Choice of The Alpha

1.8

My mother leaned back on the couch and pulled her legs up with her. She sat there cross legged with her hands in her lap. At first, she stared down at her hands. Her shoulders were slumped forward and her hair fell in front of her face. Then, she glanced up at me with resolve on her face. I could tell that she had prepared herself for this conversation. She kept twisting her hands together. That action, showed me that even though she had prepared, she was still nervous. She sat up straight and stared at the distant wall.

“My life was not easy growing up. My parents were the Alpha and Luna of the pack here. They were strict. They were strong leaders who would do anything for the pack. Controlling, is another word that often described them. They expected perfection and nothing less. I was expected to fall in line no matter what. As the Alpha's daughter, it was my job to be perfect. I understood that they were only trying to be the best leaders they could be, but a lot of the time they took their frustrations out on me. Every time the pack had troubles or someone didn’t want to follow along with the rules, I got the brunt of their anger. They said that they had to release their anger somewhere and that leaders are expected to be calm and confident. So instead of being angry at the pack, they would be angry with me. I was expected to just take it in stride. To let them take their anger out on me and not do or say anything about it.

When it got close to my sixteenth birthday, they lightened up on me. They were excited about my first transition and were looking forward to meeting my wolf. So, they stopped beating me for awhile. My wolf and I were next in line to run the pack. The anticipation for the whole pack was the talk of the town. Everyone was excited to see who the next leader would truly be. During that time, I was treated like any other member of the pack. Everyone was kind to me and my parents treated me like everyone else. It was the only time in my life where I felt what it was like to be in a loving home.

As it got closer to my seventeenth birthday, people were starting to getting nervous and upset because I hadn’t shown my wolf yet. Everyone started walking on eggshells around me. They were getting scared. No one wanted to do anything that would cause my wolf to bury herself. So they ignored me the best they could. No one would hang out with me or invite me to join them. That was the beginning of the end of my life within the pack.

While the pack ignored me, my parents went the opposite direction. They got angry. I was the daughter of the Alpha, and I was a disgrace to them. They considered me broken and defective. Without a wolf, I was worthless.”

She paused for a moment and took some slow, deep breaths. There were tears running down her face, and down mine as well. She raised her head up and continued.

“For the longest time I agreed with them. I was raised in a pack, everyone had a wolf. Not having one myself really hurt. I was lost and confused. I had no idea what I was supposed to do with my life. You can’t be in a pack and not have a wolf. It just doesn’t work that way. I had no clue why my wolf would not show herself. It made me feel like I really was worthless. Like I was not good enough to have a wolf.

My father thought he could force my wolf to wake up. He thought if he could scare me enough or beat me enough, that my wolf would surface to protect me. The longer it took the harder he tried. Most days I could barely get out of bed. He liked to experiment with different kinds of torture. Different ways to try and hurt me. I hated him with all my being.

The pack tried to take pity on me. They only made things worse. I was treated like I was fragile china. No one wanted to do anything with me in fear that I would break and get hurt. Whenever I approached anyone they would stop talking. They avoided any conversation related to wolves or the pack. I know they were only trying to help, but it only hurt more. I was treated like I has a human who was trespassing on pack territory. I was officially the pariah of the pack.”

She reached out and grabbed her tea off the table. I could tell she was having a hard time getting this out. I stayed silent so I wouldn’t break her focus. She sipped her tea and held the cup by her face allowing the warmth to seep into her hands. After a minute she put her cup back down, sighed, and continued.

“Most of the time I just hung out in the forest. It was a good place to avoid people. I hoped that surrounding myself with nature might help entice my wolf out. I was alone. I was depressed. I was scared. The serenity of the forest helped keep me calm. I was able to avoid the pack and my parents. It became my refuge.

One day, when I was out in the forest, I met someone. His name was Michael. He was very nice and we became friends. I told him my whole life story. Every day we would wander the forest together talking. He told me that my pack was wrong, not me. That just because I didn’t have my wolf did not mean anything was wrong with me. He made me feel like I mattered and that I was perfect the way I was. We fell in love.

