THREE RULES OF FIRST DATE! (2)
1052 Words
"Okay, Jie, I will teach you the three sacred rules of the first date," Shi Qiang said.
"Yes, Shi Laoshi, I'm all ears!" I replied.
Shi Qiang cleared her throat and said the first rule, "First, do dress elegantly and as attractive as you can."
"First date means first impression. First impression is the longest lasting one man will remember. You need to look your best! Other than makeup, try to tighten your belt, use heels, make yourself look more presentable!"
"Shi Laoshi, I am also a secretary. I know how to take care of myself while not making my boss' wife get jealous of me," I defended myself. Because Shi Qiang's teaching sounded more like an insult to my pride as a secretary.
"Oh yes, I know Jie," Shi Qiang nodded. "But your boss is a 50-something uncle! His preference is all nineties style! Ying Jie, you look more like a relic than a high fashion secretary in 2021!"
"Who the heck used that dramatic eye shadow in 2021? And that pearl earring, and also that puffed white shirt and blazer!" Shi Qiang dramatically pointed out my today's outfit. "Ying Jie, you are living the era when BTS is the IT boy group, not Backstreet boys!"
"This is called vintage, retro style! Oh, also Backstreet Boys is still my favourite!" I reacted immediately. Everything in china came a bit late, so I knew about Backstreet Boys in early 2000 back then… and they were still my favourite boy group.
Shi Qiang sighed. "Look, I don't judge your style, Ying Jie. But this is about first impression on a first date. Just let me do the trick, okay?"
"Ugh, fine," I rolled my eyes. Hate to admit it, but Shi Qiang was always the head turner every time they walked together somewhere. Especially when she dressed up for an occasion, Shi Qiang's mode would turn all men's head. Shi Meili was also beautiful, even though she was still in high school.
But MeiMei was petite, unlike Shi Qiang, who was tall, slender with the right curves.
Me? Meh, I'm fine being that scary Jie who would glare at men who wanted to approach my little sisters. My little sisters were precious to me, so their safety was the priority. So I didn't really have any ambition to woo men.
Shi Qiang seemed to guess my thought. She sat near me and said, "Don't worry, Jie. I will make sure that you will look like a high fashion model on your first date."
"Uh—Huh," I replied nodded nonchalantly. "Let's go to the second rule."
Shi Qiang cleared her throat and continued, "Okay, the second rule is to act like a princess who only eats a pea for the whole day!"
"Huh?"
"Let me show you how."
Shi Qiang walked to the fridge and took out my cheesecake that I would eat for this evening. "I will show you how you should eat on your first date."
Shi Qiang put the cheesecake on the dining table and sat on the chair. She crossed her leg elegantly. With a straight but relaxed posture, she scooped a small slice of the cheesecake.
She ate the small scoop with her lips, and from outside, Shi Qiang didn't look like she was munching stuff. She gave out a thin smile and acted as if she was on a date right now. "Thank you, but I think I'm full."
"What the fudge?! You literally just ate pepperoni pizza with potato chips on top. You got like… 2 packs of potato chips, the heck are you talking about, you gluttonous dump truck!" I reacted immediately upon seeing this sinful nature that Shi Qiang pretended to be.
Shi Qiang clicked her tongue in annoyance, "This is just how you should do it on a first date! This is just pretending!"
"But it's still too unrealistic for you!" I said.
"Ying Jie, do you want to know what you look like when you eat your dessert?" Shi Qiang presumptuously raised her left feet and folded it, then she took a big slice of my cheesecake and ate it in one go.
"My cheesecake!"
"That is how you look when you eat your dessert at home, Jie!" Shi Qiang shook her dead. "How unladylike."
After I saw Shi Qiang ate the whole cheesecake I reserved for dinner, I looked at her and squinted suspiciously. "You have been eyeing that cheesecake, right?"
Shi Qiang cleared her throat again and acted as if nothing happened. "Moving on, that is my second rule. And the third rule is… Do not fart."
"Huh, what? Do not… fart?"
"Yes," Shi Qiang nodded without hesitation.
"Of course I won't! Who the heck wants to fart in public! Shi Qiang, you are so gross!"
"Ying Jie, this is a serious matter! Do you know how many first dates were ruined because of accidental farting?!" Shi Qiang seemed to be deadly serious about this one.
"Ying Jie, you may take this lightly. But this is the most important thing!" Shi Qiang assured. "You need to keep your image of an elegant lady, don't do something embarrassing in front of him!"
"Tch, your advice is just so weird, Shi Qiang. It makes me wonder if all those are true," I asked suspiciously. This was not the first time Shi Qiang tricked me, so I had to be extra careful.
"Trust me, Ying Jie, This is what I've experienced based on my dating history!" Shi Qiang said.
"Ugh, I still don't understand your rules, but I will take it."
Shi Qiang nodded, "Okay then, do you remember the rules?"
"Yes, yes. I will not forget." I rolled my eyes. "Do you think I will ruin the date by messing up my make up, and then got hungry and ate like a dump truck and accidentally farted in front of my date? I'm not that stupid!"
"… you know, sometimes, it's better not to say anything before you jinx your life. Happens to me a lot," Shi Qiang sighed. "Anyway, my consultant service is not free. I accept credit cards or cash as payment."
"You have the audacity after storing my fridge in your stomach?!"
"… Okay, my consultant service is free for you, Ying Jie."
- Writer
