Forbidden Baby

Chapter 5 – s****l Deviance

Thia’s POV

I woke up to the sun streaming through my curtains. It was Sunday morning, and the day was already mapped out for me. Sundays were always the same in our house. We left for church at 10am, we were home just before midday, and I helped mum with the roast dinner.

We ate together as a family and then I would offer to help with chores around the home. Later on, I did my homework and would get everything ready for the following school day, before settling to bed.

This had been the same routine for as long as I could remember. The rules in this house were strict, and it was run with an iron rod. I didn’t dare fall out of line. It was easier this way.

Today was no different. Dad was taking the sermon today. He wasn’t a priest, but he did take the sermons regularly. I laughed as I though about what a pillar of our community he and Mum were. If only they knew.

I slid out of bed and picked one of the outfits my mother had bought for me. Everything I owned, she had chosen, the twin tops and plaid skirts, fitted blouses and round neck jumper’s, knee high white socks and Mary Jane shoes.

By the time I was ready, I looked like something straight out the 1950’s, just they way she liked it. My clothes were starting to feel a little tight and I worried how much longer I could get away with this.

Putting that thought to one side, I brushed my hair and put on the matching Alice band and made my way downstairs for breakfast before we left.

‘Morning Tabitha’ I cringed at her sickly-sweet tone, but smiled widely as I greeted her in return ‘Your father would like you to do a reading’

When didn’t he, ‘Of course’ I inwardly rolled my eyes as Gabe looked up from his bowl of cereal to throw a smug look my way. He was never asked to read, neither was Zeke.

Mum left the kitchen and I sat down opposite Gabe.

‘You look lovely Tabitha’ he teased.

‘Shut up Gabreil’ I shot back; he was such a jerk sometimes.

There was exactly one year to the day between Gabe and I, and only 11 months between me and Zeke. Yet it was funny how different my relationship with Gabe was, to that of mine and Zeke. I often wondered where it had gone wrong.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved him, but I didn’t know him, and he sure as hell didn’t know me. I briefly wondered how my new situation would change all that. Before I had the chance to dwell on it, we were being ushered to the front door.

As we sat in church it dawned on me that there was no way I could keep Zeke from knowing Freddie was the father, once Freddie knew I was having his baby. He would not want to be kept away from his own child, and I hoped from me as well. At least I didn’t think he would.

Either way, Zeke was going to flip when he found out Freddie was the father. Maybe I wouldn’t tell anyone who he was if he didn’t want the baby. I wondered if there was a way, I could keep his identity from Mum and Dad until it was safe.

Instead of finding answers and solutions, I just found I had more questions and problems. I suddenly felt sick as I started to over think everything all over again.

I felt a sharp pain in my side and frowned at Gabe, knowing he had just poked me. It hurt. But I realised everyone in the church was staring at me, Dad called my name impatiently, I was assuming not for the first-time and Mum shot me a disapproving look. Something I was not familiar in receiving.

I stood up and made my way to the front of the church, it was time to do my reading. I nearly coked when I read the passage, why hadn’t I pre read what I was about to read. I may have been a little more prepared if I had actually listened to anything Dad had preached already.

‘1 Corinthians 6:18. Flee from s****l immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body’

I spoke with less clarity than I normally did but tried to keep my voice steady and clear.

Dad then said his bit ‘The bible condemns s****l relations outside of marriage, describing it as fornication, therefore it would be just to concede that having children as a result of said fornication would also be condemned’

Did he know? Was this aimed at me? I was surprised the priest had allowed Dad to even preach about this in a family church! I knew that most of the congregation agreed, but even so, we were living in the 21st Century!

He looked at me and nodded for me to continue with the second reading.

‘Deuteronomy 23:2. No illegitimate son may come into the congregation of Jehovah’

Dad smiled at me, and I made my way back to my seat, more than aware I had significantly paled, even more so as Dad wrapped things up.

‘This is the Law given to Moses, such children born this way lose privileges associated with being a worshiper of God and are not welcome in the church. While Christians are not ruled this law, and we as a church do not turn our backs on those who are born under such circumstances, it is clear, that this expresses God’s abhorrence of the practice. It is with this understanding and merit we must agree that it is not God’s will for this behaviour to be accepted nor tolerated and as a church and God’s faithful followers, we must continue to abide by his Will and condemn those who wilfully dishonour and Sin in the name of such s****l immorality and deviances’

Gabe shot me a side look as I sat. I suddenly felt very sick.

