The Lonely Luna

Desperate means

*James*

It's been a week. The longest week of my life. I thought waiting for Abbi to accept me was hard, but that was a walk in the park compared to how this feels. I've never felt so lonely, so heartbroken, and downright crushed in all of my 22 years of life. I'm sitting at my desk, staring aimlessly around me, without a clue of what to do next. 

I've searched every pack within a 2 hour radius of ours, consulted with numerous Alpha's, and searched high and low for my mate. I think I've slept a total of 7 hours across the 7 nights I've been without her. I'm exhausted and my brain feels as though it's been fried from the inside out... but what else am I supposed to do? I can't sleep knowing my mate is out there and I have no idea where she is or who has her. 

I've taken Ava along with me on each pack trip and her ability to read auras and pick up on vibes has been invaluable, but unfortunately it hasn't found my mate. Not a single pack we searched was ran by an Alpha with bad intentions or pack members that were trying to hide anything. It brought absolutely no leads our way. 

Today, I'm having a meeting with all of those Alpha's though, simply to brainstorm and see if anyone can come up with another direction to head in. Multiple heads have to be better than one and I'm not too proud to admit that I need the help. Not if it will help me find my mate. 

I've been sitting here for hours, waiting for the meeting, and trying to think of anything that I could have possibly missed, but I haven't left a single stone unturned and have no clue how to find my mate. What was the motive here? It's not a ransom situation, as no one has called, demanding to be paid. I wish it was, as I would happily spend any sum of money to get her back. I don't know how to proceed from here and it's driving me insane... causing me to feel useless and as if I failed my mate. I should have taken things more seriously. I believe Abbi's dream now and wish I knew more of the details. I wish I knew anything that could give me a solid lead on her where abouts. 

I sigh, before taking a deep breath and slowly blowing it back out. I close my eyes for a minute, picturing my mate's beautiful face, trying to reach out to her and once again coming across an empty space. I try to talk to her anyways, willing her to somehow hear me. 'I'm so sorry, Abbi. But I'm going to find you. If it's the very last thing I ever do, I'm going to find you.' 

*Matthew*

"Come on, bro" I hear Michael's voice bounce through my head. I throw a shirt on, having just gotten out of the shower and started getting dressed. I trained for hours this morning.... attending our normal training sessions and then taking a run for a few hours afterwards. My muscles ache slightly but in a good way. 

Training sessions have been extremely demanding over the past week, ever since Abbi disappeared. Her pack was known for it's vigorous training requirements and expectations, but James has been in a totally different mindset, and has been training himself and everyone else like he's a man on a mission. And I guess he is. I can't say I blame him. I'd be training hard and losing my mind if my mate were missing, too. 

Which is something I'll probably never get to experience.... not that I would want a missing mate or that I would wish that on my worst enemy, but I mean the mate bond in general. My mother has been trying to help us find our mates since each of us hit 18, except for maybe Levi since he took off not long after. 

What my mother doesn't know though... is that I already found my mate. It just didn't end well. I met my mate at school the day after my 18th birthday. I smelt her beautiful scent and knew that I was going to be lucky enough to find her that day. I was so happy and I was proud to be the first one out of my brothers to find their mate... until I came around the corner and saw who it was. A girl named Tina, who belonged to another pack. She was walking hand and hand with that pack's future Alpha and took one look at me, her lip curling up in disgust before turning away. 

She cornered me in the hallway later that day, claiming she wanted to talk to me. I followed her into an empty classroom, where she proceeded to reject me. 

I stare at myself in the mirror as I hear her words echoing in my head "Why would I want a cheap knock off that will never be Alpha when I can have the real thing? I, Kristina Tate, daughter of the beta of the Silver lining pack, reject you, Matthew Queens, son of the Alpha of the Bay Moon Pack, as my mate" 

I accepted the rejection that day and just walked away, completely humiliated. A cheap knock off? That's how others see me? Not as a strong Alpha born wolf, but as a knock off that will never be as good as the first born?

I shake my head, remembering how crushed I felt that day and the weeks afterwards. The pain has gotten better but it still hurts at times to see mated couples who have what I should have had but can't. That's part of the reason I've hesitated so much about taking the Gamma position of the new Golden Moon Pack. It's not because I'm a procrastinator as my brother would like to believe. It's because I don't know if I can bare to be around James and Abbi and Michael and Ava every day as they live their lives of wedded bliss. 

