The Why Behind What We Feel

Chapter 4- Good Looking

Aspen and Drake never showed up last night, which is fine since Lizzy passed out almost immediately after we made it back home. I would've only felt a ton of pressure to entertain guests when all I really wanted to do was fall in the bed face first and sleep until Monday morning.

I have a lot of studying to do this weekend in order to prepare for finals, so I get a shower, arrange my study snacks and get to work. I plan to ace these last few exams and end my undergraduate career with a 4.3 GPA. I've crunched the numbers and it's possible. All I've got to do is score at least a ninety or better on my exams. I haven't made anything less than an A in any of my classes, but I hope I'm not setting the bar too high for myself. I loathe feeling disappointed, about anything.

I plug my earbuds in, turn on some mellow lofi and get to work.

I always lose track of time when I'm in the zone, focusing all my energy and attention on the task at hand; which means, sometimes, I'm a little too into it. So when I hear a pounding on my bedroom door, I immediately go into panic mode and my mind starts going through a list of all the worst case scenarios I've ever thought of in my entire life- intruders, a fire, a zombie apocalypse- the possibilities are endless, really.

I open the door and sigh in relief when I see a perfectly normal looking Lizzy. "Why are you banging on the door like you're the cops?!" I hiss at her.

"Sorry, I just assumed you couldn't hear me over your music," she replies, biting her lip like she does when she's nervous or excited. Which means something must be wrong.

"What is it? Are you okay?" I ask her.

"Yes, of course. But there's someone here to see you," she says, nodding to the front door.

I look in that direction and my eyes widen in surprise when I see Aspen standing there. For a few seconds, I'm frozen in place, not sure what to do. I probably look awful and I just had some Doritos. Maybe I should just have Lizzy tell him to come back when I'm more mentally prepared to face him.

But then his eyes meet mine and he smiles. "Hey Sicily!"

I smile back nervously, forcing myself to move in his direction. "Hi Aspen! What's up?"

"Nothing much, I was just wondering if you had any free time today or tomorrow," he says.

I stop in front of him, waiting for him to go on, but he doesn't. "Free time...to study?" I ask.

"Yeah," he shrugs sheepishly. "We can study."

We can study? Is that what he came here for or not?

"Did you need something else?" I ask, just to make sure.

"No, I don't need anything, I just wanted to see..." he trails off and looks past me.

I turn around and see Lizzy leaned up against the wall, hanging on our every word. I give her a look and she smirks before turning and walking away, disappearing into her room.

After she's gone, I look back at Aspen and smile. "I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

He clears his throat, rubbing the stubble on his chin as if he's nervous. That's when I notice his hand is pretty shaky. "Um, I was saying that we can study together, I mean, if that's what you want to do."

"Well, you came over here, so did you come to ask me to study?" I ask.

He hesitates, but finally sighs and hangs his head. "No."

"Is everything okay?"

He only shrugs.

"I was just about to take a study break anyway. Want to go get coffee or something?" I ask him, causing his head to snap up in surprise.

I can't be sure, but as I study his eyes, they seem to become an even deeper shade of green, mixed with hues of ocean blue. There's definitely something going on behind those gorgeous eyes, and him coming here like this must mean he needs someone to talk to. While I'm a bit surprised that he's coming to me, I guess I'm not shocked. My best quality is that I'm easy to talk to.

"That would be really, really great," he smiles, stuffing his hands into his pockets nervously. "My treat."

"Oh no, you don't have to do that," I tell him.

"I want to," he says, making my heart flutter out of control.

At first, I don't know why. It doesn't take long for me to figure out that deep down, I want all of this to mean something. My mind keeps telling me it doesn't- Aspen is too good looking for someone like me. There's a ton of beautiful girls here that would make a much better match for him. But my heart...my heart feels the need to pull me towards him. Maybe it's not even romantic, just a response to a soul in need of another soul.

"Okay, let me just change clothes right quick. Do you want to come in and sit down?" I ask him.

