Falling For My Ex

Chapter Five - Too close for comfort

Sydney

I roll my eyes as I close the hotel room door. I could have told him to piss off, but he would keep showing up until I gave him some of my time. Plus, I am hungry. I should have known he would have returned sooner rather than later.

I take the bag and a coffee from him before I climb onto the bed. I am curious about what he has brought me. I wonder if he remembers what I like for breakfast. I set my coffee on the bedside unit and placed everything from the bag on the bed.

“Which is yours?” I ask.

Justin takes one of the containers and sits on the edge of the bed. I don’t say another and open what’s in front of me. Fresh fruit and Greek yoghurt. He remembered.

I finally look up to make eye contact with him. “You remembered?” I whisper.

A soft smile rises on Justin’s lips, “Of course, angel. I remember everything.”

Did I not tell him not to call me that anymore? I keep my calm rather than snapping at him.

“Thanks.”

I keep my answer simple. I divert my attention away from him and hear him sigh when I do. It was best I stop looking at him. It should be damn illegal to have eyes so pretty and blue; they make people do stupid things! Or perhaps it is just me who is affected pathetically by them.

Silence falls between us as we eat, an awkward one. I don’t know what to say to him. I am still trying to get my head around he is back in Scotland and process everything that has happened recently, never mind trying to think of words to say to him. It is too much all at one time.

“Sydney, I am sorry what has happened to you these last few days.” He blurts out.

“What do you mean? How do you know anything has happened?”

I didn’t tell him anything. I glare at him and wait for his answer.

“I ran into Tillie before I came here. She told me what has been going on.” He replies nervously.

Why didn’t my best friend let me know she had told him everything?

“What can I say, I seem to pick assholes who either cheat or break my heart with no real reason.” I snap.

Yes, it is a dig at him. I watch pain flash over his face.

“You deserve better. Better than him and me. I really am sorry, Sydney. I should never have left you like that.”

His words come out in more of a stammer.

“Yes, I do.” I agree.

I think sometimes I don’t realise my worth. Yes, I am a confident woman, but I still have my insecurities and do stupid things when it comes to men and relationships.

“Do you think you will ever be able to forgive me?” he asks softly.

“I don’t really think about it or you. I have better things to do with my time.”

That isn’t entirely true, but he doesn’t need to know this.

Justin raises his brow, unconvinced by my answer, “You are trying to tell me you haven’t thought about me once in five years? Thought about how good we were together or the way I used to make you feel?”

There is a hint of a smirk on his lips when he speaks the last part, which tells me he means it in a s****l way and not emotionally.

“Nope! Not even for a second! My ex made me feel even better than you did.” I reply smugly.

It is a total lie! s*x with Warren was great, but he never could make feel the way Justin did. Justin always had a way of making me submit my entire body and soul to him. He did things to my body that I don’t think words could explain. We connected on a deeper level, but it is possible that was because we were each other’s first, and we learnt everything together.

I watch as his hand grips the covers, “I don’t believe you.”

“Well, it is the truth! Are you really so damn arrogant you think no other man can please me in bed how you did?”

“No, they can’t because it isn’t you and me! You can sit there and lie to me all you want, Sydney. You seem to forget I can read you like a damn book. I know you better than you know yourself. But I know the truth because even for me, no matter how many women I have f****d over the last five years, none of them were you! The s*x was good, but nothing like it was between us, and do you know why? Because it doesn’t matter who else we date, f**k or fall in love with, it will never feel the way it did between you and me! What we had was real! It was true love, and nothing or no one else will ever take the place of that.”

His face has a serious look, and mixed emotions in his voice.

I laugh loudly, and he seems confused, “True love? Really? Now who is lying? If what we had was true love, you would never have broken my heart and left so you could screw other women.”

“I know I f****d up, but don’t you dare doubt my love for you, Sydney. That was not a damn lie! You were my entire world and heart, but we got together so young and I stupidly thought I was too young to settle down and believed I needed to experience other things and other people.” He snarls.

Oh, hell no! He does not get to me mad at me. A fit of anger runs through me, and I jump to my feet.

“Perhaps that is what you told yourself to make you feel better for what you did, but you clearly never loved me enough if you thought there was better out there. And don’t you f*****g dare snarl at me; you have no right.” I yell.

Justin jumped to his feet, too, and we stare each other down from opposites of the bed.

“I loved you with every part of my damn being, Sydney! Stop f*****g acting like what we had meant nothing to me, to you. What we had isn’t something that comes around often in life.” He counters.

Justin seems as angry as me.

“Bullshit! You know what, I am done with this, with you! Get the f**k out.” I scream at him.

“No!” he states firmly.

In what world is he living in that makes him think I am asking for him to leave? I am not, I am telling.

“Yes! I don’t want you here. Leave!”

I storm towards the door to open it. I will physically toss his ass out if he doesn’t leave. I may be a good few inches shorter than him and not as strong, but I will give it my best try.

I reach the door and get ready to put my hand on the handle, but I feel Justin’s presence behind me before I can. He is close to me. I swallow hard as the scent of his aftershave surrounds me. He still wears the same one he has done since he was a teenager. Hugo Boss.

I keep my back to him because if I turn to face him, there will be mere inches between us, and I can’t handle it.

“I have never allowed myself to fall in love with anyone else, Sydney.” He whispers; the warmth of his breath fans the back of my neck and causes a shiver to run straight down my spine.

I close my eyes and take a moment to breathe before I turn around. It is probably a bad idea, but I slowly twirl around. By doing so, I trap myself between him and the door. Justin rests one hand on the door at the side of my head, and our eyes lock.

“Why can’t you just leave me alone? What we had is in the past, Justin. There will never be an us again.”

I try to sound confident, but my words come out in more of a pathetic whimper. Justin’s free hand lands on my cheek, and he caresses it with the pad of his thumb. I close my eyes and moan softly, not by choice but more of an automatic reaction to his touch.

“Yes, there will be, angel. I don’t know when, but one day there will be an us again because I am not going anywhere, and I plan to do whatever it takes to win you back.” He whispers and kisses my forehead.

My legs nearly give way from under me! No! He shouldn’t still be able to do this to me after five goddamn years! I am not the same person I was back then! Justin should be out of my damn system by now.

It takes a moment for me to gather myself, but when I do, I push him away from me and finally open the door.

“It is time for you to leave.”

I make sure to stand my ground. Justin nods and comes towards the door.

“I will be seeing you soon, beautiful.” He smiles before he disappears down the hallway.

I quickly close the door and rest against it! What the hell just happened?