Whispers of the Sea

Chapter Two

**Jake POV**

I have been waiting for this day for the last year. Tillie’s graduation party is the perfect place to propose to her. All of her friends and family will be there when I ask her to spend the rest of her life with me. I have never been more sure about anything in my life, but I have also never been more nervous about anything in my life either. I haven’t told anyone about my plan to propose and keeping this secret has easily been one of the hardest things I’ve done.

I have been busting my backside at work to save for this ring. I chose a fourteen-carat rose gold bridal set with a one-sixth-carat diamond in the center with two one-eighth-carat diamonds on either side of it. Four even smaller diamonds are embedded into the band on either side of the smaller stones and the wedding band has tiny diamonds embedded into it as well. I admire it for a moment before closing it, sliding the tiny black box into my pocket, and heading out to find my dad.

“Look at you all dressed up. You ready to head over to Tillie’s house?” he asks as I walk into the kitchen.

“Yeah, I’m ready whenever you are,” my voice cracks but I quickly clear my throat.

Luckily, Dad doesn’t seem to notice how nervous I am. I’m trying not to sweat, the nerves making that almost impossible. I chose Tillie’s favorite blue button-up shirt with a black t-shirt underneath and dark denim jeans for her party, and I really don’t want sweat stains before I ever get to propose.

The drive to her house is short, doing little to settle the butterflies raging in my stomach. Cody and Maggie are out front decorating the yard with “congratulations graduate” signs, balloons, and streamers. My dad gets out and finds Dennis in the backyard working the grill. I walk around the truck to greet Maggie and Cody before I go to find Tillie.

“Hey guys,” I shout from the truck, both of them waving back as I walk to the gate leading into the front yard. Maggie smiles for a moment before rushing to me with concern etched on her face.

“Jake, what’s wrong? Are you feeling okay? You’re pale and sweaty,” she says, putting her hand to my forehead.

“I’m not sick. I think I’m having a panic attack,” half laughing at myself as I look at her.

“Why are you having a panic attack?” she asks with caution. I pull the little black box from my pocket and she gasps. I open the box and show her, her hands covering her mouth to stifle the scream.

“Jake! Are you asking Tillie to marry you?” she whisper shouts as she looks around to be sure no one can hear her.

“Yeah. Don’t say anything, please. I don’t want anyone stopping me or telling her,” I plead with her, shoving the box back in my pocket.

“First of all, you’re nineteen and she’s eighteen. No one can stop you. Second of all, I would never tell her. That’s not my news or my secret to tell Jake,” she says with a smile.

“Thank you,” the relief flooding through my body from sharing the secret with someone else. She hugs me tight and points to the house.

“Tillie is in her room getting ready. She’s panicky too, so try to keep it together when you see her,” she says with a wink, making me laugh out loud.

I walk into the house slowly, using my last few minutes of solitude to calm my nerves. I round the corner to Tillie’s room to find her standing in front of her full-length mirror criticizing her looks.

“I wish my waist were smaller and my thighs weren’t so damn big,” she mumbles about herself.

“Luckily for you, I think you’re pretty damn perfect just like you are. You look beautiful, Tillie, stop talking about yourself like that,” I say walking into the bedroom, nearly making her jump out of her skin.

“Jake! You scared me to death,” she yells, playfully smacking me as I pull her into my embrace.

“One day I want a little girl that looks and acts just like you. Stop talking so bad about yourself,” my lips barely touching hers, a smile creeping onto her face before she kisses me.

“I love you,” her eyes full of adoration as she looks at me, waiting for my response.

“I love you back,” I say, watching her smile grow brighter instantly

I take her hand, guiding her into the kitchen to eat while we wait for guests to show up. All of my nerves disappeared the second I had her in my arms, now I’m just anxious to do it and hear her answer. There’s no way she won’t say yes, but there’s always a chance.

Two hours into the party, I excuse myself to the bathroom for some deep breaths as I prepare to walk out and announce to the town that I’m going to marry this girl. I hear her dad call for a toast and quickly leave the bathroom to be by her side once more.

“I wanna make a toast to my Sunshine, Tillie Anne. She’s been the light of my life since the day she was born and today she got the news that she has been accepted into the Angelwood School of Nursing in Newhurst! She’ll be leaving me in a couple of days to start on her path to being a…. What was it again,” he says to Tillie. All of the fluid in my body is in my ears, drowning out most of the world. She didn’t tell me she applied to that school, much less that she was accepted and would be leaving.

“Neonatal Nurse Practitioner, Daddy,” she says laughing, the crowd joining in on her laughter. Across the room I see Maggie staring at me, her face flushed. Dennis finishes the toast and I walk to the kitchen, needing some space from Tillie and the party right this second.

“I had no idea, Jake. I swear. I would have told you. She didn’t even tell me she was leaving,” the pain in her voice evident. She feels as betrayed as I do. Tillie didn’t tell her boyfriend or her best friend. What was she hiding?

