Bedroom Hymns

Chapter 3: I Almost Do

*Three Years Earlier*

Jess was furious when Kate told her about what happened with Theo in the woods. Her cousin wanted to confront the older boy and hex him. Maybe punch him. Jess didn't care either way.

"You can't possibly be agreeing to this!" Jess exclaimed, still incensed.

Kate sighed, slumped against the wall of her dorm room and wanting to disappear into her comforter. "I don't have a choice."

"Yes, you do," Jess returned. "You can tell him to go to hell."

"The Old Magic won't let me refuse and I can't reject a request for aid without permission from my paterfamilias."

"Then get in touch with your grandfather and ask his permission. There's no reason for him to refuse you."

"I've never even met Edric Sable," Kate pointed out. "He had no interest in knowing me for the past eighteen years."

"You don't have to spend quality time with him. You just need him to get you out of this," Jess replied. "I know you don't talk to your Dad but I don't think he'd do nothing if he found out you're essentially being blackmailed."

There were so many loopholes to magic. There were grey areas magic folk couldn't define properly. Magic didn't care about coercion or threats. Magic only cared about keeping promises. Whatever cost that may be.

"Even if Edric Sable rejected the request for aid, there would be a blood debt which will be passed down through generations. I don't really want to be responsible for whatever karmic mishaps will befall my or Cathal's descendants."

Jess groaned. "But you can't bind yourself to Frost!"

"I'm not enthused at the idea of being magically bound to him either."

"There will be no taking this back." Jess sat down beside her on the bed. "No magic on earth can reverse this once it's done. You'll be stuck with him for life."

"I know."

"And I don't understand out of all the girls in the magical world, he has his sights set on you."

"I'm expendable," Kate explained, matter-of-factly. "If the ritual goes wrong, no one's really going to miss me besides you and my grandparents."

"Don't joke about that," Jess admonished. "If something happens to you because of this ritual, Theo Frost won't have to worry about that blood curse ending him because I'll kill him myself."

"But it is true. If someone like Audrey Quinn were to die in this ritual, there would be an uproar. Everyone likes Audrey. I'm nobody and therefore safe."

Jess stared at her in disbelief. "You really believe that you're worth less than Audrey freaking Quinn?"

"It's not about worth. It's about impact," Kate explained. "I'm just one of many musicians at this school. I'm a decent violist but what else do I really offer the world?"

"I want you to never talk about yourself again because you're worth more to me than how good you are at playing Bach." Jess nudged her shoulder against hers. "You're my best friend and my favorite cousin. I'd choose you over a hundred Audrey Quinns."

The redhead's sincerity almost made Kate cry. She swallowed her tears, not wanting to weep for having someone care for her. She didn't necessarily agree with how Jess saw her but it was nice to be valued. Even if it only one person at that school cared about her.

"Thank you," she replied in a whisper. "It means a lot."

Jess smiled, ignoring the emotion in Kate's voice. "You're welcome, cousin. Though I still don't understand why he chose you over everyone he could've asked instead."

Kate shrugged, tugging on the sleeve of her sweater to cover the birthmark on her wrist. Jess caught the movement and grabbed her arm. She pulled back the sleeve and stared at the curving line. Jess had known about it for years and mostly ignored it, accepting it as another part of Kate.

"You never told me who your soul mate was," Jess said. "It's been years and you never told me if you had any suspicions on who it could possibly be."

Kate tried to tug back her arm but Jess held on. "I never talked about it because it's irrelevant."

"You never said if you've even met him."

"Maybe because I don't believe in all this soul mate crap and had better things to occupy my time with."

Jess scoffed. "That's a load of bull-crap. I saw how excited you were when our grandmother explained what your birthmark meant."

"I was five and brainwashed by Disney movies. Of course, I was excited until I knew better."

Jess's grey gaze seemed to trying to pierce straight through her soul, assessing all her secrets. "It's him, isn't it?"

Kate pulled her arm free, wanting this conversation to end. "Please just let it rest. It's not important."

"I will after you answer the question."

Knowing there was no escaping this as Jess would hound her for the truth until she gave in, Kate gave in and replied, "It's him. It's always been him."

"That's great!" Jess's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "But why-"

"He didn't want me," Kate explained. "He never did."

