Tears of love

1. The crush. [Part 1]

CHAPTER 1: The crush.

Months ago.

I go through the papers in my hand one last time to check that they are complete. Confirming that everything is in order, I finally make my way down the stairs two at a time, straight to the kitchen where I hear my brother.

"Tyler?!" I shout to my brother.

"Tell me" he appears behind me, startling me a little.

"Can you take me to college?"

"What for?" He asks, looking confused, which makes me wonder how distracted he can be.

"Why are you like this?" I retort, angry that he's forgetting something so important to me. "How can you not know?" He just shrugs, making me snort at his indifference. "I have to bring the papers for my enrollment. I'm entering college, first semester, remember?" I ask, unable to hide the frown on my face.

Tyler is my big brother, my only family. It's been him and me since my parents divorced and decided to replace their places with greenbacks that can give us anything we want, minus love of course.

I guess for Tyler to take care of a thirteen year old girl when he was only eighteen was not the best thing that could have happened to him. I know it was a big responsibility for him to take care of me, it still is even though I'm eighteen and he's twenty-three. But he has never complained, he has always been there when I need him. He's been my mother and father since I was a teenager. And despite his bad temper and constant grimaces of anger, he's the best brother in the world and I love him. Except for times like these when he forgets that his only sister is going to start studying photography in college.

"Oh, right" he smiles at me amused when he finally seems to remember. "Little Rora grew up."

Rora is his affectionate and embarrassing way of calling me.

"Shut up" I hate it when he calls me that. It reminds me of the embarrassing time in my life where my favorite activity was chasing after him and Jeremy, chasing after them like the love-struck little girl I always was, dazzled by every smile Jer gave in my direction.

"Tell Jeremy to give you a ride," he tells me as he grabs an apple from the table, "I have to go get some papers for my registration and you know I'm on the other side."

Tyler will be starting his last semester of literature at the University of Denver, the same university I will be attending, but his campus is different from mine. He attends the south campus and I will be starting at the central campus.

Considering I don't have a car, I was hoping my brother would give me a ride when he had the time, but I'm predicting that won't happen very often.

"Okay" I roll my eyes with exaggeration and start to shuffle lazily towards the door. "I'm going to tell Jeremy that my dear brother left me abandoned and didn't care..."

He interrupts me when he lets out a low growl.

"Don't start with your drama, Aurora" he turns away from me. "Tell Aunt Anne I'll drop by later, I'm on a rush."

I nod as I watch him hurry out of the house.

Ever since Mom and Dad decided their jobs were more important than their own children and left town, Jeremy's parents have become the closest thing my brother and I have to a mother and father. Since we were little we have called them uncle and aunt, although father and mother would be a more accurate description of them. They live right next door and together with Jeremy, the five of us have always been a family. Along with my best friend, Sadie Brooklyn, the best person in the world and who I wouldn't trade for anything or anyone.

Overjoyed at the thought of spending time with Jeremy, I leave my house and head next door to look for him.

Sadly, most of my life has played out like the saddest, most pathetic cliché ever. I'm the silly girl next door, in love with her brother's best friend, someone totally unattainable.

I ring the doorbell and wait patiently for the door to be opened.

With all the effusiveness in the world, I hug Aunt Anne when she's the one I meet. Then, I barge into the house as I hear her amused laughter behind me.

"Aunt, is Jeremy in his room?" I ask, turning to look at her.

"Yes, honey, come on up."

I nod with a smile. As I make my way upstairs to Jeremy's room, I remember my brother's words, so I shout over my shoulder, "Tyler's coming to say hi later, he was on his way!"

I don't wait to hear her response, but instead head upstairs to where Jeremy is.

I have to admit that the fact that Jeremy is going to start his last semester -just like my brother, but in Business- at the same university and campus where I am going, makes me very happy. I know it means more time together. Even though everything is platonic between us, being in his presence has always been something I've enjoyed.

