In Dreams: Bleed Out

When the Past Come Back to Haunt You

I dug through my outrageous closet of clothing, which was larger than my whole previous human bedroom had been in my previous life, until I found the comfortable, soft sweater I remembered from the first day in Alexandre's house.  Throwing fashion sense to the wind, I grabbed a pair of comfortable pajama bottoms and changed in the closet.  I realized I still had Alexandre's jacket and folded it gently, the smell of books and floral arrangements escaping the fabric as I did.  Alexandre knocked hesitantly at the bedroom door and I called for him to enter, parading out of the closet to show him I had followed his direction.  He nodded approval at the thick sweater, but frowned at my bare feet.

"Will you at least cover your legs and feet with a quilt until I'm sure the shock symptoms have passed?"  Alexander sighed with annoyance.  I rolled my eyes but snickered and crawled onto the bed, motioning at my legs to show him I would comply.  He set two matching ceramic mugs on the bedside table and folded a bright patchwork quilt in half, tucking it around my legs and feet.  As he stood up to leave, I grabbed his arm.

"Oh no you don't."  I growled and overbalanced him, yanking him backwards so he toppled to the bed.  "If I have to sit here like an invalid, then you do too."  I demanded.

"I wasn't going to leave you know, I was simply going to get the mugs.  Alexandre sounded slightly exasperated.  I released his arm, raising my hands.

"Oh, sorry."  I replied.  Alexandre shook his head, handing me a mug.

"Careful-it's hot."  He said and walked around the bed to sit in a cushy armchair where he could look directly at me.

"How are you feeling Carys?"  Alexandre asked me.  I could feel him watching me carefully.  He glanced meaningfully at my mug.  I took a sip and winced.  It tasted, well kinda gross.  Alexandre saw my look and said "Yes, heating blood can be...delicate, well, warming it really, but I didn't want to waste too much time, so I'm sure it probably tastes....foul."  He grimaced as he took a sip of his own.

"But no matter, I really wanted to get something warm in you, and it should still function...  mostly..."  Alexandre glared into his mug.  I smothered a giggle at his expression and then cleared my throat.

"I hate to say it this way, but I'll be fine."  I paused taking another halfhearted sip.  "Well, as long as I don't see that guy anytime soon, or anything, and can keep myself occupied so I can keep from stressing.  Like I said-it's just...normal...for me."  The reply was almost flippant, but Alexandre looked pained.  I took another gulp from my mug to avoid looking at him.  The flavor nearly brought tears to my eyes.  I stared moodily into the mug as the liquid slid down my throat.  When I next looked at Alexandre, he had a look of fierce determination on his face.

"I have half a mind to go have a talk with your parents Carys."  Alexandre stated grimly.

"No please!  I..."  I jumped forward, getting twisted in the quilt and nearly spilling the mug everywhere.  Alexandre was there in a second, righting me and taking the mug from my hands and setting it down on the bedside table.  He sat down on the bed, tucking me back in.

"Are you still afraid of the man, Carys?"  He challenged me.  The tone was rough, but his eyes were earnest, searching my face for an answer.

"I...Maybe...I don't really....know."  I responded helplessly.  I felt the turmoil of misery, fear and confusion play out across my face.  I looked away from Alexandre.  A low growl built in Alexandre's throat and my face snapped back to his.  The wolf-like look was back.  I shrank against the headboard and the rage on Alexandre's face intensified.  In an instant he was out of the room and I heard him slam over the railing to the level below.  Something was ripped from the wall and crashed to the floor.  The sound of glass breaking was followed by a God-awful screech.  I flinched at every noise, afraid to move, afraid not to.  The sudden silence and sound of heart-wrenching sobbing made up my mind for me.  

I crept to the edge of the walkway and looked down into the ballroom.  It was a disaster, but I couldn't see Alexandre.  That had to mean he was up against or under the walkway.  I tiptoed down the staircase and saw immediately what the screeching sound had been: he had quite literally ripped the railing away and torn it to shreds.  It was now littered across the floor.  Too late, I realized I still had no shoes, as the first piece of glass nicked my foot.

