In Dreams: Bleed Out

All Good Things

I steadied myself on the dash and looked at Alexandre swiftly, then ahead to where he was glaring with murderous intent.  The end of a familiar car protruded from our gates.  Alexandre swore again and spun the vehicle around, racing back towards the house.

"What the Hell are they doing there?"  He spat to himself "I thought all this nonsense was over."  He didn't wait for me when he yanked the car to a halt, but disappeared inside immediately.  I followed at a slower pace.  I could hear him angrily yelling on the phone with someone in his study, so I followed the sound of his voice, but by the time I arrived, the conversation was already over.  Alexandre looked defeated, shoulders slumped, head hanging and he mumbled a few more words of apology before hanging up and taking a seat heavily in his office chair.

"So what's the news cave-man?"  I asked, referring to his uncouth behavior.

"Come here Carys."  He replied, offering me a hand and pulling me into his lap.  I stiffened.  This couldn't be good news.  He sighed.

"Uh oh."  I joked.  "Ok, out with it, what's the bad news."  My voice was filled with exasperation at the end.  Alexandre looked at me with bewilderment for a moment and then chuckled, leaning his forehead against mine.

"You know me too well."  He sighed.  "Well, it seems the information we provided was a double edged sword.  It did in fact give the police a method of connecting the victims and the killer's method of choosing them, but it also proved the innocence of the person they believed responsible."  I clenched my jaw angrily and he wrapped his arms around me tightly.  "So now they're back to square one, and that once again makes you a very invaluable witness and someone may have let slip that you found the connection, so now they're planning to watch you even more closely because..."  The rest of his words were drowned out by my own roar of anger as I tried to rip myself from his grasp.  Alexandre had once told me that the longer the virus was in your system the stronger you got, which is why he outclassed me in strength, like an immune system being attacked and overcome over time in a human body.  I struggled against that strength now, I wanted to race out to the police car and flip it over.  I wanted to scream at the cops to leave me alone.  I wanted to...

I ripped the suffocating jacket into shreds to get it off me.  Alexandre endured my temper tantrum silently.

"The least you could do is get mad!"  I screeched, pounding at him when he refused to let me go.

"And what will that accomplish?"  Came his gentle reply.

"It'll be satisfying."  I snarled at him, whacking his chest solidly with my palm.  I heard him grunt lightly.

"Not to me it wouldn't.  I made you a promise."  Came his quiet reply.

"Sitting here like you're made of stone!"  I yelled, raking at his arms with my nails until I had shredded his clothes and drew blood, the scent of which just fueled my vampire side even more.  I was still hungry.  I screamed incoherently and went for his neck with my teeth, latching on in anger, biting too deeply and harshly.  Then Alexandre reacted.  With a snarl he stood from the chair and dropped me onto the desk.  He was careful not to injure me, but the thump was a noticeable warning.

"Carys, let go."  He commanded.  I felt like a rabid dog, out of my mind at this point, lost to the rage and hunger and lust.  "Carys, release me."  His voice held the command.  He had used the bond and my mouth immediately unclenched.  I collapsed backwards on the desk, trembling like I had been whipped.  Alexandre's blood poured freely but he looked at me with a mixture of concern and pity.  "Are you alright?"  He asked me quietly.  I held a trembling hand to his neck.  He clamped his own hand over it and left the room.

I went back to our bedroom in tears and changed out of my bloody clothes.  I was shaken to the core.  I had never imagined myself in the abusive position, not after everything I had gone through, and the way I had just treated Alexandre was...completely reprehensible.  If he didn't have the sire bond to stop me...  I burst into tears.  I curled up in the middle of the bed and cried, and then realized I didn't deserve to be there.  I left the room with bleary eyes and made my way to the library.  Too many happy emories here too.  So I wandered out a random door and found myself in a hall I'd never visited before.  It was bare and empty, like my soul.  This was more like it.  I made my way down the hall, teary eyed.  The black and white tile floor was ugly, it matched my mood.  I opened doors to empty rooms along the way.  One had a piano set up in it all by itself.  Random, but ok.  I chose an empty room with a long abandoned canopy bed to go into and lay down.  The dust cover on the bed was dirty, so I threw it on the floor and lay on the bare mattress.  This bed didn't smell like it had belonged to Alexandre.  I burst into tears again.