"Yeah, sure," he smiles.

"I'll be right back," I say, hurrying away to my bedroom.

I go inside and shut the door behind me, pressing my back up against it and just standing there for a while, wondering if this is real life. Why does this insanely hot guy seem so interested in me? Even as just a friend? I think I'm a pretty cool person, but I have my quirks and I don't plan on changing myself for anyone. I'm a what you see is what you get type of person and like-minded people are my kind of people.

Aspen is my kind of people.

I shake my head to pull myself together. I can't just stand here, I've got to go have coffee with the most gorgeous man alive.

I go through my closet and my drawers, looking for something that looks like I tried, but not too hard. But wow, I really don't have that many nice things to wear.

I finally settle on a loose-fitting blush colored top and a pair of black jeans. It's more dressy than usual, but still not over the top. I quickly change clothes, try and tame my hair, brush my teeth and spray on some perfume.

When I open my bedroom door, Lizzy is standing there with her fist raised, as if she was about to knock. Her eyes widen in surprise, and then she smiles knowingly. "Okay then, I see you. Getting out the good stuff for Mr. Green eyes."

"We're going to have coffee. I should be back soon," I say, trying to walk past her.

But she grabs my arm, slinging back around to face her like we're swing dancing. "What?!" she shrieks.

"Calm down, it's just coffee," I say, pushing her away from me.

"Okay, but tell me how coffee goes!" she grins excitedly.

I nod and hurry into the living room, taking in a deep, calming breath along the way. "Okay, I'm ready to go," I tell Aspen.

He stands up and grins when he sees me. "You look cute."

"Thank you," I reply, not exactly sure how to take his compliment. Babies look cute. Kittens look cute. Girls who don't fit the beauty standards, but put a little effort into their appearance every once in a while also look cute, apparently.

I follow Aspen outside to his car and he opens the door for me as if this is an actual date. I smile in response, taking my seat, but he kind of stands there, as if he wants to say something.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

He quickly nods. "Yeah, yeah. I'm fine."

He closes the door and hurries around to the driver's side. When he gets in and starts up the car, hard rock music, the kind where they scream instead of sing, blasts through the speakers, nearly scaring me to death.

"I'm so sorry!" Aspen apologizes, turning it down. "I like to listen to my music kind of loud when I'm alone."

"That's not kind of loud. That's deafening," I tell him.

He chuckles. "I'm really sorry. That's probably not your type of music either, is it."

"No, I can't say I'm into heavy metal."

"Then what kind of music are you into?" he asks, glancing over at me as he backs out of his parking space.

"Well, I like lots of different music. Except heavy metal and country."

"What?! You don't like country music?!" he asks, only pretending to be surprised. "I could've sworn that would've been your favorite!"

"Oh, I get it. Because I'm half black?"

He stiffens, his face growing pale in only a matter of seconds. "I'm sorry, that's not what I meant."

"It's okay," I smile. "I know that's not what you meant. I was just messing with you."

"Oh good," he sighs in relief. "So where to? I don't drink a lot of coffee, so I don't go to a lot of coffee shops."

"We don't have to go get coffee, I was only suggesting it because that's what people do when they want to hang out. Or at least, that's what I think people do. I only have like, two friends. I wouldn't know."

"You and me both," he chuckles. "I like running in smaller circles though."

"Yeah, me too. It's less stressful."

"We don't have to go anywhere if you don't want to. I just...had a lot of fun with you last night and I thought...why not do more fun things with you? We only have a little while left."

I look over at him, trying to figure out whether or not he's being serious. He looks like he is, he sounds like he is, but is he?

"We can go to Cafe Monday and you can try a beignet if you want," I shrug.

"Okay," he smiles.

We make the short drive over to Conti Street, and even though I swore I'd never come to this place on a weekend, I'm kind of excited to be hanging out with Aspen. We really did have a lot of fun together last night, so why not continue to have fun together until our lives pull us in different directions?

