Drowning in Hades

Chapter 3

Dola POV

“Dola, quit stalling and come on in, already.” Pa’s voice rings out through his closed office door. Letting out a small laugh, I open up the door only to be greeted with Pa’s smiling face. “Now, what did I do to win this visit?”

Shaking my head with a smile, I say, “What are you even talking about?”

“You have been locked away in your room for the past 2 days, so I would say that I must have won something to warrant this surprise visit.”

My smile drops a bit. Quickly turning my head, I notice a bookshelf covering the wall, so I walk over to it. Looking through the books, I try to mask what I am feeling because I don’t want Pa to think that he hurt my feelings. Although, his words kind of stung a little bit. I didn’t mean to shut him out for the past 2 days... But he isn’t wrong either. I have only been here for 2 days, and the only thing that I have laid my eyes upon is the guest room. I don’t know why I couldn’t get out of my head long enough to venture out. I was puzzled on why my nightmares stopped, but the feeling of their hands on my skin didn’t go away. Sure, it wasn’t as strong as a feeling, but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t there. I still took two freaking showers to scrub just the whispers of their hands off of my skin.

“Talk to me.” Pa’s voice brings me back to him.

Looking over my shoulder, I said, “I don’t know what to say.”

I could see in Pa’s eyes that he didn’t believe me. “I know something is going on with you. I can see it in your eyes. They haven’t been the same since you were kidnapped the first time.”

“What do you mean? My eyes are fine.” I jokingly say, even though his words cut through me.

“Don’t do that. Don’t try to change the subject or joke. And your eyes are not fine. They carry a sense of death in them. Almost like a piece of you is numb or dead.”

Why does Pa have to notice things like that? I feel the tears start to form, the pressure builds behind them as I try to hold them back. I will not cry. I refuse. I am tired of crying. I am tired of scrubbing my skin. I am tired of carrying this weight that has seemed to drag a piece of me to the bottom of the fu*king ocean. I want to lash out. Scream. Cry. Throw things. I want these f*****g whispers of fingers gone from my skin.

Whipping around, I let my tears fall…and also my anger. “A piece of me is dead. The first time I was kidnapped, they touched me. Those bastards violated me. Something that I was going to experience with my mate for the first time. Now I have to tell whoever is mated to me that I come tainted. That I still feel the fu*king whispers of those touches. I still feel their stares once they ripped off my shirt. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without seeing their faces behind me. I scrub at my skin when I take a shower. I want to lash out at the Moon Goddess for letting this happen. For making me so weak to where two bastards were able to touch me! I couldn’t even defend myself! I felt like I was going to die. But the worst part is that I could have accepted that. I could have lived with the fact that I was about to die, BUT NO! INSTEAD I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE FACT THAT THEY TOUCHED ME! THINKING THAT THOSE WERE GOING TO BE THE LAST HANDS THAT EVER GRACED MY BODY!” With tears streaming down my face, I yell out the last sentence with everything in me before letting out a high-pitched scream. Crashing to my knees, I let my tears fall while I look up into Pa’s eyes. “I wish a piece of me was dead so I would never have to feel their hands. So, I could sleep through the night without having to dream of my last moments, thinking I was about to die. Dream of them looking at my body while they made their comments. They violated me in the worst way, and sometimes I wish they would have just killed me. Because now I constantly live in torment with every single breath I take. Alone.”

My chest heaves as I let out a wail of a sob. I can’t hold it back anymore. I cry for the girl I was before getting kidnapped. I cry for the body that I thought I once knew. The body that once belonged to me.

Arms come around me, along with Pa’s voice. “Let it out, Dola. Purge this out of your soul. I will be here, always.”