War For Love

~Thirty One~

Sahib felt his body freezing at her words. Like everything inside him broke at once. His eyes lost its color and he felt life leaving from his fingertips. He felt numb. Never in his life, he felt what he felt at that moment. Not even when he lost his mother, not when he lost his father. This felt different. It felt like a part of his soul shattered down into pieces, stabbing him, drawing out his blood. The bond he shared with Siya was beyond any other bond. He was connected to her by his soul and their relationship was above any marriage or divorce. It was eternal. And yet seeing her getting married to someone else broke him.

Siya felt his eyes losing its life. Her eyes widened as she realized he was losing everything inside him. It was meant to be a joke. Partially. Her marriage was fixed with Mehul, yes but forcefully. But that doesn't mean she would marry Mehul. Fear palpated inside her as she took a step forward, keeping the pot down, holding his now cold hands before a tear dropped down on the back of his palm. Sahib was crying. Siya felt everything inside her dying. Seeing Sahib cry, especially because of her was her biggest failure.

Then another drop fell on Sahib's hand and this time it belonged to Siya. And just at the same time, in the same moment Sahib looked at Siya, just when Siya looked at Sahib. A thousand emotions, a thousand unsaid words, a thousand apologies and a thousand complains were made in the one second. And Sahib gripped her bicep, pulling her closer to him, pressing her face against his chest. Siya inhaled in his soothing, calming cologne, feeling something inside her reviving, something that had died seeing Sahib crying. She wrapped her hands around his waist too. Her fingers gripping his back as her tears made his skin wet.

Sahib was also crying.

"Rudra......"

"Shh. These tears are of happiness, my Siya. Seeing you marry is my biggest dream, my biggest prayer." Siya shook her head, pulling away from him. Feeling the pain behind his smile. Happiness? But those numb lifeless eyes narrated a different tale. A tale that made her heart wrench from pain and sorrow. He wasn't happy.

"Listen to me...."

"Uh—huh. I remember your conversation with your sister in the bazaar, Siya. I know your biggest dream is to marry in a silk saree, with gajra (flower garland) wraped around your hair and with silver anklets. And I'll give them to you. As my parting gift? My Siya would be the most beautiful bride. Your husband's lucky, hm! Tell him, I'm jealous of him."

Tears ran down Sahib's eyes as he said that. Siya too was sobbing now. Her body shaking as she gripped his biceps, her face looking a little down as she shook her head, unable to look into his eyes. How can a man groom her woman to be with someone else? What was Sahib's soul made of? How can a person sacrifice so much for someone else? Siya didn't knew. She didn't wanted to. She wanted him to be selfish for once.

He gently gripped her face, making her to look at him. Her red, puffy and teary eyes met his own tearful gaze. Siya never knew that Sahib's dark eyes that made her see a thousand lives with him could also break her so much. But who was to be blamed for this? Siya wanted to blame so many people, so many things but she knew fate and time never bows down to anyone. No one.

He wiped her tears, rubbing her cheeks by his thumb, gently, lovingly, making her eyes to flutter close and another tear rolled down her eyes.

"When is the marriage?" He asked softly and she opened her eyes, shaking her head.

"I'm not marrying anyone, Rudra." His eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she slightly tilted his face to look at her.

"What?"

"Remember that day, I told you if you'd tell me something about yourself I don't know about, I'll tell you something about myself you don't know?"

"Hm." Sahib hummed, nodding his head, not really understanding where this conversation was really heading to. Siya smiled at his nod, wiping her tears.

"But I never told you about myself. You never asked me either, Rudra. But do you know what I was going to say?" Siya asked and he shook his head only to widen her smile.

"I was going to say that if you're not the man I'll be marrying to, Rudra. I'll never marry anyone else." He dropped his hand from her face, taking a step back as he closed his eyes.

"And I'll never marry you, Siya! I told you, I can you give you anything you'll ask me to but not the promise to marry you. I can't. I can't make you a widow before even marrying you. I warned you, Siya, our love would never reach its destination. You can't waste your life expecting me to marry you when I can literally count my life on my fingers, Siya."

"I don't want to marry you either! I know you won't marry me and I don't even expect you to even marry me but that doesn't mean I'll marry someone else! I love you, Rudra. My love is not so weak that I'll let any other man or woman near me just because you won't be with me in near future."

