the little boy I knew

we meet

so after a number of times trying to figure out a date and place and multiple cancellations due to hesitation and other factors of our lives weather work or family we just kept making plans and after the struggle of preparing ourselves for the day and imagining the situations in our heads over and over again. I first thought that in our first meeting after so long he be waiting for me I would go there saw him waiting from distance and would come back without meeting , in a different scenario I even thought we might just hugg each other tight don't let go and I might shed few tears , and yes the feminist me took over the thoughts where I would just get there punch him in face kick him n leave .we even discussed all the possibilities and a lot things over phone .and yes the day came I don't want any blunders so I dressed as simple as possible so no one suspect that I am going out to meet someone as it's still in our society that if a girl is dressed up had make up on and looking pretty that means she is going out to be somewhere she should not be in other terms everyone would try to poke there nose so to avoid it even though i had picked the dress for me but I kept it back and wore a casual kurti n palazzo left on time but when we think everything is going as planned nothing do work out that way .so we just had to alter our plans last moment grandpa asked me to read out bhagwat chapter to him , unless your house on fire you can't say no to your elderly this is what I was taught to . I thought I am late so I took a bike rather a cab to get faster but he was not there and the place we decide to meet was close too. I waited at stairs he arrived I saw him in his peach tee shirt and denims with glasses and constantly talking over phone hi came up smiled we just started talking about the crises we were facing the place was close he simply asked where are we going then and I suggested the next best place nearest to us .we sat in car together all those questions all those things anger it's all just gone it's us I was shaking but didn't want him to notice that he might be shaking too that's what he must be covering under the glasses I had a drag of cigarette and we reached the place second best retro I could think of turn out there was some shoot taking place so we sit to one place then moved to other and other if I were alone I would have taken up a fight for that behaviour of staff shifting us from one place to other but to be honest I don't wanted to .all I could think was the reason why am I sitting next to him looking at him out of words and all he is doing is working over his phone .we sit there for a while looked around talked a little and I found myself losing control I don't remember what took over and we started kissing after a while we stopped I was so nervous that I ordered food I can't even finish eating got it packed. and left with him he asked where he could leave me all I could think was you already left me long back but instead I said the unexpected and next thing I remember we were at a hotel room together and there right there with the only boy I ever loved had crushed on thought being cheated on by and who is not even sure about what we were and why we were there in that room together ,I gave him my virginity, is that what I wanted to do right ,I always thought in my head of us being together as one but why is it not feel the same way what has changed clueless we left the hotel .this time i asked him if he would drop me home or should I get a cab and he said nothing and drove me home there were words or no words I don't remember I got back home still bleeding .