Jeremy and I have this strange key of knocking five times on the door to know that we're treating each other, so that's just what I do when I stand in front of his bedroom door: I knock five times.

"Open up, Jeremy!" I shout to him in eagerness when I see he's late.

"I'm coming!" He shouts back.

I step on the floor a little impatiently as a snort escapes my lips. I wait and wait for what can't be more than a minute, but it feels like an eternity to me. When he finally comes out, it is with his just-risen face that I am met. His blue eyes, just like mine, stare at me with confusion for a long second.

"What are you doing up at this hour? Are you sick or what?"

"God, Jeremy, it's not like I never get up early."

"I remembered," he says, his eyes lighting up with understanding. "You're going to take the papers to the university for registration, aren't you?"

I smile because he has remembered, something even my older brother forgot. But it's Jeremy, sometimes he's more attentive to me than even Tyler.

"Yes," I say. "And I need a ride, please."

He nods immediately.

"Yes, wait I take a bath and..."

"Are you crazy?! I have to be there in half an hour! Let's go like this!"

"Like this?" he asks me, pointing at himself.

I stop to look at him and see that he has only a pair of cotton pants on, the only thing he usually sleeps in.

I don't dare look too much at his naked torso because that would be weird between us. I've learned to pretend to see him only as a friend, I'm perfect at it. To stare raptly at him would only damage years and years of hard work pretending I'm not in love with him.

"Put on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and voila!" I push him into his room and I go in after him. I go to the closet and pull out a t-shirt and jeans at random. "Here" I hand them to him.

He stares at me with a grimace.

"You look like my mom."

I ignore his comment.

"Change quickly, I have only half an hour to get there" I leave his room while shouting over my shoulder: "I'll wait for you downstairs!"

"As you say, my commander."

I go downstairs with a smile on my lips because of his playful words.

The smell of paradise floods my nostrils and like an expert detective, I let myself be carried away by my sense of smell until I reach the kitchen.

"Have I told you before that you're the best?" I say to Aunt Anne, hugging her from behind as she puts a chocolate cake in the fridge. "It's for me, isn't it?" I try to take the dessert in my hands, but a soft tap on my fingers stops me.

I immediately stand still.

"Your obsession with chocolate is going to get you in trouble one day," she shakes her head, but amusement is plastered on her face. "It's for the evening, to celebrate your college enrollment."

Do you see why I love this woman?

She's more special than my mother has ever been.

The void that Mom has left in my heart, this woman has more than filled.

She's perfect and Jeremy is too lucky to have her.

"Can I bring Sadie to share with us?"

"You know you can," she turns to the kitchen counter to start putting away all the bags and utensils that are scattered there in disarray. "Do you have all the paperwork ready?"

"Yes, it's all duly filled out, I just need Jeremy to finish changing so he can take me" I explain. "Jeremy, quick!" I shout when I see that he is not ready yet.

"I'm coming!" He says, coming down the stairs, running a hand through his messy brown hair in an attempt to comb it. "I'm ready."

I smile at him when I see he's put on the clothes I handed him.

Jeremy really is very handsome. His brown hair matches those beautiful baby blue eyes that are framed by abundant, long eyelashes. His jawline is square, adding an overly manly look to his face. He is slim, but not gangly. He has a slightly marked abdomen, a product of being on the swim team since he was a child.

"Jeremy, your father wants you to come by his office this afternoon. He has something to tell you," Aunt Anne says, snapping me out of my reverie starring my brother's best friend who is four years older than me.

Jeremy and my brother are very close and I know that should a relationship develop between Jer and I, something that would only happen in my dreams, Tyler would never agree. He is too overprotective of me. My brother played the role of father and mother, he was the one who stood by my side when I got my first period, buying me ibuprofen and then giving me a heat pack for cramps. Sometimes I feel that more than a sister, he sees me as his daughter, which makes him overprotective and sometimes hysterical when it comes to my safety.

