Heaven's Will

17

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Kanina ko pa iniisip ang sinabi sakin ni Jianne. Bakit kaya sinabi ni Kenneth yun? Anong ibig nyang sabihin?

Naglalakad ako papunta sa auditorium nung magvibrate ang phone ko.

A text from Kenneth.

Where are you? Nandito na kami sa audi. Are you okay?

I replied.

I'm okay. Papunta na ko. I just checked on Jianne.

Hindi na siya nagreply. Nasa tapat na ako ng audi, I entered. Sinalubong ako ni Abby.

"Hi. Sorry late ako."

She smiled at me. "It's okay. Alam mo naman na siguro yung mga lines mo sa papractice-in nating scene diba?"

"Yes."

"Sige, magready ka na. Akyat ka na sa stage."

(Yung mga nakaitalic sa chapter na to, ibig sabihin line yun sa play)

Umakyat na ako sa stage. Pumwesto na silang lahat.

"Scene Nine! Okay guys. 1, 2, 3, Action!"

Kenneth and I are sitting on the bed. Deja vu. Inayos ko yung facial expression ko.

"You don't know anything!" I shouted at him. He was poker faced. Sa scene na to, yun lang ang line ko. More on him.

"Oh, I know," he says, leaning. "I understand perfectly.."

Yung kamay niya nilagay niya sa likod ng leeg ko. This scene is giving me breathing problems.

He leans in. Now our lips are only inches apart.

"You're a coward," sabi niya. Bakit kasi hindi pa i-omit ang scene na to. Hindi ako komportable.

"You want to be with me and it terrifies you. And you're ashamed. Ashamed you could ever want someone like me. Aren't you?"

Gusto kong sumigaw ng yes. Yes, I want to be with him. And yes, this feeling terrifies me.

Yung kamay nya nasa likod ko, "You want me and it's killing you."

Lumayo ako sa kanya. He was staring at my eyes. "You deserve to live. You deserve to be alive. Come back to life, love. I'll be here when you wake up."

Napapitlag ako sa huling sinambit nya. Line nya yun, that much I'm sure of.

Nagulat lang ako, dahil yun din yung sinabi niya kagabi.

This is such an awful coincidence.

"Cut!" Abby's voice broke me from my reverie.

"Good job! May chemistry kayo!" Shouted Charlyn, yung assistant director. She giggled.

Kenneth just frowned. Nasanay na kong ganyan siya. Palaging nakasimangot, nakataas o nakasalubong ang kilay.

"Oo nga, bagay kayo." Sabat ni Pamela, yung isa sa prop makers.

"Ewan ko sainyo." Natatawa kong sabi. Umiling iling naman si Kenneth.

"Are we done yet?" Tinatamad na tanong nya kay Abby.

"Nope. May mga scenes pang kailangan ipractice. Next yung flashback scene."

"Okay." Umupo siya sa isang silya.

"Guys, palagay na yung mga props sa stage." Sabi ni Charlyn sa mga prop makers.

Nung nailagay na yung mga props umakyat na uli kami sa stage.

"Action!"

"I think you can change. I think anyone can change." Unti unti syang lumapit sakin. I continued speaking.

"You've proven you have the capacity for remorse, for compassion, I know you can be kind-"

"That's not who I am. And I'm not going to change. I can't erase the nineteen miserable years of my life. I can't misplace the memories of what I've done."

Nagdilim yung expression nya. I can't help but think that he's comparing himself to Warner, the guy he's portraying in this story.

Just like him, Kenneth's life is filled with bitterness.

He continued.

"And I won't lie to you. Ive never given a damn about others. I am not good, or fair, or decent, and I never will be. I can't be."

Nagpatuloy kami sa pagpapalitan ng mga linya. I must admit, Kenneth is good at this.

"Ive always been able to feel it."

"Feel what?" I asked.

"Their feelings, their energy. I don't know what it is. I know you're telling the truth when you say you don't hate me. That you want to and you can't. Just like I know that you felt something when we kissed."

I was frozen in place. Alam kong line to at ngpapractice kami pero bakit feeling ko pinatutungkol nya ito sakin?

Bakit tinatamaan ako?

Ang lapit ng katawan namin sa isa't isa. "You felt the same way I did and you're ashamed of it"

He was staring at me intently, and he whispered, so kami lang dalawa ang makakarinig. "You liked my kiss, Cyrelle. And don't you dare deny it."

Napanganga ako. Hindi ako makapagsalita.

My heart was beating wildly, deafening me with its loud thumping.

Nakatingin lang ako sa kanya, at siya sa akin. He looks serious.

"CUT!"

Nagulat ako nung sumigaw si Abby. Nagbawi ako ng tingin.

"Cyrelle what happened? Nakalimutan mo ba yung line mo? Para kang natulala."

"Sorry. Let's just.. Let's just repeat the scene. N-nawala lang sa utak ko yung sasabihin ko."

"Sige."

So, ayun. Inulit namin yung part na yon, inayos ko na dahil ayoko na ng ilan pang takes.

Hindi ko na kakayanin. Magsisix na kami natapos. Nakakatakot naman.

Madilim na sa labas. Hindi parin nawawala sa isip ko yung muntikan ng mangyari sakin kundi dumating si Kenneth.

Nakalabas na ako ng school. Itetext ko nalang si Kuya.

Kuya, can you fetch me at school? It's getting dark.

Ten minutes na pero di parin siya nagrereply. Mukhang uuwi akong mag-isa ngayon.

Lalakad na sana ako palayo ng may humintong pamilyar na kotse sa harapan ko.

Bumaba si Kenneth mula dito at pinagbuksan ako ng pinto.

"Get in."

Naalala ko yung sinabi nya kanina, ugh. My cheeks flushed again. Buti nalang at madilim.

Ayokong sumabay, nahihiya ako.

"I think I'll just get a cab. Thanks anyway." I said.

He looked mildly annoyed. "Pano kung anong gawin sayo ng driver ng cab? Wag ka ng makulit. Sakay."

"Pero-"

"Pinasundo ka sakin ni Lester, okay? Nasa ospital siya ngayon at hindi pwedeng hindi kita ihatid pauwi."

"Oh." I sighed. Pinasundo pala ako ni Kuya. Sumakay na ako.

He closed the door and sat in front of the steering wheel. Tinignan niya ako.

"What?" I asked.

"Buckle up, mademoiselle."