Choice of The Alpha

1.7

When my mom answered she sounded frantic.

“Lexi? Oh my God! Are you okay? I've been trying to reach you all night!”

“As if you don’t know.” I thought to myself. I sighed, “I'm fine, Mom. More or less at least. Look, I need you to come get me. I will send you my location.”

“I’m on my way! I will be there in a flash.”

I hung up and shared my location so she could find me. Looking around, I found a log on the side of the path and went over to sit down to wait. It was in a good location. The log was right along the path but also partially screened so I wouldn’t be easily seen. It was a good place to wait.

As I sat there waiting, I started to imagine the conversation I was going to have with her. I imagined yelling and screaming about why she didn't warn me. I thought of her response and how there had to be some reason. What would she say? Did she really run away and why? Did she know this was going to happen to me?

Did she leave for love and then just never got around to telling me? Were her parents abusive, so she ran away to save herself and protect me? Does she have no excuse at all and she just didn’t want to tell me?

My biggest fear was that she just didn’t bother to tell me. If she has no excuse and just didn’t feel like telling me, it would hurt. We have always been close. I thought she told me everything, at least everything apart from about her childhood. I have no idea how I would react if she just purposely didn’t tell me.

My anxiety was starting to get ahold of me again. I felt the pounding of my heartbeat, my head was feeling thick and like it was going to explode. My vision started getting blurry. I felt like I was going to pass out again. Suddenly, I felt a wave of calming run through me. All of my muscles started to relax and my head cleared. It startled me out of my thoughts.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I was only trying to help you calm down. I’m sure it will be fine.” Sasha comforts me, “No matter what she says, just remember, I am here for you. We are in this together.”

I start to relax and felt the tension melt away. Sasha was right. No matter what she has to say, we will get through it. It was comforting to think that I had someone to share my problems with. Someone to talk to. I suddenly realized how far I had come already. Less than an hour ago I was freaking out and ready to check myself in to the psych ward. Now, I feel more comfortable with her. I'm thinking about the future and having her with me. It's almost like I've known her my whole life. She made me feel complete somehow. I mean it was still strange having a voice in my head, but it was also comforting. Now I know that I don't ever want to lose her.

Just then, I saw my mother's car pulling up.

“Here we go. Sasha, are you ready for this?” I was mainly confirming that she was still here with me. I needed to know I had support in this. Doing this alone would be so hard.

“Always.” Her voice responded in a quiet, determined tone. The sound of her voice made me smile. I knew she was preparing herself for this just like I was.

I stood up and walked towards the car. As I got closer, I saw my mother watching me. Her eyes were wide as if she was scared. Her mouth was frozen in mid-gasp. And were those tears falling down her cheek? When she saw me looking she quickly glanced away and stared out the front window. The look on her face was frozen in my mind. It caused my heart to start beating rapidly and my stomach to drop. My steps faltered and I froze in place for a moment. I can do this,, we can do this. I stood up straight and kept walking towards the car. The closer I got, the louder my heartbeat became.

“Just a few more steps I can do this.” I thought to myself. I felt another calming wave come over me. “Thank you Sasha.”

I took those final steps and reached out to open the door. As I pulled open the door, I got hit in the face with a really strong smell. It was a mixture of fear, anxiety and despair. It knocked me back a step. The smell was so strong. Just the strength of it alone caused my heart to skip a beat. I felt the emotions wash over me and choked back a sob. After the initial shock, I realized I was sensing my mother's emotions. She was just as scared and nervous as I was.

I took a deep, calming breath and got in the car. As I shut the door I heard my mother taking some deep breaths as well. She must be trying to calm down and prepare for this just like I am. Realizing that she was nervous about this as well, made me feel a little better. Just knowing that I wasn’t the only one freaking out made this easier.

We both sat there in silence for a few minutes. The silence dragged out as we avoided looking at each other. The tension was so thick, you could cut it with a butter knife.

Finally, I looked over at her, “Mom, I think we have to talk.” I said quietly. I didn’t really want to break the silence,, but someone had to.

She sighed while looking down at her lap. I saw a tear slip down her cheek. “I know. I'm sorry. I should have told you.” She was so quiet I could barely hear her.

“Why didn’t you? I’m still not completely sure if I’m going crazy or not.”

She looked at me with a mixture of shock and sadness. “I never meant for you to feel that way.” She sighed and slumped her shoulders. “It’s all my fault. This is a long story. Let's go home so we can at least be comfortable.”

I felt like I had a lump in my throat so I just nodded in agreement. She put the car in drive and we headed home. Neither one of us said a word the whole way home. My anxiety was through the roof the whole ride. When we got home, we pulled into the garage. My mom shut off the car and waited for the garage door to shut.

“I figured you might want some privacy in your state.” She said quietly as she watched in the rear view mirror.

“Thanks.”

“Let’s go inside. I will make some calming tea for us while you get cleaned up and then we can talk.”

We both got out of the car and headed inside. My mom went into the kitchen and I headed downstairs. I was torn between wanting to get clean and wanting to hear my mother’s explanation.

“Her explanation has waited this long, a little longer while you take a shower won’t hurt.” Sasha sniffed as she spoke. Apparently she was telling me that I stink. I just chuckled at the thought of a wolf in my head telling me I stink. “Hey now! Just because I’m a wolf doesn’t mean I like being dirty and smelly.”

“Okay, I see your point.” I went into the bathroom and started the shower. While it was warming up I looked at myself in the mirror. My arms were somewhat clean from rinsing of in the stream, but they were still scratched up and had dirt caked in. My hair was hanging in strings and my face was covered in filth. Sasha was right, I don't want to look like this.

I climbed into the shower and cleaned up. When I was done I put on a pair of soft pajamas and sat on my bed. I picked up my brush and starting working on my hair. As I brushed I thought of everything that has happened in the last 24 hours. Yet again my entire life has changed. I haven't even gotten used to the first set of changes. How much more can my life possibly change?

I sighed and put down my brush. At this point I was just putting off the inevitable. I got up and headed back upstairs. I found my mom in the kitchen. She was sitting on a stool at the counter and sipping some tea. She looked up at me with despair in her eyes.

“Hey sweetie. The tea is on the stove. Why don't you grab a cup and we will go sit in the living room.”

As I walked over to grab a cup, she picked hers up and headed to the living room. While pouring the tea I could smell the different herbs. This was the first time I might actually get to know what she uses. I could smell chamomile and ginger, but there was something else in there that I just couldn’t put my finger on. I kept trying to place it as I added a spoonful of honey for that touch of sweetness. No matter how much I thought, I couldn't figure it out.

“Sasha? Do you know what that smell is?”

I heard her sniffing as if trying to catch the scent. “No, but that’s not completely unusual. I've spent my entire life inside your head. If you haven't smelled it before then I won’t know it either. It seems somewhat familiar but I'm not sure what it is.”

I shrugged my shoulders, “Worth a try.”

Wrapping my hands around the nice warm mug, I headed out to the living room. My mom was sitting on the end of the couch. The way the couch wrapped around we could both sit on sides where we are facing each other over the coffee table. I sat on the other side and pulled my legs up underneath me. My mom was sitting there slumped over with her arms resting on her knees.

She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. “I really am sorry. I was hoping you would never have to go through this. When it skipped me, I was sure it would skip you too. This story is very long and it begins with my childhood. It's time you learned the truth about my past.”

I was shocked. This is the one subject she has always avoided and now I am finally going to learn why.