My Italian Doctor

Chapter Thirty Three

He might be tired but he still sprung up and managed to grasp the door before it closed. I headed up the stairs and unlocked the door. Dumping my bag on the sofa and headed into the kitchen, clicking the kettle on. He had slumped onto the sofa when I walked back into the room. He looked dreadful. As though he hadn't slept in days, but then he was used to that because of work anyway. Yet more questions about him filled my mind.

"Do you want a drink?"

"If you don't mind?"

"I wouldn't have asked if I did." I headed back into the kitchen and started getting the cups out. I couldn't quite believe he was even sitting on my sofa.

"Your place isn't what I expected. It's smaller than I expected for a start."

"I think the word you are looking for is modest. I didn't see the point of having a big place when it is just me. Just because my dad pays for it, doesn't mean I'm any happier wasting his money than I am my own."

"Sorry, I didn't mean it to sound like that."

"You aren't the first person to assume I'm a spoilt brat and I doubt you will be the last. What are you even doing here George?"

"I already told you, I love you."

"But that doesn't change anything. How did you even find me?" I was sure I had never told him where I lived. I might have talked about the town but never enough to have given him my address.

"I went to the restaurant and told the short fat bloke that I was a reporter. That I was writing a story about the restaurant and you had arranged it all. That we were supposed to be meeting there tomorrow but I needed to bring it forward. He was more than happy to give me your home address after talking by ear off for an hour about how well he runs the place." That was so typical of Carlton, I wanted to be in disbelief that he would give out my address but he would sell his own granny for some publicity.

"How did you know where I worked?"

"Socials." He shrugged as though it had all been easy enough. He had literally stalked me across Europe.

"I thought I had made my opinion clear on the situation." I carried the cups into the living room and sat his tea in front of him before taking a seat as far away from him as possible. The last thing I needed was for him to be close and for me to lose my mind. I waited for a response but none came. He just kept looking into the cup of milky tea. "Why come this way when nothing has changed?"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Sharon. In hindsight, I realise I should have explained the situation to you. The truth is she never even entered my thought process. She has been out of my life for so long. I have no idea why she did what she did, not really. When Amiee was born, she became resentful and jealous. I thought she had postnatal depression to start with, but it wasn't that. She resented Amiee, the time it took to look after her and the attention she garnered from me."

He looked at me like he was waiting for me to object to what he was saying. It wasn't like I could call him a liar, I had no idea what happened in his past. I just sat there, waiting for him to continue.

"She started to avoid spending time with Amiee. She would leave her in her cot for long periods even though she was awake. I started spending more time with Amiee. In my own way, I was trying to offset Sharon's behaviour. I thought she would get used to the new normal, that she would gain her mother's instinct. All it did was make the situation worse. The more time I spent with Amiee, the more she neglected her. It seemed to go on for so long. With each day I loved her a little bit less. It came to a head when Amiee was eighteen months old. I got a phone call from the police while I was at the hospital. Sharon had gone partying with her friends and left Amiee home alone."

I had no idea what I was supposed to say to him. If he was lying, it was a very elaborate lie. I struggled to understand why anyone would treat a child in that way. "Why does she still see Amiee if she is so awful?"

"After I changed the locks and kicked her out, she didn't see her until she was four. Once she was old enough to not need much care, she was happy to take her. Not to mention that she only really has Amiee when she feels like it. The only reason I came home that night was that Sharon left me a voicemail threatening to leave her at my place. I hopped on the first plane home. It's not that she doesn't love her, she can only manage to concentrate on her for so long before she gets restless again. I don't blame Sharon for the way she is, I just make sure I make up for it. When Amiee is old enough she can make her own decisions."

"So, why not divorce her?"

"There was no need. I don't believe in divorce, as you know. My concentration was on Amiee and work. I didn't think I would ever have another relationship. I didn't want one. I had always convinced myself that it was too big of a risk to bring someone else into our lives. If Amiee's own mother couldn't make sacrifices for her, how could anyone else? So, I decided against it. I would stay married to Sharon in name only and put every ounce of energy into Amiee and my patients."

"I don't get it, George. If you believe so strongly in those choices, why ever give me your card? Why take me for coffee in the first place?"

"I didn't mean to do it. You just sort of blew into my world. When I saw you sitting there in that corridor beside yourself with grief, I felt like I needed to take some of that from you. Then the way you talked about Rylie and the baby, gave me hope in people. I work in a place full of people that signed up to care for others. Despite that, I have never met anyone with as much compassion and care for another person's child as you had. The way you were just made me feel safe. I let my guard down, I suppose. The more I got to know you, the more I loved the person you are."

"What did you think was going to happen though? It's not like you can change your religious views."

"That's why I was so conflicted. The more time I spent with you, the more I knew I couldn't give you up. I tried to pull away. I thought I only had to keep my distance for a couple of weeks and you would be gone. I just couldn't. As time went on, you became more important than my religion, than the beliefs my family had instilled in me. I was certain that if my mother could have met you she would have given me her blessing to break my vows. I've filed for divorce. Whether you choose to forgive me or not, I can't stay married to Sharon anymore. I broke my vows a long time ago when my love for Sharon turned into hate."

He reached into the rucksack by his feet and pulled out a large envelope and slid it across the table. I opened it and eased the papers out but I already knew what was in there. There was documentation from his solicitor showing that he had begun the process of divorce. I just wasn't sure any of it really changed anything.

"You asked me to stay in Italy with you, surely that's when you should have told me all of this." He hadn't moved a muscle since we had walked in. He just kept staring into that cup, hunched over. He hadn't really even looked at me more than a couple of times. I wondered if he was trying to keep his distance for the same reasons I was. "I need some space, I need to think."

I got up to leave the flat. I intended on just leaving him there and heading for a walk. I just needed more distance. While he was in the same room as me, he would be too close for me to think clearly. One glance at that chiselled face of his and I wanted to believe every word.

I barely reached the door when I felt him on my arm. "Stop, please." I winced at his touch and he released me instantly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just hurt my arm."

"Show me."

"It's nothing."

"It wasn't a request." He tugged at my jacket until it was far enough down my arm for him to see the top of the bruise that was already forming on my bicep. I gave in and shrugged it off completely. He lifted it carefully and inspected the marks on it. It was more than clear what had happened and I knew he was going to flip. "Who did it!"

"I went to see my dad and..."

"He assaulted you?"

"No, of course not. Bradford grabbed me. He's been having an affair with my mum and he works with my dad. Things got tense, it's fine." He was too close to me, the familiar smell of him surrounded me. I had no choice but to look into his eyes as he looked down at me. I tried to resist him, but he had some sort of power over me that I couldn't explain or resist.