Hard to trust Hard to love

What happened

I plop down on a chair and look at Craig and ask why he cares what happened. He sighs and says well, because you can’t live on being skiddish and pretending to be ok not at these events, not when I get a say in the yes or no to the contract I need to know who we have with us, and that means I need to get to know you it’s my turn to be shocked and pick my jaw up off the floor I straighten up my spine and say well what did u want to know he laughs and says everything I laugh and say well iv been r***d twice and shrug and I say and iv been kidnapped nothing to tell really just I figured I deserved it all Craig looks at me with a kindness and says well that’s the short story but I want the long one I sigh and say well at 12 I was r***d by a so called boyfriend who was older and I never told anyone I just shrug it off and say well I didn’t learn my lesson I had another boyfriend at 15 and I didn’t give him what he wanted so I guess he took it but both cases had the same words the same reasoning and basically I’m a little slut I’ll never have anything I’m ulgy and the only reason they where with me was to boast to there mates that they got to f**k me and chuck me in the bid to be with my sister so I deserved it I get it I’m ulgy I’m fat I’ll never be happy and I wipe away a tear because those words sting I know I’m not pretty I know I’m fat but to be treated like dirt well I’m used to it and I shrug again after my last boyfriend took what he wanted he booted me from his car I had bruises on my arms and legs and I can’t remember much else all I know is I sat in the shower for hours scrubbing my body until it was raw I went to my room and cried I couldn’t tell my dad or mum or my sister because how could I let them down to Craig comes in to hug me and I hold out my hands and say don’t he stops I shake my head and sigh I look at him and say with my lip quivering I didn’t know I was pregnant until I was 2 and a half months along I didn’t take a test I don’t see a dr I just knew and I wished it away what is a 15 yo going to do with a baby what life can I give a baby so I’d planned to put it up for adoption so it could have a decent life I shrug I pushed it away I passed year 10 and took on an apprenticeship in this gestureing to the games I’m good at it and it keeps me busy I work at Kmart to because work helps me think and forget the horrors that it’s in here pointing to my head anyway a few months passed and I had shocking pain I knew it was close to my baby being born and I’d have to come clean I worked in another town I didn’t see my parents much but it was time I stayed home and wait for the birth so I told my dad he was pissed I giggle Craig looks at with tears in his eyes and says what’s funny I say dad wanted blood he couldn’t look at me I knew I’d let him down so it was like a full circle for me I guess and giggle again but then my dad looked at me and asked for all the info and I gave it to him I even said I’d be moving out so not to burden him Craig has a look of shock and says why would you burden him I shrugged and said yeah I figured he would see me how I see myself like dirt nothing but pond scum Craig shakes his head and says so what happened I take a breath and blow out well he hugged me and apologised for not being there like it was his fault my dad was taking the blame and then jumped up and dragged me to the drs to see how long I had left and asked what I was going to do he was shocked when I said give up the baby dad asked why I said because it deserves life yes it was shitty circumstances to come into the world but I believed I could give life a shot for this baby and a family may love him my dad looked and me in awe and said well what ever choices you make I’ll stand behind you thinking of that I shake my head Craig is looking at me in awe and I continue I said I was all set to give up this baby untill I heard the heart beat and saw it my mum asked the gender I didn’t want to know but the dr told her a boy I was having a boy and that was the moment at 15-16 I decided to keep this baby I couldn’t give him up so that’s it really I’m 17-18 now and I’m a mum of a little boy named Eric I look at Craig sitting just in front of me and I give a shy smile and say that’s all of it why I don’t trust why I am the way I am so if u want to do the contract cool if not we’ll I’m sure I can be replaced we have other workers I shrug and say I’ll go let dad know I’m off the job and I stand to leave Craig stops me and pulls me close and engulfed me in a hug that’s when the dam breaks I’m crying like an i***t Craig pushes me back so he can look at me and says wow Robyn you are strong and so selfless you made a tough choice and you chose to keep a baby made from r**e now that is special I look at Craig and laugh and say well it’s been a pleasure to meet you but I should get my stuff and leave Craig shakes his head and says I’m not signing contracts unless you stay we need you here over the weekend and at all the other events and you can bring your son I laugh and say I don’t think you want my hurricane here he is very busy Craig laughs and says welcome to the family Robyn we will be busy in the coming months I’m shocked and blurt out why me Craig says because we like fighters and you are going to fit right in here now let’s get the contract signed and get you back

To work, and by the way, they lied; I look at Craig puzzled and say who lied? He told the arseholes who took your innocents who broke you they lied I laugh and say yeah Nah doubt that but hey there is always one ulgy duckling I’m used to it Craig snorts and says far from ulgy Robyn from what I see you are beautiful inside and out if I weren’t way older than you or had a girlfriend I’d be chasing you because you are one in a million I laugh then go quiet and say you think I’m beautiful Craig nods and says yeah and you deserve to be happy and loved you will find someone worthy of that one day when the time is right I smile and whisper thanks I believe you and thank you for lending an ear I don’t usually go all girly and cry on the boss Craig snorts and says uh I’m not your boss, but we are working together, and that’s something he nudges me with his elbow let’s get back to work

The event goes off without a hitch, and I get back to my son.