"Miss Martin, hello," Mr. Brewer says when he sees Aspen and me coming towards the entrance. "Never thought I'd see you here by choice. Who is your friend?"

"My name is Aspen, sir. Nice to meet you," Aspen says, shaking Mr. Brewer's hand. "I've been telling her how badly I've wanted to visit this place, so here we are."

"Really? You...wanted to visit this place?" he asks, furrowing his brows.

"Um, yes?" Aspen replies, not catching on. "I heard you have the best beignets in New Orleans."

"It's true," I add.

Mr. Brewer finally grins. "You kids take a seat. I'll have Manny make a fresh batch."

Aspen and I sit in the center of the courtyard, next to one of my flower arrangements. I watch him as he looks around, taking everything in. It's hard to look at this place with new perspective myself, but I find joy in watching someone else basking in the glow of the Big Easy.

Mr. Brewer brings out our fresh beignets in only minutes and my mouth waters at the sight of them.

"Wow, these look amazing!" Aspen says excitedly.

"This is Aspen's first beignet experience," I tell Mr. Brewer, giving Aspen a playful smirk.

"Then you're in for a treat. Enjoy," he says, giving us a nod before he walks away.

Aspen wastes no time picking up one of the piping hot beignets, giving it a quick blow and stuffing it into his mouth. He quickly spits it back out into a napkin.

"Hot, hot, hot!" he hisses, making me laugh.

"He said they were fresh!"

He gulps down his water until his glass is completely empty. Then he reaches for my glass and does the same.

"You good?" I ask, raising a brow.

"Yeah," he chuckles. "I guess I got a little too excited."

"Just give them a chance to cool. I promise, you'll love them. That is, if you didn't burn your taste buds off."

He laughs, but his laughter suddenly fades out as he looks behind me. I follow his eyes and smile when I see the elderly couple who just walked in together, holding hands. They stop at my flower arrangement and marvel at the colors, talking about how it reminded them of summers in Florida.

They never stop smiling, or holding hands, or giggling. It's almost like it's their first date.

And maybe it was, a long time ago. This place is pretty old.

"Can you imagine spending years and years of your life with someone, and still enjoying their company?" Aspen chuckles.

I look at him and laugh. "No, I can't imagine."

"Do you want to get married someday?" he asks.

I hesitate, giving it some real though. I guess I always thought I would get married, because that's what's expected of me. But do I really want that? "I don't know, maybe? But if I don't get married, I'll be perfectly fine with that too."

"Really? I thought all girls wanted to be beautiful brides someday," he smirks.

I playfully roll my eyes, shaking my head at him. "No, not all girls. I don't want to plan out every detail of my life. I know some things have to be planned, like my education and career choice, but when it comes to love, if it happens, it happens, and if it doesn't, great."

"Do you want kids?" he asks.

"I guess if I did decide to get married someday, I may want kids too," I shrug. "What about you? I'm sure you want a lot of kids, don't you."

He smiles. "I do. Well, not a lot. Maybe three or four. I've always wanted to be a father, more than anything else. It's my number one goal in life."

"And a goal that shouldn't be hard to reach. You'll have women everywhere lined up to apply for the job as your baby mama," I laugh.

He laughs at first, but he stops abruptly as if he's just realized something. "Wait, are you saying I'm good looking?"

"You know that you're good looking."

"It doesn't matter what I know," he smirks. "We're talking about you here. Do you think I'm good looking?"

Is he kidding right now? Anything with eyes can see that he's attractive. Is he just compliment fishing? If so, that's kind of lame. I can't stand it when attractive people feel the need to be told they're attractive over and over.

"Yes, everyone thinks you're good looking," I reply.

"But you do," he says, giving me a look that I don't quite understand.

"Yes?" I answer, staring at him in confusion.

He smiles bashfully, his cheeks tinged with a delightful shade of pink. He seems genuinely flattered that I would say that, but I can't imagine why. He's probably heard it thousands of times before.

"Thank you," he finally says, still smiling.