FATE (COMPLETED)

SIMULA ANNULMENT PAPER 21 years later… ~*~ Kahit saan man ako mapunta, I always talk about fate. Para bang alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi ako tututol sa magiging kapalaran ko kahit alam kong para sa akin ay hindi iyon mabuti. Thirty-two years of my existence and still I always wanted to ask other people about fate. Tanda ko pa noon, someone asked me kung magiging malupit man sa akin ang tadhana, anong gagawin ko? A simple question but it stunned me. There are two questions I really want to ask to everyone. The first one is, why do we wish to have something that we can't own? It's so clear to me but I always search for answers. Second, why does the thing we want to happen will never come, it goes the other way around that will always hurt our ego and leave a deep scar on our innocent heart? Why? I'm dying for an answer. Ang dami kong katanungan sa mundo na kahit masagot man ng kung sino maghahanap pa rin ako ng ibang sagot. It feels like no answer can satisfy me. Maghahanap at maghahanap pa rin ako ng sagot nang paulit-ulit. Hindi ka ba napapagod? Ang palaging tanong sa akin ng kaibigan ko. No, kung ang kapalit ng mga pawis at pagsasakripisyo ko ay makuha ang kasagutan, magpapatuloy ako. Ibinaba ko ang annulment paper na hawak ko bago iniangat ang tingin sa asawa kong prente lang na nakaupo sa kabilang gilid ng kama namin. Hindi ako nagsalita, tinitigan ko lamang siya nang matagal. If it will make him happy, then I will give it to him no matter how hard it is for me. It doesn't matter if I get numb. "Your mom won't find out about this. I will tell her that both of us fell out of love," ani Yuan. May nagbabara sa aking lalamunan kaya pilit akong lumulunok. Sumakit muli ang puso ko ngunit hindi ko iyon ipinahalata. Nanatili akong kalmado. The clock says it's 2:09 in the morning. Wala pa kaming tulog dahil gusto niyang matapos na ito agad. Tumikhim ako at tumayo sa kama para makapunta sa balkonahe at lumanghap ng hangin doon. Hindi siya sumunod dahil alam niyang gusto ko munang kumalma. He doesn't need to lie to me. I know why he's doing this. I won't question his decisions. I can't blame him if he fell out of love. Alam ko ang mali sa sarili ko. And that is I am not capable of bearing him a child. A big mistake he had ever picked to be part of his life. What's done is done, it can't be undo, but we always have a second chance though... but the problem is, there are some people who can't have a second chance even if they want to. Hinilot ko ang sentido ko habang hinahabol ang hininga. "Lord, please forgive me if I need to do this and be selfish… ito lang ang paraan ko para makapagpaalam ng hindi nagdadala ng sama ng loob sakali mang kailangan na naming mamaalam sa isa't isa," mahina kong sambit bago tumalikod at bumalik sa kwarto. Nakaupo pa rin ang asawa ko at ngayon ay mataman ako nitong pinagmamasdan. "If you are pressu—" I cut his words. "I'll sign the annulment paper," diretso kong untag. He licked his lower lip and flash a simple smile. That smile captured my heart for the first time I saw him smiled at me after saving me from danger. Those sinful lips that can make me tremble because of always wanting to be kissed by him. I will miss everything about him… "Pero may kahilingan ako. Pipirmahan ko ang annulment paper pagkalipas ng pitong araw. Seven days, I am asking you to give me seven days and make it memorable for the both of us then after that I will leave you completely. I keep my words so don't worry, I won't bother you anymore after I signed it," tuloy-tuloy kong sabi habang pinipigilan ang mga luhang nagbabadyang lumabas sa aking mga mata. "Seven ays? What's with seven days?" nagtatakha nitong tanong. "Pagbigyan mo na ako. Wala naman tayong ibang gagawin." Hindi na niya dapat malaman pa ang kung ano mang dahilan ko. I'll just have to make sure that he will be very happy before I leave him. Ayokong iwan siya na magbabago ang kanyang desisyon at bumalik sa akin. Ayokong makita siyang nasasaktan. At mas ayokong makitang umiiyak siya dahil mas nadudurog ang puso ko. Hindi dapat niya malaman pa ang lahat. Ayokong bumalik siya pagkatapos nito dahil sa pagkakataong iyon ay hindi ko na siya kayang alagaan pa. "Seven days then," he playfully replied. "Just promise me you will be happy with her, Yuan." I flashed a simple smile. Hindi na mahalaga para sa akin ang ekspresyon niya ngayon. Ayoko ring ipakitang sukdulan na ang sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon. Mas maganda kung iisipin niyang wala akong pakialam sa lahat ng mga pinaggagawa niya. As long as it can make him happy. "With her? Ano bang iniisip mo sa ginagawa ko, Vina? Obviously I don't want to be with you anymo—" I cut his words again. "Don't lie to me, baby. Hindi kita susumbatan kahit sabihin mo ang totoo. Pasensya ka na kung palagi kitang nakikitang kasama ang modelo na iyon." Napaawang ang labi niya kaya ngumiti ako. Magsasalita pa ulit siya ngunit pinigilan ko na. "There's no need to argue about that matter. Ang mabuti pa matulog na tayo. May meeting ka pa bukas, hindi ba? Good night, baby." Humalik ako sa kanyang pisngi at agad nang humiga at tinalikuran siya. Wala itong responde kaya pumikit ako. No, Devina. Huwag kang iiyak. Kinagat ko ang labi ko para hindi makagawa ng anumang ingay. Why did this happen? Because this is my fate. This is our fate. It's written on my palm... We were bound to break the promises that we made, 27 years ago. But it's okay. As long as he is happy with it then I am happy too. I lift up the comforter and cried silently. I love you, Yuan Almirante and good morning.