Pushing You Away

Chapter 1

Chapter One

KATIE

PRESENT DAY

I look around the two-story house I bought almost a year ago, knowing that one day it’ll be the perfect home for my son, Owen, and me. It needed a total remodel, so I've slowly been fixing it up on my days off at the bank. Sometimes, I’ll come in the evenings with Owen, but lately, between making dinner, helping with his homework, and getting him into bed by eight thirty, I haven’t had any extra time.

Even so, it’s been one-hundred-percent worth it. I’ve invested everything I own into this place and won't stop until it’s move-in ready. After tearing down some walls, I hired an electrician to fix the wiring before I insulated and hung drywall. Since I learned from watching YouTube tutorials and made a few mistakes along the way, it took months to get that much done. I’m hoping to do as much as I can on my own and am proud to do it.

Between being a single mom and working full-time, I have limited hours to dedicate to this project, but I’m determined. The flooring has been replaced in a couple of rooms, and I’ve been buying wood, paint, and other materials as I’ve saved up the money.

“Knock, knock,” Gemma sing-songs as she lets herself in the front door.

“In the master,” I call out. This room is almost finished and only needs new windows installed.

I smile when I see my best friend holding two cups of coffee. I grab one and take a small sip. “My hero.”

“How’s it goin’?” she asks, looking around. She hasn’t been here in a while, but she’s been busy lately, so I understand.

“Not too bad. Come check out the paint and carpet.”

I’ve decided to leave hardwood in the hallway and tile in the bathroom suite, so the carpet was only needed in this room.

Gemma stands in the doorway. “It looks so good. I can’t wait to see the house when it’s complete.”

I snort. “You and me both.”

We walk into the kitchen, where I chat about my plans.

“Are you sure you don’t want some help? This seems like such a big project for one person,” she says after I describe how I want to restore the cabinets.

“Nah, you and Tyler are busy with the new gym. I’ll be fine. I’ve got Google and YouTube to help save the day. I’ll figure it out.”

Gemma chuckles. “Well, just holler if you change your mind.”

“Do you wanna grab a drink tonight after I’m done here? Owen’s having a sleepover with Gabe’s parents.”

Loretta and Elliot Reid have been very involved in Owen’s life since Gabe was their only son. I’m grateful for them because after Gabe died, trying to raise a newborn alone left me exhausted. My mother helps a lot too, which I appreciate. When Owen was a baby, he didn’t sleep much, which meant neither did I. I was struggling to be a new mom and a widow. I would’ve been lost without the support of everyone who stepped up to offer a hand.

“I can’t…” Gemma hesitates, and I can tell something’s off.

“Oh, why not?”

“Well, I won’t be able to drink for about…nine months.”

My heart leaps in my throat. “Oh my God. You’re pregnant?”

I immediately wrap my arms around her. Gemma and Tyler Blackwood got married over a year ago after her ex-fiancé blackmailed her. He was an awful, conniving man and used threats so she’d agree to marry him. Once all the lies came to light, Tyler devised a plan to get her out of it. Long story short, they’ve been happily married ever since, and I’m over the moon excited they’re adding to their family. They were in love when Gemma was in high school, and it took twelve years for them to find each other again.

“I’m really happy for you guys,” I say. “How far along are you?”

“Only ten weeks but I didn’t want to wait too long to tell you. Once we got the ultrasound and confirmed everything was healthy, I was just waiting for the right way to announce it.”

“That’s exciting! I bet Tyler’s ecstatic.”

“He is. I’m so lucky.” She beams. “And I’m thrilled Noah will be getting out next month and can be a part of my pregnancy journey. He’s already missed so much over the past ten years. I’m just happy he’ll be around for this.”

I swallow down the lump that forms in my throat at the mention of her brother. She always treads lightly when it comes to Noah, but I can tell she’s eager about his homecoming. I, on the other hand, am dreading it.

“s**t, sorry,” she quickly says once she sees my expression.

“No, no, it’s fine. Better get used to it, right?” I half-laugh.

Soon, he’ll be back and impossible to avoid. Though Gemma and Everleigh are my best girl friends, Noah and I were inseparable for as long as I can remember. Not only was he funny and always down for an adventure but his smile would light up an entire room and cause butterflies every time he looked at me.

When I was younger, I didn’t understand what it meant, but I realized I had feelings for him as I got older. Gemma and Everleigh were the only two who knew and kept telling me to ask him out. I was too nervous he’d reject me—or worse, laugh—so I held onto the hope he’d admit he felt the same. When he never did, I assumed he only saw me as a friend. Anytime the opportunity arose, he never made a move, so when his cousin moved to town and asked me out, I accepted. Noah never said a word about it and seemed to approve, so I dated Gabe during my last two years of high school. When Gabe proposed the year after I graduated, I said yes because I thought I loved him. Not the way I had secretly loved Noah, but that was different and unexplainable. It was a love so deep it felt unnatural.

However, those feelings shifted after he was sentenced to prison, and he wouldn’t let me visit him. He couldn’t even return a damn letter. Years have passed, and I still don’t know why he pushed me away. Gemma pleaded with him to respond or let me see him, but he’d give her the runaround. After years of him ignoring me, my hurt turned to anger. If I were to see him today, I don’t know what I’d do. Maybe I’d just ignore him for the next decade like he ignored me.

