Finding My Way Back

Chapter 5: Spring Break

Dear Diary

It's official.

Spring Break is here.

I've thought of nothing else for the past couple of weeks since it not only allows me to hang out with Brian, but now Mona.

I'm also excited because I received an email early this morning from Boise State. They confirmed that they sent out their response and that I should get my letter soon. Although it didn't specify which letter I got, I can only imagine the email means good news.

It's Saturday which means two things.

One, Mona and I are hanging out tonight. She wanted to go to dinner and movie which sounded perfect to me. I was honest with her when I told her how nervous I was when she asked me to hang out tonight. I'm used to the old Mona, that wanted to go to college parties and drink until she couldn't feel her feet. She shook her head when I told her that and told me never again. I'm proud of her.

Second, the mail should be here in less than an hour, so I may or may not be starring out of my window as I write this to see if I can conjure up the mailman's presence. Lame, I know, but at this point I will do anything for the news I have been impatiently waiting on.

- - - - -

Whoa there, il moroso." Dad says as I dash past him.

Dad started calling me il moroso, which means sweetheart in Italian, when I was five. On my first day of school I practically clung to his leg and begged him not to drop me off with a perfect stranger. A little dramatic, but at that age my dad was my best friend. When he bent down and told me that everything would be alright and called me his little il moroso, I knew I could trust him.

"Sorry dad, mail just got delivered and I want to go and see if the letter from Boise State came in."

"I already got the mail. But there's no letter in this stack." A frown appears on my face, causing dad to laugh and run over to the kitchen table, bringing a letter opener back with him. Confusion replaces my frown causing him to smirk.

"I left the letter in the mailbox Jo. I thought you should be the one to go and retrieve it." I don't waste another moment. I grab the letter opener from him and race down the driveway, straight to the mailbox.

My heart is beating rapidly, and my hands shake as I grab the single envelope that holds my entire future. I see my name and the return address of Idaho. A smile covers my features as I ignore the letter opener and rip it right open with my nails. The letter falls to the ground and I immediately freeze. My mind works into overtime. The fear almost consumes me.

What if I don't get in?

What will happen to Brian and I's relationship? My mind never really conjured up the possibility that we may not be able to do a long-distance relationship.

I won't give up my dream of becoming a doctor, so if I don't get in, the next best school is in Ohio, and if I have to pick that University, I will. My worry is in my heart.

"Never going to know if you don't pick it up babe" I smile and turn around to see Brian next to my front door. He must have pulled in and seen me starring at the letter on the ground.

He didn't walk up to me and wonder what was going on. He didn't call out to me, startling me. He knew my struggle from within, knew what I was looking at, knew what I was obsessing with, and did the only thing I needed him to do, the thing he is best at when it comes to me.

He pushed me to trust myself.

I grab the letter off the ground, turn it over, scream while reading through it, and run to him to jump into his arms. Brian immediately grabs onto me, carries me into the house, where my parents and Chrissy immediately begin celebrating around me. Tears flow down my cheeks which are so large from my smile I swear they will burst.

"I'm so proud of you babe. I knew you could do it." I lay my head on his shoulder and sigh with relief. I'm going to college, and so is the love of my life. Nothing but good could happen from this point.

- - - - -

"So, are you excited?"

"Excited doesn't quite cover how exactly I feel."

"If I had a guy like Brian, I would be so excited to start the rest of my life, knowing he would be right by my side. But, you do know that doesn't mean you guys will see each other all that often."

"We know, with Brian's intensive and rigorous practice schedule, then the schedule of him traveling for away games, then of course my four years of beyond hard classes and studying, it will be almost impossible for us to even see each other once a week, but it's worth trying."

"Could always get an apartment together." I stop my walking through the mall and sit down at a small bench. Mona sits right next to me and places her bags in front of her.

We had just finished shopping and are waiting on our movie to start. Brian went home shortly after coming by to see me this morning. He had a family function today and his dad had called him and told him his grandfather was coming by.

"We've talked about it." I'm not being one hundred percent honest. We have more than spoken about it, Brian thinks it's a great idea, seeing how neither of us really want to do the dorm thing. We also think it makes more sense to save money.

"So, let me guess, Brian is all for it, but you're a little nervous about the idea."

"How do you know me so well?"

"Cause I'm your bestest friend in the whole wide world." I laugh at her little girl voice as she says it.

Mona is right. Brian doesn't care about moving in together. When and if we move in together we will both be eighteen. Our parents trust us, but I'm sure have some kind of unsettled feeling about the whole thing. Brian and I know we wouldn't do anything to jeopardize our future's but we both know things do tend to happen.

"Yes, I'm a little nervous but I suppose it's because once we move in, it proves that everything is real. I love him, I really do, but knowing we will be moving to the next step is a little intimidating."

"Intimidating enough not to want to do it?" I shake my head at her question but when she remains quiet I look over at her.

"You know Jo. I've known you a while, and even when it was just you and me, you weren't quite yourself. When Brian came into the picture, I was a little off, but I still saw how much of an impact he had on your heart. You two have never fought, never argued, nothing, I think you're worried when you move in with each other, it gives room in your relationship for all of the negative stuff. But don't you see, if you don't then your relationship will never stand a chance."

I stare at my best friend as she stares off into space. I can tell something is bothering her and it's not like Mona not to share, but this seems different. I won't push her, she isn't the kind of person to react positively when shoved into a corner, but I will make sure she knows I am here for her.

"You just talking about me Mona?" This snaps her out as she jerks her head quickly towards me.

"How do you know me so well?" I laugh at her reciting my words from earlier.

