Dear Diary, I Think I'm In Love

I'm Officially A Debutante Now

Dear Diary,

I'm still shaking, writing this. I can barely believe what happened today. Who would've thought that after being a target of laughter, things could completely turn around? I feel like my life was just flipped upside down.

Shocked, scared to death, but still excited. That's how I can describe my emotional state right now. Maybe grandpa pulled the strings for me? Put in a good word with the universe or whatever? I know it might be stupid, or childish, but I believe in that, truly. I miss him so bad. But I'm glad that someone is watching over me.

Thank you, gramps. I love you.

I apologize to Hunter. Again. As soon as I get to the kitchen. He accepts the apology, saying that we were already cool. And that he gets it. But I'm not any less embarrassed about my behavior.

Aiden claps the moment mom presents the new rule. He smirks and points his thumbs up. "I love you, sis. Not that it makes any difference for me, but still," he remarks, earning himself a stern, eagle-eyed gaze from our mom.

I video-call Leslie as soon as we finish dinner. After I help Aiden with cleaning the dishes, of course. And yeah, our mom throws us into chores when we misbehave. Don't get me wrong, we always have to help out around the house. But when we do something wrong, we're basically forced to become the desperate housewives. I don't know why Hunter helps us, though. He didn't do anything wrong.

My best friend seems surprised to see me. "I thought being grounded meant that electronics are off-limits," she remarks, and I shrug. We're only allowed to have our phones, when we're grounded. It's not a big deal for me, because I don't use my laptop that much, but for Aiden, it's a catastrophe. Despite being an athlete, he lives for video games. He'll lose it over the course of the next two weeks.

"It's one of my two bonuses, when I'm grounded," I explain. Before Leslie is able to ask what the second bonus is, I already reveal that she’s welcome to come over.

As she starts squealing excitedly, Aiden pops his head through the door. "You two are worse than listening to a hundred angry elephants," he remarks, making me throw a pillow at his head. But he catches it so easily that it leaves me even more annoyed.

"Then you'll be happy to hear that we're having a sleepover tomorrow," I tell him in response, just to spite him. He rolls his eyes and leaves me alone, letting me turn back to my best friend.

"A sleepover?" Leslie asks, not sounding sure of it, while I shrug in response. Why the hell not? She nods, but I can tell there's something bothering her.

"Sure, let me just ask my mom, okay? I'll be back in a sec," she speaks up, sounding a little unsure. Her mom is way more chill than mine. Leslie probably didn't even get grounded. Unless something has changed.

"Okay," I just say, then see her smile before she puts the phone down and I'm left staring at her ceiling. I sigh. Something's wrong, but I can't put my finger on it just yet. I'm sure she'll tell me, though, right? We're best friends after all.

I'm left waiting for a few minutes. I listen to Aiden and Hunter laughing in their room. Yes, their room. You know that Hunter practically lives with us. He rarely goes home. I don't know what they're watching, but they're laughing like retards. So much for banning electronics.

As Leslie comes back, she has tears in her eyes. I stare at her worriedly. "Hey, what happened?" I ask, keeping my voice down so I don't attract unwanted attention.

"Nothing, my parents are ... They're having an episode again. I didn't get to ask my question," she explains, sounding like she's talking through a lump in her throat. That explains her change of mood earlier. My face softens and I suddenly wish I could be by her side and hug her.

Leslie doesn't have it easy at home, either. Her parents have always been fighting, but they've gotten worse lately. Much, much worse. In fact, it's so bad sometimes, that my best friend comes to school, looking like she's the one going through it all. Scratch that, she has it way worse than they do.

"It's okay, don't worry about it," she assures me, despite looking so glum that it pains me. I try talking to her to distract her, but she soon says goodbye, saying that she can't focus on our conversation when they're shouting in the background. I play oblivious, even if I can actually hear them too.

We hang up and I lie down, letting out a big sigh. Why are some of us kids so lucky to have parents, who rarely fight, while others have to listen to constant battles? It's really unfair.

I'm left thinking about it for a long time ... Until I remember that there's an English assignment that I have to finish. And it's due tomorrow. Suddenly, I feel like screaming. I'm supposed to read a book beforehand, where am I going to find it now?

Wait, it's Shakespeare. Maybe my mom has it. But I really don't want to ask her about it, or else I'll have to tell her everything about the assignment. Even that it's due tomorrow. Don't ask why, I just can't lie to my mom, she manages to pull out every last string of truth from my body. Just by giving me the look.

I'm so stupid, maybe Aiden has it. I knew he had to read A Midsummer Night's Dream last year. Let's just hope he hasn't returned it to mom yet. I tiptoe towards my brother's room, not wanting to let my mom know that I still have school work to do. I want to keep my head on my neck, thank you very much.

