The Lonely Luna

Another dawn.

*Amorah*

I woke up in a cold sweat, jerking myself awake while screaming my mate's name. I take a deep breath, slowly blowing it back out as I reach up and wipe the tears from my face. Once again, I had to relive my mate's death.... just like I have every night for the past three years. It never fails. No matter what I do, no matter what I take to try to help me sleep, I end up replaying that night in my head again and again, every time I close my eyes and go to sleep. It's like my brain refuses to let me forget, even when I'm sleeping, that I'm the cause for my mate's death. 

As much as everyone tries to tell me otherwise, I know it could have been prevented... if I would have done things differently, if I would have been stronger, if I would have taken the situation more seriously... maybe my mate would still be alive. The guilt of my actions has weighed me down every day that he's been gone. Every day that my son has been forced to live without his father. 

As I sit there in my bed, trembling from head to toe, my mind wonders back to the day I woke up after the rogue attack. In my mind the events begin playing all over again, like it's happening now... like it's happening all over again. 

(Three years earlier, after the attack)

I wake up with a start, taking in my surroundings for a minute and realizing that the attack wasn't a dream. I collapse into a ball of tears, wrapping my arms around myself as I sob... until I realize that my stomach is flatter then it should be. Then it has been in months.... I sit upright in a panic, wincing in pain as a searing pain jolts through my stomach. 

"It's ok, Amorah." I hear Marissa as she attempts to soothe me. "Its ok."

"Nothing is ok.... I don't know if it ever will be again." I sob "Where is my son? My baby..." I try to swing my legs over to climb out of the bed but still as another jolt of pain spreads through me. 

"He's ok, Amorah. He's just fine. I'll have them bring him in here." Marissa says, her eyes clouding over as she sends a mindlink. 

"Brandon..." I whimper, barely able to get the words out. "He's gone" Tears leak from my eyes as I wish I had been stronger. Strong enough to save my mate. 

"I'm so sorry, Amorah. It was too late by the time we arrived, but we killed them all and we saved you. You have been out for days. The doctor ended up taking the baby by C-section because he had to get him out." Marissa explained. 

"Who was it?" I asked, waiting to know who was responsible for the loss of my mate. 

"... it was..." Marissa hesitates, clearly not wanting to tell me. 

"Who was it?" I questioned again, but the sinking feeling in my chest already let me know who it was and why Marissa didn't want to tell me. 

"It was Brenton" she confirmed, killing me inside with her words. 

Brenton and Brandon are brothers.... were brothers, at least. I dated Brenton growing up and was convinced he would be my fated mate. We were together for four years, until the day I turned 18 and discovered that Brandon was my mate instead. I decided then to break off the relationship with Brenton and work on building a relationship with my mate, believing in the Moon Goddess and her decision to pair me with him. 

Brenton didn't take the news well and swore I chose his brother and the Luna title over him. No matter how much I tried to talk to him, he wouldn't listen to me or Brandon, swearing he would get back at both of us for betraying him. He took off shortly after and we haven't seen or heard from him since... until now. 

"Oh, my Goddess." I gasp, letting loose another sob. "This is all my fault." 

"This is not your fault, Amorah! Brenton is the one who refused to accept reality for what it was. He is the one who couldn't let go... and he is the one who chose to go rogue instead of getting his life together and looking for his own mate. Those were all his choices, not yours." Marissa insists, grabbing my face and forcing me to look at her. 

"We should have taken his threats more seriously, though. We shouldn't have blown them off. We should have looked for him... or something... anything" I cry out, shaking my head. 

"Even then, what could you have done? There was no getting through to him and it's been over a year Amorah, who would have known that he would show up now? Hellbent on revenge?" Marissa shakes her head as well. "None of us could have known that" 

I open my mouth to respond but close it as the door opens, the doctor pushing in a little bassinet. I sit up straighter, eager to see my baby for the first time. 

As I peer down into the basket and wait as the doctor lifts the baby out and into my arms, all I see is my mate. My son is a picture perfect replica of his father. The hair, the face shape, nose... all of it. The only thing I can't see are his eyes, as he has them closed as he sleeps, gentle little snores escaping from his nose. 

I let out a sob, causing his eyes to flutter open and I see my eyes peering back at me, deep brown eyes with little flecks of gold in them. The only feature of mine that would let anyone know that he also carries my DNA in him. 

"Hi, baby boy. Mommy loves you." I say, kissing his cheeks gently. "And so does Daddy. I know he wishes he could be here to meet you. He loved you so much already." 

