CHRISTIANO

Eight

Carina

I didn't think this vacation would turn out to be so much fun. If I didn't know Gianna and Simona were crazy, now I do. These two haven't stopped partying since we got here. Gianna found herself a Spanish Adonis and have either been screwing in their room or are somewhere at the bar drinking cocktails. He's hot, funny and makes her happy. She practically moved into his room. What did Simona say? 'You go girl' because she was doing the same thing. Her guy is black American who looks a lot like Idris Elba. He moved into her room since Gianna had moved out. Don't even get me started on Paulo and Silvano. The long awaited threesome finally happened, just not with me.

They met a girl, Helena, who was more than happy to accommodate them. She's a stunning blonde with a wild personality and they absolutely adore her. I think they plan on bringing her home with them. Marianna and Damiano disappeared alright. I haven't seen them since we got here. That was three days ago. It's as if people came her to get laid. Everyone has a partner even me. Mark, who I found out is called Marco has been a pleasure. When I first met him, I didn't think he was so sweet. Offering me a way out from Padre's control was a nice thing to do. A kind thing.

But since we bumped into him, he's been nothing but sweet. He got flowers delivered to my room yesterday morning and today, together with breakfast and there was a note that said 'Good morning beautiful. Have your breakfast then meet me at the lobby'. When I finally came down, he was there waiting for me, looking as handsome as ever. Did I mention he's only been rocking white outfits? Have you seen how hot men in white look like? Last night we went on a walk along the beach while he told me the little knowledge he knows of the constellation. Tonight he's invited me out for dinner and even provided a dress. A white and black asymmetrical bodycon with a deep V-neck.

I don't know where he bought it from since we're on an island and the shops I've seen only sell cute boho summer dresses. I've learnt that he's thoughtful, attentive and considerate. Maybe I see him that way because I've lived with an asshole all my life. Padre wasn't an easy man to deal with. He taught me to never have any expectations from him or anyone. But he's dead now and I'm allowed to hope all I want. Marco makes me want to be normal, live like ordinary people.

"Wow sexy, what's the occasion?" Simona barges in asking.

"Marco is taking me out to dinner"

"You go girl" she says pumping her fist in the air. Apparently this is the slogan for this vacation "After you're done eating, let him take you back to his and screw that man's brains out"

"How's your guy? What's his name again?" I try to distract her but she's not having any of it

"I mean it Carina. If you don't take advantage of your youth, your v****a will shrivel up then no one will want you. Do you want to die a virgin?"

"I'm not a virgin you i***t"

"You might as well be. The only person you've been with is Paulo and De L.... No one. Just Paulo"

"I'm only twenty four. My v****a is far from shriveling up"

"Stop arguing with me and listen"

"Yes ma'am" I roll my eyes picking up mascara and applying it.

"You're young, sizzling hot, have really great boobs and single. What's stopping you from being with that man?"

I don't know either. I do like Marco and I'd like to try out a few things with him, see where this goes. But for some reason, every time he tries to kiss me I pull back. No, it's not me. It's my body. It always moves before I realize what I'm doing. Which has started making me wonder if I'm a machine programmed to reject Marco. Normally I would be all over him. One kiss is all it takes for me to know if I want more from him or not.

"Stop thinking about it so much. I'll give you a few tips" Simona moves to stand behind me, running her hands through my wavy hair "Kissing is the easy part. Once you get that out of the way, you'll see how fast things will progress from there"

"Are you doctor love or something?"

"Call me dottore amore" she says and I roll my eyes again.

"Did you want something?"

"No. Just checking on you and making sure you're okay"

"I'm fine and ready to leave" I've been out of the hospital for three months yet they still check on me. I don't know what the doctor told them about me but I hope I don't have a terminal illness. Wait, is amnesia an illness?

"Yes you are. But first, do you have condoms? You don't want to ruin a perfectly good night because you don't have condoms"

"I suppose that's the reason you came here? To give me condoms?"

"You're right. Marco asked us to help him organize the dinner. He's so dreamy Carina, don't let him go. And if you find that you don't like him, that's okay. Just sleep with him first then come back"

Why is she obsessed with me sleeping with Marco "The more you tell me to sleep with him, the more I don't want to"

"Really? Then don't do it. It's not a good idea to sleep with a complete stranger Carina. As a matter of fact, don't go anywhere. Stay here and binge a series on Netflix"

Shaking my head I leave the room, closing the door behind me. As much as Simona is annoying with all her lame advice, I'm actually looking forward to this dinner. If anything I'll have great food and great company. Stepping into the elevator, I look at myself in the mirrors and since my room is on the second floor, I'm at the lobby in seconds. As usual, Marco is there waiting for me. He's in black slacks and a white button up shirt with loafers. I wonder if there is a time he looks anything other than perfect.

"Wow, you look gorgeous" he whispers kissing my cheek and making me blush.

Peering up at him through my lashes I murmur "Thank you"

"You're welcome. Let's go?"

"Yes" he ushers me out, opening the door for me. I expect to go left because that's where the restaurants are but he leads me towards the beach "Where are we going?"

"Patience. You'll see" he says smiling down at me. God, I feel like a highschool kid on their first date. And maybe I am because I've never been on a date before. I stop when I see a table ahead of us. Did I mention he was a romantic?