As I knock, as gently as I can, I already get a glimpse of the boys. They're sitting on the couch, both of them staring into the screen of a phone. Aiden looks up and raises his eyebrows in a suggestive way. Well, somebody seems to be in a good mood.

I slip inside and push the door towards the frame without closing it. At that moment, Hunter notices me, too. "What's up, sis?" my brother asks, not even bothering to keep his voice down. I send him a warning look. Not exactly a good time for being loud.

Suddenly, I hear laughter coming from the phone. "I need a book ... What do you have there?" I say, unable to keep my curiosity at bay. You're getting worse every day, Perrie. My brother turns the phone in my direction, showing me their entire friend group, gathered in a video call. Eric included. Oh, crap.

I can feel my cheeks heating up and I don't know what to say all of a sudden. I just do an awkward little wave and try to smile. But I'm not sure how that smile looks to them. Horrific, probably. They all greet me back loudly.

Luckily, Aiden realizes that I'm embarrassed and turns the phone back around, handing it to Hunter. Then, he gets up from the couch, asking: "What kind of book do you need?"

I force myself to focus and try not to think about the fact that the boys can hear everything. "A Midsummer Night's Dream," I quickly tell him, earning myself a strange look.

"Do you have to write an assignment about it?" he keeps boring into me with questions, making me realize that we're headed into dangerous territory. Aiden doesn't need to know that I'm doing this literally in the last second. I don't want to give him leverage over me. So, I just nod casually and follow him to the tiny shelf, filled with maybe ten books. "And when is it due?" he continues, making me snap.

"Seriously, what are you, our mother?" I blurt out before I'm able to stop myself. I can hear laughter coming from the phone and also from behind our backs. We both turn towards Hunter, who looks especially amused by our interaction.

"Dude, just give her the book," he encourages my brother, who sends him a dark gaze, before turning towards the shelf.

He pulls the book out and hands it to me. But as I reach out to grab it, he moves his hand back, making me glare at him. I'm not playing games. "Just for the record, the book belongs to mom, so you're welcome to return it to her, once you finish it," he tells me, then grins like the Cheshire cat.

My face falls and as I finally get my hands on the book, I realize that this will have to go through my mom anyway. Great. "Thanks, bro," I mumble, then turn on my heels and leave.

Once I'm back in the hallway, I tiptoe to my room and leave the door only slightly ajar. Then, I lie on the bed and start reading. It's seven already. I hope I'll be finished by midnight.

I'm thrown awake by the sound of the light being switched off. I jump in bed, turning on the night lamp next to my bed. As I look towards the door, I see my dad, staring at me in surprise. "Perrie," he whispers, "I'm sorry, I just came to turn off the light, when I realized you were asleep." I rub the sleep from my eyes and sit up.

"It's okay, I should ... I should finish this anyway," I mumble, before I realize what I'm saying. I freeze, as it dawns on me that I just told my dad that I'm doing school work at the last moment. He stares at me for a moment, then comes in and closes the door as silently as he can. He sits down next to me and groans as he sees what I'm reading.

"They're still making you read this dead man's books?" he remarks, making me let out a silent chuckle.

"Dad," I say, shaking my head. "I like this old man's books," I remind him, and he raises his hands in a defensive way. But I can tell he's on the brink of laughter.

"Sorry, sorry, I forgot that you're the next J. K. Rowling," he jokes, but not like he's making fun of me. More in a way that he genuinely supports me. I shake my head.

"More like the next Julia Quinn," I correct him, making him raise his eyebrows in response.

"Oh, isn't that the one that writes about scandals?" he teases me and I find myself blushing. Yeah, well, you could put it that way. My dad smiles, then ruffles my already messy hair. So, I can't even pretend to be mad about it. "Don't stay up too long. You have school tomorrow," he then adds, making me nod.

We tell each other good night, and I suddenly find myself wide awake. Which is a good thing, because I can't afford to get into detention one day and fail to hand in an assignment the next day. My mom would skin me alive.

I manage to read the book before midnight, but as I close it, I realize that I have to write an essay, based on the five questions that we got from our teacher. I get to my desk with a big sigh and start working.

My eyes are already closing when I'm writing the last sentence. I just hope that I didn't make too many mistakes. I don't have time to proof-read, even if that's literally the holy basis of every writer. Whatever, I'm not a writer. Yet.

I don't even check the time, when I climb into bed, because I'm so exhausted that I fall asleep the moment I turn off the night lamp. And as my alarm throws me up the next morning, I feel like someone started playing the drums right next to my ear. I almost roll out of bed.

I'm so groggy. I have no idea how much sleep I got today, but it's six thirty in the morning and I can barely function. I can't wait for this day to be over. And it hasn't even properly begun yet.

