Dear Diary, I Think I'm In Love

Men, Hormones And Everything That Comes Along

Dear Diary,

I swear there’s no living creature on this Earth as thick-skulled as men. Whatever you tell them, they’re going to do whatever they feel like, even if a completely logical solution presents itself.

Also, is there really just one thing on their minds? No matter the time or place? Because I’m starting to think it’s true. I’m not an expert in men, but I do have a brother. I have an advantage in that department, compared to girls, who only have sisters. Right?

I can barely wait for Aiden to get home from practice. My therapy session was called off today, because Dr. Collins got sick. Yay, fall is here, and so are the germs. It won’t be long before dad goes crazy and makes us gulp gallons of herbal tea every day.

I’m keeping myself busy with homework, because I’m loaded with it. And also because I have to study for after-holiday exams. I better start now. I know I won’t be in the mood for it during the holidays.

I’m just going through the instructions for my U.S. History project, when I hear that someone entered the house. Soon enough, familiar voices travel to my ears. Ah. The boys are back from practice. Better take my chance now.

Before they even get to the stairs, I’m already standing in the hallway, waiting to have a serious conversation with my brother. He’s startled as he sees me watching him from the upper floor. “Jeez, Pez. You look just like mom, when we come home too late,” my brother remarks.

Hunter chuckles, then pins his bright-green-eyed gaze on me. Sweet mother of Jesus. This felt like someone just punched me in the stomach. Focus, Perrie. “Is she here or did she go back to work?” I ask, hoping that it’s the latter.

“She had to go back to finish something … Why are you asking?” Aiden wants to know while walking upstairs. As he stops in front of me, he scans me with his eyes narrowed in suspicion. I blink a few times.

“I know that Cassie probably sucked your brain out through your mouth, but I have to talk to you, remember?” I remark bitterly. Hunter chuckles as he moves past my brother, then pats his shoulder in supportive way.

“I’ll be in your room, you two have a nice chit-chat,” he tells him before disappearing down the hallway. Aiden looks after him for a split second, before turning his gaze back to me. His dark eyes are full of disapproval.

“Do you really have to be so mean?” he wants to know, using that judgmental tone with me. Woah, really? I can’t wait to see the look on his face as I tell him how mean she intends to be.

I motion for him to come into my room, close the door behind us, then make him sit down on my bed. “I’m not being mean. I’m being realistic. Your girlfriend likes to keep some stuff from you, doesn’t she?” I remark as I sit down next to him.

Aiden frowns at me. “Stop beating around the bush and just say whatever’s bothering you out loud!” he demands, clearly not liking the way I talk about Cassie.

I squeeze my lips together. “Fine, if you insist. I overheard Cassie talking to her friends today, about how she’s planning to tell our parents that the two of you are dating,” I reveal, waiting for some kind of reaction.

I wait for a few moments, giving him the time for my words to sink in, but … nothing. Nada, as Miss Garcia would say. She’d be proud that I at least learned something in her class. Aiden stares at me blankly, soon raising his eyebrow. Ugh, here we go.

“Yeah. So?” he asks, crossing his arms against his chest. Now I’m the one staring at him. He can’t be for real. I tell him that she’s trying to ‘trap’ him for who knows how long, and he just goes along with it?

“So, she said that in a way that made me worry. She bragged that she’ll secure you for herself that way. Isn’t that bothering you?” I ask, trying to make sure that he understood me correctly. Aiden sighs at my words.

“Thanks for telling me, Perrie, I do appreciate you looking out for me,” he responds in a diplomatic way, almost reminding me of the way my best friend talks when she doesn’t want to directly tell someone to go f**k themselves. Oops, swearing again.

“Yeah, and? What are you intending to do now?” I push him, wanting to know if he’s going to do the only logical thing that I see in this moment, or if he’s going to be stupid about this situation.

Aiden offers me a half-smile, almost looking like my frustration is amusing him. “With all due respect, little sissy,” he begins, the nickname making me cringe. “I think I’m old enough to take care of the situation on my own,” he then turns me down, his tone not leaving any room for arguments.

“But, Aiden, she’s trying to entrap you!” I still protest, not giving a crap about the warning in his voice. He stands up without saying a word and only turns to look at me, as he’s about to open the door.

“Exactly. My life, my decisions,” he tells me, closing my mouth in an instant. Then, he winks at me before disappearing through the door, leaving it wide open behind him. I draw in a sharp breath, unable to believe him. Okay, I was too nosy right now, I get that. But why won’t he tell me what he’s going to do now?

If I were him, I’d straight up call her and tell her that she’ll keep her mouth shut or else she’ll find herself single sooner than she would’ve otherwise. Ugh! Why are men so thick-headed? She’s trying to manipulate him, how can’t he see that?

In that moment, a terrifying thought crosses my mind. And as soon as it appears, I want it to be a lie. What if my brother intends to tell our parents about Cassie anyway? What if he doesn’t think it’s a big deal, because he’s already thinking about it, too?

I sit behind my desk and grab an old pencil. I let out my frustration by violently drawing random lines across a piece of paper. No. No, no, no, no, no! There’s no way I’m letting Cassie become part of our family again! I can’t stand her! And she can’t stand me either.

I sulk in my thoughts for the entire afternoon, obsessively checking my phone if any texts are going to come up. However, the only person that remembers me, is my bestie. Her message comes late in the evening, long after I had to try to act normal during dinner.

In fact, the screen lighting up makes me hope that it’s Eric. That he’s changed his mind. But nope. It’s Leslie. She asks me to help her keep her thoughts occupied, because she can’t stand the silence in the house. That poor thing. I end up suggesting to call her.

