My Sugar Step-Daddy

Chapter : 4. Back home..

Currently, I am standing at the door of my house, knocking on it repeatedly. The sun has come down and the lights are off inside, indicating that no one’s home. But still I kept knocking in the hope of getting someone’s answer. I thought mom knew I was coming home today. I called her so many times and sent messages. Didn’t she get any of them? Or is it that she doesn’t live here anymore?

I was really tired and hungry after travelling all the way home by taking several buses with all my luggage. So, I sat down on the porch stairs, in hope of her returning home soon. And if she doesn’t return tonight, I might have to sleep out here as well. The house is not that big and there are several ways to break in, but I don’t want to break into my own house like a thief. Besides, it might piss off my mom more on me.

I sat in the darkness of the porch for about an hour, waiting for someone to come. Or maybe see any neighbour to ask about my mom’s whereabout. But our house is located in the rural area of Sydney, where not many people come out after sunset. To make it worse, our next-door neighbor has moved to another place, and I don’t know anyone else except them. I am afraid to just go onto anyone’s doorstep whom I don’t know and ask about her at this hour. So, I just kept waiting.

After an hour and half, I realized something important. I used to have a key of the house with me. Grandma gave it to me a long time ago, just in case I come here and she’s not home. I am not sure if the lock is still the same, but I can try. I have a little box in which I keep all my precious memories, like my childhood pictures, or the little souvenirs grandma used to give me, and a few things I liked when I was little. And I was sure I kept that key in that box as well, because it was a precious item for me.

Turning the torch on of my phone, I pulled out the box from my bag and started searching in it. After looking through it for a few minutes, I finally found the rusty old key in it. Gripping it tightly, I took a deep breath and went to the door to open it.

“I hope it works..”

With a prayer in my heart, I put the key on the door lock and gave it a twist. With a clicking noise, the lock got open, and with a little push on the door, I was welcomed inside. It worked. I was in. I still remember every corner and every switch of the house precisely. So, without even looking, I forwarded my hand in the darkness and pressed the right switch to turn the light on. And as soon as the brightness engulfed the dark, I got to see the very same house I was last in about three years ago.

Picking up all my bags, I went inside and closed the door behind. Dropping everything in the living room, I looked around myself to remember the place I used to live in 11 years ago. It’s the same. Nothing has changed. Everything is in its place, exactly like how grandma left it. The only change is that the house looks a lot messier now. There are things scattered all around the place, and some of it looks very fresh. So, mom is still living in this house. She’s probably out partying till late as always, to not welcome me home.

I was a bit mad that she never gave me a reply even after getting all my messages and calls, but also I was relieved that she is home. She is here and I don’t have to be alone. Besides, I will get the chance to talk to her about the savings very soon to pay the admission fee early. So, now that I am back and I am going to stay here from now on for how long I don't know, I better start cleaning it, making it more liveable. Someone has to take care of the house. And if it isn’t her, then it has to be me..

The first step of cleaning the house began by examining how worse the condition of the house is. The house is small with only one floor with two bedrooms, including a kitchen, a living room and a bathroom. So it won’t take much time to clean. At least I hoped so.. But then I noticed, the living room was filled with packets of chips, popcorns, blankets, pillows, scattered all around. The kitchen was all dirty, with dishes piled up in the sink and there’s oil sticking on the stove and the wall. It looked disgusting. The bathroom looked good enough, but it only needs deeper cleaning to remove the stains. Her room was the worst, with clothes piled up everywhere. The bed was all ruffled up. And there were even some stranger men’s clothes in her room too.

The only clean place in the entire house was, grandma’s room. It has dust and cobwebs in it, but it wasn’t messy. Maybe mom thought to pay some respect to her and leave her room alone. As I entered the room, a sadness took over my heart, and I started missing my grandma. How happy she would have been if she was alive today. I used to live in this room with her because there was no spare room for me, and it was the best feeling to sleep beside her. She was so gentle and loving, always told me stories at night and tucked me in to keep me warm.

“I miss you, grandma. I miss you so much.” I sat down on the bed and caressed the side she used to sleep on. A few drops of tear fell on the white bedsheet, making a spot in there.