The more time I spent with him, the happier I became. Michael was a wonderful man. He was kind and caring. He wanted to take me in to his pack and get me away from my parents. Knowing that his pack was too close to my own, I knew it wouldn't help. My parents would come for me.

My father knew something was different. He saw that I was happy. I wasn’t supposed to be happy. I was deformed, I had no right to be happy. So, he beat me even harder. He made me tell him why I was suddenly happy. When he found out, he left the house angrier than I’ve ever seen him before. I was so worried. I didn’t know what he would do.

What I didn’t know, was that Michael was the heir to the other pack in town. We always talked about me, but not about him. My father knew who he was. Our packs are not allowed to comingle. That’s a whole other story that I will tell you about later. My father gathered up our pack and went after Michael. He declared war against them.

Michael and I arranged to meet in the forest that night. We were going to run away and form our own pack. We had so many dreams of our life together. He told me that even if he didn’t show up that I needed to run. I needed to get as far away as I could. That night, he never showed up. I was devastated.

I waited as long as I could. I knew my father would come looking for me soon. So I ran. I ran all the way to Minnesota. I got a job and started a new life. Shortly after I left, I heard that in the war, my father killed Michael. A couple months later, I found out I was pregnant with you. I vowed to never return and never put you through what I had to grow up with. I hoped that since I didn’t have a wolf, that you wouldn’t either. It was a few months ago when I saw the signs. I knew I was going to have to tell you about your wolf soon. Then everything happened with my parents dying, and, well, the rest is history.”

At that, she leaned back on the couch. She looked absolutely exhausted. Her shoulders slumped and her arms were laying at her side. I could tell that this took a lot out of her, and I couldn’t blame her either. No wonder she never wanted to talk about it. She has been through so much. I am amazed that she even survived. All the pain she went through must have been debilitating.

“She didn't even get a wolf.” I heard Sasha whisper quietly. I could sense her pain and worry. “She spent her whole life expecting her wolf, only to end up not having one. I can see why she didn't tell you. She wanted to spare you the pain of losing something you always thought you would have.”

“You are right. After all the pain she went through, she was only trying to make sure I didn’t go through that as well.” I replied to her in my head. The thought of not having my wolf is strangely painful.

“Mom, I am so sorry. You went through so much. I understand now.” I leaned forward to try and catch her eyes. I wanted to show her that I really did get it. “I understand why you ran away, and why you never told me. I get it. I probably would have done the same thing.”

“Oh hunny, that's not even the biggest part. Remember, your grandparents led this pack. Since I can’t take over after them, the pack is going to look to you. They will expect you to lead the pack. But you can't lead alone. Every pack needs an Alpha. They are going to try and make you choose a mate, a life partner, to help you lead the pack.” She had tears in her eyes. "I never wanted you to have to go through this."

I was stunned. They expect me to do what? I sat there still leaning forward but in complete shock. I didn’t think I could move.

Sasha howled loudly, “No way in hell!! There is no way they are going to force us to mate! If they want an Alpha I will give them an Alpha! We don’t need some man to run while we sit by like a lap dog!!”

“Whoa, Sasha, calm down. It’s going to be ok. They can’t force us into anything.” Realizing I said this out loud, I quickly looked up at my mom. Oops.

“Sasha?” She asked as she leaned forward and raised an eyebrow getting a crooked smile on her face. “Is that you’re wolf?”

“Yeah, her name is Sasha, and right now she is extremely pissed off at the thought of being forced to mate.”

“Don't worry baby. I am here for you. I may not be a wolf but I am certainly not going to stand by while they try to railroad you like they did me. If it gets too bad, we will just leave again. I promise I will not let what happened to me happen to you.”

She got up and walked over to me. Sitting down next to me, she threw her arm over my shoulder and pulled me in close.

“And Sasha? I promise I will help protect you too. Not that either of you need it, but I'm here for you.” My mother just addressed my wolf in a quiet whisper.

"Thanks mom, it means a lot. I will not let the pack force me into anything. My life is mine and mine alone."

Now I know for sure that I will never be alone. I have people on my side. But will that be enough?