Before June

Before June: Fourteen✓

I woke up with a headache. Thankfully there’s medicine next to my bed and a glass of water beside it for my hangover. I was holding my head and remembering what happened last night, I immediately beat myself up for what I was doing last night. What did I just do? Did I really do that? Did I really drink and get drunk? Omy, what did I just do?

I just shook my head and got up from my bed to take a bath first. It's our last day here in Bohol so I want to enjoy it. After I took a bath, I did my morning routines such as skincare, etc. I also wear a simple pastel pink off-shoulder and Floral maxi boho skirt in black with a leaf design in pastel pink and green as well. I just loosed my black and below-the-shoulder hair. I smiled a little in the mirror as I looked at my reflection. I put on my new face mask and my latex gloves on my hand.

When I came out of my room, I immediately went straight to the kitchen to eat, but I could not fine even Elm’s shadow in any corner of our hotel room. “I guess, he hasn’t come back yet,” I said to myself. “I’ll just enjoy our last day here by myself, then.”

I ate quietly while reading my subscribers’ comments on the last YouTube video I uploaded. Sometimes, I smile at their comments. The comment section is just a group chat. They are all kind and I’m happy that our community is like this, nothing toxic.

I deactivated my private account on f*******: so that no one can call me, including Phoe and my best friend Mia and Ava. I want to have my scom breaks because it’s so toxic on f*******:.

I closed the door of our hotel room and took the elevator to get off. I plan to go now to the Bamboo hanging bridge or also known as Tigbao Hanging Bridge, it is found in the upper area of Loboc River and it’s 83 feet above it. Though it’s high I’m not scared because I’m not scared of heights, and I want to see Loboc River from a different perspective.

When I got there, as I expected there’s no one else around but a lady with her cute daughter, holding her right hand while crossing the bridge. They are ahead of me, while I stay in the middle of the bridge and remove my facemask from my face. I want to breathe the fresh air and watch the river flow.

I stayed there for a while until someone gently pulled at the hem of my skirt making me look at her. It was the cute girl earlier who’s traversing the length of the high bamboo hanging bridge with her mom or nanny. I was impressed by her courage; the bridge was high and scary but I didn’t even see her cry like the normal kids or even get scared while walking on the high bridge earlier.

I propped my knee on the bamboo so that the two of us could line up. I pinned a few strands of her hair in her ears to see her face even more before smiling. “Yes, baby? Do you need anything?”

She shyly put the plumeria flower on my ears. “You’re so beautiful, I want to be like you when I grow up.”

I smiled. “You’re more beautiful than me, baby.”

“Really? I’m beautiful, too, like you?” Her eyes twinkled. “Like a doll?”

I softly chuckled and pinched her reddish cheeks. She’s so cute. “Yes.”

“That hurts.” She pouted but I just laughed at her misery. Okay, I’m already bad.

“So? Can I hug you?” she asked. I was still hesitating if I should hug her or not but when I saw the spark in her eyes, I couldn’t resist anymore and just nodded.

She immediately wrapped her small arms around my neck, I caressed her back while a big smile was plastered on my lips. She also immediately let go of me from her warm hug. I stood up and held her tiny hand before putting my face mask back on.

“Let’s go. I’ll take you back to your mom.”

She nodded and giggled while we walked to cross the bridge. “Are you sick?” she asked without hesitation.

“Why?”

“Because you’re wearing a mask and a glove which I only see in the hospital,” she innocently mumbled.

“Doesn’t mean someone is wearing a glove or a mask is they’re already sick, okay?” I softly preached to her. Who can be mad at someone like her? She’s so soft. She was like an expensive painting in the museum that must be preserved. “And what are you doing in the hospital?”

“Because I’m sick.”

“Sick? Why are you sick?” I asked anxiously.

“Sofia!” the lady shouted from afar. She released her grip on me and ran towards her mom.

“Mom!”

I watched them hug each other until the lady looked at me and smiled. She talked to Sofia first before she approached me. I even saw Sofia waving at me with a huge smile on her face before going with the man who I think is her daddy, the man also smiled at me.

I looked at the lady earlier, her eyes were puffy, probably from crying too much because her precious angel went missing. She walked towards me and hugged me tightly. My eyes widened and my body froze. I didn’t know what to do or how to react, so I just let her hug me. It won’t do any harm to me, right? It’s just a hug.

“Thank you.” She sobbed so I panicked.

“Why are you crying? Did I do something wrong?”

