Where my Heart Belongs

“Mia are you ready?”  My brother Myles asks as he stands at my bedroom door. Am I ready? Can anyone be ready to say goodbye? “I suppose so.” I say quietly as I get up from my bed and head downstairs. My mum standing waiting at the door for the both of us. I take her by the hand, and we walk outside the three of us, together. Walking out with my mum sobbing beside me. This is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Saying good bye to my dad today. He had a heart attack a last week and well, he didn’t make it. This is the first ever funeral I have been to, I have no idea what to expect. One thing is for sure theses emotions are something I do not want to have to experience again.  As we climb into the funeral car sitting outside the house. Seeing his coffin in the hearse in front. I just cannot control the tears flowing down my cheeks. Myles helps me and my mum into the car and we are soon pulling away slowly. The drive to the crematorium was quiet, just the quiet hum of the car as it drove along the roads, passing by dads favourite pub and the garage that my dad owns. Arriving at the crematorium I can see all the people waiting for our arrival. A lot of people have come to say their goodbyes to my dad. He was a well-liked man, popular in the town where he grew up. Climbing out of the car and being led inside, I’m so in my own world. Just being led by the hand of my brother.  He is the man of the family now. Once we are seated, the minister says a few words and then my Uncle says a few words. The coffin is taken away and my mum sobs her heart out. My tears have not stopped since I left the house. I squeeze my mums hand to try and comfort her, not sure if it is working but it is helping me. Just knowing she is close to me. After the ceremony, we head to the local pub where we have the wake. Many people have came over to give their condolences, but I’m not really listening. I’m not being rude, but I just don’t know what to say back to them, I hardly know them for a start and well, I’m at the stage I just want to climb into bed and wish this is a nightmare and I will wake up and my dad will still be here with us. After a long day and night I help Myles get my mum ready for bed, she has been in a state of shock, which is understandable since we found out dad had died.  They had been married for nearly 25 years and had been together since they were in high school.  Eventually, mum climbs into bed and is sleeping soundly. Sitting in the kitchen with Myles as we clean up a little, we get chatting about anything that is not dad related.  He brings up the subject of the business. Dad had been the local mechanic for the last 40 odd years and Myles followed the trade and will now take over and run the family business.  Since he is a nearly three years older than me, he knows what to do.  Not much will change within the business I suppose. Dad just won't be there to boss everyone around and sit with his dirty boots up on his desk drinking tea from his oversized mug and eating jam donuts and leaving a trail of sugar behind him. “How did your exams go last week?”  Myles asks me as we head through to the lounge “Crap. I think I have failed but the teacher thinks I will be ok. I might be able to appeal, with the circumstances”  I tell him.   The day before my exam was the day my dad died, and I tried to get out of the exam, but it was too short notice.  My teachers are hopeful I will be okay, but I will just need to wait and see for the results to come in. “You are a smart kid, I’m sure you will be fine”  he says wrapping his arm around me.  “You have prom in a couple weeks as well. Do you have a date yet?”  he asks me, he knows fine well I have a date. “Caleb is taking me” I tell him.   Caleb is my boyfriend. We’ve been going out for just over a year officially. He is eighteen months older than me and has already left school. He is an apprentice at the garage with my brother. “I will be having words with him to make sure he behaves.”  He jokes. “Yes, I am sure you will have words, but you know Caleb is not like that.”  I tell him as we head upstairs for bed. Caleb is one of the good guys.  Although he is drop dead gorgeous with an amazing body, he doesn’t use it to his advantage. He was never one for partying or playing around.  He has had a few girlfriends over the years but nothing serious.  Our relationship is the longest he has had, and we haven’t had s*x yet. Hes wanting to wait until we are both ready. I know he is not a virgin and I know he has only done it once.  The bonus is I have known him most of my life.  He is cousins with my best friend Jessica or Jess as I call her.  Jess and I have been best friends for the last 10 years.  She moved to my street when she was seven and we have pretty much been inseparable since. Jess has also always had a crush on my brother, cliché I know, but she would never go there because of the age difference, I mean 3 and a bit years isn’t that bad, but she says it’s too much.  I wouldn’t have a problem if they were to get together, but age is the issue for both of them. Even though they flirt with each other all the time, they just don’t go past that.   The next few days went by in a bit of a blur. Mum has been a little better but is obviously still mourning.  I have not been back to school as yet but will have to go in next week to finish some projects as they are part of my final exam result.  And as Myles reminded me prom is coming up, so I need to get organised for that. Like buy a dress and stuff.  I know Jess will do my hair and makeup with me, so I don’t really have that much to get organised if I think about it. I had decided to go into the garage with mum at the weekend. My mum does all the paperwork and the accounts for the guys and makes sure customers are billed correctly and the suppliers are paid.  