Pushing You Away

Prologue

Prologue

Noah

TEN YEARS EARLIER

“Mmm… yes. You’re a dirty girl.”

“Yes, I am. s***k me harder, Mr. Plumber.”

What the f**k? I groan, then slam my laptop closed. I’ve resorted to watching p**n to get the woman I love but can never have out of my head. I don’t know why I try because it never works. Being in love with your best friend, who also happens to be married to your cousin, is the worst kind of t*****e. I kick myself daily for not telling Katie how I felt before Gabe swooped in and asked her out. That was six years ago, and they’re now expecting a baby boy.

It’s another Friday night spent alone in my room. My sister, Gemma, is out, and my dad’s already asleep. He owns the only garage in town and works long hours. My mother passed away when we were kids, so it’s mostly been just the three of us. When I ask him why he hasn’t dated, he says it’s impossible to replace your soul mate. I know he means well, but I just wish he’d find love again because then I’d have hope of finding someone after I lost my chance with Katie.

Noah: How you feeling tonight?

I text Katie to see if she’s still awake. We haven’t talked much this week because she’s taking it easy since her due date is next month.

Katie: Been having Braxton Hicks on and off, which sucks. It’s too soon for him to come, so hopefully, they quit soon, and I can actually get some sleep.

Noah: What does your doctor say about it?

Katie: That it’s normal and to monitor them in case it turns into actual labor.

Noah: Are you all set to go to the hospital if it is?

Katie: Well, my bag is packed, but Gabe isn’t home tonight. I’ve been texting him, but he’s out with the guys, probably playing poker and drinking.

What the f**k? Is she serious?

Noah: If you need me, call me, okay? I’ll be right over.

Katie: I know you will be. Thanks, Noah. I’m gonna try to get some sleep now.

I’m so angry I don’t think twice about putting on my shoes and going to my truck. I know exactly where Gabe is, and it isn’t at a buddy’s house playing cards. For months, I’ve heard the rumors that he’s cheating on Katie, but without actual proof, I can’t say anything and risk being wrong.

Though Gabe and I are the same age, we don’t have the best relationship. He moved to town the summer before our junior year and merged himself into my circle. Though Katie is a year younger than me, we were inseparable. However, that slowly changed when she and Gabe got serious. He proposed when she was nineteen, and they got hitched the next year. I pretended to be supportive since she seemed so happy. When they announced they were expecting, I drank for a solid week. Gabe was living my dream life with my dream woman, and I had to accept it.

I drive downtown and spot his truck parked in front of the Main Street Pub. He’s bold to show up there with another chick, but Gabe’s been known to be a royal dumbass. Honestly, I don’t understand why Katie puts up with it, but I won’t stand around and watch him make a fool of her in front of half the town.

As soon as I enter, I spot a blonde hanging all over him. They’re seated at a bar top table covered with empty bottles and shot glasses. He holds a pool stick in one hand, and his other arm is wrapped tightly around her waist.

“Gabe.” I step toward him and glare. “It’s time to go home. C’mon, I’ll drive you.”

“What the f**k are you talkin’ about?”

“I’m talkin’ about your pregnant wife who’s at home. She’s having Braxton Hicks, and there’s no reason you should be here.” I direct my eyes to the woman who doesn’t seem fazed in the least that Gabe’s married. Though I have no idea who she is, it’s obvious they’re more than just friends.

“My wife is none of your damn business. She’s fine.”

I cross my arms over my chest, my blood boiling at what a piece of s**t he is.

“You don’t deserve her,” I spit.

“What’d you say to me?” He stands, wobbly on his feet, then throws the stick down.

“You heard me.”

“Yeah, and I see the way you look at her. Better back the f**k off, Noah.”

“Alright, time to go. C’mon,” I say, reaching out to grab his arm, but he yanks it away.

There are several eyes on us, including his date’s.

“You should be ashamed.” I look at her, then gaze back to Gabe. “And you should be too. Katie’s gonna leave you when I tell her you’re sleeping around.”

The corner of his lips tilts up in a devilish smirk as he steps toward me. “I can promise you that she ain’t going nowhere. She’ll be six feet under before I allow that to happen.”

I blink hard. What the hell did he just say?

There’s no point in trying to reason with him, so I shake my head and turn around. Before I can walk away, Gabe grabs my jacket and pulls me back.

I spin until he drops his grip. “Get off me.”

“Make me.” He pushes my chest, and I stumble back into a couple of chairs. “You aren’t going anywhere until we’re done.”

“Trust me, we’re done. You’re not worth it.”

“Because you’re a sissy who can’t fight. You let me date Katie when you wanted her. You let me propose to her and then knock her up while you stood there like a pussy.” He barks out a laugh, and I'm shocked. He knew how I felt, then asked her out anyway. Bastard.

I see red when he charges at me again. “Couldn’t man up to date her, and you can’t man up now.”

His laughter has me seething, and I push him back. “Get outta my face. I’m leaving.”

