Memories with Him

Chapter Four

I was deep in my thoughts when I heard a beep of a car making my mind go back to reality. Sumilip si Hera sa bintana at umupo ulit sa tabi ko.

“Did you text him?” Binalingan ko siya at umiling. She just shrugged her shoulders and sighed “He’s outside.”

“Baka sinusundo na ako.”

“Agad-agad?” Ngumiti na lamang ako at tumango.

Binuksan ni Hera ang gate tapos ay lumabas kasabay ko. Wala pang dalawapung minuto mula noong umalis siya ay nandito na siya agad.

“Kukunin mo na agad siya?” Natawa ako nang hindi pinansin ni Aki si Hera at agad niya akong sinalubong ng yakap. Sumimangot lalo si Hera dahil sa ginawa ni Aki.

Kahit na masyadong madami ang hindi ko matandaan at kahit hindi ko matandaan kung ano ang k’wento naming dalawa ni Aki, alam ko sa sarili ko na may nararamdaman ako para sa kanya. I want to trust him based on his actions but I feel like there’s something in between. It’s as if it was my defense mechanism.

“I miss you.” Nag-init ang pisngi ko tapos ay nag-iwas ng tingin.

“Akala ko ba may gagawin ka pa? Akala ko ba ayaw mong istorbohin kami ni Hera?”

Nagkibit lang siya ng balikat at ngumiti, “Uwi na tayo? Ipagluluto kita.” Marahan akong tumango at binalingan si Hera.

“We’ll just catch up some other time, Hera. Thank you.” Sumimangot pa lalo si Hera saglit pero ngumiti rin sa huli at tumango na lang dahil alam niyang wala rin siyang magagawa sa desisyon ni Aki.

“Sure. Take care.”

Aki opened his car’s door for me. Narinig ko siyang nagpaalam kay Hera bago siya sumakay.

Hera said that Aki and I were fixed marriage. And that explains why he looks like he’s not happy on our wedding picture. But Aki said that we love each other. Well, I do. But does he feel the same?

Maybe when we got married we’re not really into each other since it was just fixed. And then as time passes, we just fell with each other. Just like another cliché love story.

Akala ko makakatulong kapag nalaman ko kung paano talaga kami nagsimula ni Aki at nagtapos sa kasal. But it turns out wrong. It didn’t even trigger some flashbacks that can possibly help me.

Pakiramdam ko ay wala lang. Ni hindi man ako nagulat sa rebelasyong iyon. Bahagya akong nanlumo dahil dito. Paano ko hahanapin ang mga nawala kong alaala at paano ako magsisimula?

As soon as we got home, Aki prepared some ingredients for the dish that he wants to cook for me. Nakaupo lang ako at pinapanuod siya. Gusto ko mang tumulong ay hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko.

“What are you going to cook?”

“I’ll cook some Ginataan for you.” He replied with a smile as if he’s really confident that he can make it perfect. Well, honestly speaking, the chopsuey that he cooked for me yesterday was way perfect. He must be really good at it.

“Sa’n ka natutong magluto?”

“Kay Mama. Tinuturuan niya ako noong buhay pa siya.”

“Bakit hindi na nag-asawa ulit si tit- Papa Ramon? I mean, he’s kind and at his age, magandang lalaki pa rin naman siya.”

“Hindi ko alam.”

“Wala na ba kayong kailangan?” Tumingin ako kay Nanay Leni na galing second floor, dala niya ang mga maruming damit namin ni Aki at patungong laundry area.

“Wala na po, Nay.” Nakangiting sagot ni Aki, tumango naman si Nanay Leni tapos ay binitawan sa lapag ang dalang mga maruming damit at lumapit sa akin.

“Kayo ba ay wala pang balak na magka-anak?” Napasinghap ako sa narinig at nag-iwas ng tingin. Huminga ng malalim si Aki at ngumiti kay Nanay Leni.

“Darating din po kami diyan, Nay. Sa ngayon, gusto ko munang bumawi sa asawa ko lalo na’t nahihirapan pa siya sa sitwasyon niya.” Tumango naman si Nanay Leni at hinawakan ang kamay ko.

“Naku, pasensiya na kayo. Nasasabik lamang ako dahil gusto ko nang alagaan ang mga magiging anak niyo.” Marahang humalakhak si Aki pero hindi na sumagot.

Pagkatapos ay umalis na si Nanay Leni para makapaglaba. Namayani naman sa aming dalawa ni Aki ang katahimikan, bagay na kinatatakutan ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero takot akong mamayani ang katahimikan kapag siya ang kasama ko.

“Gusto mo bang pumunta sa birthday party ni Red mamaya?”

“Yup, you already told me about it, right?”

“I just feel like I don’t want to go. Parang mas gusto kong magkulong dito kasama ka.” I nodded slowly trying to find some perfect words to spill.

“Nakilala ko na ba sa Red?” napasinghap siya sa narinig bago tumango.

“Nadagdagan na naman ang mga rason kung bakit parang ayaw ko nang pumunta.” I threw him a gaze and sighed.

“Why?”

“Red is the person who might fvck everything that’s moving.” Marahan akong natawa sa sinabi niya at napailing.

“He’s your friend. Atsaka sino ba naman ang magkaka-interes sa akin?”

“Ako.” Nag-init ang pisngi ko sa narinig, “Another thing,” Tumingin ako ulit sa kanya, “baka ma-pressure ka lang. Makikilala mo ulit sina Red at Yanhur doon.”

“Hindi naman siguro. Atsaka kilala ko si Yanhur. Kuya ba ni Keli ang tinutukoy mo?” Marahan siyang tumango.

Pagkatapos niyang magluto ay sabay kaming kumain. Pagkatapos naman ay nanuod kami ng telebisyon at naghintay ng oras.

“What time are we going to leave?” tanong ko.

“By eight.” I took a glance at the wall clock and found out that it was just three in the afternoon.

“Okay. I’ll just take a nap upstairs.” Pinatay niya ang TV nang tumayo ako. Pinagmasdan ko siya at nabigla ako ng inilahad niya ang kanang kamay niya sa harap ko.

“What?” tanong niya.

“W-What?” He raised me one brow but I saw a hint of smile on his lips.

“Let’s take a nap.” He said huskily and almost a whisper.

Napalunok ako at agad na nag-iwas ng tingin nang siya na mismo ang humawak sa kamay ko at hinila ako patungong ikalawang palapag.

Pagkadating namin sa k’warto ay agad niyang ibinagsak ang sarili sa kama ng hindi binibitawan ang kamay ko kaya nahulog din ako sa kama. I was taken aback at our position. He was lying on the bed while I am on top of him and he’s holding my hand.

I was about to stand up but he pulled me closer even more and in an instance, I just found him kissing me. It’s not that this is the first time that he kissed me but this one gave tons of emotions. But there’s only one thing I knew. Desire.

“Damn, I missed you, baby.” He whispered huskily in between our kisses. I moaned as I felt him bit my lower lip.

“A-Aki, stop.” I managed to say even if I want more. More than his addicting kisses that I’m quite getting addicted with.

He did as he was told. We stared at each other for a moment. All I can see in his eyes are desire and lust. At the same time… love.

Having this life where almost half of your memories are lost feels like hell. I want to know everything. I want to know if he really loves me. He’s making me feel love but I just can’t trust him. Only God knows how much I wanted to do so since I want to start a new life with him but there are what if’s and doubts.