I barely had time to register the pain before seeing Alexandre's seated form against the wall, head between his knees, hands in his hair, sobbing uncontrollably.  I wanted to run to comfort him, but the part of my brain that was afraid of the predator warned me about the monster who destroyed this room.

So I picked my way carefully across the ballroom, and stopped out of arm's reach of Alexandre before calling his name.  Eyes red, he raised his head to look at me, and then, stared with horror at my feet.

"Oh Carys!  Your feet!"  He groaned with guilt, dropping his head back to his knees as if ashamed.  I stumbled the last few steps and placed a hand on his head tentatively.

"They'll heal Alexandre, but are you ok?"  I asked quietly.  I still felt like the scared rabbit, I was standing on one foot, ready to flee if I needed to.  Alexandre's sobs renewed and he used my arm to pull me down into his lap and readjusted his position.  He held me tightly, head on my chest, and shocked, I froze for a moment.  I was unaccustomed to Alexandre seeking out affection rather than giving it, but I stroked his hair and murmured comfortingly to him while I wondered why the big bad wolf was now crying in the rabbit's arms.

Once he calmed down enough, and apologized for scaring me again, for his poor behavior, and for breaking things, he did tell me a part of it.

"I feel extremely guilty about this, if it wasn't for the recent police attention, I would have taken this elsewhere so you wouldn't have had to see me lose control.  I will not beg your forgiveness, it's unforgivable.  But I do want you to understand."  Alexandre took a deep breath.

"My very first love was not the arranged marriage my parents had hoped for me before the plague.  No, instead it arrived after the plague, when I was on my own and had little enough to my name to court women for myself, especially considering so many people's relatives had died during that time.  It made people a little...looser...with their arrangements."

"She was living with her uncle, and he, much like your father, was abusive.  But, unlike your father, he was often physically and violently so.  He begrudged the fact that his brother and his wife and died, leaving him this unlovable, useless, penniless, unwed-able charge, well at least in his eyes.  So to him she was just using up his humble assets by him having to provide for her and could in no way benefit him, and he thought he'd never be rid of her."  Alexandre paused, taking a shaky breath and I squeezed his hand.  He rested his forehead on my shoulder, refusing to look at me.

"I had the power to do something about it.  I was a vampire!  I had a little money saved, I could have whisked her away into the night!  Impropriety be damned!  I could have threatened him, beaten him, killed him even!  But no!  I chose to do nothing!  Chose to go through the proper channels, the pomp and circumstance of the age before, and before we could even announce our engagement, her uncle had pushed her down a flight of stairs in a drunken rage and broken her neck."  Alexandre's breath shuddered and I hissed.

"Oh it was labeled an accident of course, but I knew better.  I could smell him on her.  I could tell by the fear he reeked when I questioned him.  If he had simply waited a little more time, he would not have had anything to worry about anymore.  If I had simply acted when I had the chance!"

"I have always regretted that Carys.  Always.  So it is so hard for me to sit here and listen to you tell me about your experience and not feel the situation is repeating itself all over again and want to...do something this time."  Alexandre said harshly.

"Yes, but there is one difference now."  I said to him, imitating one of his movements, lifting his chin with one of my fingers so his eyes met mine.

"And what is that?"  He asked searching my face.

"I got away, and you found me, and saved me, and you're protecting me now."  I responded.  "So that's not going to happen to me."  His face was so close to mine, and so open and vulnerable that for a moment I thought this would be a perfect movie kiss moment.  I laughed and crossed my arms.

"Besides, I'm a vampire now, so I don't think pushing me down a flight of stairs will be quite enough to kill me anymore, now would it?"  The spell was broken and Alexandre shook his head with exasperation.

"Leave it to you to turn a heartfelt moment into a terrible joke."  Alexandre huffed.

"Hey, it wasn't a joke-a fall down the stairs shouldn't kill me.  Right?  Right?"  I demanded.  He stood up with me in his arms to keep me from hurting my feet on the floor anymore and carried me back to my room.

"Hey, you're not answering me and now I'm getting worried..."