Before I can walk away, he sucker punches me in the stomach, and I bend over, trying to catch my breath. Someone yells at us to take it outside, and his blond bimbo girlfriend laughs.

Just when I can see straight again, Gabe attempts another hit, but I move before his fist connects. He’s unsteady on his feet and clearly wasted but completely unfazed. He's a pro at drinking after work and on the weekends, and it’s quickly become his favorite pastime. It wasn’t always that way, but after the wedding, he changed.

“Get outta here, now!” the bartender shouts. Gabe turns toward him, and I take the opportunity to swing my fist. I deck him in the face and watch as he trips over his feet on his way down. His head smacks the ground so damn hard I swear I hear it c***k. The room grows silent as we wait for him to move, but he doesn’t. He’s out cold.

“Shit.” I bend down and see his eyes are closed. “Gabe, can you hear me?”

His girlfriend screams, and a couple of other guys crowd around me.

“Gabe, wake up!” Blondie shakes him, but I stop her.

“Don’t. He probably has a concussion.”

“You motherfucker, this is your fault!” She jabs a finger in my shoulder.

“I’m calling 911,” the bartender says. “Someone better call his wife.”

The next hour is a blur.

Gabe’s pulse is weak, and he doesn’t regain consciousness. When the paramedics arrive, they take him to the hospital in the next town over. I can’t bear to call Katie and tell her myself, so I call Gemma and ask her to drive Katie to the hospital while I follow the ambulance in my truck.

Katie’s hysterical when the doctor tells her they’ve put him in a medically induced coma so his brain can heal. It’s swelling, and there’s a chance he could have brain damage.

Five days go by, and my worst nightmare happens. Gabe’s considered brain-dead due to the blunt force trauma he suffered when he fell and hit his head. My body goes from being in shock to utterly numb as I take in everything that’s happened. Katie’s a mess, his parents won’t even look at me, and my sister tries to console me, but I know she’s torn between being there for me and comforting her best friend. I don’t fault her, though, because I’m to blame for this. I should’ve stayed home that night and minded my own damn business.

The morning of his funeral, I contemplate not going, but Katie begs me to attend. My dad tells me I would regret it later if I didn’t, so I put on my only black suit and attend the wake and service. I can hardly speak to Katie, but the fact she talks to me is mind-blowing. I’m waiting for her to wake up and hate me.

She clings to me for comfort, but I don’t deserve her forgiveness, so I don’t ask for it. Seeing Gabe in that maple box with gold embellishments makes me feel sick. It’s an out-of-body experience, like none of this is real. How can this be happening? I wish I could wake up from this nightmare.

Gemma told Katie my side of the story—about the blonde and how a fight broke out—even though she never asked for an explanation. Honestly, I think she’s still in shock.

I want to explain everything to her but don’t even know where to start. I had no intention of hurting him that night and only had her best interest in mind. She deserved better, and her husband should’ve been home with her that night.

As I watch them lower my cousin’s casket into the ground, three police officers walk up and interrupt.

“Apologies for intruding, but we’re looking for Noah Reid.”

Everyone turns to me, and I nod at the officers. They took my statement at the hospital the night of the fight along with everyone else who was there. I’m not sure what was said, but I told them the truth—he pushed and punched me, so I hit him back.

“I’m Noah,” I speak up.

The three of them circle me, then one guy grabs my arms.

“We have a warrant for your arrest for the murder of Gabe Reid.” He cuffs my wrists, and the audible gasps echo around me. As he reads my Miranda rights, I look at my dad and Gemma. Then I find Katie and watch her face drop. I’ll never forget the look of pure shock, sadness, and fear on her face. I’m in disbelief and horrified that I caused this.

“Noah, stay quiet. I’ll meet you down there with our lawyer,” my dad tells me. I keep my head down as they walk me to the cruiser and put me in the back. Though I’m mortified, I look out the window anyway and meet Katie’s eyes.

“I’m sorry,” I mouth to her. She’s been crying all afternoon, but a new set of tears falls down her cheeks as she stares at me.

When I get to the station, I quickly learn about the witnesses’ statements used against me. Gabe's side chick completely exaggerated reality, but without Gabe to confirm, it’s my word against hers. The fact our fight resulted in his death means they can charge me for this.

I’m placed in the county jail until my court date. The lawyer encourages me to take a plea deal because if my case goes to a jury, the prosecutor will push for a harsher charge. When my day to stand in front of the judge arrives, I plead guilty and accept the sentence for a class B felony. My family and Katie sit behind me as the judge reads my charges.

Twelve years for involuntary manslaughter.

My dad and Gemma are distraught, and Katie gives me the saddest, most pitiful expression I’ve ever seen. I don’t know what she’s thinking because we haven’t spoken since the funeral two weeks ago, but I see the disappointment and pain written all over her face.

Everything in my life changes in the blink of an eye.

She knows I’m the reason her husband is dead.

The reason her unborn son will grow up without his father and why she’ll have to raise him alone.

How do I apologize for that? Nothing I say could ever be enough or change things. Instead of helping, I hurt her, and I’ll never be able to forgive myself for what I’ve done.