Chapter 46: Lost innocence
1568 Words
Six months had passed and the gardener named Rin was never seen again.
I never asked questions to the servants serving our mansion. I was terrified because the servant might be thinking badly of me.
Rin is becoming close to me. Mother might have known about it and decided to banish Rin from the mansion. Same when I was a kid.
I sit in my usual spot on the side of the window. I took a glance at the entrance of our gate hoping that I might see him back. I’m deeply hurt just thinking that I might not be able to see Rin again in my entire life.
Being unable to see him again without telling him my feelings.
I held my chest.
“Rin!”
The gardener's girl called out.
Rin is back?
The moment I heard her voice, I got up from my seat and hurried and turned my glance at the garden. There I saw him again. My eyes were on the verge of tears and mixed emotions were on my chest.
I have many questions about him.
Why did he suddenly vanish?
What happened these past months?
Why didn't he fulfill his promise?
Seemingly noticing me from my window, he turned his head. My body moves on its own and decided to hide behind the curtains. He looked puzzled, looked as if he had been looking at a ghost. After that, he walked with the gardener girl away from the garden.
I hide because it would be embarrassing if he saw me shedding tears for him. I must teach him some kind of lesson. He must know that he should never leave my side or this mansion.
“Don’t look at me like that, Elaina… I know my face is hot. I know I’m in love with him.”
“Then you should say it to him before it's too late.” (Belle voicing Elaina.)
“Too late? That gardener girl is always close to him. Does that mean she's a romantic rival? Should I use my authority to fire her?”
“You should not use your authority for such petty reasons. If you lose to her, that means she is more attractive than you. A loss is a loss.” (Belle voicing Elaina.)
“That can’t be happening! I’m the most attractive one here. Rin even said before that I’m his ideal type of girl. My chance of getting him as mine is 99.9%… I change, 80% I guess…”
“The social status of you and Rin is different. In novels, social hierarchy doesn't matter, but in the real world, it matters. Your family won’t take it easy when they find out that you are in love with Rin, a mere gardener. Plus, your fiance is a prince. The prince is said to be looking for war at the wedding. If the prince gets pissed off. Rin’s life will be in danger.” (Belle voicing Elaina.)
“Still… I love him… What should I do?”
“You should just ignore him from now on… Your feelings will disappear as time passes. Before you know it, he's no longer in your heart and you’ll learn to love the prince. Your mother said it with your father. Your mother wasn't in love with your father. They got engaged politically. Living together for too long, they started caring for each other and fell in love eventually.” (Belle voicing Elaina.)
“That feels like cheating your feelings… I hate that kind of idea. If there is someone I would like to marry. I want to marry Rin.”
I murmured.
I wiped the tears from my eyes and placed Elina down on my bed. From the door, I heard three knocks.
“My lady, you have a visitor.”
The maid said.
A visitor? That’s unusual… I have never gotten a visitor.
“Who might it be?”
“It was your fiance… The second Prince of Arsland kingdom.”
I was stunned by what I had just heard. This is my first time meeting the prince and the man that would marry me in the future.
I am not interested, but I have to accompany him while at our residence as his fiance.
Seems like father and mother invited him here. Thinking about the current situation in the capital city. A prince should be in more hands in the war between the human empire and the dark lord.
I made a big sigh thinking this was some kind of pain in my ass that made it work.
I immediately prepared myself. I took off my pajamas and some proper clothes. Going down from the spiral staircase located in the center of our mansion. I saw the prince waiting for me, sitting on the couch. Opposite him were my father and mother, who seemed to be telling a fake story about my childhood again.
Their stories were so fake. I’m impressed that some people believe them.
“Oh, there she is our wonderful daughter.”
Mother said.
I walked toward them and introduced myself casually.
“Good day, I’m Belle Lanzelet…”
“No need for formality.”
The prince said. I lifted my glance at him and saw his face for the very first time.
They said he was the same age as me. I have trouble believing that right now because he looks like someone of nearly forty. His fat and his bottoms are doing their best to stay still to not let his big belly be exposed.
“... You're right, your daughter looks great. So young and pretty. Slender thin arms and legs.”
The prince stood up from his seat and he walked around me, checking every side of my body.
Walking closely, I felt immersed in fright.
He took my long hair and sniffed at it.
This man is creepy! I’m convinced that he's a p*****t. He's a p*****t. I can’t believe my family is selling me out to this disgusting man.
“I scent sweetness… Did you use that perfume just for me?”
“I’m not using anything…”
He made a big smile.
“How my daughter? She is good at everything and has a special talent for learning very fast. Her cooking is also great.”
Mother said. I sat down beside the prince and we had a conversation. Most of it was political and I don’t have any idea about what was happening.
The prince's hand was crawling on my legs. Kneading my legs right in front of my parents.
This man has no shame.
Finally, the sun was eating and he was about to leave the mansion. I was tasked to accompany him to the gate.
“It was a pleasure meeting you. I can’t believe that you're very pretty like everyone said.”
“... Have a nice trip.”
“You are so cute, Belle…”
What?
He suddenly pulled my body and my face toward his. Our lips pressed to each other.
What is happening?
After some time, he pulled back and left with a satisfied smile on his face.
…
That night, I spent my time in the restroom. Gargling water… Again and again. I forced myself to throw up and made myself vomit.
What was that? His tongue goes inside my mouth like a slug.
If Rin found out about this… What would he think of me? Or maybe he saw us already. He's back in the mansion after all. He saw me being lovey-dovey with that pig.
I can’t believe this… I can’t believe this.
We kissed. That means… We are lovers? My belly… Could it be I’m going to get pregnant?
No… No… No…
From the restroom. I ran to the closet and got a ribbon. I tied the ribbon around my belly. To avoid my belly getting bigger.
“He made me into a slut… He made me dirty… There is no way I could erase that memory from my head anymore.”
I know I should make myself look ugly. I have to make myself look ugly. He only likes me because I’m pretty.
From the closet, I took a scissor and looked toward its blade. In front of the mirror, I pointed the scissors at my face.
“But if I do that, I won’t be pretty here. I’m not the ideal girl of Rin.”
Shaking, I moved the scissor to my long black hair. I cut my hair short.
After cutting my hair and gargling soap on my mouth, I went back to my bed looking terrible. I crawled to Elaina.
“Elaina… I’m dirty… Rin won’t love me anymore.”
“...”
“Elaina, please help me…”
“...”
“Speak to me, Elaina.”
“...”
“Elaina…”
Raging in anger, I threw Elaina away from me. My innocence had already been taken away from me.
“I know it. I’m just talking to myself all this time… Living in my delusions. Daydreaming of being with Rin and thinking you can speak… Nothing has changed. I’m going to die lonely. I’m going to die lonely. Lonely… Lonely… Without anyone… Lonely…”
For the next few days, I kept myself locked in my room.
Not even a single servant goes inside my room. My parents didn’t even try to talk to me.
- Writer