"Mom, I was going out with Sabrina this afternoon, I won't be able to meet Dad," Jeremy tells her, frowning.

I ignore the twinge of pain I feel in my chest when I hear him call her name. Truth be told, I'm a little used to it by now, and every time I hear her name it's a call back to reality.

Jeremy is Sabrina's, not mine.

"Honey, then go with her, but your father said it was important."

He nods unconvinced. I guess he doesn't want to hurt the plans he has with his girlfriend and even though it's a painful thing to watch, I understand.

"Okay, Mom" he gives her a soft kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you later."

"Bye, Aunt Anne" I blow her a kiss and head for the door to leave with Jeremy.

Together we head to his car. I smile at him when, polite as ever, he opens the passenger door for me to get in the car.

"Are you all set?" He asks me when he has already started the car.

"Sure" I mumble, rolling down the car window, concentrating on that task. I look at him out of the corner of my eye when I hear his chuckle next to me. "What are you laughing at?"

"You and your mania for keeping the windows down, butterfly."

I smile at him.

"You know I do it because the pictures come out better with the window down" I tell him, although it's not entirely true. I also do it because I love to feel the air on my face. It's refreshing and relaxing, sometimes those little things are what make me the happiest.

I love to see greatness in the simplest things, I think that's the key to happiness.

He looks at me for a moment before turning his attention back to the road.

"And your camera?" He asks.

My heart stutters when I discover I don't have it with me.

"Sh..." I cover my mouth, horrified that I've forgotten it. My camera is like a third arm to me, another limb that must never be separated from me. "No way, Jer, I left it at home," I tell him in a whisper.

He raises his eyebrows in surprise because he knows the unhealthy obsession I have with my camera and then laughs, amused that, in my eagerness to enroll in college, I've left my camera behind. Unable to help myself, I smile as I hear him laugh. I love that sound, it's my favorite in the world.

"It's definitely a weird day today," he says with a smile. "First, you woke up early and second, you left your camera behind."

"Why do you keep insinuating that I never get up early? I'm not lazy" I tell him in a whine. "All my classes are in the morning, you'll see how I'll be the first one to get to the classroom every day" I promise.

He laughs freely, flooding the car with that melodious sound. When his laughter stops, I feel his hand giving mine a gentle squeeze. And this is the hardest part, pretending that his touch doesn't affect me, that it doesn't put every one of my senses on alert.

"Butterfly, don't be mad," his hand returns to the steering wheel, "How about if I show you around the campus facilities when you're done carrying the papers?"

I nod, excited.

I see him smile warmly and then continue driving in silence.

I stare at the streets while my mind thinks about how things would be if Jeremy had feelings for me.

I imagine him taking my hand, kissing me and introducing me in front of his friends.

I smile at the idea, but immediately my smile fades when I remember that he already does all that, but not with me... but with Sabrina.

I know my crush on Jeremy is stupid because he's not even aware that I'm no longer a girl, but a woman.

My love for him is kind of pathetic because he would never notice me and there are many reasons why that would never happen. First, I'm his best friend's sister and Jeremy is too fond of Tyler to risk his friendship for me. Of course, add to that the fact that I'm younger than him and he's always seen me as a child. Second, his family is like my family and I'm pretty sure he considers me his little sister or something. And lastly and most importantly, he is in love with Sabrina.

Maybe things could be less painful if Sabrina wasn't the girl she is, if I could hate her. But she's too kind, considerate and sweet. She's the kind of woman with emotional maturity, a promising future, and the stability Jer always brags about having with her. They never argue, always get along, and have a years-long relationship that has always worked for them.

She is a perfect blonde with a friendly smile, athletic body and business student with excellent grades.

I want to hate her, but I can't when she has always been friendly and attentive to me. She is a good person. She is polite, respectful, cheerful and beautiful on the outside as well as the inside.

Jeremy deserves her and she deserves him.

I'm not in that picture and I know in my heart there's a part of me that's happy to see him happy... even if it's not with me.