Keeping Secrets

Chapter Five

F i v e:

E r i c:

I unlocked my front door as quiet as I could as to not wake my mom up and tip-toed inside. After five minutes of convincing Florence to come upstairs with me, she finally agreed. Although she was a little louder than I would've liked, she got into my room in one piece. She closed the door to my room loudly and kicked her shoes off, both flying to opposite sides of the room. One smacked against my wall making a loud thumping noise and the other hit my desk, making my lamp fall off and clatter to the ground. She kept giggling and saying "Shh." Like I was the one making all of the noise.

I helped her half-asleep-half-drunken self out of her dress and tights and into one of my t-shirts before placing her carefully on one side of my bed. I pulled the covers over her but she kicked them off again when I went to get her a glass of water. I placed the glass on the bed side table and knelt down, her back was to me but she turned around and looked at me once I tipped her to get her attention.

"Flo, I need you to listen to me okay?" I talked to her like you would talk to a four year old child and tried to get her attention but she was too busy playing with my hair. I put my hands on hers and stopped her. "You need to go to bed now, so put the covers over you and try to go asleep." She nodded; her round eyes looked tired but cute. I then got myself ready to go asleep and hopped into bed beside her, holding her in my arms.

She eventually drifted off to sleep and was the quietest I'd seen her all night. I let out a sigh of relief. She made some things difficult tonight but she was definitely worth all of the trouble. I had to convince her friend to let her go home with me, well I didn't tell her we would end up in my house because she thought I barely knew her, I knew she didn't completely believe that though.

She must've known something was up between us two because she eventually let me take her home. I told them she lived around the corner from me and I would make sure she got home safe. She agreed that Florence probably needed to go home rather than stay at the party and sleep at her house but she was very hesitant to let me go with her.

She was extremely worried at first and offered to bring her home herself but Florence mumbled something in her drunken state and after that, I could almost see the penny drop in her friends mind.

"Are we going to your house again Eric?" Florence had said loudly to me. "I love your house." She giggled.

I looked up and realised Charlotte was staring between both Florence and I rather quizzically yet she never said anything to us, never opened her mouth about what she had heard. I was so glad. It took us over half an hour to get home, I walked that route on other days in about ten minutes but it was much longer this time because I had to practically carry her home. She was snuggled up closer to me now and nuzzled her head against my neck and bare shoulders. She looked so peaceful when she was sleeping. I held her closer and kissed her forehead. She was just so perfect to me. I really liked her, ever since that day she walked by me out in the corridor in school last year, she just caught my eye. I thought she was new, I had never really noticed her before that but as soon as I seen her, all I did was notice her.

She wasn't like any of the other girls I used to hook up with, not at all. The thought scared me a little because I knew with her it was very different. I actually began to see myself caring about her the more we spent time together. The only thing that was stopping me from admitting to myself or Florence or anyone else that I needed her and that she meant so much to me was keeping what we had a secret.

I think I believed if I pretended that most of the time we were barely even acquaintances, then I could make myself believe that all of it wasn't real. Because even though one half of me wanted her, the other was anxious about it all. I don't need a relationship, it's better for the both of us to stay the way we are now, but I knew there was only so many times I could push her away before she would eventually leave me alone for good, and that was the exact opposite of what I really needed or wanted.I was starting to slip up more and more over the past few weeks, I was beginning to let my guard down and I wasn't being as strict with myself, I was beginning to realize I actually cared about her. An example was right now, god, we didn't even do it and she was still staying in my bed with me.

I knew that a relationship was definitely what I didn't need, that didn't mean I didn't want it either did it? I knew I wouldn't be able to see her with another person. I was the jealous type, but only when I really cared. I acted a bit harshly tonight when I saw her with Kane but I couldn't stop myself. It was unfair of me, considering I had been talking to and flirting with other people at the party too. I needed Mick and my other friends to not get too suspicious. Chloe was a friend, even if I knew she was interested, and without trying to be mean, she was nothing compared to Florence but then again who was?

I had to make a decision sooner rather than later, would I go back to being my guarded self with Florence or would I start show how much more I wanted with her?