Love Just Ain't Enough (BOOK TWO)

THREE: TIGRESS

I exhaled audibly. There’s no way I’m running away. I don’t want to give him the impression that I’m being a coward.

I squared my shoulders and leveled my gaze on him.

“Anong drama mo ngayon, Mr. Salvatore? Magiging impormal ako sa’yo ngayon dahil hindi ito sakop ng oras ko bilang assistant manager. At isa pa, natapos na ang convention, wala na tayong ugnayan sa isa’t isa. Don’t expect me to go easy on you.”

“Spend time with me.” He spoke straightforwardly without batting an eye.

I snorted until I laughed to the point of wheezing. Hawak-hawak ang tiyan kong napasulyap sa kanya. “Ang funny mo diyan, Ser. You sound…wait…what’s the right word? Oh, yes. You sound desperate, Mr. Salvatore. Langya ka, pinaiyak mo ako sa kakatawa.” I pulled some tissue from the center table para pahiran ang gilid ng aking mga mata. “Hindi ko akalain na maririnig ko iyan sa’yo. Wag ganun, Mr. Salvatore. Hindi bagay sa’yo. Tsaka, sa lahat ng babae ako talaga? I mean, why me? Marami diyan na mas nakakahigit sa akin. Don’t stoop down to my level. Spending time with a bar girl like me doesn’t suit you.”

“I have never made you feel you were out of my league, Bea.” Mariin nitong sagot. Finally, he spoke my name. Tss. As if may magbabago.

Namungay ang mga mata nito at humakbang ng isang beses palapit sa akin. Umatras naman ako.  I have to make sure there’s enough distance between us.

“Those girls won’t hesitate to jump on you, Mr. Salvatore. Sorry ha, but I have to decline your invitation. Bukod sa may trabaho ako, hindi ko rin gusto ang pagkatao mo. But thanks for the laugh. Nakakatawa ka.”

Hindi ko makitaan ng emosyon ang mukha nito. Mukhang hindi naasar ang loko. Ang sarap kaya nitong asarin noon. Well, noon.

Namulsa ito kasabay ng pagkibit-balikat. “What if I pay your night—hey!”

“Mama mo hey!” Hinagis ko lang naman ang tray sa kanya na tumama sa kanyang tuhod. Pasalamat siya at hindi ang mukha niya ang ginawa kong target. Gago talaga. “Ang galing mo rin eh noh?!”

“I’m not implying anything! I am just concern about you. I will pay your one-night salary. It’s either you sit here till morning or umuwi nalang sa inyo. I’d rather want you to do the latter. You badly need a sleep.”

“Putanginang concern yan, Ser.” Sleep? Alam ba ng tao ‘to na yan nga mismo ang iniiwasan ko! Kung pwede lang hindi matulog para hindi ko mapanaginipan ang lahat ng masasaya at masasakit na alaala naming dalawa. Hindi ako nagpapakapagod dahil hayuk ako sa pera! Ginagawa ko ito dahil walang ibang paraan para makalimutan ko ang lahat-lahat sa kanya! At sa kabila nag lahat, babalik siya at aastang parang wala lang? Concern daw siya? Concern. Big word.

“Hindi ko kailangan ang concern mo, Mr. Salvatore. Kayang-kaya kong alagaan ang sarili ko. Why are you here, anyway? Kung umasta ka parang wala kang asawa? Where the hell is your wife? Napakawalang kwenta mong asawa. Kung naging asawa kita, malilintikan ka talaga sa akin.”

“Kung naging asawa kita, ako na sana ang pinakamasayang tao sa buong mundo.” Malalim ang tinging ipinukol nito sa akin. His intense gaze burning through me as if he’s trying to reach my soul. “Kung naging asawa kita, hinding hindi na ako aalis sa tabi mo. Kung naging asawa kita, my life would have been complete.” Kasabay ng pagbikas niya ng mga salitang iyon ay ang paunti-unti nitong paghakbang palapit sa akin.