She let go of me from her tight embrace and wholeheartedly smiled at me. “No, nothing.Thank you for bringing Sofia back to us. She just disappeared from my sight earlier and I was too worried that something bad might happen to her. She’s a CF patient and we live here in Bohol. We just went to the bridge because she was scared, we’re just going to the hospital for her check-up today.”

“What? As in cystic fibrosis?” I managed to say, my throat tightened from the tears that I tried to stop from escaping in my eyes. She has Cystic Fibrosis and... and she hugged me, she’s been close to me for a while. We can put each other at greater risk of getting and spreading dangerous germs and bacteria. It’s called cross-infection. Not only are those dangerous germs difficult to treat, but they can also lead to worsening symptoms and faster decline in lung function.

I can’t—I couldn’t forgive myself when something bad happens to her because of my negligence. It’s okay that I’m the one to suffer, not just her, she’s too precious to suffer. I no longer understood what Sofia’s mom said and I was just deep in thought.

Sofia’s mom waved her hand in front of my face, which made me return to reality. I fake a smile at her. “You alright?” Her forehead creased. “You seem to be thinking deeply, young lady. Did something happen?”

I shook my head. “Nothing, Ma’am. I’ll go ahead, Ma’am.” I slightly lowered my head to say I was leaving. I turned around and was about to start walking away when she stopped me.

“Wait, don’t you want a coffee? Or did you eat your breakfast already?”

I looked at her again and shook. “I’m sorry but I really need to leave and you might be late for Sofia’s check-up. Please just tell her I’m leaving and tell her that I liked the flower she gave me, Ma’am.”

I left there permanently and distracted myself to get rid of the fear in my heart. I went to Libaong white Beach, Virgin Island, and Balicasag Island, and now I’m at Alona Beach, under the coconut trees and lying on one of the beach beds.

The waves are making me calm so I went to every Beach or Island that I know that would make me feel calm. I need to calm down my nerves because the fear will grow and grow and I don't want that to happen, not until I'm traveling. I traveled and risked everything not to stress myself more and especially to develop anxiety. I went outside the hospital to live once again not like this.

I don’t even know if it was right for me to leave the hospital. I feel like I’m just causing trouble around me and I don’t like the feeling of this. I don’t know how to interact with others since when I was still a child, I isolated myself from the world and made my own world.

“Hey! Hello! Do you still know me?” An energetic voice greeted me.

I turned to her. I narrowed my eyes at her, remembering where I had seen her. She was familiar to me but I can’t remember where I saw or met her. My eyes immediately widened when I remembered that she’s the woman who took a picture of us in Boracay.

“Do you remember me already?” she asked. I nodded several times and made her sit at the beach bed beside me.

“So, what’s up? Is this coincidence or something?” She looked around as if she was looking for something or someone. “Where’s your boyfriend? I mean FRIEND.”

I shrugged and ignored the teasing in her voice. “I don’t know.”

“By the way, do you want to come with me?” she asked and smirked at me.

“Where?”

“Hinagdanan cave. G?”

I just nodded and stood on the beach bed to go with her. I also don’t have anyone with me which makes me look lonely. And it seems like we’re going to be happy, just based on the sound of the place name.

We also reached Hinagdanan Cave immediately and my companion Kieran was very talkative to the point I just wanted to make her shut up or glued her mouth so my life will be peaceful again. Yes, I already know her name—Kieran Valdex.

“Look how crystal clear the water is, can we swim there?” she asked again even though the answer to her question was obvious. Here she goes again. She’ll ask a question, even though the answer is so obvious!

I just slapped my forehead because of her, my head suddenly hurt because of her loudness, even louder than my friends. It was as if we had known each other for so many years if she speaks. She’s easy to get along with, to be honest.

“Let’s swim, do you have any swimsuits? My g, you go to the beach wearing that?” She pointed at my dress and raised the corner of her lip.

See? If you have low self-esteem, she will lower it even more when you are with her. She will criticize everything she knows is ugly. I also noticed that she was straight to a point person and she would say whatever she wanted.

“Her swimsuit is not suitable for her, she should just wear shorts or something,” he complained.

I frowned. “Would you please stop criticizing people? I’m allergic to bullies.”

“Okay, okay, I’m just kidding.” She pouted and acted like a child who was robbed of candy.

“You looked like a duck, so if I were you, I’ll surely stop pouting because it’s embarrassing,” I advised her and folded my clothes and put them in my little bag. I’m now wearing a two-piece Lolita Brown aesthetic swimsuit.

“Pack! You have a nice body, gurl! Hope all!” she teased and I just rolled my eyes at her.

I dived into the blue water and started swimming. It feels peaceful, I just found a new friend again. I just hope that our friendship will last and deepen.