Dear Diary, I Think I'm In Love

The Main Prize

Dear Diary,

It seems like the stars can align for me after all. Okay, maybe it doesn’t seem that way at first, but right now, it’s looking pretty good. Not just good, excellent. Who could imagine that I’d write this a few days after feeling like my life is basically ending?

I’m still dealing with some … things … But I’m positive that I’ll sort them out sooner or later. They don’t matter now. I’m slowly starting to live. Just like my grandpa would’ve wanted. I hope he’s watching over me with pride in his soul.

“I’ll leave you two to talk. Text me, when you want to get back to us, sis,” Aiden tells me, winking at me, before leaving the tiny tent. I stand there, completely frozen and unable to say a word.

I’ve been waiting for this opportunity for so long, and now that I have it … I have no idea how to even begin to express myself. This was unexpected, to say the least.

I take a deep breath, already preparing the words that I’m trying to get out, but Eric beats me to it. “I’ve thought about you a lot, Perrie. About us, actually,” he begins, and I realize that I’ve done enough talking up to this moment. It’s his turn now.

I nod in expectation, almost encouraging him to continue. I really don’t want to scare him off by opening my mouth and making something stupid come out of it. I know that I could basically give a masterclass about saying idiotic things, but now is not the time to use that skill.

He takes a deep breath, like it’s difficult for him to get this out of his system. “Okay, the thing is, I get why you didn’t tell me everything. And to be honest, I’d probably be mad, even if I’d find out about the whole truth from you. It took me a while to admit that to myself …” he trails off.

I watch him carefully, the way his frown deepens as he grows quiet, and the way he shakes his head a moment later, like he’s trying to get rid of his frustrated expression. When he looks at me, I already get a feeling where this is going. And I start to panic, because I don’t know what to do.

“I’ve decided that I’d like to try again with you … That is if you still want me, of course,” Eric finally breathes out, staring at me with a hopeful expression on his face. In that moment, I’m so overwhelmed by everything that happened in the last couple of weeks, that I just rush forward into his arms, meaning to hug him.

But he leans down and kisses me, and I don’t have the heart to push him away. So, I kiss him back. I kiss him and savor the familiar feeling. I’m just relieved that he managed to forgive me. I finally don’t have to feel like the worst person in the world anymore.

I wrap my arms around him a little tighter. This is right, Perrie. This is what you wanted for days now, isn’t it? You wanted him to forgive you, didn’t you?

I spat the irritating thoughts away like they’re flies, trying to enjoy the moment. Eric has forgiven me. All is well now.

When we pull away from each other, we’re both completely out of breath. He stares at me so lovingly, that it makes my gut twist in an unimaginable way.

We exchange a few more words. Many more kisses. But then, Eric sighs sadly, almost making me worry that he changed his mind. And that this was all just a moment of weakness. But what he says next, almost makes me laugh. “To be honest, I have to get back now, I snuck away from my parents for this,” he admits.

I smile, shaking my head at him. “No worries. I kind of did the same,” I tell him. We both chuckle at my words, then share another kiss. This one seems a little bit more serious. Like we’re trying to seal the beginning of our relationship and move on to the next level.

There’s a smile on my face even as I leave the tent behind, texting Aiden where they’re located. He responds very soon, and I find them about five minutes later, waiting in line for some hot drinks.

Funnily enough, my mom notices me, despite gushing over Cassie the entire evening. “Perrie, where have you been?” she wants to know, just as I’m about to spill what just happened to my best friend. I try to keep a neutral expression as I answer my mom.

“There was a really long line for the restroom,” I explain. She eyes me in a suspicious way, but before she’s able to say anything, Mrs. Wagner is already starting to ask her something, making me turn back to Leslie in relief.

When she makes a remark about how going to the restroom might put her in a better mood as well, I can’t keep quiet anymore. I try to tell her everything as quietly as possible, but I’m clearly loud enough for someone else to overhear my words.

“You’re back together?” Hunter’s voice suddenly cuts through the air, making me freeze. He’s just appeared literally out of nowhere, with a tiny package in his hand. The first thing I do, is glance towards my parents, but they’re both too busy laughing at a joke that Mr. Wagner just made.

I turn back to his fuming gaze, noticing the way he shoves the package into his pocket. I gulp nervously, finally deciding that it’s no use hiding it from him. “Y-Yeah,” I stutter, not knowing what else to say to him. Especially when I know … God, what have I done?

He draws in a sharp breath and shows us his back without saying another word. I stare at his light brown curls in shock, unable to believe that he just acted so openly jealous. In public. In front of everyone. In front of literally my whole family.

Leslie’s gaze is jumping back and forth between the two of us, clearly realizing that something’s amiss, when I clearly can’t take my eyes off him. Like I’m trying to make him turn back around and apologize for hurting his feelings.

Jesus, why exactly would I have to apologize? It’s not like I was leading him on, or something! It’s not like I was giving him false hope! It’s not my fault that he walked into the bathroom, when I was naked!

