Sinner & Sacred: A priest's forbidden confession

5 years ago, Nicholas p.o.v. “ Father, the cart has arrived" Ronald, the young servant boy, informed me. He was so excited since the day he found out that princess Alexa was coming here to live with us. The way he was taking deep breaths, I knew he was coming here running like a horse. How many times I had warned him not to do it… “ If you keep running here like this, then one day these stairs are going to break into pieces” I scolded him, putting the documents and letter aside. There was so much work at this time of year. Winter was coming, and I didn't think there was enough food for the people here… “ Then why don't you renovate this old tower or leave it... come stay with us in the church.” “ I like it here in solace" He rolled his eyes at me after hearing my reply. When was he going to act mature? After putting everything aside, we walked towards the entrance of the church. The Royal guards were roaming here and there, controlling the people who were excited to see only one glance of the future queen. She will be the one to bring this kingdom's prosperity back… The hundred years old hatred and rivalry between the two kingdoms will turn into friendship and alliance, the brutal deaths of soldiers and the starvation of people will stop, and the kingdom can become strong again. And this all depended on this one thirteen years old child. How will she manage that much burden? Even I was afraid when I had to just guide her to that path… " Princess" I kneel when she came and stood in front of me. Even after seven years, bowing in front of anyone still feels so weird. However she was the second person, before her there was only one king in front of him I bowed; my half-uncle...but still, it felt so strange. She was wearing a golden cloak and her face was hidden inside that hood. Poor child, I wondered how she could walk like this… The king and queen must have a strong heart to leave her only daughter here in church for that long time… Everyone stood up again when she nodded her head to acknowledge us. We returned inside, and then those big gates closed, leaving every royal guard and public outside. I chuckled when I caught her peeking outside from her hood. She must have wanted to see this beautiful place. “ You can remove it if you like, princess” I said when she again tried to peep outside from her hood. “ I didn't allow to…" She replied and stop at her place. “ I know commoners are not allowed to see your face but here, every child is the same, there is no princess and no ordinary… You are like the others here” I explained while kneeling in front of her because I heard her sniffing. Was she crying? I thought. Perhaps she was missing her home… “ So, can I remove the hood? “ She asked, wiping her tears. “ Yes you can, so what is your name, princess?” I asked, although I know her name was Alexa still, I asked because kids like to introduce themselves, maybe she will feel like a normal kid like this… “ Xenia Alexandrovna, but everyone calls me Princess Alexa.” She replied and removed her hood. Xenia… I didn't know it, Probably no one in the kingdom knew her real name… They should have at least told the real name of our future queen. “ So Xenia, do you want to meet others? They would like to be your friends” She nodded her head, and we started walking inside the church. Her golden-brown hairs reminded me of Samara, her big blue eyes were like mine… If Samara and I had a daughter, then probably she would have looked like her…Perhaps they both could have become friends, but again, if Samara and my unborn child were still alive, then I will not be here. It's been eight years since she was killed, seven years since I took celibacy…I was just twenty-one when I became a priest. People used to say that I am too young to be a priest, too immature. And now, after seven years...at the age of twenty-eight, I still heard that same thing. But it does not bother me anymore. I became a priest to find peace but didn't find it yet. Perhaps this was fate, that brought me here, so I could help the princess, and she could become a strong and intelligent future queen. However, my only work was to teach her the bible and guide her on god's path, but I will also teach her to read and use a sword. I knew it wasn't allowed for women but after what had happened with Samara, I believed every woman should learn to fight, so she can protect herself. I glanced at the little afraid girl, walking beside me. Maybe this was my second chance to become a father…