CHRISTIANO

Seven

Christiano

I finally decided to talk to my mother because ignoring her isn't going to solve anything. After three long months, I realize that even drinking won't answer my questions, which to be honest, have kept piling up as each day went by. Before I even start accepting who I am, I need to know why she lied to me for all these years. Why she made me hate Lombardi knowing he was my biological father. Some people are naturally vicious. I know that, I just never thought my mother was one of them.

Parking my car in front of her house, I adjust the sunglasses I'm wearing, glancing around. All the memories of my childhood are fake. How can I trust anything she ever told me? What else has she been lying about? She used to be my role model once upon a time. I was so proud to have her as my mother especially when she took on another child despite being a single mom. She also never got remarried and I remember wondering if it was my fault. If I was the one keeping her from being happy. Now I'm doubting everything about her. All the good things she did seem suspicious and I'm left trying to figure out what she gained from them.

What she gained from lying to me, from taking Nev in, from teaching me this business. After my father had died, I could have become anyone, chosen any career. But mamma made sure I knew that I would be taking over the family business. I wasn't allowed to want to be anyone else. While kids wanted to become pilots and doctors and teachers, I knew I would pick things up from where my father left off. Which makes me wonder why mamma would do that. Did she deliberately make me Lombardi's rival? And if she did, what was there to benefit from me hating him?

"Christiano, you're here" she says standing at the door. I don't think she's ever changed. The way she looks now is how she looked twenty years ago. Except the fact that now I'm looking for the secrets she's hiding beneath all that beauty. Do I even want to know?

"I want answers mamma and I'm not leaving until I get them"

"Are you sure you can handle them? Isn't your life better off without them?"

I whip the sunglasses off "My life was better off when I thought De Luca was my father. Why the f**k did you have to come out with the truth all of a sudden? You could have taken that secret to the grave and no one would have cared"

"Because your so called wife..."

"Bullshit! You know Carina wouldn't have told me anything. She was already keeping that secret since she found out after Lombardi's funeral" I know that because I asked Paulo. He told me he was the one who discovered it and even gave me the tape recorder and documents he'd found. That fucker Lombardi had been keeping tabs on me. There were recordings of me playing football, in a play when I was in kindergarten. He recorded a lot of stuff and I would have burned everything. But I know I might need those things one day. What for? Who knows. It probably won't be to prove that I'm his son. I don't ever want to do that.

"You are still angry. Come back when you've calmed down" she goes back inside, closing the door. The ground floor walls are mostly floor to ceiling glass windows. Bulletproof glass but still, I can get in my car and bang on them until they shatter. That is so juvenile and I shake my head, following her inside before I act on that thought. She's sitting in the living room with a glass of lemonade in front of her flipping through channels.

"I said I wasn't leaving until I got answers" I tell her standing opposite her and intentionally obscuring the view of the TV she was watching.

"Stop acting like a child Christiano"

"I will act however way I want to. All my life I've listened to you mamma, hung on every word you said. Can you imagine how I feel now that I found out you were lying to me?" God, all I've left is stomping my feet like a spoiled brat.

"It was one lie"

"One?" Ah, the way she says it so carelessly makes me want smash everything in this house "One lie?" One f*****g lie that's turned my life upside down.

"What do you want me to say? I admit I lied to you. There's nothing I can do about it and Lombardi is dead so count yourself lucky that you won't have awkward run-ins with him"

Who is this woman and what has she done with my mother? Sighing I drop in one of the chairs, placing my elbows on my knees and holding my head in my hands "You haven't even apologized. I want you to at least apologize for lying to me" I tell her realizing that's why I came her in the first place. I want to hear say she's sorry for lying to me. A little tears might push me to forgive her. But no, Zarina De Luca isn't that kind of mom, sadly.

"I'm not sorry Christiano. I did what I did to protect you and I would do it a hundred times over. I don't care if you hate me or not"

"Protect me or yourself? What were you protecting me from?" I look up at her "You spent years cultivating my hate towards Lombardi knowing he was my biological father. Were you afraid if I knew the truth I would pick him over you mamma?"

"You are my son" she hissed through gritted teeth "Only mine. Neither of those two men loved me enough to pick me. It was always about them and I would never allow them to take you away from me"

"So this was some kind of sick revenge? You made me hate Lombardi so you could get back at him?"

"He was always there you know. On your birthdays, graduation, each and every milestone, he was there. Lurking in the shadows. Always the outsider looking in through the window but was never allowed to come inside. So many times he tried to tell you who he was but I wouldn't let him. He knew how much you hated him and he begged me to tell you who he was, hoping you would let go of some of that hate"

"Thank you for that piece of useless information. Do you think that will help me hate him any more than I already do?"

