Have You Ever

Sweet Dreams

“Hey! Are you okay?” Victoria called out for me as I was spacing out once again.

“Y-yeah!” I uttered.

“So what’s your decision? Should we go for the beef broccoli or fried pork chop?” She asked.

“I don’t know. I don’t have the appetite to eat right now.” I answered nonchalantly.

Victoria gave up on me and just decided on her own. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I thought I’m okay. I thought it’s over. I never thought that a bit of his memory can affect me this much. I thought I’m okay and get over him. Or maybe I was just suppressing everything deep down in my heart. On our way to the office, we met David and his friend along the way. What’s his name again?

“Have you met him? The new engineer?” Charlotte asked.

“Uhm, yeah. A while ago.” I replied.

“Oh~ So how is he? Isn’t he handsome? Especially when he was wearing his beanie hat?” She added.

“A beanie? In the middle of summer? Isn’t it too hot to wear such?” I exclaimed.

“Shhh! They’re coming.” Victoria said.

“Enzey, are you okay? Why did you c---.” I stopped David from speaking. I don’t want these two ladies to know that I cried a while ago. I don’t want to tell the story and I have no plan on telling such a story to anyone. I want it to be buried just between the two of us. But as I looked at Victoria, hoping she won’t notice anything, she’s staring at me with full of jealousy in her eyes. Friend, it’s not what you think.

“Y-yeah. I’m okay. It’s nothing. Never mind that.” Then I pulled out my hand from covering his mouth and let him go. “Let’s go. I’m suddenly feeling hungry.” I added trying to avoid Victoria’s eyes as if she will kill me anytime soon.

“What’s with you and David? Do you have secrets that we shouldn’t know?” Victoria started interrogating. What should I do? I couldn’t tell her that I cried a while ago because for sure, there will be a follow-up question for that.

“Hmm, not totally a secret. It was just I did something embarrassing in front of the new employee.” I explained trying to avoid any suspicion.

“Kree,” Charlotte said.

“Huh?”

“The new employee. His name is Kree.” She added.

“Ahh, yeah. Kree.” His name is unique. I wonder what his real name though? I hope it’s not something historic name or any of the names in ancient times.

“By the way, Sir Raffy is looking for you a while ago,” Victoria said as if nothing happened.

So I went to the factory and look for Sir Raffy but he’s nowhere to be found. While I was checking around the factory, I saw Kree working on a machine. Or should I say, he’s cleaning the oil leak from the machine?

“Are you doing fine? Let the factory workers clean that area.” I tried talking naturally to him as if nothing happened, as if our first meeting was not an awkward one.

“No, it’s okay. I was instructed by Sir Raffy to start doing this.” He explained.

“Okay. By the way, have you seen Sir Raffy?” I asked.

“Yeah. He’s in the engineer’s quarter.” He replied.

“Okay, thanks.”

“Uhm, ma’am!” He called as I was on my way to the engineer’s quarter then he ran after me.

“About a while ago, I’m sorry for making you cry. I never thought that you will be that shocked to the point that you shed tears out of fear.” He explained. He’s so kind and considerate, thou~

“No, it’s okay. And I didn’t cry because of shock or what. Just forget about it. I’m sorry as well for crying out of that trivial matter.” I replied, trying to ease his concern.

“Crying is never a trivial thing. It’s not something you should overlook nor forget just like that. Someone shed tears because either they were hurt or still suffering from that pain.” He said. And it made me stop for a moment. Feels like I meet someone who knows my pain. Someone who understands what I was going through.

“Thank you,” I replied.

“Huh? Thank you for what?” He asked.

“I just want to thank you. By the way, I’m Enzey.” And I extended my hand to him.

“Kree.” He smiled then he grabbed my hand for a shaking hand. It was nice meeting him today.

“What’s happening in here?” Sir Raffy interrupted as if he caught us doing something wrong; Marc was walking side by side with him.

“I was not around for the past five days and I just met the new engineer. How was he, Sir?” I asked, trying to avoid Marc’s stare.

“How can I assess someone’s ability for five days?” He replied sarcastically but we just laughed it out. He may be quite conceited but he’s kind and friendly so we don’t mind him talking that way. Besides, he’s one of the most tenured here in ATLE so we respect him here in the factory.

“Are you single, Kree?” He asked out of nowhere.

“Yes, sir.” He replied enthusiastically.

“Well, good to hear that. But sad to say, Enzey is reserved for Marc. First come, first serve.” Sir Raffy trying to c***k a joke as he can see jealousy in Marc’s eyes.

“Says who?” I exclaimed. I don’t want to give Marc false hope. But I know I might hurt him from acting this way but I have no choice. I have to do this so that he can move on and get tired of me.

