Love in the Shadow

Chapter 5: Bonds of Family.

The girl hurried toward us, her look a mix of eagerness and pain. As she got closer, my heart accelerated and the air grew tense. This was not how I had imagined my evening with Lucas headed. Lucas, we have to discuss! She cried, looking between us with huge emotional eyes. "Jess," Lucas remarked, his voice tinged with irritation. Can't this wait? "No," says She protested, stepping closer, "it cannot!" "It relates to the content of that message. Having seen your post, I cannot simply let this go. Frozen, I tried to make sense of it. This girl was who, and why did she feel compelled to walk right into our moment? Lucas's irritation was growing, and I sensed an odd jealously starting to seep in. "Jess, we were just chatting," Lucas remarked, his voice steady but forceful. "Can you kindly give us a moment?" She did not back down, though. No, I'm not able to! For me, this is not merely a casual affair; it is more than that. Lucas, I felt we had something real. My heart dropped with the insight that struck me. She was obviously committed in their relationship whereas Lucas had been seeing her casually. The idea hurt me sharply with disappointment. "Wait, what do you mean by "something real?" I jumped in, my voice quivering but firm. "Lucas just told me he's been thinking about us; now you're here saying this?" Jess looked at me, a flutter of astonishment flickering on her cheeks. and who are you? Trying to keep my voice calm despite the emotions whirling inside me, I said, "I'm Mia, a friend." She laughed at "Friend?" You are more than that, really. Lucas, you cannot just move between girls like this. With a more strong tone now, Lucas urged, "Jess, please." "This is not the direction I wanted this to go in." As I watched Lucas try to balance the circumstances, the air became fraught with anxiety. I felt a mixture of melancholy and resentment seething under surface level. This was all really difficult. Now everything was falling apart; I had only begun to investigate my emotions for him. "Lucas, just tell it if you feel anything for her!” Jess pressed, her voice only slightly raising. "Don't thread me along while you work things out." I watched as Lucas's face become tougher. Nobody is being stringed by me. I simply told Mia I wanted to see where things were going. I had not anticipated this tonight. Feeling the weight of their conversation falling on me, I back off. Having come here expecting clarity, everything felt dark and perplexing now. I murmured softly, not wanting to disturb whatever was occurring between them but feeling out of place and maybe I should just go. "I didn't mean to puck in." Lucas whispered, "Wait," stretching for my arm. Mia, please stay away. I would like to discuss this. "Why?," My voice broke somewhat as I asked. "You currently have to deal with your own circumstances. "Because it's important to me," he said with begging eyes. "I wanted you to learn something different." Jess crossed her arms, her attitude rebellious. " Lucas, you have to decide. You cannot keep bouncing back between us. My gut felt as if it were knotting. Was I really ready to start a relationship surrounded with such uncertainty? It seemed stifling to consider yourself in relation to someone else. "I asked for none of this," Lucas responded, his voice now raised. "I want to be straight forward with both of you. I never meant to inflict injury on anyone. Jess moved back, her attitude easing somewhat. "I know, but I worry for you and I want not to lose what we have. She is back in town, hence you cannot simply drop it. Feeling overburdened, I said, "Maybe we should all just take a breath." Lucas, you obviously have stuff to straighten out. Right now I cannot be here. Desperate lacing his voice, "No, Mia, don't do that," he urged. "I want you in my life.” Still, do you want me or her? I back off, my feelings bubbling over. "Neither of us deserves this." As we all took in the weight of the circumstances, the quiet hung thick in the air. Every second made my heart somewhat more breakable, and I couldn't help but feel misled by how rapidly things had changed. "Maybe we should all just cool off and go over this," Jess suggested, her voice softening. "I want not to fight, but I also want not to be left in the dark." Lucas looked torn as he massaged the back of his neck. "You're right." We have to work through this. I inhaled deeply, attempting to cool off. "Look, Lucas, I love you, but I cannot be in a love triangle. I had to get back home. Lucas urged not to leave like this, approaching closely. "I have to know your true feelings. My voice quivering, I said, "After all that's happened, I don't even know anymore." "This was meant to be our fresh start, and right now it seems like a mess.". I turned then and left, tears welling up in my eyes. Though I could hear their words behind me, I did not pause to pay close attention. I required room to breathe and to ponder. The cold evening air did not help me to calm my beating heart as I headed home. My earlier delight was replaced with a great sense of loss. When I at last arrived at my front porch, I stopped. Then I entered. The weight of the talk with Lucas hung over me like a black cloud, and I had no idea where to go from here. I entered and carefully closed the door behind me. Looking up as I arrived, my dad was in the living room lost in a book. "Everything good?" he inquired, worry flaring in his eyes. "Yeah, just had a rough conversation with a friend, forced a smile," I said. Setting his book down, he said, "Want to talk about it." Not ready to explore the turbulence whirling in my heart, I shook my head. " Maybe later." Ascending the stairs to my room, my mind whirled with ideas. My predicament with Lucas tore at me, and I couldn't get rid of the sense that I had lost something priceless. Trying to clear my head, I gazed at the ceiling as I laid on my bed. But no matter how hard I tried, ideas of Lucas and Jess kept swimming around me, drowning out any kind of calm. My phone buzzed once more. I grabbed it half-expecting it to be Sarah checking in, but it was a text from Lucas. Lucas says: I am quite sorry about previously. Is it possible to chat later? My heart hammering once more, I fixed my gaze on the screen. Did I even want to chat to him? Was I ready to open that door once more? Me: Uncertainty about Lucas. I need time to consider. Lucas: I can relate. Simply said, I am worried about you. I would like not to lose you. Setting down my phone, I felt more perplexed than ever. Whichever I wanted? What was really I feeling? The questions hung in my head like an unpleasant storm cloud. Twist: A notification pinged once more as I got into bed. From Sarah, it was a photo. When I opened it, I only found a screen grab of Lucas and Jess seated coolly at a restaurant. The caption said: "Out on a date with my best friend! So joyful! My heart dropped even more, and I started to cry. How might this have occurred? Just as I felt I had a chance, the reality of the matter struck me like a ton of bricks.