As she agrees to it, we both talk quietly, because we don’t want to be caught awake so late in the evening. I talk to her about everything. You know, just the usual silly things, because I don’t want to burden her with what my brother said. It would all be easier if he liked my best friend at least half as much as she likes him.

I soon start to sense that my best friend is getting sleepy. So, I start to talk. Just random things. I reminisce about our private little homecoming, trying to awaken those positive feelings inside her. At first, she’s cooperating and laughing along. Then, I sense that she’s getting more and more quiet.

Until suddenly, she doesn’t respond to my words anymore. I listen intently, hearing her deep breathing through the phone. “Are you asleep?” I ask quietly, but still loud enough for her to hear me, if she were still awake. As there is no response, I smile to myself. “Good night, Les,” I tell her, before ending the call.

I stare at my phone for a few more seconds, like watching it would make a text appear, but nothing. With a sigh, I place it down on the shelf and plug in the cable to start charging it. Then, I turn around and try to fall asleep. But it soon turns out to be an impossible endeavor, because my brother and his best friend are clearly trying to wake the entire house up.

They’re at it again. They’re playing videogames. I just knew what would happen. They do this literally every Friday, but today, it seems like they forgot to put their headphones on. Or turn down the damn volume.

Seriously, if they don't tune down this shooting crap, I'm going to lose it! I can't sleep with their pew-pews buzzing around my head! I get up, opening my door with such force that it makes a scary, squeaking sound.

And as I leap out of my bedroom, I almost bump into my own mother. We both jump, startled by the collision we’ve nearly had.

She puts a hand over her chest and exhales in her usual dramatic way. "I've had it with you all today. Please go tell the boys to turn off the videogames. It's way past their bedtime," she instructs me. "And yours too," she then adds with her eyebrow raised.

"But ma', It's their fault that I'm not sleeping yet," I protest, crossing my arms against my chest. I try to mimic her expression, you know, with that one eyebrow raised, which makes her lips curl up into a small smile. I’m probably failing miserably.

"Well, no one in this house is sleeping because of them. Tell them that I'll wake them up at five and give them a day's worth of chores, if they don't go to sleep right now," she tells me. Now I'm the one smiling.

I march to my brother's room victoriously. This will show them. I'll finally be able to get my beauty sleep. Note the sarcasm. I don’t really find much beautiful about my appearance.

The door is left ajar and I can hear the annoying sounds getting louder now. Ugh, seriously, what is it with boys and shooting games? "Mom said you have to go to bed," I inform them before I even step in and push the door open.

But oh, boy ... I'm not ready for the view. Not ready at all. My brother is sitting on the couch in his PJ's, like usually. Hunter is next to him, but, um ... He seems to have forgotten his own PJ's at home. Because he's sitting there in his underwear, not giving a damn that I've just walked in. And I can’t even get a single word out of my mouth, because I'm too busy staring at his abs!

"She didn't say it to me. Maybe she meant it for you, baby sis," Aiden responds cooly, not taking his eyes off the screen for a single moment. Usually, I'd have a response before he even got to finish the sentence. But right now, I'm trying so hard not to gawk at Hunter. It’s not like I’ve never seen him shirtless before. Somehow, he just looks different in this dim lighting than he does in the sun, in his swimwear. And those tight boxers … Perrie, snap out of it!

I clear my throat, then cross my arms against my chest. It makes me feel a little more secure. "Mom has had enough of us all today. Stop getting on her nerves and go to bed. She said she'll throw you out of bed at five and kill you with chores all day long, if you don’t turn this off," I barely manage to get the rest of her message out of my mouth.

Aiden finally looks at me. Or better yet, glares. "Are you both on your periods or what?" he asks, making me narrow my eyes at him.

"You wish. We're only just ovulating, so imagine what we're going to be like when we actually get our periods," I challenge him slyly, while feeling my traitorous heart beating up inside my throat. But it's not because I confronted my brother like this.

Aiden rolls his eyes and gets up to turn the game off. And me? Well, instead of walking back to my room peacefully, I make the mistake of glancing at Hunter. For a moment, I can almost feel myself getting the stupid expression. You know, the one where you stare at someone, almost drooling. But then, Hunter opens his mouth and ruins the whole picture. "Doesn't ovulation make women horny?" he wonders.

My jaw drops. So does Aiden's. At least I think it does, because no one says a word for a few moments. Yeah, no, my brother's childhood best friend, the one that I basically grew up around, just made a s****l comment regarding ... me?

"Dude, you're talking to my sister," Aiden suddenly speaks up, once the initial shock wears off. I start going backwards, deciding to remove myself from this conversation. This is getting out of control.

Hunter raises his thick, black eyebrow. "So, that excludes her from the woman department, or what?" he continues, making me walk even faster. As his green eyes land on me, I freeze. "Or have you started going as non-binary?" he directs the question at me.

"Nope," I squeal, not knowing how else to get myself out of this conversation. Hunter turns back to my brother with a triumphant expression on his face.

"See? Totally a woman," he informs him. The way my brother stares at him, almost makes me feel the need to step between them. I clear my throat.

"Seriously, guys, do you want the vacuum cleaner or the festival tomorrow?!" I hiss at them in a panicky way, unable to take wherever we're headed with this. They both look at me like I'm nuts. "Let me answer it for you, you want the festival. Great. Good night," I then conclude before either of them is able to say a word.

As I turn around to leave, I hear Hunter calling out behind me: "What about the answer to my question?"

I look over my shoulder, feeling my whole body tremble as I snap at him: "I said good night!" With that, I close the door of my brother's bedroom and head towards my own.

If I thought the video games were making me lose my sleep, I was clearly wrong. After that encounter ... I'll count myself lucky if I'll be able to sleep at all!