That night, after dashing through the Colonel’s backyard in Ty’s T-shirt, I found four messages on my phone. With Ty doing his caveman routine, I’d left my cell at home the night before. Standing in the kitchen, I listened to them. Kelly called first to hear about my date with Dex, which I’d completely forgotten about. While my mom told me about her day with the boys and asked me to call them back, I noticed the gnomes were missing. Hadn’t they been on the counter watching us have s*x? Now where were they?
The last message was from Goldie to call her when I’d taken a break from s*x with Ty. The gnomes were the least of my concern. I had to deal with a s*x curious mother-in-law before I dealt with wandering gnomes.
I called Goldie. “Hi!” I said brightly. What did one say to someone when t