“I thought you and Marc were--“

“We’re friends!” Marc interrupted. “We’re just friends, sir. You’re just interpreting it the wrong way.” He added.

“Oh, come on Marc! I’m a man too. I know what your eyes were telling every time you stare at Enzey.” Sir Raffy is teasing him big time.

“Not anymore. I was rejected.” He said then walked away. I don’t know why but I feel so bad about it. Who told him to announce it that way? It made me look as if I’m so heartless and just rejected him flatly.

Because of the awkwardness, Sir Raffy walked away as if he realized that he made a mistake pushing Marc that way. Kree looked at me but I can’t read what’s on his mind. Then eventually, go back to what he was doing. I’m sorry Marc but I guess it is better this way. It’s better to be hurt by the truth than to be happy with assumptions and hopeless romance.

=======

It’s time to go home but as usual, we didn’t go home just like that. David invited everyone to go out and eat dinner together. Mara and Stephy are walking side by side, as well as David and Kree. Yes, you heard it right. Kree becomes a new member of our squad. While Marc and I walking on our separate ways but both were left behind them. I don’t know what to do. I feel so suffocated by this awkwardness.

“Hey! Are you okay?” I tried approaching him.

“What do you think I feel right now?” He murmured downheartedly but loud enough for me to hear.

“I-I’m sorry.” It’s all I can say.

“Don’t be sorry. Making you feel sorry about my feelings for you feels like I don’t even have a bit of change in you.” Sorry, Marc but that’s the truth.

“Then what should I do to ease the pain I’ve caused you? There’s nothing I can do for you but to apologize for hurting you unintentionally.” I explained. It’s killing me. Really. It hurts to hurt someone dear for you. But what can I do if all I can give to him right now is friendship?

“You don’t need to apologize because it’s not your fault that my heart beats for you.” He murmured once again as if he was trying to hold his tears. I can’t take this anymore. The guilt is eating me up. I have to leave.

“Guys, I have to lea---“

“I have to leave!” Marc exclaimed and everyone looked at him.

“I feel like I am being summoned by the nature.” He tried to c***k a joke as if nothing happened.

Why do we always end up hurting the person who loves us genuinely and gets hurt by someone who doesn’t even deserve us?

“Grossss~ hurry up! Before you mess up in your pants.” Mara shouted and everyone started laughing. Everyone, except the two of us.

“Take care,” Stephy said. And we continue on our way to the mall.

I feel so guilty for doing that to Marc. It was never an easy thing to do what’s right. Especially if that person was too kind to you. How can I face him tomorrow at work?

“Are you okay?” Mara asked as she noticed that something has been bothering me.

“Y-yeah,” I replied nonchalantly.

“Are you sure? Shall we order now?” She asked.

“Sure.”

While we are in queue to put our order, Mara started asking.

“What happened to you and Marc?” She asked.

“N-nothing. It’s just that his tummy is acting up.” I lied.

“Not that. I didn’t mean to but I overheard your conversation at the back.” She explained.

“Seriously? That’s impossible.” I exclaimed.

“I have a good listening ability. Especially when it comes to Marc.” She said.

“Really?!”

“Wanna tell you a secret?” She continued.

“What is it?” I asked out of curiosity.

“I like Marc.” She said blatantly then she smirked.

“WHAT?? Seriously?” I exclaimed out of shock.

“Yes, Enzey. But I didn’t let anyone knows about it aside from Stephy because everybody knows about you and Marc so who am I to interrupt.” She said nonchalantly. I’ve hurt another friend unintentionally. This is breaking my heart into pieces. I don’t know what to do anymore.

“I’m sorry.” I feel like a bucket of water full of ice has been thrown at me. I don’t know what to do nor don’t know what to say.

“You don’t have to be sorry. You did the right thing. It is better this way than to give him false hope. I don’t want him to experience what I have gone through from that assh*l*.” She exclaimed as if she was reminded by bad memory.

“Who’s that assh*l*? Don’t tell me…”

“You’re right. It’s Paul. I heard he tried to make a move on you as well. Good thing you didn’t fall for him.” She said. What a shocking revelation, huh? So there are other victims aside from me.

“I did,” I said nonchalantly. I feel like my spirit flies away from my body right now. What a coincidence between the two of us, Mara.

“What do you mean you did…? YOU DID?? You fell for him???” She exclaimed out of shock from hearing that news. So I had to cover her mouth or else they might hear us. I don’t want anyone to know about it. Mara is more than enough. I don’t know why but I feel like I can trust Mara more than anyone else.

“Funny, isn’t it? We always end up being linked with the same guy but end up with no one.” She said and started to laugh. What an odd fate we have.