"You're wasting your life for me, Siya! I won't always be alive to love you. To make you feel loved. These hands won't survive for long to caress your face, these fingers won't live for more to worship your body. These eyes would die too, Siya. They won't always then look at you with love. You need to marry someone else. Everyday would be longer and heavier for you without someone, who would tell you that they love you everyday. That they're living for you. And only you."

"But I want to live for you. Just you, Rudra. No one can love me the way you love me. I can't love anyone after loving you. How fair would be it for you to love me your whole life and then for me to love someone else?" She sobbed out. Sahib's eyes brimmed with tears, rolling down his eyes as he swallowed the burning in his throat.

"What if I want to see you marrying someone else, Siya? Still you won't marry them?" He asked softly, his voice cracking at the end and Siya froze at his words. Her fingers dropped down from his biceps as she looked at him with tears burning her eyes.

Sahib was akin to the supreme god to her. If he would tell her to jump in the hot fire, she would, without even a single thought. And he was asking her to marry someone else. He was begging her. And to keep him happy and to keep him from crying, she would marry anyone he would say.

"With the love you're asking me to marry someone else, Rudra, I'll even jump off the cliff."

"Then promise me, you won't deny marrying the guy because of me."

"Only if I could love them the way I love you. And the day I fell in love with them just the way I fell for you, I'll marry them, the very moment." Sahib rolled his eyes, chuckling softly as he sat down on the cot, with Siya beside him. 

"That means you'll never marry anyone." Siya smiled slyly at him, gripping the pot as she pulled it closer, uncovering it.

"I don't know about marriage but I do know, I'm really hungry right now. And besides, I made this kheer. And the groom's mother said, I cook really delicious." She said with a giggle as she took some kheer out in her fingers before raising it closer to his mouth, feeding him.

And Siya wasn't lying. The kheer (sweet dish) was really delicious. His eyes rolled back in gratification as he took the pot, taking some kheer out before taking it closer to her mouth. Siya felt her cheeks flushing red as she wrapped her fingers around his palm before eating the kheer from him.

"The groom's mother do know how to pick up her daughter-in-law, hm." She giggled, shaking her head as she took some more kheer out, putting it in her mouth. She was really hungry.

"Groom's mother want me, my darling Rudra, the groom himself doesn't want me." His eyes widened at her confession.

Sahib couldn't believe someone could deny marrying Siya. If he would've been in the groom's place, he would've married her by now. She was so beautiful. Not just by body but by soul. Her dark skin, her dark chasm for eyes and her smile. Sometimes Sahib would think, she must have been the nature in one of her lives. So beautiful. Just like the nature. Beautiful and pure.

"It's hard to believe someone doesn't want to marry you." Sahib said and Siya silently gazed at him.

Would you? Would you marry me? She wanted to ask but refrained herself. And she smiled instead, shaking her head. She took some more kheer out before raising her hand closer to his mouth to feed him.

"He loves someone else." Siya said and his mouth formed in an 'O', shaking his head. Alas! Lovers never meet. They love but never marry.

"Oh."

"And I don't blame him for not marrying me. I mean, he is in love with a person who makes it harder for him to love someone else. And I say this by experience, Rudra. We both love the best and yet the person doesn't know how precious he is." He rose his brows, taking the last bite of the kheer before keeping the empty pot down.

He was still hungry. But content at the same time. The quantity wasn't enough to feed two people and yet the love in her kheer was enough to sate him for years and ages. Who could be as bountiful as Siya was? They were a poor family, struggling to even earn three meals a day. The quantity she gets to eat is not even sufficient for her and yet she gives three-fourth of her food to Sahib, leaving even less than a quarter for herself. And yet she never complains. She feeds him with the same love, same affection, everyday which itself is enough to sate his hunger.

"Is it?" He asked and she nodded her head, smiling at him.

"Hm. Some people are born to be just loved by other people. The person he loves is too born to be loved by the world."

"Who is he in love with?" He asked and she inched closer to him, their bodies barely an inch away from each other. She looked in his dark eyes, licking her lips.

"You won't believe whom he loves." He snorted at her words.

"When you said he doesn't love you, that astounded me enough, Siya. Tell me whom he loves? There's nothing left to be shocked about anymore."

"You."

"What!"

"I told you, you won't believe me if I said whom he loves." He shook his head, unable to believe.

"But— but he's a man!" He said, shocked.

"I thought you were an educated man, Rudra." He slightly narrowed his eyes at her.

"I am."

"Then you must be knowing a man does fall in love with another man."