‘In conclusion’ he looked at the priest and nodded ‘While we as a church will never turn away a follower of Christ, who repents their Sins and seeks forgiveness, we will not accept or tolerate such blazon disregard and disrespect of the path which the lord has led us on by accepting the loose morals of many of the youth of today’

He continued briefly but I had stopped listening. My mouth was so dry it felt like sandpaper. The rest of the service went by in a blur, and when it was time to go home, I was more than happy for the cool air to hit me, on the walk back.

We got home and as I stepped inside, I took off my coat and busied myself helping Mum in the kitchen. Dad always liked to talk about the sermons at the Sunday Dinner table, and I was not looking forward to having to put my game face on full force.

I could not let up now. I still had 6 weeks to go before I passed the stage, they could force me to have an abortion, and there was no way I was allowing that to happen.

As we sat down and Dad started talking, Gabe seemed to be the only one who was engaging in Dad’s conversation. Zeke was not doing a good job of hiding the fact that like me, he was probably also not all that innocent. Although I may be reading into it too much, I wasn’t certain.

I was grateful for Gabe right now, I knew he was far from innocent, but when it came to s****l deviances, he was a saint. When he found out I had a boyfriend, we had talked quite openly about our experience or lack of it, in his case.

I know it sounds weird, him being my brother, but it wasn’t, we talked about everything. Other than Loretta, he was my best friend, with the added bonus that he understood what living with our parents was like. Other than Zeke, who had a barricade up, no one else did. He was easy to talk too.

He told me that he didn’t have the time to be messing about with girls, but I knew how many of them threw themselves at him, so had asked him if he was gay, out of curiosity.

Neither of us believed in what our parents did, so I knew if he was, he would tell me. I didn’t care either way, if he was happy, but he laughed, as he told me he liked woman, not girls, and he was in no rush to get caught up in girl drama just yet.

Now more than ever, I was well aware of how getting caught up in girl drama was not a good situation to be in.

Dinner was finally over had Gabe even helped me clear the dishes. This wasn’t entirely unusual, but usually he had to be prompted. Perhaps he was trying a new tactic and needed something from Mum or Dad.

I was, however, wrong. He wanted something from me.

‘Thia’ he whispered ‘We need to talk’

I wondered what all the cloak and dagger stuff was about, but I went with it.

‘Sure. Let’s just finish up here’

We did the washing up and then went to my room.

‘What’s up?’ I asked innocently

‘That’s what I want to know. You have been seeing this guy for 9 months Thia, and we have family conversations about s****l deviances all the f*****g time, never once have you faltered. That is except today. Pull yourself together! You’re lucky it was only me that noticed, and I made them focus on me. You owe me!’

‘s**t. Was I that obvious?’

‘Not really, but I could tell something was up, and we don’t want to find out what happens if they find out!’

‘They are going too soon enough’ I said quietly as I contemplated the magnitude of that occurring.

‘What? What do you mean? Why? Thia, what’s going on?’

‘I’m pregnant’

Silence engulfed the room and Gabe sat there with his mouth partially open and his brows furrowed.

‘Sorry, what?’

I whispered shouted in a rant I had no control over, it just all came out ‘I’m pregnant Gabe, I’m going to have a baby, a condemned child out of wedlock because of my s****l deviances and I will be going to hell with my child for all f*****g eternity. I’m f*****g knocked up’

I then proceeded to burst into silent tears. Knowing I could not make any noise and allow anyone to have any reason to come into my room right now, because there was no way to explain my current state with out them finding out.

‘Oh f**k!’ he said quietly as he held me in his arms and let me cry into him, leaving a trail of snot and tears on his shirt. When I was done, he pulled me back a little as he said ‘You better fill me in’

I swallowed hard and told him the basics. I had only known a week but I knew I wanted this baby and I knew they would never let me keep it ‘Gabe, I can’t tell them until I am 24 weeks, so I have 5 weeks to go earliest. I won’t let them make me kill my baby’

‘And what if they find out sooner?’

‘They can’t’

‘Does the father know?’

‘No, not yet. I want to tell him, but I don’t know if I should just yet. It’s not like he can help me. If he knows and Mum and Dad find out about him, he may do something stupid, and they will want to murder him’

‘That’s true. Thia, who is it?’

‘Freddie’

‘Zeke’s Freddie?’

‘He’s my Freddie’ I chuckled as I told him the whole situation.

‘Wow’

‘Yeah. What a f*****g mess.’