ng message sa anak ko. And I know I'm being too emotional. Pero anong magagawa ko kung naiyak talaga ako.

The last time I'm with my kids, kids pa talaga sila noon. Pero ngayon tignan mo mga binata at dalaga na sila.

They grow up too fast, that while they growing I'm not with them.

Because of my hurt ego and ambition I went away from my family.

"Ang sweet niyo namang dalawa Jade"puna ni Eunice.

My sister-in-law.

Napansin ko naman na nakatingin na pala sakin ang buo kong pamilya. Including Ivan.

Kanina hindi naman namin kasama sa table si Ivan. But after we deliver our message to Rose dito na din siya naupo sa table namin.

"Whispering some sweet nothings to each other"dagdag pa ni Eunice.

Natahimik naman ang lahat while waiting for my answer. Si Lawrence naman tahimik din na nakikinig sa paligid niya.

But I knew him, naiilang na ito at hindi na nito gusto ang tinatakbo ng usapan.

Sorry, payat.

"Yeah, his saying i love you to me always. His so caring and thoughtful fiancé to me"aniko n pinasaya ang boses ko.

Then Lawrence cough besides several times. Ramdam ko din ang kamay niyang pinipisil ang hita ko ng kurot. But I did not minding it at all.

Nakangiti lang ako kahit ang sakit na ng kurot niya sakin.

"Wow! Fiance? I did not know you have a boyfriend all along Jade?"si Kuya King ang unang nakabawi aa pagkabigla.

But to make it more awkward, lahat ng kasama namin sa table palipat lipat ang tingin sakin, kay Lawrence and most especially to Ivan na kulang nalang magdikit na ang mga kilay sa sobrang pagkakakunot ng noo.

"Yeah! Ano naman tingin mo sakin kuya? Pangit na, at hindi na pwedeng magkaboyfriend?"patuloy ko sa pagsisinungaling ko.

I face Lawrence whose looking at me also. I read to his eyes that his asking for an explanation. Which I will tell him later after all of this mess.

"So your moved on already"ani naman ni Kuya Duke while looking at Ivan.

And Ivan, he's now staring at me.

Seryoso.

Parang gusto kong bawiin ang mga sinabi ko ngayon lang sa paraan ng pagtingin sakin ni Ivan.

I can tell by looking at him na nasaktan ito sa nalaman.

"Well, congratulation"pagbabagsag ng katahimik naming lahat ni Daddy.

When I turn my gaze to my parents they are smiling. But I can sense that they are not fully happy in what I told them.

I was about to say I'm only joking when a woman got near with us. Particular to Ivan and whisper something to him.

I was observing Ivan's reaction while the talking is happening between them.

At ang nakakaputa lang Ivan excuse himself in our table.

Sa mga magulang at kapatid ko lang siya nagpaalam.

Ang ikinasama pa ng loob ko nakita ko kung paano niya alalayan ang secretary niya. Then bumalik lang pala ito sa table kung saan ito nakaupo kanina with that higad.

"Okay, wala na si Ivan. May we know the real acore between the two of you?"ani naman ni mommy.

Like kanina nakatitig ang mga ito samin ni Lawrence.

Napahinga naman ako ng malalim kasabay ni Lawrence.

They are my family. Kilalang kilala talaga ako ng mga ito. Wala akong sikretong maitatago sa mga ito. At hinding hindi ko maloloko ang mommy ko kagit ba anong mangyari.

So there, I told them all. Kung ano ko ba talaga kami ni Lawrence, why I tell that to them. And what I really feel right now.

.................

"THAT'S the moat awkward party I attended Barbie"exaggerated na bulalas ni Lawrence ng maihatid niya kami ng mga anak ko sa bahay ng mga parents ko.

I just looking my two kids while entering our house before I answer my friend.

"Sorry about that"ani ko naman kay Lawrence.

"Pasalamat ka wala ang baby ko dito. Kundi malalagot ka don"sagot namam nito.

"Sorry talaga"pahpapacute ko naman sa kanya.

Nagkibit balikat naman ito bago sumakay sa sasakyan na nirentahan nito while staying here in the Philippines. 

"Okay, barbie see tomorrow. I think kahit wala ang baby ko dito you better tour me around. Bayad man lang ng panggogoyo mo sakin ngayon"anito bago umalis.

Natawa nalang ako ng tuluyan habang pinagmamasdan ang papalayong sasakyan nito.

Papasok na sana ako sa loob ng bahay namin ng may isang sasakyan ang humahagibis na dumating at basta nalabg pumarada sa harapan ko.

Napataas pa ang kilay ko ng makilala ko kung sino ang bagong dating.

Si Ivan.

"Where's the kids?"tanong nito while looking straight in to my face.

Nainis ako sa tono ng pananalita niya sakin.

"Why are you looking for the?"nakataas ang kilay ko pati na din noo habang nagsasalita.

But to my surprise he kissed me.

As in deep kissing.

Napapikit nalang ako ng wala sa oras.