Raising Tasha

Jerry

I had died about three thousand deaths when I woke in that hospital bed, I could not breathe. I may have over reacted a little bit but that was the closest to loosing my daughter I had ever experienced. Hugging her as tight as possible tears stream down my face, she may have been in pain from the tightness of the hug but that did not click in my head at the moment. I had never been this scared in my life.

"I'm sorry I took her," comes an apologetic voice from my side. It was the man that had hit me with the car earlier, I guess that answered the who brought me to the hospital question. To emotionally spent I just stare at him blankly. "I was so scared when you blacked out earlier, your daughter Tasha, she told me her name by the way was screaming so much so I rushed you both to the hospital. I thought she was hurt too" he explains.

I am honestly not trying to be rude but I have no idea what to tell the guy. I had been so rude back there but he still brought me to the hospital. Had been me I would have left myself by the road, I had clearly misjudged him. "Thank you." I finally mumble.

"The doctor cleaned your wounds and said not to get water on them, they would be fine soon." he finally gets to the important things. I then noticed all the bandages on my person. I guess it was time to go back home now, I could not spend another moment here. Hospitals were meant to treat patients but in Nairobi the first thing was to earn money treating patients came second. Spending a night would cost too much, too much of what I currently lacked. MONEY. Money indeed made the world go round.

"The doctor said you collapsed because of dehydration and exhaustion, that is why the got hooked on an IV" the man goes on. He only confirming things I know, I had not had a decent meal in almost a week now. Embarrassed I looked away. The kind stranger might be thinking about how dirt poor I was. "You should take care of yourself more" he admonishes making me feel a little angry.

"I took your daughter out of food that is why you could not find us, I know I should have left a note but that never crossed my mind." I frown hearing that, what the hell was he thinking. You can't just take someone's child without permission. He must have seen the rage in my face so he explains why he did that, his next sentence breaks me completely. "Like I said earlier when I brought you here your daughter was screaming continuously so I had checked too." he now had all my attention.

"She got food poisoning and on top of that she has gastritis," I was crying for the nth time today. I, Claire Daniels had led my five year old into getting gastritis hadn't I? Also I had not cooked much at home lately for her to get food poisoning. She must have been really hungry and got something to eat from I don't know where. I had done this to her, hate you ever hated yourself? I have, I was doing it right now. The realization that was a bad mother quickly dawned on me. Why had I brought her into this world to suffer? No child deserved this s**t.

Self hatred, this was a new feeling. I was finding it hard to breathe something was clawing at my chest. I know I had said earlier that a mother's love was the most important but was it? Was it really? My reasons did not have weight anymore, Tasha deserved a good life with or with or without me.

A glass of water appears in my line of vision and suddenly I am self conscious, filled with embarrassment I must have been a sight for sore eyes. Wrapped up in a bandages, a dirty tear and snort filled face, bony physique. Just a little more and I would a perfect candidate for malnutrition ads. If I had told the nuns back at orphanage would they help me out? but on second thought they would probably put Tasha up for adoption. 

My daughter was such an adorable little thing I am sure to be parent would be fighting to have her. At least our one night stand sperm donor had good genes, we made such a beautiful human, "don't be too hard on yourself ma'am" the beautiful stranger said. Wait, when did I start thinking he was beautiful? My own thoughts scare me sometimes. Now was not the time to start appreciating beauty dammit!

"Sir, thank.."

"Jerry"

"huh?"

"Jerry, my name is Jerry no need to call me sir."

"Sir...sorry, Jerry, thank you so much for what you have done for my daughter" I tell the stranger who I know know is called Jerry while gesturing to Tasha who is already asleep. The events of the day finally taking a toll on her. This was the first time she had slept on a full stomach in a very long time. " I don't know how I can ever repay you." I really did not know, I had no money, I did not have anything valuable, I had not seen my phone since I woke up but knowing Nairobi I was a hundred percent sure sure someone had taken it during the confusion at the scene of the accident. Even though it was an outdated model I had never sold or lost it because I was expecting calls from companies I had sent my resume to. Was I going to miss out on employment opportunities because I had not a phone? 

If you had not realized, my mind tended to wonder off a lot. Right now I was in the middle of expressing my gratitude but instead I was thinking about phones and jobs.

"You should spend the night here" feeling my protest coming Jerry raises his hand signaling me to stop, "I already took care of the bill. I will come to take you home tomorrow." he says before walking towards the door. " Have a good night ma'am"

"Its Claire, just Claire" I blurt out and he nods his head in understanding before walking out closing the door. 

I am guessing a good place to sleep and free food is my pay for almost being road kill, I think with a smile

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