She shrugs "Like I said, he's dead now. Whether you hate him or change your mind and start worshipping him, it doesn't matter. He won't be here to see any of it"

I guess this is who she is, who she's always been. Selfish, cruel and inconsiderate. She can't even bring herself to apologize for my sake. I'd like her to feel remorseful or act like she feels remorseful but she won't do it. That is definitely Zarina De Luca for you. Jumping to my feet, I train my eyes on her until she looks up at me.

"I am ashamed to have you as my mother. For the first time in my life I'm ashamed of you mamma. Do not come looking for me unless it's to apologize. Have a nice f*****g life in this glass castle. Alone" I add because I'm never stepping foot here again. I'm still angry, so I hope she dies alone and rots in hell.

I didn't bring Fabian with me today but knowing him, he's probably somewhere waiting for my call. I don't need him because I'm done drinking and getting wasted. My business is my priority now. We're still on shaky ground and if it wasn't for Nevio, I'm sure there would be nothing to return to. I'll concentrate on putting it back on top, where we've always been. I'm also going to change the name. It won't be De Luca or Lombardi organization. It's going to be the Donato organization. I can't even bring myself to use my first name because it's his. Talk about having an identity crisis.

As usual, Nevio is waiting for me with news when I get home.It's as if he spends all day collecting information from all over the world then waits for me to get home so he can report. Eighty percent of the time, his report has nothing to do with the organization and more to do with Carina. Yes, I can say her name now without feeling like some invisible force is trying to squeeze my heart. I'm guessing my changed feelings have something to do with the visit I paid her at the hospital. I'm also guessing that's what people call closure.

"What is it now?" I ask Nev who is practically bouncing on his feet.

"We need a vacation, don't you think?"

"A vacation? What have you done to deserve one?"

"Held your hair while you puked your guts out every morning for the past three months"

Asshole "First of all, my hair doesn't need to be held back because it's short and manly unlike some people's. And second, I've never puked my guts out. I can hold my liquor just fine you moron"

"Is that a yes or a yes? Now that you're here, I want to go somewhere and relax, get some p***y and spend time with my son"

"Oh yeah? Which location do you have in mind?" I take out a beer from the fridge and almost drop it when I hear his answer.

"Maldives"

"Excuse me?"

"The last time you went there I couldn't come. I figured I should go and find out what all this fuss is about"

"Does it have to be.... there?" where she told me she was pregnant? Even though that vacation was short-lived, I still have memories of the few hours I spent there.

"Yeah"

"No"

"Why? You're not coming with us. Unless you want to?"

I tilt my head back and swallow half of the beer "f**k you Nev"

"So she's still a touchy subject?"

"Go wherever the f**k you want to go and leave me alone" this bastard thinks it's funny to keep rubbing in my marital status since he knows there's nothing I can do about it. If it was up to me, I would have divorced her already. But word has it that Giovanni prohibited anyone from talking about me in that house. Which is fine with me. She doesn't know about out marriage or the baby she lost. Handing her the divorce papers will be alerting her of our marriage, something I'd like to keep from her. There's no telling when she'll regain her memory but until then I can't do anything.

Nevio is at the door when he stops and looks at me over his shoulder "Did I mention that she's there too?" this time I do place the bottle on the kitchen aisle before I smash it on his head "Paulo took her there in the hopes that she'll regain her memory. He sent me a text saying Marco Schiavone is there too and he's got his eyes on her. We both know how he is. He won't stop until he gets her. All you have to do is go there and take your wife back, memory or no memory. If she falls in love with him, you'll only have yourself to blame"

"I don't want her back" I bite out gripping the granite top.

"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that. When she's living with another man and having little Carinas, that's when you'll realize just how much you want her back. And by then it will be too late"

"She can do whatever the f**k she wants" I yell after him but I doubt he heard me.

Fuck him. Why did he have to say that? And Marco? Really? I knew that asshole wanted her. That day in the club and the other meetings we attended together. His eyes were always on her. But she was mine, I had already staked my claim on her so he couldn't do anything. I bet he's been waiting for this chance to pursue her. Well, he can go ahead and marry her. I'm the only one who knows there won't be any mini Carinas running around. I don't know why I kept that little fact to myself. Maybe it's because I know she'll be shattered when she finds out or maybe it's payback. The longer I keep it from her, the more painful it will be when she realizes she can't be a mother. Tit for tat. Right?

The phone in my pocket vibrates alerting me to an incoming call "Hello?"

"Sir, there's a woman here demanding we let her in"

If I didn't know Carina was in the Maldives, I'd think it was her. She's the only one who has the guts to make demands in my house. Well, not the only one, seeing as there is another person who thinks they can do that.

"Does she have a name?"

"No sir. She just said that you wouldn't send her away"

"Why the f**k is she still there? If she doesn't want to leave then blow her f*****g brains out. I don't have time for a puttana's drama"

"I can't do that sir. She's um.... She's...."

"Do you want to finish that sentence or should I come there and finish it for you?"

"Well, she's pregnant sir and claiming that it's yours"

**********************************************

Uh oh ?? I smell drama.

But seriously though, What the f**k Chris?