"Because you are my bestest friend in the whole wide world and If you need to talk, I'm always here." I feel her hands lay on top of mine.

Mona has a story, one I'm sure she may not want to share yet, but when she does, it will blow my mind. I'm just glad she is here, and happy.

"Alright, I think we've wasted enough time. Let's go catch our movie." I stand up at the same time as Mona and together we head to the nearest exit.

"You never did tell me what college you wanted to go to." I know she almost didn't make it to graduate on time, so I won't be surprised if she hasn't found what college she wants to go to, or even applied.

"About that-. How would you feel if I tagged along with you a few more years?"

"What?" I stop in my tracks and stare at her. Mona is the same height as me, so I stare into her beautiful blue eyes.

"Apparently I had some wealthy great grandparent or something. She passed a few months ago, and they went through her estate in Rome. They found a will declaring her money go to her youngest heir. That's me since I'm an only child of an only child and I don't plan on spitting out any babies anytime soon."

"I can't believe it. So, what does your dad have to say?"

"He was pretty upset. I think he thinks I'm still the old Mona. Not that I really blame him. But I've told him that he can have the money, do with it what he wants. I just want some to go to college with. I haven't picked yet, but I've been thinking that Boise State has a great nursing program."

Ever since I have known Mona, she has never indicating what she wants to do after high school. Hearing her joke about becoming an actress or undiscovered super model seems like a century ago.

"Nursing?"

"Yes. After my rough patch I met a nurse and she showed me that I don't have to be that disgusting person anymore. She saved my life really. That's why I never returned your calls or allowed you to visit me, I just needed to start over." I nod my head understanding fully what she means.

"So, you want to be a nurse? That's not going to be easy."

"No, but neither is being a sports physician, and I'm sure at your practice, that you will eventually open up, you may need a nurse or two."

I laugh out loud causing everyone around is to stare. We just got to the movie theatre and are walking up to the Ticketmaster.

"I mean it Jo. I want to do something fulfilling with my life. And it starts now." I hold onto her hand, never more proud to call her my best friend, and together we walk into the movie.

- - - - -

"So, you guys had fun?" I pull the phone closer to my ear with my shoulder and lean down to retrieve my basket of dirty laundry.

"Yeah, it was nice to be able to catch up. I'm glad that she's back and has changed for the good."

"Me too, crazy that she might come with us to Boise." I pause and smile, thinking of how good that sounds to hear.

"I hope she does." I place the laundry into the machine, turn it on and turn around, placing my hips against the machine to continue my conversation with Brian on the phone.

"So, another reason I called, other than to tell you how much I missed you today, was to ask you about going out to dinner with my family tomorrow night. My dad wanted to invite you."

"Tomorrow?" I try and think if I have any plans. Between my mother's floral business being busy and dad's job picking up a bit, I've been having to babysit Chrissy. Plus, with Mona back in town, I want to spend a lot of time with her as well.

"Yeah, you got plans?"

Mom makes an appearance in the laundry room before I can answer and quietly indicates for me to call Brian later.

"Hey, can I call you back. Mom needs me, I'll let you know about tomorrow once I'm done."

After hanging up I follow mom to the patio outside in the backyard. We don't have a large house, it's a simple three bedroom, two and a half baths with an ample back and front yard. My parents moved here the year I was born, and the first thing dad did was build a deck in the backyard. It's become something we love to come out and relax on when the weather permits. It's windy out, causing me to pull up my light sweater.

"Come and sit with me mija."

I sit down and give mom my full attention. She looks more haggard and worrisome. Her eyes are downcast and saddened. I've never seen her look this way and know without a doubt, whatever she needs to tell me, is bad.

"What's going on ma?" I ask as she bites her fingernails. She only ever does that when she is nervous.

"Your father and I have been talking, and we wanted to see where your mindset was for your future." I look at her sideways, causing her to clear her throat and continue.

"What I mean is, we are extremely proud of you and proud of what you are going to be able to accomplish in the next few years, but we will be ten hours away. Able to visit, but not often, and knowing Brian is there makes us more comfortable but-."

I think I know where this conversation is going so I lay my hand on mom's shoulder, lean and smile.

"Mom, Brian and I haven't made any plans yet. We don't know if we are going to live together or just stay in separate dorms. I know that sounds unbelievable because of our age but we both agree that our schooling and Brian's basketball has to come first. Don't worry, we aren't going to do anything stupid."

Mom blows out a deep breath and lowers her head. She seems relieved she didn't have to give me some speech about not getting pregnant as a teenager or being responsible in the first place. Brian and I haven't gone that far, and I don't know when we will, but we are both intelligent enough to know that we can't throw away our lives because we were being irresponsible.

"I'm proud of you mija, you are so strong and so kind and gentle. Your beautiful inside and out. You have always made your father and I proud and we couldn't have asked for a better example for your little sister." Tears build up at my eyes, but I push them down.

The truth is I owe everything I am to the people that raised me. Mom always showed me to respect my body, and in turn my mind would be respected. I found the man that is a lot like my father, strong, kind hearted and loyal. I couldn't have asked for a better partner.

"Enough with the sad speeches, how about we go get some dinner ready for your sister and father. So, you're going out to dinner with his family tomorrow night?"

"Ugh, yes. I'm a little nervous. Apparently my going over there for dinner tomorrow night was his father's idea."

"Oh boy. Arthur Davis asking if you would like to dine with him." Mom pretends to shiver and we both laugh.

Brian and I have gotten our parents together a few times before. Whether it being a fourth of July block party or dinner at the Davis' house, Arthur has always seemed more put out then happy we were all together. It's something he doesn't hide well.

"Come on mija, let's go get some food ready."