My back was pressing against the cold wall. Hindi na ako makakaatras pa. Lalong lumakas ang t***k ng puso ko sa paraan ng mga titig niya sa akin.

“Don’t come near me, Alejandro.” I gave him a warning.

Sumilay ang ngiti sa kanyang mga labi. He stretched his arms and pressed both hands on the wall, trapping me in between. He towered over me and when crouched down to level his face on me, I looked away.

“It’s been years since you last mentioned my name, baby. Now I feel good just by hearing my name slip through your lips.” He whispered just above my ear.

“Ano ba ang sadya mo? Gusto mong magbalik-tanaw tayo sa nakaraan? Yan ba ang dahilan kaya out of the blue, lilitaw ka ulit sa buhay ko? Wala ka na bang magawa sa buhay mo at ako na naman ang nakita mo? Pwede ba, Ale. Wala akong interes balikan ang nakaraan nating dalawa. What we had before was a nightmare to me.”

He casted his gaze downwards. He clenched his jaw. “I cannot blame you if you feel that way. But baby, what we had before was one of the reasons why I chose to live. My memories of you had kept me sane.  I held on to them for my dear life.”

“Shut up.” I glared at him. Napatiim-bagang ako. “Kaya kitang harapin ngayon bilang Alejandro Salvatore na kliyente namin. I just met you today. You are basically a stranger to me. Don’t you ever bring up the past because the Alejandro I once knew had been gone a long time ago. I buried him together with the memories I had with him. I hope you do the same.”

Pumikit ito ng mariin. He leaned forward to press his forehead against mine. Nanginig ako. I could feel his breath fanning across my face. I refused to look him in the eye. Dahil alam kong mauupos ako kapag ginawa ko iyon.

“Wag mo akong hawakan. Wala kang karapatan.” Matigas na sambit ko.

Umiling lamang ito. His one arm snaked around my waist and god I so wanted to push him, but I didn’t know what’s stopping me. I felt so weak by a mere touch from him. Being held by Alejandro this close for the first time since we fell apart made me feel…alive. I could feel my hair standing on end. I gnawed my lips when they started to tremble.

“Even if I want to, I just can’t and I won’t. Kapag ginawa ko iyon, para ko na ring tinanggalan ng hangin ang dibdib ko.” His voice laced with pain.

“Believe me, you’ll survive. I’ve been there, Ale. The moment you decided to turn your back on me, you have killed me.” Nanginig ang boses ko. I wish I was strong enough to keep my tears at bay. Pero hindi ko mapigilan lalo na’t kaharap ko na ngayon ang taong nanakit ng damdamin ko ilang taon na ang nakalilipas.  Umalpas ang hikbi ko.

“Nalagpasan ko ang madilim na parteng iyon ng buhay ko. Akala ko noong una, hindi ko kaya. But slowly, somehow, I managed to survive.”

“Gusto kong magpaliwanag.”

I shook my head. “There’s no point explaining for the things that happened years ago, Alejandro. Hindi na maibabalik ang lahat. Anuman ang rason mo, wala ng halaga iyon sa akin. Kinalimutan na kita, e. Limot ko na at natutunan ko nang tanggapin iyon. Kasalanan ko naman kasi. Kahit sinasampal na ako ng katotohanang hindi tayo kailanman mangyayari, hindi ako nakinig. Hinayaan ko ang sarili kong ibigan ka ng buong puso ko’t kaluluwa. Pero maniwala ka sa akin. Okay na ako, Ale. Masaya na ako sa kung anumang buhay ang meron ako ngayon. Sana ay ikaw din. You may not believe me, pero hangad ko ang kaligayahan mo.”

He nodded. “Kahit noon naman, you made me feel like I was the most important person in your life. You’d always made me your first priority. You’d always wanted the best of me. You have given me everything other people failed to give. I was being selfish, baby. I had so many things going on with my life that if…” He stopped and gulped down. “I really need to tell you everything, Bea. Pero alam kong bago mo ako pagbigyan, I have to gain back your trust, but I don’t know how.”

I sighed. “Let’s say pinakinggan kita. Ano ang mangyayari pagkatapos?”

