HELL’S TREASURE (EXCERPT)-1
2020 Words
HELL’S TREASURE (EXCERPT)Introduction
Let's start off with an excerpt from a project that is close to finding new life. Hell's Treasure is a graphic novel that I wrote a number of years ago for a New York-based book publisher. One editor, in particular, was extremely interested in the project and wanted badly to bring it to fruition, but the publishing industry tightened up, and Hell's Treasure fell through the cracks. It was gone...but never forgotten! I loved this script so much that I could never let it go. Finally, after years of false starts, I am launching a Kickstarter campaign to fund publication of this graphic novel and its sequel, Hell's Power. The sample artwork from Mighty Megan Levens is magnificent, and I'm hoping the campaign will be a success. One way or another, though, I am committed to making Hell's Treasure a reality. So enjoy the following excerpt from the start of the graphic novel and keep an eye open for the latest news on the Kickstarter campaign and eventual production and publication of the book. I think you'll love it as much as I do, if not more.
Hell's Treasure
Page 1 (1 panel splash; must be a right-facing page)
Page 1 panel 1
Wide shot, full-page splash panel. Exterior, a rooftop in the rain at night. Shaw Serling, a 15-year-old girl with long red hair, stands on a ledge on the roof of a tall building in the pouring rain, ready to leap off. We see her from behind, with the lights of New York City spread out before her. The night sky is packed with clouds. Shaw's fiery red hair blows in the wind. She wears black, formal clothes--a long, black coat over a knee-length black dress and black hose. Her clothes are soaked from the rain. She has just come from a funeral.
Shaw (caption): The building tells me not to jump.
Shaw (caption): I tell it to mind its own business.
Page 2 (3 panels)
Page 2 panel 1
Half-page panel to introduce Shaw properly. Reverse angle from page 1 panel 1, medium shot on Shaw, showing her from a POV suspended in front of her, looking from the direction of the cityscape toward the roof of the building where she stands. She is a pale, slender girl, sixteen years old, with freckles scattered over her nose and cheeks. "Distraught" is too mild a word to describe her expression. She's in a state of pure anguish, ready to end it all in a heartbeat. Mascara runs down her face, washed away by rain and tears. Her hair blows across her face, which is lit from below by the city lights.
Shaw (caption): Maybe I should use pills or carbon monoxide instead.
Shaw (caption): At least they wouldn't talk back to me.
Page 2 panel 2
First of two panels in the bottom tier, narrower than page 2 panel 3. Closeup on Shaw's face. Her eyes glisten with tears. She stares off into space, remembering.
Shaw (caption): But I didn't want to take a chance this wouldn't work.
Shaw (caption): Not to mention, this is where it happened.
Page 2 panel 3
FLASHBACK. Wider panel in the bottom tier. Interior, a well-lit apartment. Another closeup of Shaw's face, but with an angry, not anguished, expression. We see her in daylight, dressed in brighter colors--shouting at someone off-panel.
Shaw (caption): This is where I ruined everything.
Shaw: This sucks! I hate you!
Page 3 (5 panels)
Page 3 panel 1
Flashback continues. Big panel, almost half the page. Wide shot, interior living room of a well-appointed apartment...Shaw's home. In the middle of the panel, she faces off with a middle-aged man, her father, Jack. He's slim and balding, with brown hair around the sides and back of his head. He wears wire-rimmed glasses, a white button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and khaki trousers. At far left, Shaw's sister, Emily, stands behind Shaw and watches, frowning, with arms stiff at her sides. Emily's 13, two years younger than Shaw and somewhat awkward and gangly. She has bright red hair and freckles, but her hair is shorter, collar-length. She wears a goofy t-shirt and faded bluejeans. She holds a cell phone and has iPod-style ear buds in her ears with dangling cords leading to the phone. At far right, Shaw's mother, Maeve, stands behind Jack with arms folded over her chest. Maeve is a beautiful woman in her late 30s with striking red hair. (The girls take after her, obviously.) She wears flowing, pretty clothes--a belted dress with a gypsy, bohemian look. She's a little bit Stevie Nicks, willowy, ethereal...but with red hair and fashion-framed glasses.
Shaw (caption): Three floors down. One week ago.
Shaw (caption): Might as well be a billion years ago.
Jack: You painted graffiti on the side of the school! I'd say you're getting off easy.
Shaw: This isn't fair!
Page 3 panel 2
Flashback continues. Different angle, medium shot. Zoom in on Shaw and Jack arguing in the middle of the living room. Angle on Shaw.
Shaw: The school building told me to paint it!
Jack: "Principal Dixon Blows?" I doubt it!
Jack: And the rest of it? You couldn't get any raunchier!
Page 3 panel 3
Flashback continues. Closeup on Shaw as she shrugs.
Shaw: I just wrote what the building told me to.
Shaw: What can I say? That place hears a lot of trash talk.
Page 3 panel 4
Flashback continues. Medium shot, angle on Jack and Maeve as Maeve speaks up.
Maeve: Look, Shaw. We both know they're going easy on you.
Maeve: They could have expelled you.
Page 3 panel 5
Flashback continues. Medium shot. Angle on Shaw, still spouting off, as Emily glares at her in the background.
Shaw: This is just as bad! No activities for the rest of the year!
Shaw: No swim team! No field trips! No prom!
Page 4 (6 panels)
Page 4 panel 1
First of 3 panels in the top tier of the page. Flashback continues. Closeup, angle on Maeve and Jack.
Maeve: The most important lessons hurt the most, Shaw.
Jack: Anyway, it's out of our hands. The school's decision is final.
Page 4 panel 2
Flashback continues. Closeup on Shaw as she snaps out the words. She's boiling with rage.
Shaw: You didn't even try.