There are two chairs opposite each other, platters covered and candles, who's flames are dancing. There's also a bouquet of flowers on one side, red roses to be exact and wine chilling in a bucket. Beside the table, there is a blanket on the sand with another one that's folded on top. The sun is already setting so we're practically alone. I turn to him feeling overwhelmed. He's doing so much and I don't know if I would be able to give him what he expects.

"Marco...."

"Dinner first or we watch the sunset then have dinner after?" he asks cutting me off.

"Dinner" I need to keep my hands busy and my ass glued to a chair before I run away from here. That's something else I don't understand. Why do I feel like running? Here is a man who's been nothing but sweet to me. Why is my instinct telling me to run?

"Come on then. Let's wine and dine" he walks ahead pulling out the chair for me. As I'm sitting a thought flits through my mind, making me drop on the seat unceremoniously.

I'm going to wine and dine you first then take you home and f**k you till the sun comes up.

What the f**k?

"Carina, are you okay?" Marco's voice startles me.

"Yes, yes. I'm fine"

"Are you sure? I lost you there for a second"

"It's nothing. I'm fine"

"Good. Well, your... What are they anyway? Employees or friends?"

"Both"

"Okay. I asked them what you liked and I was told that chocolate cake will make you love me forever" he says lifting the lid off one of the platters and revealing a cake.

"Oh yes. This is definitely going to work" without thinking, I reach out and swipe a finger over the frosting then lick it off. I make the mistake of making eye contact with Marco while my finger is in my mouth and freeze. He's looking at me as if I'm the food. Popping my finger out of my mouth, I say "Let's eat before I change my mind and devour that cake"

"Or you could devour me. I don't mind" he replies in a gruff voice. I can't look at him because I know what I'll see in those eyes. We eat in silence for the next few minutes. In my head, I knew what it meant to accept this dinner invitation. Men want me. It's something I'm used to. But ever since we bumped into Marco, he's been wooing me. Even a dumb person would know what this set up means. Dinner, wine and blankets on the beach means he wants to take this to the next level. It doesn't have to be s*x. My guess is he's going to tell me how he feels then he'll expect me to do the same.

But the problem is that I don't know how I feel. Liking Marco is one thing. Getting into a relationship with him is something else. If I had my memories, maybe I wouldn't hesitate. Truth is I still feel like a shell. It's like there's a hole in my heart and what's worse is that I don't know why it's there. That's what's holding me back. Not forgetting these pieces of conversations in my head. I'm in no position to start a relationship with Marco or anyone. A piece of me is missing and until I find it, I'll always be incomplete. Therefore not fit to be with anyone.

"I made..."

"What do you..." we both start at the same time then laugh at our awkwardness.

"You first" Marco says, always the gentleman.

"I wanted to know what you do"

"I'm a business man. I own a few companies in Italy but most of my business is abroad. America, UK, Asia even Africa"

"Wow, that's impressive"

"I'm glad you find something about me impressive. You're a hard woman to please Carina" that is said so casually but I know I shouldn't take it lightly.

"I'm sorry Marco" I don't know what else to say.

"Don't be. When I want something, I'm relentless. I don't stop until I get it. If it's not clear yet, I want you"

"I wish we had met sooner. I mean after that party in London. I looked for you everywhere. In the crowds, clubs, on the streets, hoping to bump into you again so you could whisk me away"

"I know"

"You do?" how would he know that? I don't remember telling him.

"I mean, I know how stupid I was for not coming back sooner. Actually, I shouldn't have let you go that day. Maybe this wouldn't have happened. Maybe you'd still have your memories"

"But I don't. And since I'm like this now, I hope you understand why I can't be with you"

"I'm not going to understand that"

Yeah, this isn't one of those times when I'll appreciate his stubbornness "Please Marco"

"I know you're missing a part of your memories. But Carina, you didn't forget everything. You still know who you are, you haven't forgotten your past or where you came from. What's a few month's worth of memories? Are you going to put your life on hold until you get them back? What if they never come back?"

"You think I don't know that I might not be able to get them back?" way to rub salt in my wound asshole. Pushing my chair back, I get up and storm off. He has no idea what it feels like to want something so bad. I would give anything to get those memories back. I feel like I'm missing something important and the longer I take to remember the less chances I have to get it back. It's insane but that's how I feel.

"Carina?"

"Don't f*****g follow me. I want to be alone" I shout back at him but he doesn't listen. I don't get far. My arm is yanked back, forcing me to stop.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you"

"Then why say something like that?"

"Because I want you to realize that life goes on no matter what. You can't pause your life because of a few memories. They don't determine who you are. Besides, you can't will yourself to remember"

"But I can't just move on and act like I'm okay. I'm not Marco"

"One step at a time. Accept that those memories don't determine who you are" he says cupping my face and wiping my tears with his thumbs "You will always be Carina Lombardi. With or without your memories, you are Carina. A sassy, no nonsense, foul mouthed goddess who despite everything rose above her circumstances. You have no idea how much respect I have for you"

"I don't have a foul mouth" I say for lack of something better to say.

"Yes, yes you do" he bends down and I know he's going to kiss me. Since he's holding my face, I can't pull back. And I realize that I don't want to. At the end of the day, maybe this is what I need. The choice to pull back taken out of my hand.

**********************************************

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner. Chris is out and Marco is in.

How do we feel about this?