HELL’S TREASURE (EXCERPT)-2
2004 Words
Page 8 panel 3
Finish gradual fade up. Same shot of Shaw's face, a moment later than page 8 panel 2. Again, the tears and hair are in different positions. Also, she reaches up to brush the tears away with her right hand.
Shaw (caption): So now you know why I'm here.
Page 8 panel 4
New angle, medium shot. Truck around Shaw to show a side angle on her face with city lights fanning out in the distance.
Shaw (caption): Because I was wrong.
Shaw (caption): I didn't hate them. I never did.
Page 8 panel 5
Wide shot of the city lights sprawling before Shaw, seen from her POV.
Shaw (caption): It turns out I can't live without them.
Page 9 (4 panels)
Page 9 panel 1
Medium shot of Shaw standing on the ledge on the rooftop. She looks down at the ledge.
Shaw (caption): And I keep wondering if they died because of me.
Shaw (caption): After all, I'm not exactly normal.
Page 9 panel 2
Closeup on Shaw's feet on the ledge. Beyond the ledge, we glimpse the long drop-off...seven stories to the street below.
Shaw (caption): Normal people can't hear what buildings say.
Building (in a wavy, ghostly font): Don't...jump. Don't...do it.
Page 9 panel 3
Medium shot of Shaw, seen from the POV of her feet on the ledge, looking up at her.
Shaw (caption): So what if I can do more than that, and I just don't know it?
Shaw (caption): What if I can make my wishes come true?
Page 9 panel 4
Closeup on Shaw's face as she whispers a hopeless wish. She knows it won't come true because she's tried it before, but she tries again anyway.
Shaw (caption): But only the bad ones.
Shaw (whispered): I wish my family was still alive.
Shaw (caption): Because the good ones never come true.
Page 10 (5 panels)
Page 10 panel 1
Wide shot. Shaw, on the ledge, seen from behind, from the POV of someone behind her on the rooftop. Shaw turns her head to check and see if her wish has borne fruit.
Shaw (caption): Like I said.
Page 10 panel 2
Wide shot of the empty rooftop behind her, from Shaw's POV. We see the door to a stairway, an a/c vent, a skylight...but no resurrected family.
Shaw (caption): The good ones never come true.
Page 10 panel 3
Medium shot of Shaw as she turns back around to face the city. She takes a deep breath and stands straighter, gathers up her resolve.
Shaw (caption): Enough of this.
Shaw (caption): Only one way I'll ever see them again.
Page 10 panel 4
Wider shot of Shaw as she stiffens and prepares to make the jump.
Shaw: Just do it.
Shaw: Get it over with.
Page 10 panel 5
Jump from the wide shot in panel 4 to a tight closeup on Shaw's face.
Shaw (caption): This is it.
Shaw (caption): The only way I can tell them what I need to say.
Page 11 (7 panels)
Page 11 panel 1
Inset panel over large panel 2. Extreme closeup on Shaw's lips as she whispers her last words.
Shaw (whispered): I'm sorry.
Page 11 panel 2
Large, half-page panel. Wide shot. Shaw, seen from behind with the glittering cityscape before her, spreads her arms wide like wings and throws her head back.
Shaw (caption): Finally.
Page 11 panel 3
Inset panel over right side of page 11 panel 2. Closeup on Shaw's face, gazing up at the night sky with eyes open.
Shaw (caption): It's about time...
Page 11 panel 4
Another inset panel, stacked under page 11 panel 3 over the right side of page 11 panel 2. Identical closeup on Shaw's face, gazing up at the sky, only this time, her eyes are closed.
Shaw (caption): ...I get what I deserve.
Page 11 panel 5
Short, wide panel stacked under page 11 panel 2. Medium shot of Shaw, seen in profile, eyes closed, arms spread.
Page 11 panel 6
Another short, wide panel stacked under panel 5. Shaw starts to let herself fall forward. The stacked panels show the motion of her body as she tips over the ledge.
Page 11 panel 7
Another short, wide panel in the stack. Shaw leans further forward.
Pages 12-13 (2-page spread)
Two-page splash, a giant medium shot to heighten the action as a young man grabs her from behind and hauls her back from the ledge. Lightning flashes overhead, illuminating the scene in its glare. The rain continues to gush down from the sky. Shaw looks stunned, and the young man looks determined, gritting his teeth with the effort. He's wiry, about six feet tall, with short, black hair and dark eyes. He's of mixed race descent, part Caucasian, part African-American, and his skin is light brown. He's wearing a white t-shirt with an image of Andy Warhol on the chest...and red plaid pajama bottoms. Also a pair of beat-to-hell Keds-style sneakers. He looks like he just got out of bed, which he did. His appearance will be more relevant in panels to come, when he isn't busy tackling Shaw. He's 16 years old, and his name is Aaron.
SFX (thunder crashing): KRAKAKOOM!
Aaron: No!
Shaw (caption at lower right of panel): That's when it happens.
Page 14 (5 panels)
Page 14 panel 1
Wide shot of Shaw and Aaron falling together on the roof behind the ledge.
Shaw (caption): God's idea of a joke.
Aaron: Unhh!
SFX: THUD
Page 14 panel 2
Medium shot. Angle on Shaw and Aaron tangled together on the roof. POV looking toward Shaw over Aaron's shoulder. Shaw kicks and flails around, trying to break free, landing multiple blows on Aaron. He just tries to protect himself and ward off her attack.
Shaw: Get off me! Let go!
Aaron: Hey, stop! Calm down!
Page 14 panel 3
Medium shot. Angle on Aaron and Shaw, POV looking toward Aaron over Shaw's shoulder. Shaw's fighting harder than ever to get clear.
Aaron: Cut it out! I'm on your side!
Shaw (caption): If that was true...
