Love Me Again

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Chapter 2

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“I don’t understand. What did I do wrong?” I asked him.

“Nothing.” I said calmly.

“I don’t understand then.” I repeated.

“You’ve always known the truth.”

“But you told me that things were different. That you were going into this relationship willingly.”

He was silent for a minute. I could see his jaw clench and unclench as he tried to give me answers I wanted.

“I love her.” Was his responsible.

Not that he LOVED her, but he loves her presently. My heart was breaking but I couldn’t do a thing about it.

“But she’s marrying someone else, just like you did.”

“I know.”

“You and I have been…getting closer and closer…we even-

“I know. I shouldn’t have.”

“Then can you tell me why you did?” I cried out.

“I’m sorry Amara but it doesn’t matter.”

“Jay we’ve been married almost 6 months and we keep ending up in the same spot.”

He sat down on my bed beside me.

“What do you want me to do?” He asked me.

“What do you want from me?” I asked in return.

“Nothing…”

“Except ignorance?” I asked finishing his sentence.

“No.”

“Then why are you hurting me?” I asked him. 

“I can’t say anything to make this better.”

“Then finally tell me the truth!”

“What truth are you asking for now?”

You married me even though you never stopped loving your girlfriend!” I shouted standing up. “She’s engaged to your cousin now and you still think of her and now your sneaking away to meet her! You married me out of pressure from your family and my father. I had given you an out and yet you come up to me and told me you were willingly going through with this!”

“I know.”

“THEN WHAT SHOULD I DO?” I yelled out.

“DON’T RAISE YOUR VOICE AT ME!” He yelled back standing up. “YOU WERE AN OBLIGATION AND NOTHING HAS CHANGED THAT AND NOTHING WILL! I WILL ALWAYS WANT ZARA! LEARN TO DEAL WITH IT!”

I stared at him baffled. How could he say those things. The man my father adored and loved like his own son. A man he had guilted me into marrying.

“Amara this is hard for the both of us but you need to keep to your boundaries and let me deal with the things that arise in my life. None of this concerns you.”

He walked out of the bedroom after throwing the door open.

I took it in and decided that maybe this would pass. We hadn’t even been married a year. I needed to be patient and focus on other things. It wasn’t like Jay was my sole purpose for living but my life had changed drastically since marrying him. I had changed everything to fit into his world. I wanted to honor my father’s wishes.

I just didn’t understand that instead of  getting better, things would only get worse from this point on.

I had been set on a course for pain and regret. 

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(Present Day)

I couldn’t believe I was back here.

6 years ago, I had stood on this very land and promised I would never return to London. No matter to circumstances, no matter the nostalgia and no matter pain. I would do anything but return to the place that give me more grief and painful memories than I had room for.

But here I was again, back because of my father’s wish. One that hopefully this time wouldn’t put in the same circumstances as the last.

I wouldn’t allow it.

“Mom!”

“Yes darling?” I asked Zian.

I had put sleeping Arya in the stroller and the twins were standing beside me.

I never realized how difficult it was to travel with children across the globe, let alone with three of them.

“Mom how long are we going to be here? I want to go home.” He told me.

“Already? We just got here honey.” I said trying to be light about it.

I was already nervous being here and I didn’t want it to rub off on my children.

“AMARA!”

“AMARA!”

I turned my and saw my cousin Sherry yelling my name and running  across the airport.

“Mom?” Zian said again.

“Mm?”

“Why is Aunt Sherry running like a…cwazy person?” Tej asked before his brother could.

I sighed. “Boys we do not call Aunt Sherry crazy, even though she is.” I told them. “But to answer your question Aunt Sherry is running because she is crazy.”

“What?” Tej and Zian laughed at my comment.

“Omg! I thought I would never find you!” Sherry said.

“Hey Sherry.”

“Hey Amara! I’m so glad you’re here!” She said extremely enthusiastically.

She then turn to the boys. “OMG! Your both so big!” She yelled out, grabbing Zian, kissing each of his cheeks and hugging him.

“Aunt Sherry, you saw us on our birthday!” Zian yelled out while being squeezed. Sherry pulled away from him and he started to wipe his face and fix his hair with a scowl on his face.  

My little Zian was who I considered to be by little bad boy. He was so much like his father it scared me at times. Sometimes he would say the exact thing I remembered Jay saying and my heart would stop.

“Tej!” Sherry yelled out, targeting him next.

