Bad Boy’s Play mate

CHAPTER 2. ANECDOTE ABOUT PAIN

As I walked through the hallways filled with windows, I felt chunks of sunlight on my body.

Since it was winter, I loved the warm, fuzzy feeling I got from the sun rays.

While I was engaged in fancying the warmth of the sunlight, I couldn’t help but notice two guys that passed right through me, mentioning Miss Natalie.

The first guy enquired, "Have you seen Miss Natalie?"

"Yeah, she's so hot," responded the other guy. It sounded like he was drooling while even thinking about her. That was so disgusting!

The first guy grinned as he mentioned, "I have heard she's pretty close to our age."

With my eye twitching in anger, I glanced at the guys with disgust. Both of them misunderstood my despicable glare to a friendly greet.

Frustrated, I walked away without paying much attention upfront. As a consequence of my carelessness, I collided with a woman. The documents from her hand flew across the floor while she and I got knocked to the ground.

It was when I opened my eyes that I saw the woman crept up to me while amassing her pile of sheets and apologising, "I'm so sorry. Are you okay? Did you get hurt?"

When my vision cleared, I realised that the woman that I had collided with was Miss Natalie. I got baffled by the sudden confrontation and couldn't speak. As I peered at the woman, I observed her long hairs, lame beige cardigan, the ardent smell of shampoo and natural makeup. I couldn't help but get further frustrated, perceiving all the minute details about her.

I failed to take notice of Zack, who was watching us the whole time. He gathered the rest of the sheets and handed them over to Miss Natalie.

With a tender smile, the woman expressed her gratitude, "Thank you, Zackie."

"We're at the school, Miss Natalie," spoke Zack while playfully poking fun at her.

The woman pretended that she hadn't addressed Zack with the nickname deliberately and declared, "Oh, that's right."

Without saying anything further, the woman then went away. As I glared at Zack's face, I realised what exactly he was feeling at that moment. It was desperation, frustration and longing for her. Since school was over, we were free to go wherever we wished. I didn’t want to be around her while he acted “so much in love with her”. I abhorred her.

Nonetheless, we went to the terrace. While glaring down at everyone beneath me, I asked Zack, "Do you know who Miss Natalie likes?"

The staff room was also visible from the terrace where we stood. In that very staff room, we could see Miss Natalie eating her lunch with Mister Silas. It was not only my eyes that pried upon their intimate moment, but Zack's did too. After witnessing the smile on her glistening face, he finally responded, "Yes, I do."

While gaping at her, he mentioned, "What a coincidence! Miss Natalie was my tutor in junior high. I never thought that she'd become a teacher at my high school. When I saw her prowling the hallways, I believed I was lucky."

Since I couldn't respond because of my concentration on Mister Silas, Zack held my arm and asked me while shaking it, "Are you even listening?"

I rested my head on the railing and asked instead, "What's so good about a woman like her?"

Troubled by my remark, Zack scolded me, "Hey, don't badmouth Miss Natalie."

"Yeah, I understand your frustration. I guess, guys like those sweet, doe-eyed girls," I responded after looking away from him. I and Zack were both very vindictive people. The stronger we felt, the more we moped.

Since he got frustrated due to my declaration, I decided to change the course of our conversation.

With a yawn, I spoke, "Great! Now I'm hungry."

“Let’s go to my place,” suggested Jack. 

To cure the loneliness in our heart, before we knew it, we had begun to spend a lot of time with each other.

Since I didn’t wish to go back to my place, I agreed on going to Zack's apartment. Throughout the way, we walked together but didn’t speak anything to one another. We both had our own thoughts stopping us from actually engaging in a conversation. 

The moment we got inside his bedroom, it began to rain. Consequently, I was struck there for a consideranble time. While we were alone, we decided to have our lunch. Just when he finished his food, Zack took out his Playstation and commenced his online venture. At first, I thought that he might play mostly for fifteen minutes, but he was immersed in gaming for almost an hour. It was frustrating to sit there alone.

Exhausted, I rested my head on the bed and let out a soft cry, "I've had enough of this. I don’t want to feel this way anymore."

He noticed my wet hairs dampening his bedsheet and was quick to remark, "Don't get my bed wet."

Realising that I had homework to do as well, I mumbled out my anxiousness, "I want to quit school."

Though I was concerned about my school work, Zack totally misunderstood the reason for my frustration.

"Are you upset about Mister Silas? Are you giving up on him then?" asked Zack.

I shook my head as I spoke, "Never. But--"

"But what?" asked Zack. The conjunction "but" employed by me, sparked his curiosity.

Out of impulsiveness, I leapt towards his back and embraced him from behind. At first, I was only messing around, but gradually I began seeking comfort in his embrace. With my arms wrapped around his neck, I glared at his face. 

Zack was startled by the sudden touch and didn't fail to mention, "You astonished me!"

After forcing a smile, I responded sardonically, "Really? I didn't realise that."

As he gaped into my eyes, I couldn't keep the forged smile anymore. My melancholy slipped right through my eyes even, but I tried concealing it through the bogus smile.

Since I sensed the same pain in his eyes that inhabited mine, I asked instead, "Aren't you sad yourself, Zack?"

There was no response, but an intense spark between us. The spark that compelled me to do what I hadn’t planned. I rubbed my head against his back since I presumed that we both were thinking about the same thing. He turned to look at me. While gazing into his eyes, I can assure that we definitely were.