Tumayo ito ng tuwid at namulsa sa harap ko. “Well…. I’d pray to God to let you have a change of heart and decide to give me a chance. A chance that you will love me again.”

Umirap ako sa kanya. “Ang tigas din ng ulo mo, Ser. There is no chance. Nada. Hindi na kita mamahalin pa, Ale. I’m done with it. It’s over between us. I’ll never look at you in the same way again. Like I said a while ago, para sa akin, isa ka na lamang estranghero. I’ll never be the Bea you once knew. Ibang-iba na ang sitwasyon ngayon. Bukod pa diyan, you’re married, Alejandro.”

“I am not. I never was.”

“What?” My jaw dropped to the floor. Tama ba ang rinig ko sa kanyang sinabi? Is he telling the truth or just lying to lure me again?

Alejandro massaged his temple. “That’s why you need to listen to me. Just give me a chance to explain everything, And, if you think we really need to go on our separate ways, if you really think that we should just forget each other and go on with our lives, then we will do it.”

Napapalatak ako. “You’re not married? Are you kidding me? It’s all over the news!”

“Exactly. That was our intention. To make noise so they would stop digging for more information. It was a cover up to bury the kidnapping incident and scandals—”

Hindi ko na hinayaan na matapos ang sasabihin nito dahil sa sobrang galit ko ay sinugod ito at pinagsasampal. He didn’t avoid my attacks on him. In fact, he let me hurt him. Pinagsasampal, pinagsusuntok at pinagsisipa ko ang lalake.

Naghahabol ako ng hininga kasabay ng pagrasaga ng panibagong luha. “Ilang beses mo akong pinatay, Alejandro. Wow, ha. Nung pinakalat nyo ang balitang kasal na kayo ni Adrianne, ni minsan ba sumagi ako sa isip mo? Naisip mo man lang ba kung ano ang maaari kong maramdaman? Minahal mo ba talaga ako? Kahit man lang katiting, pinahalagahan mo ba ako?” I buried my face on my hands and sob hysterically. I can’t hold back my emotions anymore.  

Hindi na ako nakapalag nang binuhat ako ni Alejandro. He sat down on the couch bringing me with him. I was sitting on his lap. Hindi pa rin matigil ang pag-iyak ko to the point na nanginginig ang buo kong katawan. I attempted to scoot away but I felt him tightening his embrace around me.

Using his hand, he pulled my head and leaned against his shoulder. Mas lalo lang akong naiyak. This was my favourite place in the world before. And still is. His masculine scent filled my nostrils. This is so unfair. I don’t want to love him anymore. But my heart beats the same way it beats for him before.

Alejandro’s POV

Bea’s crying. I shut my eyes tightly and tilted my head back. Something in my chest just exploded hearing her hiccups. I didn’t mean to make her cry. I should have stayed away from her, but I just couldn’t. I wanted so much to be near her to make me feel complete. The kind of feeling I hadn’t felt for the last years of my life because she wasn’t with me. She’s crying and it’s all because of me and my worthless self.

I was glad she didn’t run away when I pulled her. My arms around her tightened as I inhaled her sweet scent I missed so much. I rubbed her arm so tenderly and I didn’t even know if that would be enough to make her calm. I would love to sell my soul to the devil just to never have to see her cry again. But to know that I was the reason behind those tears made me sick in the stomach. It made me feel so much worse.

“Baby.” I cooed. “Please stop crying. Please don’t cry anymore.” I reached for her face to wipe her tears. She only whimpered and made a fist on my shirt. God, do I ever dream of holding her like this. I wish time would get suspended. I wish time would freeze. I wanted to fix everything, but I didn’t know how to avoid making her cry. I was not even explaining my side yet but here she was, so vulnerable and broken.

“Stupid.” She stuttered. “You’re so stupid, you’re an asshole, you’re a douchebag.”

 I bit my bottom lip. She’s killing me. She’s so adorable. She always was.

“Stop crying now, Bea.” I dried her tears again.

“Gago ka kasi. My tears are precious. You don’t deserve them.”