It’s really hard to even be in her room in her absence. So, I also chose to leave her room alone for now. I can sleep on the couch for a few days until I get used to her memories. With this thought, I began cleaning the place properly. It took me about three hours to just clean the kitchen and the living room. After that, I became so tired that I just couldn’t do anything anymore. Giving up the work for the night, I decided to change my clothes, make some food, eat and sleep until mom comes back.

I did as I planned. After changing the clothes, I went to make something for myself, only to find that there were no groceries except for some fruits, cereal, milk, bread, and instant noodles. No vegetables, no eggs or meat. But there were a lot of beers stocked up in the fridge, which means mom is still an alcoholic..

“Well.. Instant noodle for dinner then..”

Having no choice, I made some noodles and ate it to calm my roaring stomach. After that, I felt so droopy that I turned the lights off and fell asleep on the living room couch in seconds. And as soon as I fell asleep, I started dreaming about some memories when I was about 7 years old.

In my dream, I was sleeping beside grandma peacefully when I heard some noise very late at night and woke up startled. I looked around myself to find no one except grandma who was in a deep sleep. There was nothing that could make the sound. All of a sudden, I heard another loud noise and got curious to know what was making that. Was it my mom or was it my dad who came to take me away? I was a really desperate back then to know who my father was and why doesn’t he come for me.

To check on who it was, I got out of the bed and went straight out of the room by myself to find a figure do something in the living room. Is that my mom? Or is that really my father? With excitement, I turned on the light and saw something that I wasn’t expecting.

“Mommy? Is that you?” As soon as the light was on, I saw a stranger man hovering over my mom, kissing her and touching all over her body. But the moment they heard the little girl, they both got up and looked at me straight.

“Is that your kid? You never told me you have a kid..” The man turned to face my mom with an angry expression.

“NO! No.. That’s not my kid. I don’t even know her..”

“Don’t you f*cking lie? She just called you her f*cking mom. And she looks exactly like you. That hair and that face. She’s exactly like you. You disgusting bi*ch. Do you think I am stupid? I am not going to put my d*ck in some pu*sy that already popped a kid out. That’s gross. I am done with you. It’s over. I am going. Go f*ck someone else.” That man was really angry, and he just stormed out of the house, leaving us behind.

“No. Stop. Jonathan.. Wait. It’s not what you're thinking. Please. Stop. Give me a chance to explain.. Jonathan..” I saw my mom run behind the man till the door, trying to stop him from leaving. But he didn’t stop.

“F*ck.. F*ck.. F*ck..”

A loud splash filled the room when she returned and threw every content of the living room table, scattering it all over the place before slumping down on the couch and start crying. This sudden outburst of her scared me very much. But seeing her cry, I thought it was because of the mess she just did. I was too innocent and young to undertsand what was going on. So, I quickly started to clean it up to stop my mom from crying.

“Mommy. It’s okey. I will clean it for you. Don’t cry. Grandma won’t even know. I will clean it right now..” I started picking up all the things one by one in my little hands that could barely grip all of it. But little did I know that she was not crying because of that.

“You! You little f*cking devil. It’s all your fault. You did this to me. You ruined my entire life. He left because of you. They all left because of you. Why are you still alive? Why can’t you just die? Go to hell and burn in that fire, you little sh*t..”

She landed two hard slaps on my cheeks cheeks, making it turn completely red. It hurted so bad that I started wailing in pain, but that didn’t stop her. She was shaking me furiously, scaring me more before dragging me into the bathroom.

“They say you look like me. Bulls*it. You are nothing like me. You are just an ugly, pathetic bi*ch. I am going to make sure that after today, no one can compare us again.” Saying this, she pulled out a scissor from the cabinet and started cutting my long beautiful golden hair.

“Mommy.. What are you doing? Stop.. Don’t do that. Don’t cut my hair. Please, mommy. I will be a good girl. I promise. Don’t cut my hair mommy.. Stop..” I started screaming to stop her from cutting my hair. I really love my hair, even to this day.

“Don’t call me mommy. I am not your mommy. You are a no one to me..” She was also screaming at me while continuing her work. I could see in the mirror how much hair she already cutted. It was short. It was really really short. I screamed and sceamed, but she didn’t stop. It was a horrible night for me..