“Pez …” my best friend calls me hesitantly, finally making my gaze turn somewhere else than the back of Hunter’s head.

“Huh?” I mumble, trying to forget everything that’s going through my head right now. You know how I said that I don’t feel bad about myself anymore? Well, the guilt just returned, knocking on my conscience like a pesty little mosquito that starts buzzing around your head. There’s no way to get rid of it.

She just shakes her head, while I sigh. Finally, she speaks up, saying: “Since we’re stuck with those two the entire evening, we better try to make the most of it in our own way. What do you say?”

Well, that was unexpected. But I guess we don’t have any other choice, do we? “Couldn’t agree with you more,” I tell her, glancing towards the front, where Cassie and Aiden are just ordering their hot drinks. She’s walking around with the crown she just won, to show everyone that she’s the brand new Miss Fallen Leaves. Ugh. So cringe.

As we sip on our hot drinks, Leslie on her cinnamon cocoa and me on my pumpkin spice latte, we watch the interactions between the rest of our party. My parents are completely occupied with Cassie’s, our lovebirds are already moving slightly away from the group with Lucas hanging off their arms and Hunter just stands beside them awkwardly, not knowing what to do.

I meet his gaze, but he turns his head away the moment he notices me. I take Leslie’s hand and drag her away. I can’t stand this anymore. We literally stop at the first stand we notice, deciding to go for the bean bag toss. And fail miserably.

By the time it’s my turn to throw, we’re both laughing like retards. We stay near the group, but still move forward, once we realize bean bags aren’t exactly our forte. So, we try our luck with darts. If we manage to pop all the balloons with just two missed throws, we win the main prize. Which is not a gigantic teddy bear, sadly.

Once Leslie misses for the third time in a row, the guy in the stand smirks. Clearly, no one has managed to win the main prize yet. And he knows that we won’t either. It’s a little difficult, really, you have to stand so far away from the target.

When it’s my turn, I manage to pop even less balloons than Leslie did. On my last throw, someone remarks: “I’m afraid you won’t win the main prize like that.” I turn around to the sound of the familiar voice, my lips parting in surprise as I see Eric, standing behind me.

I almost start to panic, when I notice his parents are already mingling with mine and Cassie’s. I can’t help but smile. “Well, you show me how it’s done then,” I challenge him, turning towards the guy in the stand next. “We’ll be going for one more round,” I inform him.

He looks at me with a pointed gaze, as he’s removing the popped balloons. Eric chuckles at my bossiness, then says: “Alright, if that’s what you wish.” I turn back towards him with a small smile, trying not to be too obvious, in case my parents look our way.

When the guy tells us it’s all set, he puts the darts on the counter, continuing to chew on his gum like a grazing cow. Eric winks at me before taking the first dart, then throws it straight into the middle, popping his first balloon with ease.

Leslie and I share a look. I think he’s about to show us how embarrassed we should be about our throwing. He pops a second one, a third one, then four more, until there are only five balloons left. He hasn’t missed a single one yet. No fair, he’s a jock!

The guy in the stand stops chewing and stares with his mouth slightly open, as Eric pops three more balloons, before missing a shot. I cheer him on as he prepares for the next throw, squealing excitedly when the dart cuts straight into the balloon. Oh my God, one more and he’s won it!

When I hear a pop, I can’t help but clap, practically jumping up and down on the spot like a puppy. “You did it!” I squeal, making him smile confidently as he glances at me, before turning to the guy, who’s been watching the last throw with his eyes bulging out of his head.

He mumbles a congratulations, then hands the main prize to Eric – a gigantic pumpkin-shaped pillow. He doesn’t look exactly pleased that he’ll have to look for a new main prize, but Eric pretends that he doesn’t notice it and thanks him.

Then, he offers the pillow to me. “There’s your consolation prize,” he tells me, while I can’t help but smile. I thank him and hold the pillow to my stomach as we decide to move forward. I glance at Leslie, who shows me a thumbs up, but her smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

I try asking her if she’s okay, but she assures me everything’s perfect. But as I catch her glancing into a very specific direction, I can’t help but feel my gut twisting. Aiden is just sharing a loving kiss with Cassie, while Hunter is keeping Lucas occupied, looking exceptionally miserable.

I feel bad for Leslie, and I feel bad for Hunter. Aiden and I both seem like the biggest assholes right now, don’t we? In that moment, Hunter notices me looking. When he realizes I’m holding the prize, he narrows his eyes, then turns his gaze away with a clenched jaw.

“Are you two up for entering the haunted house?” Eric suddenly asks, forcing me to turn my attention towards him. Luckily, he doesn’t notice who I was just staring at. I send a questioning look at Leslie, who nods enthusiastically, clearly wanting to escape the scene with my brother and his girlfriend.

“If you’re not too scared,” I challenge him again, not knowing why I’m acting this way, really. Like he has anything to prove to me. But Eric doesn’t take it that way. He smiles and shakes his head. “Alright then. Let me just go tell our parents, where we’re going.”