Miss Otaku

Hopeless

"I am a stupid fool. Lalalalala!" one girl sang as she whistled and looked at my back. With the corners of my eyes, I can see her eyes staring at my back. I feel weird. 

Getting a hint from what the girl just sang, I walked faster. I may not be able to see my back but my past experience is telling me that a piece of paper is taped on my back. I can say that because I can feel that all my classmates' eyes are pasted on my back as they laugh at me. 

"Hahahaha!" 

I can feel my eyes watering again. Teary-eyed, I walked straight to the toilet and proceeded to an open cubicle. Hanging my bag on the door, I took off my jacket and checked the back part. See? I'm right. There's a piece of paper containing the exact words that the student shouted a while back. Taking the paper off from my pre-loved jacket, I crumpled it and threw it angrily into the trash can with all my strength. This is the only way I could retaliate against all of them anyway. Closing the cover of the toilet bowl, I sat down and hugged my jacket near my heart. They don't understand. I hugged myself tightly as tears fell down my cheeks again. I got no one else to care for me and love me except myself. 

I pity myself. That's the truth. Yes, they are all right. I do not deserve to be here. In the first place, this is a school for the rich and famous. Almost all of the students here came from prominent families except for some chosen few like me who were sponsored by someone. Why do I have to be here anyway?

My tears are streaming down my cheeks uncontrollably. Silently, I rubbed my arms softly to ease the coldness brought by what I am feeling inside. I feel cold, inside and out. There is no warmth since I entered inside this high school. Yes, there was never warmth before and there is none now, too. Wiping my tears, I put back my jacket slowly and took my bag from the hanger. I opened the door of the cubicle and was about to go out when I felt something cold. 

Splash! 

Stunned, I stood up, rooted to the spot where my feet are standing on. It's literally cold. It was only then that I realized I was splashed with water containing ice cubes. 

"Hahahaha!" three girls are holding their stomachs and pointing at me while laughing. Beside them are three empty pails. 

It's painful. My body was hit by the ice cubes and they hurt like stones. I shivered. Surprisingly though, their actions didn't make me cry this time. I just felt my heart turn cold and my eyes turn red. At this point, I can only feel the coldness that not only froze my body but also my heart. 

My heart is heavy. I have remained silent for so long, enduring all the bullying and all for the sake of peace. However, they never stopped. Instead, everybody turned me into a plaything, one that they could all make as their pastime. My heart sank. From now on, I would never cry when bullied no matter what. I may die but I should never shed any tear at all. 

I stood there motionless for a while, letting them do everything that they want to. If this can make them happy, I couldn't care anymore. I took my bag and dragged my feet away from the toilet. I passed by the girls with head bowed and acted as if nothing happened. Although my clothes are dripping wet, I didn't mind. I aimed for the door out of this miserable place and away from these wicked people who knew nothing to do but to make my life miserable.

"Yuck, she smells like sh*t!" one girl shouted as I passed by the three of them. I went out of the toilet and realized that everybody is waiting for my grand exit.

"Stay away from her if you don't want to be contaminated with her foul smell!" one student shouted the moment I walked out of the door. 

"The smelly poor girl is wet. Be careful, everyone!" Still, one student announced. 

At that, the sea of people parted again, giving me a wide space to pass by. 

My clothes are dripping wet but I still walked on with my head bowed. I walked nonstop until I reached home. This time, I didn't take the bus, afraid of getting the seat wet so I walked from school and reached my home after two hours. 

"Lily! Lily!" my mom shouted the moment she saw me coming from afar. She must be worried since I did not arrive until two hours after my last class' dismissal time. 

I didn't respond. I just kept walking slowly. 

"Lily!" my mom ran and met me but stopped when she was near. Her tears dropped the moment she saw my clothes dripping wet. Needless to say, she knows that I was bullied again. This is not the first time that this happened. In fact, it was an everyday thing.

"Woo! Woo!" my mom hugged me tightly as if trying to ease the pain in my heart. 

I stopped. Instead of hugging her back, I just remained motionless, not moving an inch. 

"Woo! Woo!" my mom's cries even went louder.

I remained unmoved. I am too tired, emotionally and physically. No. Truth be told, I am honestly exhausted. Using the word tired to describe this is an understatement. I am exhausted to the point of not wanting to think about it anymore. Let it be. Let them be. If they want to kill me by their acts, I am helpless to stop them anyway. 

However, my mother's mind is different. 

"Lily, come, come!" she said after crying her heart out. "We have to get your hair dried." 

I followed mechanically, allowing her to pull me inside the house. Giving up with my depressing aura, I allowed my body to be dragged anywhere. 

"I have to report those kids to the head teacher!" my mom said angrily. "They have gone too far!" 

I know that mom is angry but I did not react anyway. What's the point? Even if she reported their bullying acts to the head teacher, they wouldn't stop anyway. Knowing their nature, they will just find somewhere to do the same acts if they cannot do them inside the school anyway. Either way, I will be bullied. My situation is hopeless, so why fight it?

"My daughter...my pitiful daughter..." 

I felt my mom hug my head when I didn't react and respond to her. I can feel my mom's tears falling on my hands as she let out the pain in her heart.