After holding onto my hands, he gently pushed me to the bed.

Zack got above me as he asked, "Why don't you imagine me being Mister Silas?"

As he held my head and placed gentle kisses on my neck, I realised that Zack didn't have romantic feelings for me. Whether I saw Zack as himself or not, it didn’t matter to him. I was a replacement too. So, what was wrong in me considering him someone else as well?

Just when he finished kissing my neck, he brought his lips closer to mine. After feeling his breath on my face, I moved my head away as I claimed, "Your breath, it tickles."

From that remark, he realised that I wasn't sure about what we were doing. Therefore, he asked for my reassurance, "Do you even want to do this?"

Finally, I looked at him in the eye as I pretended, "You're the one who wants to do it. Further, you don't even feel like Mister Silas."

While glaring at me with someone else in his mind, he spoke, "You're too demanding. Besides, I'm pretty good-looking."

I just glared silently in his eyes, and then it happened. I felt the urge to be kissed, held and adored. 

Before doing anything that I yearned for, he instructed me, "Close your eyes."

That's when I understood that if we were going to do that, I should think of him as Mister Silas as well.

That would help. After closing my eyes, the image and touch of Zack disappeared. Zack evolved into the very essence of Mister Silas with the assitance of my imagination. 

When I began imagining him as Mister Silas, my fingertips went cold, and every worry seemed to distance itself from me. All I could hear was my heartbeat. That was an ecstatic moment because it was all I had wanted from Zack for a long time.   

In the grim reality, it was Zack who kissed my forehead. In my imagination, however, I felt the tingles by deluding myself by thinking the person above me was Mister Silas. 

He began by kissing my neck and cheeks and continued it for the longest time. I wouldn’t say I didn’t like it. After a minute or two, he went for my lips. After claiming them, he confessed, "You're my first kiss."

"No way!" I spoke as I was under the impression that he had dated people before me.

He insisted, "Really."

With my face flustered red, I responded, "It felt good."

I held onto his hand firmly as I demanded, "One more time."

This time, his grasp, touch and kiss were intense than before. He employed his tongue while I kept my eyes closed to keep reminding myself of the false reality. The reality in which I was with Mister Silas. 

I couldn’t lie. While lying beneath Zack, there was a part of me that worried whether I was a good enough replacement for him. Zack loved Miss Natalie who was better than me in all spheres of feminine aspects. I believed that kisses would’ve felt better if I wouldn’t have thought about it in that moment.

Shortly, his hands and my heart weren't bounded by moral restrictions anymore. Whenever I felt a warm sensation on my skin, I told myself that it was okay as I imagined Zack as Mister Silas. I couldn't help but get overwhelmed by the ever-growing bitterness of guilt in my body. 

Zack was doing things for me that Mister Silas wouldn't. The things that I wanted Mister Silas to do. My face was towards the window, and I couldn't see Zack's face when we got engaged in lovemaking. Further, he didn't even make any sound. I hoped to stay quiet as well. I didn't want to remind him that it's me. With my eyes shut, I forced myself to concentrate. 

Zack turned my face finally towards him as he kissed me. Since his eyes were closed, he couldn't see me. I also needed to think of a fond memory of Mister Silas. Otherwise, it wouldn't work. I had to remember whatever I could then. 

The only vision I had in my mind was of the other night when he let go of my hand. My eyes then were quickly opened in fear while tears trickled down my cheeks. As I gazed into Zack's puzzled eyes, my phone began to ring.

I pushed Zack aside while apologising and held on to my phone. Since I wasn't in proper condition, I couldn't respond to the call. As I checked my call history, I realised that I had received a missed call from Silas.

Since I didn't respond to Mister Silas's call, he ended up sending me a text as well. The text detailed the gratitude that he felt regarding the dinner that he had at my place. I was happy and ended up smiling while seeing a text from him.

A bit disappointed, Zack asked, "Do you wish to stop?"

Before I could say anything, he proposed, "Either way, I think that's enough for today. But do you want to keep doing things like this? Or stop?"

At that moment, I couldn't answer him. I couldn't let go of him. It's not that I couldn't let go of Zack, but Mister Silas that I saw through him. That's why I stared at him quietly. 

He understood what my silence conveyed and spoke, "From now on, we'll be able to depend on each other if we need to."

Since I cared deeply about my feelings for Mister Silas, I asked, "Are you sure you won't fall in love with me?"

With a firm resolution, Zack promised, "No, you're completely not my type."

With a kind smile, I responded, "You aren't as well."

Then, we made a pact that neither of us will fall in love with the other. If one of us made out with the person we love, then this relationship will terminate.

In other words, the other person was allowed to have my everything but my feelings. While viewing my relationship with Zack, I asked, "So does that make us friends with --?"

He shook his head sideways as he explained, "No, we didn't do it. We didn't have s*x, and we probably wouldn't."

With the wind hitting my locks, I asked him, "Really? Is it because I'm not a virgin?"

Startled, Zack questioned, "What are you talking about?"

Watching him get flustered, I just chuckled. 

I didn't seem to see anything wrong with our relationship. If one of us were to feel lonely, what was wrong with wanting the other to hold you? Though it seemed illogical, our relationship served as the release from our everlasting pain. 

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AUTHOR’S NOTE

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