Part of me childishly hoped Alexandre would come check on me, and the longer he didn't, the more worried I was that I had done some serious damage to him, and he might be terribly hurt.  I got up in a panic and raced back the way I had come, flying through the library and foyer, searching for him.  I nearly missed his most recent trail to his study and was running so fast I almost passed him by.  When I stopped and stepped back into the doorway, panting, he blinked at me and set down his mug of blood with concern.  A white gauze patch was taped to his neck, heavily stained with blood.  I blanched and backed up when I saw it.  He stood and extended a hand.

"Carys, wait!"  He called.  I paused briefly.

"I just wanted to apologize and make sure you were ok." I mumbled, then turned and fled the room.  I found myself in the new nursery when I stopped running.  Had it only been such a short time ago we had shared a happy moment here?  I ran a hand over the bump at my waist.

"Maybe you're not the monster I should have been worried about after all.  Maybe it was me all along..."  The tears choked my voice.

"Do you really think that?"  Came Alexandre's voice from the door.

"Yes."  I whispered, still looking at my stomach.

"I'm not going to lie, the aggressive behavior took me by surprise."  Alexandre responded, taking a step into the nursery.  I blinked back fresh tears.  "But I'm fine, see?"  He walked in front of me and pulled the gauze away from his neck.  The wound was scabbed over, its edges drawing closed, but I had managed to tear away a nice sized hunk of flesh.  I broke down in tears again.  "Carys, it'll be gone in a few hours."  He said bewildered, taking me into his arms.

"It's not that, entirely.  I just never wanted to be like my father.  What if I'm like this to our child?"  I wailed and Alexandre pulled me snug against him.  I pushed him away.  "I should be the one comforting you, not the other way around!"  I cried.  "I could have killed you!"

"I would be lying if I said I managed to keep control of myself in over one hundred years."  Alexandre shivered.

"That's not the point!  You should be mad!"  I yelled.  Alexandre grabbed me in a tight embrace, pinning my arms against my sides.

"Is this the reaction you seek?"  He growled, teeth against my neck  "Do you want me to punish you?  To retaliate?"

"Yes!"  I screamed  "I don't deserve to be treated so well by you when at any moment I could just snap!"  Alexandre let me go.

"Carys, have a little faith in us both, please."  He sighed and sat in the rocking chair.  I was confused.  "Yes, I'm upset, yes I was even angry in the moment, but I'm also smart enough to realize that I can only control my own reactions in a situation like that."  His elbow was on the arm of the chair, forehead in his hand, so I couldn't see his face.

"I've lived a long time.  I have experienced a lot.  I can recognize your pain, and although your reactions are not ideal, based on our discussion, the fact that the virus is now deeply rooted in you and you're pregnant, I can understand some emotional imbalance, and perhaps even tolerate it to a certain extent.  It doesn't mean I have to like it, nor approve, and I do think we need to do something about this anger manifesting itself, and I applaud the fact that you are semi taking responsibility for it, but I do understand to a certain degree that you are in pain and dealing with a lot right now.  Maybe forever.  Hopefully with time, it will hurt less."  He extended his hand to me and I walked over to take it, letting him draw me into his lap, and he began gently and silently rocking us in the chair.

"I am sorry."  I offered.

"I know."  He replied.  "But you need to figure out where that anger is coming from and face it."  I flinched.

I spent the next several days sort of moping, and Alexandre left me to it.  I barely got out of the bed until Alexandre had had enough.

"Up!"  He demanded and I moaned.

"I don't wanna."  I whined.

"It's not good for you to just lay around like this.  For either of you."  He laid a gentle hand on my waist.  I groaned again.

"I just wanna be sad for a while, ok?"  I complained.

"Fine, but do it out of bed."  Alexandre responded, stripping the sheets off of me.  I groaned, but caught sight of the little white patch of skin on his neck that hadn't quite disappeared yet and blanched.

"Ok, I'll get up."  I sighed, and threw my legs over the side of the bed.  Alexandre watched me grimly, determined not to leave until I  did as instructed.  I groaned again and slid off the bed.  I felt my knees buckle and I began to slip.  Aleandre was there in seconds, holding me up, his face next to mine.  His nostrils flared and he got a panicked look on his face.

"When was the last time you ate?  Sit here for a moment."  He put me back on the bed and raced from the room.  I sighed and laid back down.  "Here, drink this."  He said as he rushed back, pulling me into a seated position, much to my complaint.

"Carys, don't make me force you.  Your scent has... you're in withdrawal.  It's like low blood sugar in humans.  Drink."  Alexandre held the cup to my mouth and I obediently took a sip.  "Carys..."  He warned  "I don't know what this is doing to you and the baby..."  I swallowed and downed more of the liquid.