Dear Diary, I Think I'm In Love

All Forgiven And Forgotten

Dear Diary,

There’s been a tragic event. I have died. My funeral is going to be this Sunday, in the backyard. I’ll be laid to rest under the leaf pile. And I hope it’s going to bury my eternal shame alongside my body.

My life is literally a joke. One moment I’m apologizing to someone, the next I’m … Nope, I’m not going there.

I’m sooooo embarrassed, I can’t even write down what happened!!!

I drag myself down to dinner like I’m headed towards my execution. How do I even look at him, knowing that he’s seen everything there is to see?! I can’t let anyone know about this. What if he’s told Aiden?!

Perrie, don’t be ridiculous. He wouldn’t tell your brother, because he’d be squashed across the wall like a mosquito by now. And you would’ve surely heard about it. This is going to be so awkward, oh my God.

I barely force myself to drag my ass downstairs, once I finally get dressed. I already hear the clinking of cutlery against the plates. Great. That will put my mom in a good mood. But as I sit down and apologize for taking so long, she just smiles at me, saying: “No worries, dear. We’ve just begun.”

Huh. No scolding? I guess she must be really happy that I was running. It probably won’t be long before she starts making me run with her. I can’t handle her workouts. She’s a monster. I tried running with her once, but I couldn’t keep up with her. She was barely putting any effort into moving, while I was basically dying.

I try so hard to think about everything else around me and avoid looking at Hunter, that I almost start to forget that he walked into the bathroom and saw me naked. I know it was just for a brief moment, but I can’t get it out of my head, okay? No one except my family has seen me naked until now!

Just like jinxing myself with those thoughts, I happen to reach for the rice at the same time that Hunter extends his hand towards the salt. Our fingers brush together, making me flinch in surprise and knock over the salt as I pull my hand away like he just burned me.

My mom gasps dramatically, while everyone else looks at me in surprise. I already feel myself blushing a deep burgundy as I try to pick up the salt that I just managed to spill over the whole table. “Jumpy, are we?” Hunter remarks as he tries to help me.

I send him a shaken look, not sure if I’m more surprised by what he said, the suggestive tone he used, or the fact that he’s even speaking to me after brushing my apology off earlier. I blink a few times, then just shake my head, completely distressed.

“Leave it, Perrie, we’ll just clean it up later. Eat now,” my mom instructs me, as she realizes I’m completely useless. I sigh and decide to fix what I just did.

“I’ll get salt from the kitchen, sorry,” I tell Hunter as I get up, casting a few brief glances around my family members, noticing how amused my dad is and the way my brother is calculating something behind his dark gaze. Oh, no, don’t look at him too long, Perrie, he knows how to read minds.

I quickly disappear from the dining room to take a few breaths as I grab the salt. Once I get back to the table, I place it in front of Hunter and apologize once again. “No worries,” he assures me, smiling to himself. I wait until he lifts his gaze, to send him a pointed look, then finally get the damn rice for myself.

I can’t believe this. He barely looked at me after I apologized to him and now he’s acting like we’re besties. And all it took for him to forgive me, is to see me naked for a nanosecond. Men. I can’t believe I’m suddenly so chill about this!

As I realize that Hunter has seen me without any clothes before my boyfriend did, I almost start to feel sick. My empty stomach feels like there’s an ocean storm swirling inside it. Oh, crap. No, no, no, no, no. If Hunter brags about this to Eric, it’s all truly over. I really like Eric. I don’t want things to end between us and I sure as hell don’t want him to know that someone else has seen me naked before he did!

I force myself to start eating, because I know I’ll be getting a thousand questions from at least my mom, if I don’t. “All good, sweetheart?” she asks all of a sudden, just like hearing my thoughts. I glance between her and my brother. They’re both watching me with the same, searching gaze. I swear to God, these two can seriously read minds.

“Yeah, mom,” I respond, before shoving some more food into my mouth and forcing a smile on my face. She doesn’t buy it, and neither does Aiden, but I already turn my face towards my plate and continue eating.

It’s all quiet after that exchange and I try really hard to act normal. But I’m getting even more nervous than I was before. I need to get Hunter alone and make sure that he doesn’t tell anyone about what happened. I mean, doesn’t he know how to knock?!

I offer to wash the dishes after dinner. I have to think this through, before I approach Hunter. I need a strategy, or else I’ll fail miserably. I mean, come on, he has leverage over me now! I have to make him believe that I don’t care about this.

But the moment my mom agrees to it, Hunter offers to help too. “Oh, don’t worry about it, I’m sure Perrie can handle it on her own,” she turns him down politely. Yes! I love you mom! I want to be alone, so I can think, I don’t want him hovering over me.