Shaw: You didn't even try to change their minds!
Page 4 panel 3
Flashback continues. Medium shot. Jack, frowning, reaches toward her.
Jack: It's for your own good, Shaw. The things you've been doing...we're worried about you.
Jack: The break-ins, the vandalism, now the graffiti...
Page 4 panel 4
Flashback continues. First of 3 panels in the bottom tier of the page. Extreme closeup on Shaw as she desperately tries to get through to her parents. This panel is larger than page 4 panel 5 but smaller than page 4 panel 6, also in the bottom tier.
Shaw: I told you, it's the buildings. They talk to me! They tell me to do things!
Page 4 panel 5
Flashback continues. Second of 3 panels in the bottom tier of the page, smaller than the panels to the right and left of it. Closeup on Maeve with eyes glistening. She's trying to stay tough, but strong emotion is running away with her. Clearly, she loves her daughter.
Maeve: Oh, Shaw. We feel like you're slipping away from us.
Maeve: You're 15 years old, and we feel like we're losing you.
Page 4 panel 6
Flashback continues. A larger panel in the bottom tier. Closeup on Emily as she finally shouts over the rest of the family. Her mouth is wide open, her eyes shut, her fists clenched at shoulder height with the strain of it.
Emily: Shut up!
Emily: Everybody just shut up!
Page 5 (4 panels)
Page 5 panel 1
Flashback continues. Wide shot. Big panel in the top tier. Shaw, Jack, and Maeve all stare in surprise at Emily, who suddenly has the spotlight.
Emily: Why do you have to ruin everything, Shaw?
Emily: Why do you have to ruin my life?
Page 5 panel 2
Flashback continues. Medium shot of Emily getting in Shaw's face and giving her a little hell.
Emily: Do you have any idea what it's like being your sister?
Emily: Everyone expects me to be crazy like you.
Emily: They treat me like dirt. And I'm sick of it.
Page 5 panel 3
Flashback continues. Same shot as page 5 panel 2, but this time, Shaw leans into Emily and gives the hell right back to her.
Shaw: Stop feeling sorry for yourself!
Shaw: When walls and floors and ceilings start yelling in your head, then you'll have something to be sick of!
Page 5 panel 4
Flashback continues. Medium shot, but panned left to show Jack grabbing Shaw's upper arm and pulling her back away from Emily. Zoom in a bit to emphasize the intense emotion of the moment.
Jack: That's enough, Shaw! Don't take this out on your sister.
Shaw: Let go of me!
Page 6 (10 panels in 3 tiers; a crowded crush, with panel 1 the widest and all other panels growing narrower, simulating Shaw's rush of emotion...until panel 5, which shows the family's reaction, and panel 9, which opens wide as she says something terrible, and the deed is done.)
Page 6 panel 1
Flashback continues. Biggest panel on page. Closeup on Shaw as she angrily pulls her arm free from Jack's grip.
Shaw: Let go!
Shaw: Leave me alone! All of you!
Page 6 panel 2
Flashback continues. Smaller panel than page 6 panel 1, still in the top tier. Closeup on Jack as he shouts at Shaw.
Jack: Go to your room, Shaw!
Jack: Not only are you banned from school activities for the rest of the school year, the next two months...
Jack: Now you're grounded at home for three months.
Page 6 panel 3
Flashback continues. Middle tier panel, narrower than page 6 panel 2. Closeup on Shaw as she reacts with shock and anger.
Shaw: What?!
Shaw (caption): And that was when I said it.
Page 6 panel 4
Flashback continues. Middle tier panel, narrower than page 6 panel 3. Tighter closeup on Shaw's face. She's about to say something that will change the course of her life.
Shaw (caption): That was when the words leaped out of me.
Shaw: No!
Shaw (caption): I couldn't stop them.
Page 6 panel 5
Flashback continues. Middle tier panel, wider than page 6 panel 4. Medium shot, positioned approximately at center of page, showing Jack, Maeve, and Emily staring back at Shaw.
Shaw (caption): I didn't mean what I said.
Shaw: I hate you!
Shaw (caption): But it didn't matter.
Page 6 panel 6
Flashback continues. An even tighter closeup on Shaw.
Shaw: I hate you!
Shaw (caption): I said it anyway.
Page 6 panel 7
Flashback continues. Narrower panel in the bottom tier. Tighter closeup on Shaw, enraged.
Shaw: I hate all of you!
Page 6 panel 8
Flashback continues. Narrower panel, tighter closeup on Shaw.
Shaw: I wish...
Page 6 panel 9
Flashback continues. The tightest closeup yet on Shaw. This time, the shot's so tight, it only shows Shaw's mouth as she prepares to utter the fateful words.
Shaw (caption): And I can't take it back now.
Shaw: I wish...
Page 6 panel 10
Flashback continues. Widest panel in the bottom tier. Loose closeup on Shaw as she glares at her family and says the dreaded words.
Shaw: I wish you were all dead.
Shaw (caption): Guess what?
Page 7 (1 panel)
End of flashback. Full page splash panel. A solid black background with a single sentence in white text at the middle of the frame. A stark set of words in a modest point size (but readable, not so tiny the reader will need a magnifying glass to make them out), set against a field of complete darkness.
Shaw: I got my wish.
Page 8 (5 panels)
Page 8 panel 1
Fade up from black gradually over the next three panels. Start with a closeup on Shaw's face in the present day, as she stares out at the city from the rooftop in the pouring rain, face dimly lit by the city lights. Mascara runs down her face, and her red hair whips in the quickening wind.
Shaw (caption): So...
Page 8 panel 2
Continue to fade up gradually. Same shot of Shaw's face, but a moment later: the mascara streaks are further down her cheeks, and her blowing hair is in a different configuration. She says nothing.
- Writer