Tumango ako. I don’t deserve every inch of you. “Alam ko.”

“Na gago ka?”

“Na gago ako at hindi ko deserve ang mga luha mo. In fact, I don’t deserve you. Pero pasensiya ka na, hindi ko kayang hindi ka lapitan, Bea. I’m done looking at you from afar. Gusto kong malaman mong gagawin ko ang lahat para sa’yo. Para maging akin ka ulit. Hindi man natin maibalik ang noon, mayroon pa tayong ngayon at bukas.”

Hindi ito nagsalita. She’s probably pondering the words I had spoken. I hope she’d give me a chance.

I bent my head and rested it in the crook of her neck and throat, inhaling her sweet scent. I thought I heard her moan or maybe I was just imagining things.

“Ale…”

“Hmmm.”

“We shouldn’t be doing this.”

“What?” Please don’t go away just yet.

“I have work to do.”

“Uhm. Okay.”

“I need to leave.”

When she said that, I felt her grip on my upper arm tightened. I smiled. Did I just smile? Sweet Jesus, the things Bea does to me.

“Okay. I’ll see you on the first floor then.”

She nodded but didn’t bother to move. She sighed. “I’d better get going.”

This time I chuckled. “Okay, baby. But you have to let go first. You’re holding me so tight.”

Her eyes went wide and confused. “Oh!” She immediately removed her hands on me.

My gaze landed on her burned cheek. Namamaga ang mga mata nito but despite of it, it doesn’t make her less beautiful.

“You’re unbelievably gorgeous.” I blurted out.

She tilted her head to the side and was about to move away from me, but my hands gripped her thigh and waist. “f**k baby, you’re even prettier when your eyes swollen.”

Kumagat-labi ito. How I’d love to bite those lips. “I really need to go.”

“Okay.” Ani ko.

Bea glanced over to the table. “Are you waiting for someone? I don’t think you can finish a bottle, Ale. When did you become a heavy drinker?” Her brows knitted together.

“Concern?” I teased.

She side-eyed me. “Concern mo mukha mo. Diyan ka na nga.”

Hindi ko na ito pinigilan at hinayaang makawala sa hawak ko. I suddenly felt lonely when she’s out of my reach.

Tumayo ako at balak itong sundan sa baba. Nilingon niya ako. “Where are you going?”

“Sumusunod sa’yo.”

“Ano? Anino kita, Ser? Buntot kita, Ser? You paid for this private room and your order is expensive tapos susunod ka lang sa akin?” Namewang ito sa harap ko. My eyes traveled to her whole body and they stopped on her chest. I wanted to comment something, but I decided not to or she might turned into a tigress again.

“Since you refused to spend time with me, I’d rather stay in a place where I can see you.” I shrugged my shoulders.

She clicked her tongue and picked up the tray she threw at me on the floor. Nilagay niya ulit ang mga dala niya sa tray. “Ang hirap sa inyong mayayaman, ang hilig-hilig nyong magtapon ng per ana parang wala lang. Kung ako yayaman, I will make charities for the poor.” Litaniya nito.

“Okay, we’ll do that.” Sagot ko naman.

Tumigil ito at inirapan lamang ako. “Ewan ko sa’yo. Just to make things clear, Alejandro. We’re over, understand? Whether you’re married or not, there will be no us. Ever.”

I winced in pain, but I tried my best not to show it. “We’ll see.”

Hindi na ito sumagot at nagmartsa na palabas ng private room. Kontentong nakasunod lamang ako sa kanya. If you’re going to ask me, I can spend my days just following her around and I’d be happy.

Bea’s POV

Ramdam ko ang pagsunod niya sa akin. Seryoso talaga siya? Nasa huling baitang na ako ng hagdan nang nilingon ko ito. I thought he’s trailing behind me, but I found him in the middle of the stairs. He didn’t move. His one hand gripping the handrail while the other was clutching his knee. From where I was standing, I could see his face contorted, as if he’s in pain. May masakit ba sa kanya?