Page 14 panel 4
Medium shot. Angle on Shaw as she snaps her arm from his grip and breaks away.
Shaw (caption): ...I'd be street pizza right now.
Shaw: I said, get off me!
Page 14 panel 5
Medium shot. Angle on Shaw as she braces herself on the ledge, preparing to heave herself up and over to her death. Thunder booms, and the rain pours harder than ever.
Shaw: Mind your own business!
Aaron (off-panel): Wait, don't do it!
Page 15 (6 panels; 3 tiers of 2 panels each)
Page 15 panel 1
Closeup on Shaw as she stops climbing back on the ledge and looks back at him, eyes wide with surprise.
Aaron (off-panel): Don't do it, Shaw!
Page 15 panel 2
Zoom out to a medium shot, angle on Shaw as she continues to gape at Aaron.
Shaw: How...
Shaw: How did you know my name?
Page 15 panel 3
Medium shot. Aaron reaches out with one hand as he gets to his feet.
Aaron: I'll tell you if you come away from the ledge.
Page 15 panel 4
Medium shot. Angle on Shaw, still holding on to the ledge. She frowns as a thought occurs to her.
Shaw: Did someone send you up here?
Shaw: Someone who knows me?
Page 15 panel 5
Medium shot of Aaron, still reaching out. Same POV and composition as page 15 panel 3, but tighter.
Aaron: Not really someone.
Aaron: More like something.
Page 15 panel 6
Closeup on Shaw as she snaps at him. She's getting irritated with his apparent evasiveness.
Shaw: Something that knows me?
Shaw: What the hell are you talking about?
Page 16 (7 panels in 3 tiers)
Page 16 panel 1
Medium shot. Aaron reaches into his back pocket.
Aaron: What I'm talking about...
Aaron: ...is something like...
Page 16 panel 2 (top tier)
Identical shot, angle, etc., as Aaron pulls an iPhone-style cell phone from his pocket and thrusts it toward Shaw. The screen is lit with a colorful image, but it's not really clear to the reader from afar.
Aaron: ...this.
Page 16 panel 3 (top tier)
Closeup on Shaw as she squints through the rain, trying to make out the tiny image on the iPhone screen.
Shaw: What is it?
Page 16 panel 4 (middle tier)
Wide panel, wide shot. POV from behind Aaron's shoulder, looking at the back of the iPhone as he holds it facing Shaw. A few yards away, Shaw keeps squinting at the phone as she gets to her feet, hands trailing away from the ledge.
Aaron: Wouldja just come look at it, for cryin' out loud?
Aaron: I'm not going anywhere near that ledge again.
Page 16 panel 5 (middle tier)
Medium shot. Shaw comes closer and leans in for a good look at the iPhone screen. She still looks puzzled.
Shaw: So what is it?
Shaw: I still can't tell.
Page 16 panel 6 (bottom tier)
Closeup on Aaron holding up the iPhone. His smiling face is partly visible behind it. The top half of the painting is visible, and the bottom half is cut off by the panel border. It's the famous image of a man in a gray suit and bowler hat, his face obscured by an apple (as Aaron's face is partly obscured by the iPhone).
Aaron: A painting. By René Magritte.
Aaron: It looks just like this. It told me who you are and where to find you.
Page 16 panel 7 (bottom tier)
Closeup on the painting on the iPhone screen. Maybe we see Aaron's thumb and fingers around it, maybe not. It's a famous painting, The Son of Man, by René Magritte.
Aaron (off-panel): It told me something else, too.
Aaron (off-panel): It told me how we can get to Heaven without dying.
Page 17 (5 panels)
Page 17 panel 1
Wide shot. Wide panel, spanning the top tier. Aaron's POV as Shaw stands in the middle of the panel, gaping at him. We see the lights of the city fan out behind her. The shot is reminiscent of the earlier shots of Shaw poised to jump from the ledge, only now, she's facing Aaron. She looks small, overwhelmed by a moment of realization and change. The future pivots around her.
Shaw (caption): Suddenly, it hits me.
SFX: KABADABOOM!
Page 17 panel 2
Another wide shot, identical to panel 1, except the night sky has lit up as bright as day in a tremendous burst of lightning...the symbolic equivalent of the light bulb switching on in Shaw's head.
Shaw (caption): Aaron was sent here for a reason.
Page 17 panel 3
Another wide shot spanning the page, identical to panel 2, except the night sky has gone dark again. The lights of New York City flare back into prominence. Aaron has entered the shot from panel left and stands beside Shaw, reaching for her with one hand. Shaw looks over at him.
Shaw (caption): No other possible explanation.
Aaron: How about if we get you in out of the rain?
Page 17 panel 4
Another almost identical wide shot spanning the page. This time, Shaw turns toward Aaron and lets him lead her by the arm toward panel left. She looks seriously bedraggled and vulnerable, sopping wet, with her arms folded over her chest. The rain is pouring just as hard as ever.
Aaron: What do you say to some coffee?
Shaw (caption): And no other possible answer.
Shaw: Okay.
Shaw (caption): Because I need to know more.
Page 17 panel 5
A final almost identical wide shot. This time, Shaw and Aaron are gone, revealing the lights of the cityscape they once looked out at. This is the view Shaw saw when she closed her eyes and tried to jump off the roof.
Shaw (caption): And if that requires a leap of faith...
Shaw (caption): So be it.
Page 18 (5 panels)
Page 18 panel 1
Exterior, a hip yet seedy coffee shop along a New York City street. Rain still falls, but nowhere near the level of the earlier downpour. A red neon coffee cup glows in the narrow front window, hovering over a round spaceship. A neon sign above the cup shows the name of the shop in glowing yellow letters: FLYING SAUCERS. Shaw and Aaron are inside.
- Writer