I have been doing it for the last two years, so I help her out as the pile is rather large considering she hasn’t been into work for over a week. Caleb is working today as well so I will get a chance to see him, since I haven’t really seen him since before dad died. Not because I didn’t want to or that, just he respected my choice of spending time with mum and stuff. He called me nearly every day to check in with me and sent me flowers and a cute little teddy. As I sit at the front desk taking phone calls and making calls to customers, Caleb comes in covered in grease but always with a smile on his face. “I brought you donuts" he says as he places a bag on the counter. “Thanks" I take the bag and start eating a donut. Caleb leans against my desk and stares at me. “Why you staring?” I chuckle, pushing his leg playfully. “No reason. Just missed your face” he says as he leans over and kisses my cheek. “Lips to yourself Caleb and back to work" Myles shouts from his office. He can see us through the window in his office. “Yes boss" Caleb shouts back and then whispers to me.  “I’m taking you out tonight" and winks and with that he skips out the door and back to work. He never ceases to amaze me how he can put a smile on my face. Just with his silly gestures and his cheesy jokes. He is crazy but in a good way. With it being a Saturday the garage is only open til just after lunch and it’s not that busy today, so me and mum head back home about noon.  Managing to catch up on a load of paperwork. “Let’s go shopping for your dress for prom” mum announces as she takes the road for the shopping centre. “Are you sure? We can do it next week mum. Still have a few weeks left” I’m not wanting mum over doing it. “it’s what I need to do sweetie. Help keep my mind of things. Something to look forward to" she smiles as we pull up and park the car. I’m not a huge fan of clothes shopping, I hate the idea of trying things on, getting dressed and undressed in the matter of minutes. Pretty pointless if you ask me, but today I will make an exception.  Mum has not smiled this much in a while and she seems happy. A few hours later we are heading home with my dress for prom, shoes and a few other clothes I needed. We had a good day with lots of laughter.  I message Jess telling her I got my dress, she had got hers a few weeks ago. Jess has a major thing about being overly organised. I mean, her birthday is not for another three month and she has already started getting organised for her party. “Hang the dress in the spare room, Mia. Not wanting Caleb finding it just yet.” My mum chuckles as we get in the house. Myles is already back from work and is chilling out on front of the TV.  I run upstairs doing as mum said and head back to join him.   Just as we got into the program we were watching the doorbell goes, Myles beats me to it and pulls it open revealing Caleb. “You didn’t check your phone, did you?” Caleb chuckles, I shake my head and pull out my phone and see a text, telling me he is taking me out bowling and for food and to get ready. “Sorry, was shopping with mum and totally forgot.”  I tell him as I head up stairs to freshen up and change clothes.  Nothing fancy, just a clean pair of jeans and a top with my wee ankle boots, I straighten my hair and put on some makeup. Heading downstairs, I hear Caleb and Myles in the kitchen talking.  Myles grilling him about taking me to prom in a couple weeks and then they start talking about me going to Uni. Which I haven’t even decided if I am going to go to Uni or not. I had planned on being a software programmer but that was all before dad died. I’m not sure I can do it now, I suppose I would have to talk to mum and see what she thinks. I head into the kitchen clearing my throat to gain their attention. Both of their heads snap up and they both look like they have been caught with their hands in the cookie jar. “Ready?” Caleb asks as he walks over to me.  I nod my head and follow him out. “Don’t be out too late Mia" Myles calls from behind us. I shout bye to him and my mum and close the front door behind me. Climbing into Caleb’s car it somehow feels awkward. I have no idea why, but you could cut the tension with a knife.  The whole journey we don’t talk, just music playing softly in the background. “What’s the matter?”  I ask Caleb, the silence killing me. “Just thinking about what Myles said" he replies shrugging his shoulders at the same time. “And what did Myles say?” I ask. I know what he said I heard but want to know if Caleb will tell me. Which he does. “Have you decided what Uni you are going to apply to?” he asks as we park outside the bowling alley “I haven’t thought about since dad died. I will need to talk to mum and see what she thinks.  I had wanted to go to London for Uni, but I don’t think I would cope being away from home now. There are a few in Edinburgh which is only 40 minutes away so I could travel, but then I don’t know what course to go for.” I tell him “You always wanted to do computers. Does Edinburgh have they courses?”  He asks as he opens my door. “They do but not sure if I should change my course choice and help with the business or not"  it feels good to talk about this. I had been thinking about it a lot the last few days and it was starting to stress me out. “You know whatever you decide I will support you. You moving away would be a killer but if you were happy, that’s all that matters. Mia, you are really important to me, you are my best friend and my girlfriend and all I want is you to be happy.” He pulls me into his chest and hugs me. “I know. I had it all planned out until dad died. I feel like I need to change my ideas and help out the family business. I just don’t know what to do anymore" and the flood gates open. All my emotions flow like a waterfall. “babe, I know it’s been a shitty few weeks, but your dad would want you to follow your heart and do what you want" Caleb says as he wipes my tears and hugs me tight.  I nod my head and shake myself to get rid of the emotions. “Yeah I know. Come on let’s go so I can beat your ass at bowling"