“I’m not gonna do it,” I mumble, the anger seeping into my words. She didn’t have to hide it from me. I would have supported her. I would never keep her from pursuing her dreams, but she kept this from me. Clearly, we weren’t the life partners I thought we were.

“Don’t you dare tell her I was going to either. I won’t stop her from going,” I say, turning to look at Maggie as I brace myself against the kitchen sink. She nods in response and swiftly wipes away her own tears.

“I better get back out there with Cody,” she says, trying to sound normal before walking away and leaving me alone.

The silence allows my mind to wander. Had I done something to make her feel like she couldn’t tell me? Did she think I would stop her from chasing her dreams? Did she feel like I was holding her back? The thoughts make me sick to my stomach, the nausea almost enough to make me vomit.

“You didn’t know, did you?” my dad’s voice says behind me quietly.

“Did you?” feeling defeated, I prepared to hear that my dad had betrayed me as well.

“No, son, I didn’t. I wouldn’t have let you be blindsided like that,” his hand gripping my shoulder to comfort me.

“Why wouldn’t she tell me, Dad? Have I been a bad boyfriend? What could I have done to make her think she couldn’t tell me?” I whisper, trying to hold back the tears threatening to spill over.

“Do you want to leave? We can go home,” he says, but I shake my head.

“I have to stay here. I have to talk to her when everybody leaves,” my voice is shaking as I speak.

“Alright, but you just say the word and we’ll go,” he says, squeezing my shoulder. I let out a shaky breath and turn to face him. He adjusts the collar of my shirt and dusts imaginary dirt off my shoulder before staring into my eyes.

“You busted your ass to buy that ring for her, son. You deserve answers, but don’t kill yourself trying to get them,” he says and my eyes widen in shock.

“You know? How?” I start but he scoffs, interrupting my sentence.

“I’m your dad, Jake. Ever since I found out you lied about Janice and Brock, I have been watching you for any strange behaviors. You worked six days a week, twelve hours a day, no doubt doing b***h work in the shop,” the accuracy of his words hitting me in the chest.

“I thought maybe it was drugs you were working to afford, so I checked your room while you were at work a couple of weeks back and found the ring. I knew then what you were doing,” he says quietly.

“I’ll be okay, Dad. Don’t worry about me,” I lie. I won’t kill myself, but I don’t think I’ll ever recover from the heartbreak if Tillie and I end.

“Everything okay, baby?” Tillie asks, bouncing into the kitchen. My dad gives me a curt nod and walks away without speaking a word.

“Yeah, all is good. What’s up?” I lie, her face twisting in suspicion as she looks from the doorway to me.

“What was that about?” her eyes searching my face for any sign of deception.

“Nothing, just some father-son talk,” I lie, but my answer seems to appease her for the moment.

“I want you to come mingle with me. I miss your touch,” her hands on my chest as she leans into me. My chest tightens painfully, but I smile at her sweetly.

“Alright, let’s go,” I say standing up straight to walk out of the kitchen.

“Hey… Kiss me,” she says softly, pushing me back against the counter. My brain screams at me not to do it. I’m already in pain and this is just going to make it worse. My heart wins the battle and I lean down, placing my lips on hers in a soft, gentle kiss.

“I love you,” she whispers with her eyes closed.

“I love you too,” the words feel similar to stones in my chest as I say them.

She laces her fingers with mine and pulls me behind her to walk around the crowd of people here to celebrate her. I plaster the fakest smile on my face to hide what I’m feeling as we walk around. People congratulate her on graduating and being accepted into the best nursing school on the East Coast and some even mention what a handsome couple we are. She gives enthusiastic thanks and squeezes my hand before we move on to the next little group. A few hours go by and she tells the last few people goodbye before closing the door.

“That was such a long day,” she says exasperated as she plops down on the couch beside me.

“Mhm.” My ability to fake that I’m happy is gone, leaving only the irritation and hurt in its wake.

“What is going on with you? You hardly spoke at all today,” she says looking over at me curiously.

“I don’t wanna do this right now. I think I’m going to go home,” I say, realizing that all the words I have aren’t going to make this better.

“No. Talk to me. What’s wrong?” she insists, sitting up on the couch to look at me.

“Tillie, please stop. You don’t want this right now. You had a good day. Just leave it alone,” I say desperately trying to get her to stop before things blow up.

“No, I won’t stop, Jacob. What the hell is going on?” she snaps. My patience is dwindling so I walk out to the patio trying to put some space between us until I get a grip on my emotions, but true to who she is, Tillie follows me out.

“Jake… Come on. What is it?” she says, grabbing my hand, but I pull away.

“Please talk to me,” she whispers and it breaks my heart to hear the hurt in her voice.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Tillie. You have been making decisions without me and hiding things from me for I don’t know how long. I don’t know what to say right now,” I say and a look of absolute terror comes over her face.

“What are you talking about, Jake?” she whispers looking down at her hands.

“Why didn’t I know you were accepted into Angelwood? Better yet, why didn’t I know that you applied for Angelwood?” I ask and I’m pretty sure I see relief overtake her.

“That’s what this is all about? Are you serious?” she says condescendingly, catching me off guard.