“Hi Aunt Sherry.” Tej said shyly and hugging her back.

Tej was different than his brother in many ways, but mostly he was silent and intelligent. He tried to take care of everyone, including baby Arya.

They both were my life. I couldn’t have survived everything if it weren’t for them. My babies kept me from completely shattering. I couldn’t love them more if I tried. They were my lifeline. I couldn’t be any luckier if I tried.

Omg where is my baby Arya!” Sherry yelled.

“Wait! Stop, and calm down!” I told Sherry. “She’s sleeping, you can play with her later.”

Arya was a wish I never knew I had. She completed our family. The boys had a younger sibling and I had a beautiful baby girl.

Sherry made a face but ultimately nodded her head at me. “Now your turn!” She yelled.

I smiled and stepped forward to hug her. Sherry had been there by my side when I needed family but had no one to turn to. She had given up a lot to help me.

My eyes welled up and she pulled away.

“No don’t cry! Cuz then I’ll cry and then we’ll just be a crazy crying mess together.” She said.

I nodded my head and blinked away the tears. “Okay help me then!”

“Okay, I’ve got your bags, you get the munchkins!” She yelled pulling away the suitcase trolley.

We finally made it out of Heathrow airport and into the waiting cars. It took a while to get my kids settle in their seats but eventually we were on our way out and on the way to the Sood family estate outside of London.

I sat back and watched the familiar buildings and landscapes pass me. I had so many memories here. Some were good, even great but the ones that came to mind were all of HIM. I had promised myself I wouldn’t think of him.

I was here for my father.

To fulfill another wish.

But back then I was a 22-year-old naïve girl. Now I was stronger, I had had 6 years to grow a thick skin and learn lessons no one had taught me about family and responsibilities.

I had become a single mother and had no clue what to do. I was lucky enough to meet people like Naveen who helped me through the worst of it.

My mind could help but go back to the past as we rolled out past the bustling city out into the suburbs.

I had wanted so much more than what I had been dealt with.

All I really wanted was love.

Now I had the love of my two monster but I couldn’t push past the pain and fall for another man. The last one had traumatized me to such a degree. He had caused me so much pain that I couldn’t even think about being with another man out of sheer fear he would do the same to me.

I sat there in the car, leading me to my dying father thinking about how much I wanted to turn around and leave. I wanted to go back home. Because it took me coming here to realize this wasn’t home any longer. 

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 I had dozed off for a while.

When I woke up I noticed it was late afternoon.

I looked at my children. Zian and Tej were playing with each other and Arya was still taking a nap.

“How long till we are there?” I asked Sherry.

“Any second now.” She replied.

I watched my childhood home come into view.

The estate I had spent my life in. The place where my father had guilted me into becoming the wife of a man who loved someone else.

I regretted being here even before walking into the place. I had so many reservations but I guess it was too late now.

“Actually Amara, why don’t we go get a bit to eat?” Sherry asked me hesitantly.

“What? Why?” I asked confused.

“I just realized we forgot to grab some lunch.” She answered.

“No Sherry we’re good. I’ll make the boys a lunch inside.” I said.

Once the car slowed down I got out and unbuckled the boys before going over to the other side to pull out Arya’s stroller and unlatching her car seat to place in it.

“Amara.” Sherry said seriously.

“What is it Sherry? You’ve been acting strange since we arrived here.”

“I…um…are you sure you don’t want to stay with me? You could come visit your father in the morning. You all must be exhausted.” She said.

I shook my head. “No Sherry, the kids and I are here to spend time with my father, We’ll stay here.”

She just slowly nodded in response.

We walked up the steps and into the house with Sherry and the kids behind me.

The boys were tired and probably needed to go for a nap. I looked down at Arya in the stroller and noticed she had quietly woken up. I pulled her out of the seat and left the stroller in the doorway.

As I walked through the door I yelled out, “Dad!”

There was silence in response.

I looked at Sherry and she shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe he’s sleeping. Lets come back another time?”

“What’s up with you?”

“Nothing!”

I shook my head and bounced Arya when she looked like she was about to start fussing. “It’s okay my baby.”

“Dad?” I yelled out again.

“In here sweetheart.”

I followed the voice down the hall with my sons walking behind me.

I walked into the room I had heard his voice from.

OMG.

My father was laying in a bed. He looked so weak.

But that wasn’t what shocked me.

There beside my father sat Jay Chahar.

The man that had broken me into pieces.