“It’s no problem, really. It’s the least I can do to repay you for letting me live under your roof,” he disarms her with his charm, while I already feel like sinking in my seat. No. Mom, please don’t let yourself be bought like that.

The moment I see her smile, my face falls. Oh, come on, mom! “Alright, if that’s what you wish … I’m sure Perrie could use some help,” she agrees, then looks at me. I force a small smile on my face, then start carrying the plates off the table without saying another word.

Hunter jumps to my aid immediately. Everyone else stays at the table and starts talking. Dad asks Aiden about practice as I get back for the bowls. I carry them away, to quickly get started with the cleaning.

“Is there anything else left at the table?” he asks me as I put the bowls next to the sink. I shake my head in response, as I take a towel.

“Just the salt. I’ll go clean it up now, I’ll be back soon,” I tell him, disappearing before he’s able to say anything else. Aiden is just getting up from the table, telling mom and dad that he still has some homework to deal with. Yeah, right. He’s probably going to use to opportunity, he’s been presented with, to call Cassie. Bleh.

I start dealing with the salt, while my parents decide that they’ll go for a walk. I look at them in confusion, then glance through the window.

“You do realize it’s dark outside?” I ask, trying to make sure that they’re still in their right minds. My mom just waves her hand at me dismissively.

“At least the neighbors won’t be sticking their heads through the curtains to spy on us,” she remarks jokingly, making both me and my dad laugh. She’s truly unbelievable sometimes.

“Okay then, have fun!” I respond, then grab the empty salt container and the dirty towel to carry them back to the kitchen. As I step in, I realize Hunter is already washing the dishes. “Hey, I thought you’d be drying them,” I speak up, trying to act as normal as I can.

He glances at me, shrugging. “I don’t mind washing them,” he murmurs, then gets back to work. I sigh, then take a dry towel from the cabinet to help him out. We work in silence for quite some time.

To be precise, exactly until the moment my parents leave and we hear the front door close. I really don’t know how to approach the topic without blushing or stuttering or fainting or whatever the hell my traitorous body would do.

I realize I’m in a spasm, like I can barely move. My hand shakes a little as I put a plate into the cabinet. And this whole scene doesn’t even last five seconds.

“Look, Perrie, I’m sorry about earlier. Aiden said you’re probably in your room. I should’ve knocked,” he suddenly says, making all blood disappear from my face for a moment, before it all comes rushing back. A double amount, in fact, judging by the heat I feel in my cheeks.

“It’s fine,” I hear myself say very quietly, not knowing what’s gotten into me. Fine? It’s not fine! I turn towards him, barely getting the next words out of my mouth. “But I swear to God, if you brag to anyone about this, I’m going to-”

“Why would I brag about it? It would make me look like a creep,” he remarks, closing the water for a moment, to lean his hands on the edge of the counter. I can’t help but notice the veins on his forearms standing out.

I blink in surprise, opening and closing my mouth like a fish, before saying: “Fair point.” Then, I return to the dishes and so does he. But not before making a remark that knocks the air out of my lungs.

“Oh, I get it. You’re worried that Eric would hear about this,” he murmurs into his chin. I almost drop the plate that I’m holding as I turn my head towards him. The heat is still stubbornly circling through my face and I’m sure I look like a ripe tomato right now.

“What are you trying to imply here?” I ask, not wanting to sound too hostile, but I just can’t help myself. Hunter smirks as he looks at me.

“Don’t worry, I won’t let him know that I’ve seen more than him,” he assures me, then even has the audacity to send me a wink. My jaw drops. He did not just go there.

“Wow! Jerk!” I exclaim, throwing the towel on the counter angrily. “I can’t believe I felt bad earlier! Was that just a show? Were you pretending to be mad at me, so I’d feel like the worst person in the world?” I attack him, having no filter left.

Hunter sighs and turns his whole body towards me. Uh-oh. “No, I wasn’t pretending. I just thought I wasn’t entitled to be mad anymore, once I invaded your privacy. Does that make me a jerk? Maybe. But at least I’m not pretending to be smitten by someone, despite barely noticing them a month ago,” he speaks up, leaving me speechless.

“What is that supposed to mean?” I want to know, but he already turns back around, shaking his head. He looks like he regrets saying anything.

“Never mind,” he murmurs, shutting himself away once again. I stare at him persistently, waiting for an explanation. He glances at me after a few long moments. “Look, I won’t tell a single soul, okay? I already forgot that I saw anything. Clear slate. Got it?”

I bite my lower lip, then slowly nod. “Thanks,” I mumble quietly, deciding to let it go. I guess I’ll never find out what or rather who he meant with those words. I take the towel in my hands again and we finish the dishes in silence.