“Yes, I am. We’ve been together for five years. Just nine months ago you were whining about me going out of town with my dad because we hadn’t spent any time away from each other but now you’re leaving the state for school and didn’t think to tell me? How is that supposed to make me feel?” I ask in complete disbelief at the woman before me. She scoffs as she crosses her arms.

“You’re so dramatic. Newhurst is only four hours and twenty-five minutes away. We will still be able to see each other all the time,” she snaps rolling her eyes.

“Dramatic? You are unbelievable. Maggie didn’t know. I didn’t know either. So much for loving me more than anything. I wasn’t even worth mentioning this to. Glad you’re happy, Tillie,” I yell. In the corner of my eye, I see my dad stopping Dennis from intervening, undoubtedly explaining the entire situation to him.

“I am happy. I got accepted into the best school of nursing. I didn’t realize my boyfriend was going to be so mad about me following my dreams and why are you talking to my best friend about what she does and doesn’t know? That’s not really your business,” she shouts back.

“Just say what the hell you mean, Tillie. At least be honest with me this one time. I’m holding you back. I’m deadweight because I’m happy with being a mechanic here at home instead of pursuing some big career in a big city. I don’t have enough money-making potential for you,” I yell a little louder and she gasps, slapping me across the face. The sound of the slap echoes in the house. Both of our dads standing a little distance away inside the house watching for all hell to break loose.

“I never gave a s**t about how much money you made, Jake. How could you say that to me?” she shouts with tears in her eyes, but they do little to ease the pulsating anger surging through me.

“How could you say or do anything you’ve done? I don’t need your answer. You don’t have to worry about me saying anything else to you. Goodbye Tillie,” I say coldly before turning to walk in the house.

“Let’s go,” I say to my dad as I walk past him and he follows behind me, saying a quiet goodbye to his friend. I faintly hear Dennis questioning why she didn’t tell me or why she at least didn’t tell him that I didn’t know, but I don’t care to hear her answer.

I get into the truck, breathing heavily from the intense pain ripping through my chest. It feels like my heart has been ripped from my body while someone tore half of my soul away at the same time. My dad slides in the driver’s seat without speaking and drives us home quickly. When he pulls into the driveway, I jump out before the truck is in park, storming toward the house to be alone.

My dad is hot on my heels and snatches me back in a tight hug that breaks through the anger, allowing the heartbreak to seep through. I sob into his shoulder and clutch his shirt like I used to when I was a kid. The last time my heart hurt like this was when my mom died from cancer when I was just nine years old. Images of my dad holding me when she took her last breath flood my brain as he holds me the same way through my first heartbreak at nineteen years old.

“It’s alright, son. I got you. I’m right here,” he coos as he holds onto me.

“I wanted to marry her, Dad. I wanted to have a family with her,” I say through my uncontrollable sobs.

“I know you did, and I know your heart is broken right now but you’re going to be okay. Maybe not right now. Maybe not for a while, but you will be. Feel all the things you need to feel right now but don’t stay knocked down. You gotta pull yourself up by your bootstraps and carry on,” he says gently.

“If you and Tillie are meant to be, one day you will be, but you can’t waste your life away pining and waiting, Jake. It’s not healthy. Let that girl go. Let her fulfill her dreams,” he continues, causing me to sob harder at the realization he’s right.

“Let’s get inside and get you sat down,” he says as my knees start to give out from the grief. Dad helps me walk into the house and sets me on the couch. The tears have stopped for now and I’m left with an uncomfortable numbness and emptiness in the place Tillie once filled.

“What am I supposed to do without her? I planned my entire future around her, Dad,” I say without looking at him. My dad lets out a deep sigh, remaining silent for a few minutes as he thinks of what to say.

“You are going to take a few days to feel all the s**t you’re feeling then you’re going to get up and carry on with your life. Let me see your phone,” he says. I don’t even question the reason as I toss the phone in his lap.

“I’m going to keep this for the next couple of hours. You and Tillie don’t need to talk right now. You both need to calm down before either of you says anything else you don’t mean. You don’t want her giving up her dream for you and I don’t want her doing that either. If she hears how broken up you are about her leaving, she will and we can’t have that,” he says, fresh tears sliding down my face as I nod in response.

“I’m sorry, Jake. I wish your mom was here for this. My first heartbreak was when she died and I didn’t handle that very well either, but I promise I’m going to be here to help you through it. Okay?” his words are meant to bring me some comfort, but nothing does right now.

“There’s not a place in this town that I don’t have a memory with her in it,” I force out as I clear my throat.

“Do you wanna move? We can do that if we need to,” he says quickly.

“No. I don’t know what’s worse. Living in a town where I’ll see her face everywhere I turn or living in a town where she’s never been,” I say, exhaling a big breath.

“Whatever you need, Jake. Just say the word,” he says and I nod in acknowledgment.

My heart is broken and my soul is torn, but Dad is right. If Tillie and I are meant to be, one day we will be. Right now, though, I have to learn how to exist in this world without her for the first time in five years.