In Dreams: Bleed Out

Misery

Alexandre's movements woke me up next and then I heard the soft buzzing of a cell phone.  He answered it quietly with one arm still wrapped around me, trying not too move me too much as if not to wake me.

"Yes."  He replied, then his voice hardened.  "I understand.  No that won't be necessary, but thank you for informing me."  A pause  "Yes, keep me updated, thank you."  As he turned back, he saw my eyes peering over the blanket edge and chuckled.

"You look like a baby owl peering down from a nest in a tree with your big eyes."  He taunted gently.

"Well, are you gonna tell me what that was about?"  My voice came out muffled, but I think Alexandre got my point because he sighed.

"I'm afraid we haven't quite heard the last of the investigative units, much as you suggested yesterday.  While we temporarily got Finch off our backs, we may have trouble from the other members of the team who are not as convinced that the information we possess is invaluable."  Alexandre's lips were pressed into a cold hard frown.  I nodded.  He was right, I had been worried about this.

"What do we do?"  I asked.

"For the moment, nothing."  Alexandre responded with a look of chagrin.  "We'll be extra careful with our ah...extra curricular activities and keep our hunt for your killer on the down low.  Take it one day at a time right now.  Keep inside as much as possible to prevent prying eyes.  Also, I think we need to work on your skills little owl..."  He looked at me speculatively.  I stuck my tongue out at him, but got a mouthful of fuzz instead.

"Aw yuck."  I whined while Alexandre guffawed.  I had never heard the deep belly laugh before and stared at him, amused by the completely undignified noise.  I kinda liked it.  He squeezed the blanket roll with me inside to him and I let out a squeak of complaint.  He buried his face in the blanket and my hair.  I felt a shiver go down my spine.

"Thank you Carys."  He said.

"For what?"  I asked.

"For staying with me.  For accepting my apology, for trying to accept me, for everything."  He said, the words echoing mine again.  I relaxed in his embrace, leaning backwards into him.

"You're welcome."  I replied.  After a moment I sighed.  There was a bloody mess in my room to clean up, and even with an eternity stretched in front of me, there was no use in putting off the cleanup when I knew I would regret it later when I got tired.  I wiggled a little bit to get Alexandre to loosen his grip, but instead, he growled and held me tighter.

"I promised you I would teach you to use your new skills, to trust yourself so you would never have to be afraid again."  Alexandre's voice was almost a snarl.  "Everything in this room is replaceable.  You are not.  Escape me."  I tried to crane around to look at him.

"Are you seriou..."  But the words died in my throat as he used the sire bond.

"Escape me..."  He commanded and I gasped as my body obeyed, struggling to break free.  The blanket was wrapped tightly around me and I tried to find the edge.  Alexandre's vice-like grip tightened and his teeth brushed the back of my neck.

"Not fast enough."  He informed me with a snarl.  Fear ran down my spine and instead of pulling against him again, I slipped into the blanket and shot out of the bottom, leaving him holding the empty blanket with a pleased expression on his face.

"Could have been a little quicker, but we'll get there."  He looked at me with approval that changed to amusement as I yanked my sweater and hair back into position with a flash of embarrassment.  I crossed my arms angrily.

"Carys, are you angry with me?"  Alexandre asked with confusion.

"Yes...no, I don't know..."  I threw my arms in the air.  I turned on a heel and left the room, padding my way across the marble floor.  Alexandre was there in a flash beside me.

"It has been many years since I kept the company of a lady, if I have offended you, I did not mean to.."  He offered quickly.

"It's not that, Alexandre, good grief I'm still dealing with the fact you've seen me naked, but you have, so I have to get over myself."  I replied  "I'm just... confused."

"What about?"  He asked.  Ugh, where to start?  My life had been completely turned over!  I'd been murdered, turned into a vampire, I was being chased by cops, looking for my killer, living with some super rich older vampire who at once scared me and also made me feel...safe, and maybe...

"Ugh, just everything, ok?  A lot has happened to me in the past few months, and sometimes..."  I paused, searching for the right words helplessly.

