The Alpha's Odessa

POV: Haven It's a cold winter's day in New Ridgewood Rivers. A nervousness lingers in the air around me as it is my first day in college. I didn't go in the fall as most others did. I tend to avoid people, so I opted to start my college years in the winter. I didn't always avoid people but life happened. "Haven! Come on, are you going or not?" My dad calls out. He's driving me to school today. Something about the last first day he'll ever get to see. I honestly don't know why he's making such a big deal out of it. I would hate to see him if I were moving out or living in the dorm rooms. I'm still living at home with my parents. They live close to the university, so there is no reason I should waste school tuition on a dorm room. Also, I don't want to be left alone. I don't feel safe when I'm alone. "Coming, Dad!" I grab my bag with my books and head down to the car. Why did I have to choose to go to college? I could have just chosen to work at my mom's bakery and one day, when she's old and grey, take it over. I've been battling myself all morning about whether or not it's too late to back out. "Hey, sweetheart. Are you feeling OK?" Dad asks concerned. "I'm fine Dad," I tell him so he doesn't worry so much. "You don't have to do this if you're not ready yet. No one would judge you." Dad says, pulling me into a hug. I tense up from the contact. I don't like to be touched for many reasons. You see, I have this secret I've kept since my 18th birthday. I can feel other people's pain when they touch me. I feel it long after they make contact with me. I've never told anyone this. Not even my family. Sometimes I wonder if it's all in my head. Is this some kind of punishment for not being strong enough? What I mean is, when I was 14, something tragic happened. I don't remember much of anything before I was 14. Many of my memories are gone. I was raped... That's why I think I'm being punished. I wasn't strong enough to fight him off of me. It was my fault. I was supposed to be with my family on a camping trip, but I was sick, so I stayed home with Raphael. Raphael is my older brother, Jake's friend. If I hadn't been sick or toughed it out it would never have happened. Everyone tells me this is wrong, but I can't help the way I feel. My family has done everything they can to help me gain my memories back, but it's like they've been locked away in a vault hidden deep in my mind. Raphael saved me that day. Who knows what else that man would have done to me had he not gotten to me before he could kill me? Ever since then, Raphael has avoided me. I wish I knew why. I do remember some things but they're only bits and pieces. I barely remembered my family. That's how bad the memory loss is. I still can't remember much of anything from before. Isn't that odd? "I do. I need to prove that I can do this. I can't just live at home with you and Mom forever." I say more for myself than Dad. I keep reminding myself of this. My brothers and Dad are very protective of me. According to my mom, they were like that before the incident. They're just worse about it now. My point is I can't go through life always leaning on them for support. I need to pave my own way. I've been putting in the work, going to therapy, trying to get past that one tragic day. That's all it was, one tragic day. I keep saying this to myself, but I never fully believe myself. What I'm most afraid of is the men. I've never had a boyfriend nor desired to. I'm afraid of it all happening again. I hear myself saying no, but no one ever listens to me. I tried once to go out on a date with a guy, and he kissed me. I freaked out and pushed him away, but he pulled me back in. Raphael had come out of nowhere and threw the guy away from me. I've often wondered why he avoids me. I feel so grateful to him for saving me. He always has. Raphael has always been around to protect me, even in the midst of his avoidance. Just the thought of him makes me feel safe. There have been so many times that I was scared, and it was only the thought of him that helped me pull through the fear. I guess that's what I need today to be thinking of him. "Haven you have nothing to prove to anyone. We are always here for you." Dad assures me. I nod taking in a deep breath. I still need to do this. It's healthy to get out there and be around people. With how many people are in the world, it's hard to avoid them, so this is a small start to being thrown out into the world. My parents aren't going to be here forever. I open the car door to get in, only for my mom to come running out of the house. "Oh wait, let me get a picture first. I wish I could come see you off, but I need to get this order finished up today." Mom says anxiously. "Mom, no! I'm not going to kindergarten again." I tell her annoyed. I just want to rip the band-aid off and get through this day. Dad chuckles, "Lisa, dear, she's embarrassed and nervous as is. She doesn't need you shoving a camera in her face." Dad tries to help me. "Oh Julian, hush. Just one and you can go." If I don't let her take the photo she will guilt-trip me about it later. "Fine, just one. Hurry up! I'm going to be late." I tell her. I hate having my picture taken. I don't even like selfies. Once she had taken the photo, Dad and I got on our way to the school. "If you feel like you can't do this or it's too much, just call me and I will come get you," Dad says. I know he's worried, but I just turned nineteen last week. It's time I stop leaning on him so much. I'm not a kid anymore. "I promise," I assure him I will be fine. I hope so anyway. I exit the car looking up at the college buildings. "Welcome to your new chapter in life, Haven," I say to myself. I take a deep breath before I walk away from the car. I have my first class in twenty minutes. Wish me luck.