Finally, we’re eating. Everyone’s busy feeding their mouth. I guess the stress from work can be relieved only by the delicious food in front of us. So I also started to dig in. Until someone put the utensils in front of me.

“What was that, Kree?” Mara asked and everyone started staring at us.

“What do you mean what was that?” He asked nonchalantly as he continues wiping the spoons and forks with tissue.

“How did you know that Enzey can’t eat without wiping the spoon and fork?” She asked.

“I don’t know. I’m just used to it. I didn’t know Enzey sharing the same habit.” He explained.

Everyone doesn’t buy his explanation but they just shrug it off and continue digging into the food. I never thought I could meet someone who can share the same weird habit. Good thing Kree became part of our squad. How I wish Marc could go back and laugh with us once again. The best part of the meal has arrived, the dessert. I love eating something sweet and cold. And for tonight’s menu, it’s dark chocolate cream cheese with pearls and my favorite, blueberry cheesecake. Sweets taste the best when you’re stressed or feeling down. The ambiance makes the food extra special. We are in a wooden double deck and sitting like an Indian. The fairy lights and pillows made the place more cozy and comfortable.

I don’t know why but I feel like after eating everything, I suddenly felt cold. I started rubbing my hands together then rubbed them both into my arms. It’s quite chilly here in the café. The coldness feels like sinking into my blouse and suddenly felt my back aching.

“Are you okay?” Kree asked.

“Y-yeah. I-I’m okay.” I replied, trying to act cool.

“Seems like your shivering.” He added.

“N-no, I’m okay.” Serves you Enzey. You’re abusing yourself by bulking up with something sweet and cold when you know you easily get sick because of that. Now, my throat starts aching.

“Here, drink some water.” Kree offered. But instead of going back to his seat, he started seating behind me. Maybe to cover me from the chills caused by the Air conditioner behind me.

“Feeling better?” I heard him asked as if he is whispering into my ear. I can feel him breathe over my right shoulder. How come he can act that way closer to me? And I don’t know why I feel so nervous about his actions right now.

“U-uhm... Better. Thanks.” That’s all I can say. I can’t even turn my head and look at him because I might make a mistake. The old Enzey might get angry by his careless actions but I don’t know I just let him act that way towards me. I tried looking around but no one notices us. David, Mara, and Stephy were too busy with what they are talking about.

“It would be better if I have a jacket right now.” He added and started leaning on me while talking. The gap between us is getting smaller.

“W-would you move a little? It’s quite uncomfortable.” I tried my best to tell what’s on my mind. Why is he acting this way? And why do I let him do this to me??

“Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I just thought it could make you feel more warmth when I sit right behind you. Sorry if it made you feel uncomfortable.” He said.

“No, it’s okay.” Why do I feel guilty about what he said? Am I being too malicious without considering his concern and effort? No! No, Enzey. It’s better to be cautious than to make the same mistake again.

“It’s okay?” He asked and was quite confused about what I’ve said.

“I mean, I appreciate your kindness but I’m not yet comfortable with these kind gestures coming from you.” And I smiled hoping he won’t misunderstand what I’ve said.

“Ah~ okay. I never thought about that. I’m sorry for being careless and inconsiderate.” Then he smiled at me as well.

“Shall we go?” Mara asked as if they have still no idea what happened

They wait for me until I ride the bus going to Cavite since I’m the only one who has no one to go home with. David and Stephy will ride the same bus while Mara and Kree live in Quezon City. While waiting at the bus stop, I see Kree looking at me. What’s his problem thou?

“Why?” I tried asking him while opening my mouth without letting them heard what I said. And then raised both my brows while looking at him. But all he did was shake his head as a gesture of saying nothing.

The bus has arrived. Then I sit right beside the window and looked at them walking away from the bus stop. While waiting for the passengers to settle to their seats, I saw Kree looking at me from afar. Our eyes met and he started smiling brightly as if he feels so happy that I looked at him before leaving. Then he started waving as he bid his goodbye. All of a sudden, I just see myself waving back at him.

My heart feels so delighted. I think I can sleep tonight without worrying about my nightmare. I have never felt this way for the past six months. Thank you, Kree, for today. I’ll be keeping this smile on my lips before going to bed. I hope you’ll have a sweet dream as well.

Finally, I’m home and done with my nighttime routine. I was putting some moisturizer on my face when my phone suddenly vibrates.

*1 message received*

Unknown Number: I hope you arrived home safely. Just wishing you goodnight and have a sweet dream.

I couldn’t help but smile at what I’ve read. I didn’t bother to reply and asked who that message was from. I didn’t know how he gets my number but I’m glad he texted me before going to bed.

“Goodnight Kree.”