I cuddle him to me, rubbing his little back gently as I vow to be the best mother I can be... to raise my son as well as I can... and to make sure that he knows every day that he had a daddy that also loved him dearly. 

"Any ideas for a name? I know you had a few you were debating on." Marissa asks, as she smiles down at my son. 

I look at him again, at his perfect little face. "I'm going to name him after Brandon. Brandon Maxwell Williams, the third... future Alpha of the Greenview Pack."

I feel a tiny hand grasp mine and I jolt back to the present. "Are you ok, Mommy?" I hear my baby ask me, his breath touching my face as he gets in the bed and wiggles close to me. 

I sniff, wiping my tears quickly. "Of course baby. Mommy is just a little sad, that's all. But everything's ok." 

"Are you sad because you miss Daddy?" he whispers, wrapping his little arm around me and rubbing my back, like he's the adult and it's his job to comfort me. 

"Yea, Max. I miss Daddy.... but it's ok. I know our angel is watching down on us from heaven." I explain, kissing his forehead and laying him down next to me. 

His room is adjunct to mine, split by a bathroom, but I usually leave the doors between our rooms open in case he needs me... or should I say in case he knows I need him? My son rarely wakes up through the night unless it's because he hears me crying out in my sleep. My poor son has the burden of comforting his mother, when I'm unable to keep him from hearing me. 

I cuddle him close and wait until I hear his tiny little snores to indicate that he's once again asleep. Then I take a pillow and jam it between us, hoping he doesn't wake up as I slowly edge off the bed. I already know I won't be able to fall back asleep, having spent over a thousand nights haunted by this dream. 

I walk over and grab my robe, wrapping it around me as I look at myself in the mirror. My light brown hair is a mess and my brown eyes, flecked with gold, don't twinkle anymore. I have circles under my eyes that betray the hours of sleep im lacking every night. I sigh, running my hand through my hair and trying the belt on my robe before sneaking downstairs to grab a cup of coffee. It's early still and the kitchen staff are asleep so I'm able to make it to the kitchen and back undetected, before heading for my office. 

I plan to get some paperwork done before I have to venture over to the Golden Moon Pack later this afternoon. A local Alpha is missing and the Co-Alpha of the pack is requesting that all local Alpha's attend a meeting to brain storm ideas. The local packs have all been searched and not a hair has turned up, so everyone is a little stumped right now. 

I sigh as I sit at my desk, blowing softly on my hot coffee before taking a sip and then leaning my head back up against my seat, exhaling slowly. I'm happy to help the neighboring pack as much as I can because Goddess knows I know all too well how much it hurts to be without your mate. 

*Abbi*

My eyes feel gritty, like sand paper and it hurts to try to open them. I have no idea where I am or how I got here. The last thing I remember was heading for my bedroom door and getting ready to marry my mate. Everything that's occurred since then has been a blur and I'm not sure how many days it's been. All I know is the floor im laying on is hard and cold, my ankle is chained to the wall, and periodically someone arrives to stick me with a needle of only Goddess knows what. I can't seem to reach Gypsy so I'm going to assume it's Wolfsbane, the only thing powerful enough to keep a strong wolf down. 

I finally pry my eyes open, looking around me and actually being able to see this time. I'm in a cell of some sort, with 3 concrete walls and then a block of bars. I assume there silver, but try to crawl across the floor to touch them anyways. I pull myself along on my arms, trying to use my feet as leverage too but already knowing I'm going to be too weak to stand up. I get part way across the floor when the chain around my ankle pulls tight, preventing me from going any further. I try to move my body so that I'm angled across the floor and stretch my arm out. I can almost touch the bars but not quite. 

I try to crawl a tiny bit further, stretching my arm out once again. This time I'm just barely able to connect my fingertip with one of the bars. To my surprise it doesn't burn... meaning it can't be silver. What the hell kind of cell is this? The chain around my ankle doesn't burn either so who ever has taken me apparently doesn't realize that wolfsbane isn't the only thing that can be used to weaken a wolf.... or they don't care. One or the other. 

I hear the slam of the door from above and wince in pain as the sound echoes and causes the pain in my head to grow. This migraine is no joke. It has to be from the drugs they are pumping me with. 

I listen carefully as I hear what sounds like heels coming down the stairs and I look up, gasping in surprise as I meet a pair of familiar eyes. 

"Well, well... look whose awake?"