The man I once loved has let me down. Not only did I lose a husband but I also lost my best friend at the same time.

I didn’t even get a say in the matter.

“I hope you two can talk it out,” Gemma says as I walk around, needing to keep myself busy. “He’s going to need as many people on his side as possible. This town hasn’t forgotten what happened, and I’m worried for him.”

“Well, I’ve been trying to talk to him for years, Gemma,” I remind her.

“I know, Katie. Trust me, I wish I could’ve talked some sense into him, but he’s a stubborn asshole sometimes. Perhaps this will be a new beginning for both of you.”

“Not counting on it,” I say dryly, wanting to change the subject.

“Katie…”

“I don’t want to see him,” I admit. “I know I will eventually have to, but I refuse to go out of my way. I’ve done enough of that.”

“I understand, but please just remember Tyler and I had our second chance after he got out of prison. I really believe that can happen for you two.”

I snort, nearly choking. “I wouldn’t be placing bets on that, babe.”

He knew what I was going through, yet he couldn’t even spare five minutes to write back. I never blamed him for Gabe’s death, never got angry with him for getting in our business, and never wanted him to go to prison for what happened. I knew Gabe was cheating, and the fact his mistress was there that night made the whole situation worse. But to be ghosted by my best friend when I just wanted to support him and make sure he was okay? I was devastated. In fact, if he shows up on my front porch, I won’t think twice about shoving him right on his a*s.

“Never say never.” She smirks.

“I’m too hurt to give him a chance,” I admit. “I have too much pent-up anger toward him, and the more I think about it, the madder I get.”

“Okay, sorry. I won’t bring it up again.”

“I know he’s your brother, so it’s gonna come up, but now you know how I feel about it all.”

“So I better warn him to wear a bulletproof vest if he’s around you.” She’s laughing, but I glare at her. “Okay, sorry, I’m done now.”

I finish walking Gemma through the house, explaining what I want to do and what colors I want to paint the walls. Owen’s an only child, so he’ll have his own space upstairs. We barely fit in the place we’re renting right now, so I can’t wait to give him the home he deserves.

“Just so you know…um, you-know-who will be working with Tyler at the gym. But I hope you’ll come and see it once things are ready for the grand opening.”

I shake my head at how she tries to avoid using his name. “It’s fine, Gemma. Just let me know when he’s not there, and I’ll come visit. I’m sure Owen would love to see it too.” I give her a hug when we reach the front door. “We’re very proud of you guys.”

“Thank you, I am too. I can’t believe it’s really happening. With my dad retiring, it feels like the perfect timing.”

“Once this house is finally done, I’ll actually have time to work out again. Looking forward to that even though I’ll probably just hang out at the juice bar.”

We laugh, and I tell her to give me every update she gets on the baby. I still can’t believe she’s pregnant. I wish our kids were closer in age, but that’s what happens when one of us gets pregnant before we can even legally drink.

Since I’m kid-free for the night and there’s literally nothing to do in Lawton Ridge, Alabama, in January, I finish up at the house, then head home for some solo drinking and Netflix bingeing.

The toxic combination means I’m left to my own thoughts, which have often led me down a path of self-loathing and pity. Usually after I tuck Owen in, I go to bed, but tonight, I’m sucking down wine and watching a show about a nurse moving to a small town and falling for the local bartender.

“Don’t do it…” I slur. “s*x only leads to heartbreak.”

Not that I’d really know. I haven’t had s*x in…a long-a*s time. I didn't even think about dating until three years after Gabe passed, and even then, it felt weird and wrong. It was never anything serious, but since I always put my kid and job first, they usually bailed before things could progress. The last time I went out with a man was over a year ago…which was the last time I had s*x. But that’s what Channing, my vibrator, is for.

After my fourth glass of wine, the TV screen becomes blurry, so I decide to call it a night. I only drink every once in a while, making me a lightweight, but since I don’t have to get up early with Owen, I splurge. I’ll undoubtedly pay for it tomorrow, but that’s future Katie’s problem.

As I crawl under the covers, I sink into the bed and seek warmth. I’ve slept alone for so long now, aside from when Owen crawls in when he has bad dreams, that I’m accustomed to sleeping in the middle. It’s probably why no guy has ever wanted to stay with me long. I’m unapologetically independent, and most guys want to feel needed. The truth is, I haven’t needed a man for anything in more than a decade.

My eyelids feel heavy, and as I drift off, images of the day they walked Noah out of the courtroom in handcuffs surface. At first, I was in shock he took the plea deal, but the lawyers said he risked a longer sentence if he went to trial. I know he didn’t intend to hurt Gabe, but his actions led to his death, and justice was needed.

Gabe’s parents were a wreck. Elliot not only lost a son that night but it also tore their whole family apart. The Reid brothers are no longer on speaking terms, and no one dares to mention Noah around Loretta and Elliot. They’ve completely erased his existence.

They’re not happy Noah’s getting out early on parole and have made that clear by sending letters to the parole board. Though it hasn’t changed anything, I’m concerned about what will happen when he does return. Few people in Lawton Ridge have forgotten, and if Gabe’s parents have any say in the matter, they’ll do whatever they can to run Noah out of town.