Nang dumaan sa harap ko si Claire, inabot ko sa kanya ang tray na hawak. “Pakilapag muna sa bar counter. Babalikan ko yan.” Ani ko. Tumango naman ang dalaga sa akin.

Umakyat ako pabalik sa hagdan. “Ale?”

When his eyes met mine, he straightened his back and acted cool. He shoved his hands in the front pockets of his pants. He whistled.

“Are you okay? May masakit ba sa’yo?”

“Huh? No. I’m fine.”

Tinitigan ko ito ng mabuti. “Sigurado ka?”

He grinned lopsidedly. “I’m really fine, baby.”

“I’m not your baby!” I hissed at tinalikdan ito. I heard his laughter. Bwisit. Akala ko naman may iniindang sakit ang gago.

Alejandro sat on the bar stool. Binigay ko sa kanya ang inorder niya kanina.

Naging busy na ako sa mga sumunod na sandali. Whenever I glanced at him, his eyes would always meet mine. Kung hindi ko ito kilala, baka kinilabutan na ako. But because he’s Alejandro, the man I used to love, inis lang ang nararamdaman ko. Ginagantihan ko lamang ito ng irap at pagkatapos ay ngingisi lang din sa akin. Baliw.

Pabalik ako sa bar counter nang may isang babaeng lumapit sa kanya. Agad na naningkit ang mga mata ko. Pasimple akong tumayo malapit sa kanyang gilid habang sinasabi kay Johnson kung ano ang order ko.

‘Are you alone?” I heard the girl say.

“Yes.”

Umirap ako sa hangin. Nakakabwisit ang sagot niya. Sarap niyang sakalin.

“I’m alone, too.” The girl twirled a lock of hair with her fingers. Flirt.

Alejandro raised his left hand. “I’m alone but I’m married. My wife is a dragon. She’s probably breathing fire by now.”

“Oh. Okay, sorry.” Agad namang umalis ang babae.

Alejandro titled his head to look at me. Nagtaas ito ng kilay sa akin. I rolled my eyes at him. Ang kapal ng mukha ha. Kanina ang lakas ng loob na sabihin sa akin na hindi siya kasal, tapos ngayon ipinapangalandakan niyang he’s a married man! And look at him, suot na ulit nito ang singsing na kanina ay wala! Ang gago talaga! Bwisit!

Few minutes later, may isang babae na naman ang lumapit kay Alejendro. Seriously? The man is just basically sitting while drinking alone and all these girls are coming into him as if he’s a damn god who stepped from Mount Olympus!

“I’m taken. My wife is a tigress. She got claws and fangs. You better leave now before she sees you.” He said nonchalantly.

Tinapik ako ni Johnson. “Hindi ko na mabilang kung lang babae na ang lumapit sa kanya. Do you know him? Siya yung VIP guest natin, e.”

Umiling lang ako sa kanya. “Washroom lang ako, pakigayak ng order ko ha.”

“Yes, Ma’am.” He replied.

Hindi naman ako nagtagal agad sa washroom. Pagbalik ko, napatigil ako nang makita si Alejandrong inaalalayan ng dalawang lalake. He’s walking with a slight limp. They’re heading to the exit door.

Kumalabog ang dibdib ko. Lasing na ba ito?

“Johnson. Anyare dun sa VIP guest natin? Lasing na ba yun?” I tried to hide the concern in my voice. My eyes remained on Alejandro’s back. Nang makalabas ito ay halos magkandahaba-haba ang leeg ko para makasulyap sa kanya kahit gaano pa ito kalayo. I wanted to run to him and check if he’s really that drunk.

“Nakakapagtaka nga eh.” Ani ni Johnson. Tumingin ako sa kanya.

“Bakit?”

“He didn’t touch his drink.” Pumalatak ito.

May kung anong kamay ang humaklit sa puso ko. My head whipped to the exit door at hindi ako nagdalawang-isip na takbuhin iyon.

Nang makalabas na ako, saka namang pag-andar ng isang magarang sasakyan palayo sa ClubMix.

What really is happening to you, Alejandro?