***

*Present Day*

The large folder from Veronica haunted Kate for days. She refused to read it on principle, stuffing it inside her desk drawer where she wouldn't be able to see it. Out of sight and out of mind. She was not going to even consider Veronica's insane and illegal ambitions for necromancy.

Nature did not like it when people meddled with it. As painful as it was to admit, death was a natural occurrence. Fighting it only brought them misery. Defying it entirely would be disaster.

Kate had spent nearly two years trying to move on and rebuilding her life. She didn't have the time to even contemplate Veronica's plans. She had to practice her viola composition for midterms. And not to mention there was the winter recital in December she had to sign up for.

Unfortunately, Veronica wasn't easily dissuaded and was chasing her around campus like Kate owed her money. Kate did not feel any shame turning tail and ran when she saw the brunette coming from a distance. She ducked into corners and even hid behind a trash bin once. Veronica would not relent until she got her way and Kate just had to hold off until graduation.

Kate had plans to move to Europe as soon as she graduated. She spent a year in Spain during her second year at university and enjoyed it so much she wanted to return. If she was lucky, she might find work in Vienna or Bologna. As long as it was far away from everyone who knew her and what she'd been through, she would be happy.

More importantly, it would be easier to hide from Veronica if there was an ocean between them.

Kate had just made a quick escape into the campus library after Veronica chased her through the Humanities building when she saw Jess studying at her usual table. Relieved to see her cousin, she took the seat across from her and tried to catch her breath.

"What happened to you?" Jess asked, amused. "Veronica nearly got you this time?"

Kate didn't try to hide her confusion and surprise. "How do you know about that?"

She hadn't told Jess about Veronica and her mad plans to bring her brother back to life. It would be for the best that few people knew about this if not for the illegal nature of it then for setting a bad example. Magic was not the cure-all to all of life's problems. Sometimes, magic made things even worse.

"She asked me to do the ritual weeks ago," Jess answered. "I was wondering when she was going to get around to asking you to join."

Kate bit back a loud curse. They were in the library. They shouldn't draw attention to themselves. She couldn't believe Veronica would ask Jess to do another illegal ritual.

It was one thing to drag Kate back into it but she didn't have to include her cousin. Jess's only tangible connection to the last ritual was Kate. Veronica asking Jess first made no sense and was infuriating especially if Kate was the vital piece to get the whole plan work. She thought she'd have more priority in the list of people to ask.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Kate asked, trying to keep her voice low. "You can't possibly be considering agreeing."

Jess shrugged, giving her a bland smile. Kate looked around to see a few eyes were on them. She stood up and gestured for Jess to follow her into the stacks, away from the other students watching and listening.

"Jessamy," Kate hissed. "We are not doing this again."

"What's the worst that can happen?"

Kate narrowed her hazel eyes in irritation. "You know exactly what can happen."

"These are different circumstances and Veronica has spent years researching this ritual."

"I don't care how long or how much Veronica has looked into this. I am not going to be a part of this."

"But…" Jess's auburn eyebrows furrowed. "It won't work without you."

"Exactly. I'm preventing all of us from making the same mistake from two years ago." Kate looked away, frustrated that she had to even talk about this. She lamented, "It's like none of us learned our lesson."

Jess's hand touched her arm gently. "I have faith it's going to work this time round."

"Based on what?"

"Just a feeling."

"A feeling isn't good enough."

Kate's gaze met her and Jess's grey eyes were kind and understanding. Jess knew her better than anyone else in the world. Jess had been her first friend before they met other kids. She knew that her cousin had no ill intentions and probably foolishly thought this was going to help her.

"I've moved on," Kate insisted. "I'm building a life for myself and revisiting all of this will impede that progress."

"I know."

"I can't afford to get lost in my own misery again. I nearly didn't survive it last time."

"I remember. I was there," Jess replied, taking Kate's hand and squeezing in reassurance. "I just want you to be happy again."

"I'm happy."

Jess did not look convinced. "You're really not, Kate. You haven't been happy in a long time. Not since…"

Theo.

Jess had learned to avoid saying his name around her as it used to make Kate burst into tears. The first year after Theo's death had made Kate want to disappear into herself. Jess had been there when Kate refused to leave her room and didn't want to talk to anyone. Her cousin stayed with her even when Kate tried to push her away.

"What if it doesn't work?" Kate asked. "What if we do this and it's all for nothing again?"

"We'll rebuild together," Jess reassured her. "No matter what happens I'll be here."