My mom realizes that I'm grumpy and luckily, leaves me alone. But the same can't be said for the boys. They keep teasing me throughout breakfast, then in the car. After we get to school, they still don't leave me alone.

We're walking through the main hallway and I'm trying to find my best friend, but she's nowhere to be seen. "Oh, wait, I got another one. Did you really have to count all the sheep?" my brother asks, before they both start laughing like retards. Yeah, I've been listening to those kinds of sleeping puns the whole morning. No wonder my mood hasn't gotten any better yet.

At that moment, I stop looking for Leslie altogether. I turn around, annoyed to the very last nerve in my body, and put my hands against my hips. I probably look like my mother right now, but I don't give a damn. I'm just about to tell them off, when they start greeting someone behind me.

I look over my shoulder and freeze, suddenly forgetting the fact that I'm annoyed. And that my brother and Hunter were getting on my nerves. Like every other day of my life, really. "Hi," I only manage to blurt out, because I suddenly have no idea how to act around Eric Schmitz. The first guy to ever tell me that I look cute.

He smiles at me, making me feel such pressure inside my chest, that I feel the need to run away. "Hey. How are you?" he asks, still watching me with those dark blue eyes, the color of the deepest ocean you can imagine. I feel like I'm already being pulled in. I smile back, and fix a strand of hair behind my ear, probably looking like a fool.

"Well, these two were giving me a hard time the whole morning, but it's all good now," I blurt out before I'm able to stop myself. I already think I pushed him towards their direction, too. But instead, all I manage to do is make him chuckle in response. "And how's your morning going?" I quickly ask before he changes his mind.

He's about to answer, when someone clears their throat behind me, making me realize that we're not alone. Uhm. Awkward. I'm about to send my brother a warning gaze, but instead of him, Hunter speaks up. "Dude, you're stealing our show," he tells Eric in a seemingly joking way.

But I know Hunter well enough to sense when there's a serious undertone to his voice. And this happens to be one of the occasions. Okay, I'm going to remove myself and let the boys sort this out by themselves. Whatever this is supposed to be. "Yeah, agreed," my brother then adds.

"I'll be late for class, bye guys," I quickly say before I hear Eric's response. I send him an apologetic glance, wishing that I didn't have those two neanderthals behind me all the time. It's like I have two brothers instead of one. It's annoying, really. Especially because my actual brother is almost less protective of me than Hunter.

Eric smiles at me in a reassuring way, before turning to the other two. I manage to be just slow enough to catch him say: "Jealous, you two?" I can feel my face burning up, but at the same time, I'm already smiling ear to ear. I pinch myself. Oh my God, I could scream right now, this was real. This was all real!

I'm so caught up in the moment that just passed between me and Eric, that I don't see my best friend waving at me from the other end of the hallway. She calls me about three times before I notice her. As she notices my flushed face, and the idiotic smile, drawn across it, she immediately realizes something's up.

"Someone's been having a good morning," she remarks, looking happy for me. I try to stop smiling, but I just can't. I don't even find the words to express how I feel right now. I've never been noticed before. Like, literally ever. And now Eric seems to be interested in me! Ah! I need to scream to get this crazy energy out of my system!

"You have no idea," I tell her, already meaning to start talking, when I remember she might didn't have the best morning. So, I forget about the greatest thing that happened today and focus on how my best friend is feeling. "Is everything okay at home?" I ask carefully, pulling the reins on myself.

Her smile fades a little, but she quickly puts it back on as she shrugs. "Well, you know how it's going. Nothing's changed," she tells me. Then, she waves her hand in a dismissive way. "I really don't want to talk about it so, please, I'm all ears. What got you into such a good mood?"

I hesitate at first, but then finally, I tell her about the exchange between Eric and me. And how it got interrupted. I don't use names, I use their initials, because I don't want anyone else to know who we're talking about. Her jaw drops. "See? Totally into you. Both of them," she whisper-yells, making me send her a look. No. We won’t be going there.

"Uh, no. I'm not in middle school anymore. I'm over it, over him, not going down that road again," I turn her down, still not wanting to speak too loudly or too obviously. She tilts her head in clear disapproval.

"You may not want to, but I ship you two," she tells me, making me sigh and groan at the same time. I shake my head. She nods. "I definitely ship you two," she insists. I shake my head again, but luckily for me, the bell rings in that second. Whew. I was already afraid of where this conversation was headed.

Suddenly, I feel my phone beep. Crap, I need to turn that down, or I'll get in trouble. Still, I check who texted me, and almost drop the damn thing as I realize who it is. Hey, this is Eric. Would you want to grab a cup of coffee with me after school?

"Les," I whimper weakly, making her turn towards me with a worried look. As I turn the screen towards her, her eyes widen. Once she looks back at me, we're both squealing like little girls.