"Sometimes what, Carys?"  Alexandre asked taking hold of my arms and making me stop and face him.

"Sometimes I don't know how to read you Alexandre!  There's a part of you that terrifies me, it's possessive and violent and controlling and maybe that's enhanced by the vampire virus, I don't know!  But it scares me, and the other part of you is loving and kind and sweet, and the thing is that I can't decide how to react to you at all!  Should I love you or fear you?  Hate you or cling to you?  And the weird thing is sometimes I like the part that terrifies me just as much as it scares me and..."  I slapped my hands over my mouth, afraid that I had said too much, the embarrassment that I had just let everything fall out of my mouth like that made me want to sink into the floor.  And I had no idea how Alexandre would react.  However, Alexandre seemed delighted.  He grabbed me in a hug and spun me around, then pulled my hands from my face.

"Carys, I am conflicted about you too.  Not for exactly the same reasons of course.  I want to protect you, but I want you to be self sufficient, so there is this constant struggle within me, a push and pull of wills to draw you in and push you away.  But, Carys, don't you see?  This is wonderful!  You're beginning to trust me and have confidence in yourself!  Would you have dared said that to me before?  No!  But now?  I'm so proud, I..."  Alexandre was interrupted by the distant sound of a phone ringing.  His expression became somber.

"That's coming from the office phone, I'm so sorry Carys, I only give that number to important contacts.  Do you mind staying here for a moment?  No, come with me please?"  He sped off in the direction of the ringing phone, catching it mid ring.  With my arms crossed, I plodded along after him, following the sound of his voice.  As he talked, I settled at the doorway grumpily, leaning on the frame, watching Alexandre's expression and looking around at the crowded office.  The room was stuffed with even more books, binders, notebooks, every spare inch covered in shelves or bookcases.  A sofa along one wall, a desk sat a few feet from the door with a rolling office chair behind it that Alexandre now sat in.  The desk was littered with papers, pens, pencils, a computer, a telephone.  It seems like every aspect of Alexandre's life was clean except this one room.  Alexand're's expression slowly grew more serious by the moment until he held out a hand to me and hesitantly, I walked over and took it.  With one final acknowledgement and thanks he sat in the office chair and hung up the phone.  Then he tugged my arm to draw me closer, but I resisted for a second before letting him pull me into his lap.  He laid his forehead on my arm and inhaled my scent deeply.  I suddenly got chills.

"Alexandre, what's wrong?"  I tensed with worry.

"I want you to know that there is nothing we can do right now, there are too many eyes, but now I believe I know why the investigators are refusing to give up on us."  Alexandre hedged.  I jerked.

"They found her."  I growled, nearly ripping myself from his grasp.  He held on tightly.

"No."  He said and I stilled.  "They found her latest kill."  I looked at him and saw the weariness and pain in his posture as if he was blaming himself.

"You can't think this is your fault!"  I exclaimed.

"I could have gone after her, it was just that you were so close to death, and I didn't know at the time she'd done it before, if it was a robbery gone wrong...or even if it was a druggie shooting up gone wrong..."  He looked at me apologetically  "But when I got closer and could separate the scents and could tell you were a victim of foul play, you were so far gone, I was afraid to leave you for fear that your heart might fail before the virus could kick in.  So I stayed with you, and she escaped."  I put my hands on the sides of his face and lifted his eyes to mine.

"A fact that I will literally be eternally grateful for.  But it's not your fault!  You can't blame yourself for all the crazies in the world.  And if you hadn't stayed with me, I could be dead.  I know that's not more important than someone else dying, but..."  I swallowed and my voice got softer, choked with tears  "I'm very grateful that you saved me anyway.  You made a difference, to me."  I told him.

"Oh Carys, I did not mean to make you feel guilty either!"  He leaned his forehead against mine.  "I do not regret saving you at all!  I would never have made a different choice, I just wish there had been a way to do both!"  He said sadly.

"We will stop her, Alexandre."  I assured him, wrapping my arms around his neck.  He sighed and closed his eyes.