I brush my hair and brush my teeth again before heading out of the door and towards the conference room. The Alpha meeting will be starting soon and my brother has requested my attendance. James wants all hands on deck when it comes to finding his mate. Which I don't have a problem with. I like Abbi, she's a sweet, strong, and sassy girl who I know will make a great Co-Alpha. If the circumstances were different, I would love to be their Gamma. 

I'm still planning to take the position. It just took me a while to decide and I can't say for sure if I would have if Abbi wouldn't have gone missing, but with her gone, I know my brother needs a Gamma as well as his Beta to help run the pack and to help track down his missing mate. 

I enter the room, seeing both Michael and James sitting at the table. James has his head in his hands, looking up at me as I enter the room. He has dark circles under his eyes, looking like he hasn't slept in the past week. I have little doubt that he hasn't. I've seen him leave the pack house at all hours of the night, running through the forest for hours on end. I know this because I rarely sleep at night, either. Lack of sleep seems to be a side effect of being discontent in life. I guess only the happy are allowed to have a good night's sleep. Or the extremely tired, as I seem to sleep better after hours upon hours of training and running through the forest, passing out only after I've exhausted myself to the point of no return. 

I sit at the table across from my brother, feeling awkward and not quite sure what to say. What does one say to someone whose missing half of their soul? Comforting words can't really help that... finding Abbi is going to be the only thing that will fix that. 

"Before we get started, I just figured I'd let you know I've decided to take the Gamma position." I announce, deciding to use that to break the tense silence hanging over the room. 

"About damn time" Michael replies, while James looks up and merely stares at me. It's almost like he's in a trance and I'm not even sure the words I've said have gotten through. Finally, he nods his head acknowledging what I've said. 

"I figured you would come around eventually." James says with a sigh. "You could have made it easy on us and just got sworn in at the Alpha Ceremony" 

I bite my tongue, not wanting to tell him the real reason I've agreed before responding "I don't want a ceremony. You can just swear me in and make an announcement to the pack." 

James lets out a little laugh "Of course. I can do that before we get started, if you want. We still have time before the Alpha's get here." 

I nod my head, getting up and following James and Michael to the Alpha office. James reaches into the desk, getting out the ceremonial dagger that is used when swearing in a new member of the pack or upgrading a current member. The same dagger that was just used in the Alpha Ceremony. 

"Do you, Matthew Joseph Queens, swear to protect your pack and all the members within, including your Co-Alpha's?" 

"I do" I said

Do you swear to treat all pack members equally, regardless of sexuality, rank, and gender?" James asks

"I do" I echo again. 

He slices his hand and hands me the dagger. I do the same and then join hands with my brother as he says "I, Jameson Mitchell Queens, Co-Alpha of the Golden Moon Pack, swear you Matthew Joseph Queens, in as Gamma of the Golden Moon Pack."

I feel the pack link strengthen and listen as James sends out a mind link to the pack, announcing my new position as Gamma. I hear a flood of congratulations come in as the pack responds back. 

James puts the dagger away and then we return to the conference room, settling in as the housekeeper shows in two of the Alpha's that have arrived for the meeting. We stand once again, all shaking hands with Alpha Jet and Alpha Christian. 

We sit down, making small talk as we wait for other Alpha's to arrive. 

Before too long, others join us and we soon have Alpha Johnathon, Alpha Evan, and Alpha Georgio aka Alpha G. in attendance. 

We continue to wait as 3 more Alphas are supposed to be attending. 

Alpha G takes a seat "So, James, I take it there hasn't been any news that's popped up?" 

James shakes his head, a sad glint in his eyes "Absolutely nothing" 

"And your absolutely sure that she didn't leave on her own?" The other Alpha continues, having apparently heard about the note that was left behind. 

"Abbi wouldn't leave me" James insisted with a growl. "That note is a bunch of bullshit, meant to be a distraction, nothing less, nothing more."

Alpha G nods his head silently, looking as though he is deep in thought. 

I start to say something but hesitate as I get hit with the most delicious smell. It smells like warm cherry pie and I briefly wonder whose baking is in the kitchen. I didn't see any staff in there on my way through. 

I look up, dumbfounded as the source of the smell enters the room and I hear one word echo through my head. 

"Mate!"